Having kids sucks!

[Anonymous]

My dad always says that he could tell when a coworker’s wife had a baby because the guy would start putting in more hours in the office.

I’m a mom but there have definitely been days when I’ve been reluctant to leave my clean, peaceful, organized office and come home to a screaming baby/messy house/fighting kids/homework/running around to activities etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There I said it. I'm a father of two and I'm just beside myself at the sacrifices that I'm having to make to raise two kids. If I'd known it was going to be this much work I would've had 1 child or none at all.
I've been telling most of my childless friends not to have kids (when they ask). DW overheard me saying that and
got mad and claimed that "I don't love our family". We had a spirited discussion and now she's giving me funny looks. But I can't be the only one that things having kids is way too much work and might not be worth it.

You shouldn’t have been allowed to reproduce and become a parent. There I said it

Some people really don’t know how jatd it is. Have some grace.

[Anonymous]

I really love my kids and generally don’t feel unhappy. But I have this constant thought that if I sacrifice myself, the rest of my family will be happy. Like just grit my teeth while my toddlers scream, work nonstop when I’m tired, clean even when I don’t feel good. It always feels like either me or them. I didn’t realize prior to having kids that you’d have no life, no wants, no needs of your own fulfilled. Having kids always seemed like a happy time without so much sacrifice.

All I have to say is that I’m glad marriage isn’t like that. Marriage is so much fun and I never feel like I give up so much of myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH left over this. He’s actually a really good Dad but he decided he’d rather not have any constraints on his time.

Newsflash: your DH is not a good dad ir person. You are suspect as well for marrying such a POS. Typical libs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad always says that he could tell when a coworker’s wife had a baby because the guy would start putting in more hours in the office.

I’m a mom but there have definitely been days when I’ve been reluctant to leave my clean, peaceful, organized office and come home to a screaming baby/messy house/fighting kids/homework/running around to activities etc.

I see this nonstop with guys. One guy I work with stays until 6pm and jokes about how upset he is missing dinner. He does it on purpose because he likes to sleep in and get in at 10. Id kill him if I were his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad always says that he could tell when a coworker’s wife had a baby because the guy would start putting in more hours in the office.

I’m a mom but there have definitely been days when I’ve been reluctant to leave my clean, peaceful, organized office and come home to a screaming baby/messy house/fighting kids/homework/running around to activities etc.

Tell me you’re a millennial/progressive without telling me that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP but this is why I made a conscious decision not to have kids despite all the crap I get from DH’s family, society, even “friends”.

+1

I have a friend with a 3min th old whose husband told her this week that he dreads coming home to the baby. My heart broke for her.

Men really need to start speaking up for themselves if they don't want kids and stop just going along with her plans. I think if more guys were honest these situations would happen a lot less.

I’m a happy mom by choice and I think anyone who tells you they never felt dread when returning to a three month old is a liar. That’s a perfectly valid thing to feel. You don’t have to love being a parent every minute of every stage to be committed to it.

Interesting. No, the baby years were hard but dread would not be the word I would use when I got to take care of my baby every second when she was a baby. But that 0-5 years range is one of the most difficult for sure. I don't know how I survived it mentally and physically with the demands with no proper sleep!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP but this is why I made a conscious decision not to have kids despite all the crap I get from DH’s family, society, even “friends”.

+1

I have a friend with a 3min th old whose husband told her this week that he dreads coming home to the baby. My heart broke for her.

Men really need to start speaking up for themselves if they don't want kids and stop just going along with her plans. I think if more guys were honest these situations would happen a lot less.

I’m a happy mom by choice and I think anyone who tells you they never felt dread when returning to a three month old is a liar. That’s a perfectly valid thing to feel. You don’t have to love being a parent every minute of every stage to be committed to it.

Agree. I def felt it. But that changed quickly (for me, for others maybe it doesn't) and I love that kid fiercely now. Cannot imaging life without DC.

Really? A 3 month old? Chemicals in your body should have made you feel like you needed to be with him/her. I’d think dread might be a chemical problem you should have discussed with your dr.

No, this is very common. Three months old are awful. I don't know anyone that enjoyed that period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There I said it. I'm a father of two and I'm just beside myself at the sacrifices that I'm having to make to raise two kids. If I'd known it was going to be this much work I would've had 1 child or none at all.
I've been telling most of my childless friends not to have kids (when they ask). DW overheard me saying that and
got mad and claimed that "I don't love our family". We had a spirited discussion and now she's giving me funny looks. But I can't be the only one that things having kids is way too much work and might not be worth it.

Can you please describe these sacrifices in a little more detail?

[Anonymous]

So stop having kids then, let all the migrants and immigrants in and take over the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP but this is why I made a conscious decision not to have kids despite all the crap I get from DH’s family, society, even “friends”.

+1

I have a friend with a 3min th old whose husband told her this week that he dreads coming home to the baby. My heart broke for her.

Men really need to start speaking up for themselves if they don't want kids and stop just going along with her plans. I think if more guys were honest these situations would happen a lot less.

I’m a happy mom by choice and I think anyone who tells you they never felt dread when returning to a three month old is a liar. That’s a perfectly valid thing to feel. You don’t have to love being a parent every minute of every stage to be committed to it.

Interesting. No, the baby years were hard but dread would not be the word I would use when I got to take care of my baby every second when she was a baby. But that 0-5 years range is one of the most difficult for sure. I don't know how I survived it mentally and physically with the demands with no proper sleep!

It’s funny because I agree 0-5 is by far the hardest age but if you mention that to parents of teenagers, they insist those are the hardest years and hell on earth. Certainly doesn’t make me look forward to that time!

[Anonymous]

With children who have made it through to young adults, each has their challenges: zero - five is more physically exhausting, and teens are more emotionally exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP but this is why I made a conscious decision not to have kids despite all the crap I get from DH’s family, society, even “friends”.

+1

I have a friend with a 3min th old whose husband told her this week that he dreads coming home to the baby. My heart broke for her.

Men really need to start speaking up for themselves if they don't want kids and stop just going along with her plans. I think if more guys were honest these situations would happen a lot less.

Not to mention we would have to worry less about overpopulation. Come on people, at 8B, there really are enough humans in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP but this is why I made a conscious decision not to have kids despite all the crap I get from DH’s family, society, even “friends”.

+1

I have a friend with a 3min th old whose husband told her this week that he dreads coming home to the baby. My heart broke for her.

Men really need to start speaking up for themselves if they don't want kids and stop just going along with her plans. I think if more guys were honest these situations would happen a lot less.

I’m a happy mom by choice and I think anyone who tells you they never felt dread when returning to a three month old is a liar. That’s a perfectly valid thing to feel. You don’t have to love being a parent every minute of every stage to be committed to it.

Interesting. No, the baby years were hard but dread would not be the word I would use when I got to take care of my baby every second when she was a baby. But that 0-5 years range is one of the most difficult for sure. I don't know how I survived it mentally and physically with the demands with no proper sleep!

It’s funny because I agree 0-5 is by far the hardest age but if you mention that to parents of teenagers, they insist those are the hardest years and hell on earth. Certainly doesn’t make me look forward to that time!

If it helps, mine are 16 and 18 and it has been much, much easier than dealing with young kids. Hard at times, but nothing like as relentlessly exhausting.

Of course, most American parents make life much harder than it needs to be by not having their kids cook, clean, and get around by bike/public transport, and signing up for too many activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP but this is why I made a conscious decision not to have kids despite all the crap I get from DH’s family, society, even “friends”.

+1

I have a friend with a 3min th old whose husband told her this week that he dreads coming home to the baby. My heart broke for her.

Men really need to start speaking up for themselves if they don't want kids and stop just going along with her plans. I think if more guys were honest these situations would happen a lot less.

I’m a happy mom by choice and I think anyone who tells you they never felt dread when returning to a three month old is a liar. That’s a perfectly valid thing to feel. You don’t have to love being a parent every minute of every stage to be committed to it.

Interesting. No, the baby years were hard but dread would not be the word I would use when I got to take care of my baby every second when she was a baby. But that 0-5 years range is one of the most difficult for sure. I don't know how I survived it mentally and physically with the demands with no proper sleep!

It’s funny because I agree 0-5 is by far the hardest age but if you mention that to parents of teenagers, they insist those are the hardest years and hell on earth. Certainly doesn’t make me look forward to that time!

If it helps, mine are 16 and 18 and it has been much, much easier than dealing with young kids. Hard at times, but nothing like as relentlessly exhausting.

Of course, most American parents make life much harder than it needs to be by not having their kids cook, clean, and get around by bike/public transport, and signing up for too many activities.

American parents have to compensate for underinvestment in children, unlike any other rich, industrialized country:

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2024/01/america-failed-parents-rich-countries-raising-kids/677023/

(sorry there's a paywall, but maybe someone can post a paywall free link, I don't know how)

I think parents now have to move back towards a better balance. Children should fit into the lives of their parents, not be catered to every moment. Of course some activities are great, but everything needs to be taken into account.

But on this forum, we see this desperation to maintain the UMC lifestyles that require higher and higher levels of investment to achieve. And I think that correlates pretty strongly with misery for parents. Particularly when both parents are working. Because that's 3.5 jobs for two people (2 paying jobs and 1.5 jobs parenting and running the house--I give the machines half a job weight).

Plus, we start off with "Safe Sleep" advice that is very effective from a public health standpoint in reducing infant mortality AND very effective in making sure parents start off their parenting journey on 3-4 hours per night. Talk about a bad mood generator!

At some point, this hedonic treadmill, late stage capitalist nonsense is going to come to an end. And then we are all going to have to live very differently. It's not going to be much fun. And it might result on people having more children again due to labor needs or because people can't access birth control anymore. But I would guess that's at least a century in the future, so I won't be around to see it.