Not invited

[Anonymous]

If you’re on the groom’s side, I’m wondering if this is a bride/bride’s family/bridezilla issue. Like, mother of the bride demanded a certain number of invites and the venue can only hold 50 people and so you were an unfortunate casualty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would also be hurt. It sounds like for whatever reason the cousin's son or soon to be wife don't like you or your family. They do the holidays because they feel obligated because of their parent. Then your cousin doesn't feel like they can force their kid to invite you since they aren't paying.

Or, could be a small venue. OP is extended, not immediate, family.

Other extended family are invited. It does not sound like a small venue issue.

OP said there are 14 of them in her generation of cousins. Assuming each are partnered, there are 7 cousins, of which only 2 are directly related to the groom (mom, uncle). The remaining 5 are groom’s mom’s cousins. OP is the only 1 of the 5 (plus their families) not invited.

The venue may not be TINY but cuts may have been needed.

I'm sure your post will help OP feel better.

It's either space issue or personal. No one is likely to tell OP something negative about her, DH or DS if that was the reason. Unless OP wants to have no extended family and since they were just socializing, I'd assume it was space and move on. If it was cost the parents likely would have paid for OP's family, so, most likely size. OP has not mentioned some big blowup at Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re on the groom’s side, I’m wondering if this is a bride/bride’s family/bridezilla issue. Like, mother of the bride demanded a certain number of invites and the venue can only hold 50 people and so you were an unfortunate casualty.

Likely.

And why groom's family could not just pay to have your family there.

They DID try to shield your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

I am glad your cousin was comfortable. They should be. That is pretty rude.

I would think twice about having this cousin and the newlyweds to my events going forward. I wonder how they were going to break the news after the fact? So odd, considering you just hosted them ALL at your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re on the groom’s side, I’m wondering if this is a bride/bride’s family/bridezilla issue. Like, mother of the bride demanded a certain number of invites and the venue can only hold 50 people and so you were an unfortunate casualty.

Likely.

And why groom's family could not just pay to have your family there.

They DID try to shield your feelings.

And the uncomfortable “they are paying for the wedding themselves” comment from the cousin - makes me think perhaps they, themselves, don’t agree with all the decisions either.

Have you met the bride, OP? What’s she like, what do you know about her/her family? Can you see if they have a wedding website and maybe they’re doing a weird thing at a weird, small venue or something owned by her parents/family??

[Anonymous]

Good idea, PP, more info would help.

What is the bride like? She was at your house for Thanksgiving, not with her family? Or has she been there other times? "couple"

[Anonymous]

Not all families help with wedding celebrations for a variety of reasons. I suspect the bride and groom found a venue and say it holds 100 people. Bride gets 50 invites and groom gets the same. Unfortunately, some people don’t make the cut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

No two ways about it - that's a slight. How you deal with it is up to you. At this point I wouldn't push it further, you got your answer. I'd probably treat the groom and his wife as a separate family unit going forward and include them less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

No two ways about it - that's a slight. How you deal with it is up to you. At this point I wouldn't push it further, you got your answer.

+1 I totally get why you are hurt. Someone you are close enough with to spend a major holiday at their house should be invited to the wedding. I do get the fairness aspect with the other 2nd cousins but presumably they aren’t all hosting major holidays attended by the groom. Going forward you need to decide how much you want to continue to include them. However I would encourage you to take the high road for family harmony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

No two ways about it - that's a slight. How you deal with it is up to you. At this point I wouldn't push it further, you got your answer.

+1 I totally get why you are hurt. Someone you are close enough with to spend a major holiday at their house should be invited to the wedding. I do get the fairness aspect with the other 2nd cousins but presumably they aren’t all hosting major holidays attended by the groom. Going forward you need to decide how much you want to continue to include them. However I would encourage you to take the high road for family harmony.

Clearly the cousins are not as bothered about family harmony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would also be hurt. It sounds like for whatever reason the cousin's son or soon to be wife don't like you or your family. They do the holidays because they feel obligated because of their parent. Then your cousin doesn't feel like they can force their kid to invite you since they aren't paying.

Or, could be a small venue. OP is extended, not immediate, family.

Other extended family are invited. It does not sound like a small venue issue.

OP said there are 14 of them in her generation of cousins. Assuming each are partnered, there are 7 cousins, of which only 2 are directly related to the groom (mom, uncle). The remaining 5 are groom’s mom’s cousins. OP is the only 1 of the 5 (plus their families) not invited.

No, OP said she is an only child. Everyone else is the groom's parents immediate family.

[Anonymous]

Why is everyone blaming the bride? OP is on the groom's side of the family. If he wanted her there, he could push for it. Do not blame the young woman, cranky old grannies with mama's boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone blaming the bride? OP is on the groom's side of the family. If he wanted her there, he could push for it. Do not blame the young woman, cranky old grannies with mama's boys.

Right?!
If anything, blame the couple’s parents. Assuming it’s not a space issue, I’m sure the couple asked their parents if there was any “must attends” and clearly OP make the didn’t cut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would also be hurt. It sounds like for whatever reason the cousin's son or soon to be wife don't like you or your family. They do the holidays because they feel obligated because of their parent. Then your cousin doesn't feel like they can force their kid to invite you since they aren't paying.

Or, could be a small venue. OP is extended, not immediate, family.

Other extended family are invited. It does not sound like a small venue issue.

OP said there are 14 of them in her generation of cousins. Assuming each are partnered, there are 7 cousins, of which only 2 are directly related to the groom (mom, uncle). The remaining 5 are groom’s mom’s cousins. OP is the only 1 of the 5 (plus their families) not invited.

No, OP said she is an only child. Everyone else is the groom's parents immediate family.

No, OP’s mother had several siblings, so OP has several cousins.

[Anonymous]

Is it a geographic issue, OP? Do you see them only at Thanksgiving but the other cousins all see each other much more frequently became they live close by?