Not invited

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Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.


Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.


I initially thought it was your cousin getting married, but now I see it's the cousin's kid.

This is a tricky situation and you can choose to blow your family up over it, or you could have hurt feelings yet take the high road (which is what I would do). Weddings are very expensive and if the couple is paying for it then I can see how a friend or closer family member might take priority over a cousin once removed. Sorry.


OP. I would take the high road, not reach out and not ask BUT your cousin and his kid would now be dead to me. I would no longer be the first to reach out, they would no longer be invited to my house, I would not send holiday cards, and definitely do NOT send a wedding gift, card or acknowledgment. I’m so sorry OP.


You’re not taking the “high road” if you wanted to buy them to future holiday gatherings


Taking the high road meaning I’m not going to confront them or complain about it to them or anyone else. But no way would I be inviting them to my home again. So yea, they would be dead to me unless they reached out first.

+1
I have a large extended family and I certainly don’t expect to be invited to every occasion, but we are informed of weddings, births and other significant events.


Maybe bride & groom didn't invite OP because she is dramatic and she is proving their point by flipping out when not receiving an invite.

You’re the one making up drama, not the OP.


How are we to know if OP is a reliable narrator, she says her son and the groom are close, then admits that the son didn't know the groom was engaged/getting married.

It is weird that she was the only cousin not invited and she hasn't been back in recent pages to answer follow up questions. I think there are "missing missing reasons" and OP didnt get the response she was looking for, so has stopped engaging.

So you fill in the blanks by making up stories about her?


Did you miss the part where the post said MAYBE the OP is dramatic? Anyone who fishes around for an invite is a drama llama in my book.

Who was fishing?


OP was fishing when she starting asking why she wasn’t invited. Tackkkkyyyy.

Tacky is trying to hide this information.


It isn't tacky. The groom should have called OP or her son and explained. That is what families do. If you have a certain # or adding extra is cost prohibitive then you explain. You don't try and hide information from someone you just spent Thanksgiving with!

I wouldn't attend showers or send a gift. If you want send a card, but that would be it.
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Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.


Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.


I initially thought it was your cousin getting married, but now I see it's the cousin's kid.

This is a tricky situation and you can choose to blow your family up over it, or you could have hurt feelings yet take the high road (which is what I would do). Weddings are very expensive and if the couple is paying for it then I can see how a friend or closer family member might take priority over a cousin once removed. Sorry.


OP. I would take the high road, not reach out and not ask BUT your cousin and his kid would now be dead to me. I would no longer be the first to reach out, they would no longer be invited to my house, I would not send holiday cards, and definitely do NOT send a wedding gift, card or acknowledgment. I’m so sorry OP.


You’re not taking the “high road” if you wanted to buy them to future holiday gatherings


Taking the high road meaning I’m not going to confront them or complain about it to them or anyone else. But no way would I be inviting them to my home again. So yea, they would be dead to me unless they reached out first.

+1
I have a large extended family and I certainly don’t expect to be invited to every occasion, but we are informed of weddings, births and other significant events.


Maybe bride & groom didn't invite OP because she is dramatic and she is proving their point by flipping out when not receiving an invite.

You’re the one making up drama, not the OP.


How are we to know if OP is a reliable narrator, she says her son and the groom are close, then admits that the son didn't know the groom was engaged/getting married.

It is weird that she was the only cousin not invited and she hasn't been back in recent pages to answer follow up questions. I think there are "missing missing reasons" and OP didnt get the response she was looking for, so has stopped engaging.

So you fill in the blanks by making up stories about her?


Did you miss the part where the post said MAYBE the OP is dramatic? Anyone who fishes around for an invite is a drama llama in my book.

Who was fishing?


OP was fishing when she starting asking why she wasn’t invited. Tackkkkyyyy.

Tacky is trying to hide this information.


+1

DP here. I agree. It is extremely immature to information hoard, especially when it comes to a family event. It is also quite rude! Some people like drama, OP - it is best you find out now.


It wasn’t wrong of the couple to not invite OP. They also didn’t mention it in front of her. The dramatic one is OP who is calling and demanding to know why she wasn’t extended an invitation.


Is OP doing that?


Yes, she reached out to the parents, that post is in the middle of page 1.

“Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.”



PP here. Thank you for the quote. I still agree with OP, that the cut off was inaccurate, and the young couple could have easily sacrificed a friend or two. I recently attended a wedding, where the only surviving aunt and uncle of the deceased grandfather did not attend, and everyone seemed to find that odd, especially since the parents were paying. I think there could be a legit reason for OP not being invited, but I would also want to know what that reason was, if I was OP. I would not make a big deal of it, but I would certainly be curious. In my family, we are open and communicate well - not every family has that.


Why should they? They clearly are closer to their friends than to OP. I get that it stings to be left out, but they drew up the guest list that they preferred, and I applaud their families for not guilting them into inviting every last relative at the expense of their own friends.
Anonymous
A young couple paying for their own wedding probably can't afford to include their parents' cousins.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:A young couple paying for their own wedding probably can't afford to include their parents' cousins.


+1. If it was important to their parents, parents should’ve offered to cover the plate.
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Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.


Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.


I initially thought it was your cousin getting married, but now I see it's the cousin's kid.

This is a tricky situation and you can choose to blow your family up over it, or you could have hurt feelings yet take the high road (which is what I would do). Weddings are very expensive and if the couple is paying for it then I can see how a friend or closer family member might take priority over a cousin once removed. Sorry.


OP. I would take the high road, not reach out and not ask BUT your cousin and his kid would now be dead to me. I would no longer be the first to reach out, they would no longer be invited to my house, I would not send holiday cards, and definitely do NOT send a wedding gift, card or acknowledgment. I’m so sorry OP.


You’re not taking the “high road” if you wanted to buy them to future holiday gatherings


Taking the high road meaning I’m not going to confront them or complain about it to them or anyone else. But no way would I be inviting them to my home again. So yea, they would be dead to me unless they reached out first.

+1
I have a large extended family and I certainly don’t expect to be invited to every occasion, but we are informed of weddings, births and other significant events.


Maybe bride & groom didn't invite OP because she is dramatic and she is proving their point by flipping out when not receiving an invite.

You’re the one making up drama, not the OP.


How are we to know if OP is a reliable narrator, she says her son and the groom are close, then admits that the son didn't know the groom was engaged/getting married.

It is weird that she was the only cousin not invited and she hasn't been back in recent pages to answer follow up questions. I think there are "missing missing reasons" and OP didnt get the response she was looking for, so has stopped engaging.

So you fill in the blanks by making up stories about her?


Did you miss the part where the post said MAYBE the OP is dramatic? Anyone who fishes around for an invite is a drama llama in my book.

Who was fishing?


OP was fishing when she starting asking why she wasn’t invited. Tackkkkyyyy.

Tacky is trying to hide this information.


+1

DP here. I agree. It is extremely immature to information hoard, especially when it comes to a family event. It is also quite rude! Some people like drama, OP - it is best you find out now.


It wasn’t wrong of the couple to not invite OP. They also didn’t mention it in front of her. The dramatic one is OP who is calling and demanding to know why she wasn’t extended an invitation.


Is OP doing that?


She said she called her cousin, parent of the groom. Did she make it clear if she's related to the mom or the dad? If dad, more understandable how it all played out imho.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Weddings are stressful. Just be gracious and leave it alone.


Agree. Who cares? Inquiring why you weren’t invited just makes things worse and less likely for them to be in touch with you in the future. You weren’t, and that is that. Move on.
Anonymous
True story- I'm one of 6 siblings and I was only invited to one of their weddings.

Sorry, it hurts. But, it is them. It is not you.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:True story- I'm one of 6 siblings and I was only invited to one of their weddings.

Sorry, it hurts. But, it is them. It is not you.


Wow I gotta be honest if I was not invited to 4 of my 5 siblings weddings I would actually think maybe it is me!

Outside like, systemic covered up abuse/dysfunction etc.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are all of the other cousins who are invited the siblings of the groom's parents? Do you have siblings who were invited even though you were not? Just trying to figure out why they singled you out? Because I agree it does seem very odd to not invite you and not even mention it.


Groom's uncle (cousin's brother) is invited and so are other cousins. Overall it's 12 people PLUS their kids. My family is the only one not invited.


Are these "other cousins" YOUR cousins, but the groom's aunts and uncles?
Anonymous
If the wedding is in March and others have only known about it for a few weeks, it sounds like something thrown together quickly on a shoestring budget. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but it explains why they need to limit the guest list.
Anonymous
I think it’s strange that you would expect an invitation and be hurt that you weren’t invited. You aren’t an aunt or uncle to the groom. My SIL/BIL and I trade hosting Thanksgiving for DH’s extended family. Their grandmother had seven kids and has living cousins along with kids of cousins. There are cousins of their mother and siblings. It ranges anywhere between 40-60 people, thank god many people alternate years with the other sides of the family or it would be really large. I couldn’t imagine being invited to the weddings of MIL’s cousins kids even though many have come to my house for Thanksgiving. DH and I certainly wouldn’t attend all those weddings!

When you host for Thanksgiving beyond your spouse, kids, parents and siblings it’s no longer an intimate gathering. It certainly doesn’t mean that all attendees promote your family role into their next inner circle and you get invited to all their milestone events.
Anonymous
I am on page 1 so forgive me if I missed important info but DO NOT SEND A GIFT and otherwise I hope you can recover asap.
I am sorry this happened, people are weird and many are bad.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.


Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.


No two ways about it - that's a slight. How you deal with it is up to you. At this point I wouldn't push it further, you got your answer. I'd probably treat the groom and his wife as a separate family unit going forward and include them less.


Take the high road. No more talk about it with the family. But, certain do not send a gift.

The cousin’s son (and cousin to some extent) showed you how you are valued/included. Are you ready to change all holidays? I would not want the groom/bride at your next holiday event, but will that mean your cousins don’t come? Are you okay with that?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I think it’s strange that you would expect an invitation and be hurt that you weren’t invited. You aren’t an aunt or uncle to the groom. My SIL/BIL and I trade hosting Thanksgiving for DH’s extended family. Their grandmother had seven kids and has living cousins along with kids of cousins. There are cousins of their mother and siblings. It ranges anywhere between 40-60 people, thank god many people alternate years with the other sides of the family or it would be really large. I couldn’t imagine being invited to the weddings of MIL’s cousins kids even though many have come to my house for Thanksgiving. DH and I certainly wouldn’t attend all those weddings!

When you host for Thanksgiving beyond your spouse, kids, parents and siblings it’s no longer an intimate gathering. It certainly doesn’t mean that all attendees promote your family role into their next inner circle and you get invited to all their milestone events.

Another poster who doesn’t bother to read.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Were your siblings and their families invited?

So the parent of the groom who is your cousin - it sounds like their siblings were invited. That sounds normal and not exclusionary to you since you are not part of that family.

How many different families do you have on that side? One of your parents was the sibling of the parent of your cousin. How many siblings did your parent have?


Np. Reading is fundamental.
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