Not invited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

You have your answer. Don't ask again. I'm sorry you got left out. You can not invite them in the future.

[Anonymous]

I hear stories like this a lot. You did not have siblings, so you felt your cousins were "like siblings" to you. But they DID have siblings. And you were/are their cousin. It is a different relationship from their side. I am so sorry this happened. I can imagine it really hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weddings are stressful. Just be gracious and leave it alone.

This type of thing rarely offends me and if it does I get over myself. I try to take the high road as much as possible. I would use it as info that we aren't as close as I thought and if you ever need to trim a guest list, you know who to trim, but beyond that I would not sweat it.

This, and also, I assume they won’t be expecting a gift from you either.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing there is a specific reason -- most likely behavioral. They don't want you -- or perhaps a member of your family there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of the other cousins who are invited the siblings of the groom's parents? Do you have siblings who were invited even though you were not? Just trying to figure out why they singled you out? Because I agree it does seem very odd to not invite you and not even mention it.

Groom's uncle (cousin's brother) is invited and so are other cousins. Overall it's 12 people PLUS their kids. My family is the only one not invited.

Obviously the uncle would be invited. Is your parent related to the groom or are you child of a cousin to the groom?

[Anonymous]

Wow! I would have taken major offense. Tell your cousin that the newly weds will no longer be invited to your house.

The problem is not that the young couple do not have the budget to include you, because that can actually happen. The problem is that your cousin has not stepped up and offered to pay for three more relatives since they have low earning loser for an adult child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear stories like this a lot. You did not have siblings, so you felt your cousins were "like siblings" to you. But they DID have siblings. And you were/are their cousin. It is a different relationship from their side. I am so sorry this happened. I can imagine it really hurts.

I disagree. To put it crudely - if they are coming to OP's home and stuffing their piehole with her food on major family holidays then it is a relationship that deserves an invitation to the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of the other cousins who are invited the siblings of the groom's parents? Do you have siblings who were invited even though you were not? Just trying to figure out why they singled you out? Because I agree it does seem very odd to not invite you and not even mention it.

Groom's uncle (cousin's brother) is invited and so are other cousins. Overall it's 12 people PLUS their kids. My family is the only one not invited.

I don't think this answers the question. You are not the groom's aunt, you are a first cousin once removed. Is there anyone in a similar position to you who is invited?

What matters here isn't that they all are cousins to you, but the groom's relationship to the others.

[Anonymous]

No, no, don’t say anything. They likely had to limit the guest list. It’s your cousin’s child so really not in your cousins control. Let it be

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear stories like this a lot. You did not have siblings, so you felt your cousins were "like siblings" to you. But they DID have siblings. And you were/are their cousin. It is a different relationship from their side. I am so sorry this happened. I can imagine it really hurts.

+1. Sorry OP, this sucks. I think you felt closer to them than they felt to you. Maybe you don’t have to invite them to Thanksgiving anymore since they don’t hesitate to take advantage of your hospitality. Although that has its drawbacks too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

Goodness you need a little lesson on manners, OP. Demanding a wedding invite is terrible

[Anonymous]

Maybe it has something to do with the relationship between the groom and your DS. You said they are friendly, and that seems to be the closest connection generationally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

I initially thought it was your cousin getting married, but now I see it's the cousin's kid.

This is a tricky situation and you can choose to blow your family up over it, or you could have hurt feelings yet take the high road (which is what I would do). Weddings are very expensive and if the couple is paying for it then I can see how a friend or closer family member might take priority over a cousin once removed. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

Goodness you need a little lesson on manners, OP. Demanding a wedding invite is terrible

I did not demand an invitation. I wanted to understand what we have done wrong. Like I said before, if you don't feel close to us, if we are not your family, why do you come to our events?

[Anonymous]

I think if they’re close enough to you that they were just at your house for thanksgiving this year, you should’ve been invited to the wedding. And also adding that it’s especially off putting to not only not he invited but to realize you weren’t meant to know about the wedding until after it was over…that’s really hurtful.

I’d ask them directly if you did something to offend them. Because if I did something offensive enough to make me the only one not invited to a wedding out of a whole group of cousins, I’d want to know what I did so I could try to correct it. If they insist you did nothing wrong and they simply were trying to save some $$ then I think I’d be done w this family (the cousin’s kid/the groom and his new spouse). They would no longer be invited to thanksgiving or other events at my house. And depending how your cousin (the groom’s parent(s)) act about it, they might be dropped too. I don’t need to go all out hosting people for thanksgiving just to have them invite everyone else but me to their wedding.