Brother’s Wife Asked for a piece of Jewlery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - how would you have felt if your brother had been the one who asked for a piece of your mother's jewelry?

I must admit I would feel differently because that’s his mother as well.

Is he going to wear it?

This.

No, but he might enjoy seeing his wife wearing a piece of her jewelry. Finding it within you to part with ONE piece for the wife of your brother should not be this difficult.

[Anonymous]

I bet OPs mother would be horrified by her behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What is that old saying? OP, take a long walk off a short pier.

You are a horrible excuse for a human being.

NP. Why would you say something like that to a person who has just lost their mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What is that old saying? OP, take a long walk off a short pier.

You are a horrible excuse for a human being.

NP. Why would you say something like that to a person who has just lost their mother?

PP is right, OP's mother would likely be horrified at OP's behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

I agree that SIL should have waited until a better time to ask when the grief wasn’t so raw. Absolutely! However from what the OP wrote the SIL and her MIL were close as well. Not to compare the grief one has for their own parent vs a MIL but I’m sure that the SIL is grieving in her own way as well.

I disagree that it’s as cut and dry as you make it sound that you have to be a blood relative to ask. It should depend on closeness not blood. And from what OP herself wrote the SIL was very much close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. That’s hardly an insignificant relationship. You’re right that if SIL was asking for a bunch of jewelry or the most expensive piece that would be uncalled for but to ask for one piece which is what OP herself wrote isn’t crazy for a family you been a part of for 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were close for 20 years and presumably she loved your mom. A piece of jewelry is fine.

It's fine if it's offered - it's not fine to ask.

Why?

Because it's not her mother. You can be close with your in laws - but unless the MIL gave the SIL some jewelry, or told her she wanted her to have some of it, it's for the daughter. Jewelry can have a special significance - it sounds like that's the case here. If the mother didn't say she wanted it to go in a different way, it goes to the daughter - and then the daughter can decide if she wants to share.

Maybe the SIL can ask at some point - especially if there's a special piece that means a lot to her, and probably won't mean as much to the daughter. But probably not while OP is in the thick of grief. It should have been the brother broaching this, if at all, in any case - not demanding any of the jewelry, but saying his wife has an attachment to such and suck piece, and how does OP feel about giving it to her. SIL should not have been the one asking.

OP, this is not 1950, and you are not Queen Bee Sh&t of F**ckery Mountain.

I am the PP and I am not OP.

It’s small and it’s petty to deny the SIL a thing that might bring her comfort since she and OP’s mother were close. You give too much weight to a blood connection when it is proven again and again that connections of the heart, not of blood, are most important. The mother chose to be close to her DIL. Perhaps this is what OP is reacting to by being so selfish. I think OP is going to plant the seed in her SIL’s mind and for everyone else, that MIL really didn’t like her. Vicious, vile behavior here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

A piece of jewelry to a blood relative is a windfall?? To whom?? By what measure?? God help you, for real.

How is the SIL a blood relative?

Oh please let’s not split hairs there. The point remains the same it is hardly a windfall and the OP pointed out herself that she was close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. At that rate blood is the last thing that should be on someone’s mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

I agree that SIL should have waited until a better time to ask when the grief wasn’t so raw. Absolutely! However from what the OP wrote the SIL and her MIL were close as well. Not to compare the grief one has for their own parent vs a MIL but I’m sure that the SIL is grieving in her own way as well.

I disagree that it’s as cut and dry as you make it sound that you have to be a blood relative to ask. It should depend on closeness not blood. And from what OP herself wrote the SIL was very much close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. That’s hardly an insignificant relationship. You’re right that if SIL was asking for a bunch of jewelry or the most expensive piece that would be uncalled for but to ask for one piece which is what OP herself wrote isn’t crazy for a family you been a part of for 20 years.

OP says her brother insists that SIL and MIL were close - but I don't know if that's true. And honestly if they were that close, MIL would have said something to OP about sharing with the SIL - or would have put something in the will. Or would have told the SIL and the brother and OP that she wanted SIL to have something and to work it out with OP.

My mother, who I hope to gd will never die, has told me that her jewelry is for me - but I should let my SIL have one piece. I'm sure it'll be more than that. But the point is we've had a conversation about it. And I can't IMAGINE me SIL would ever ASK - if anyone ever feels entitled enough to ask, it should be the blood relative.

I just cannot imagine someone doing this while the daughter is grieving. It speaks to why OP and her SIL don't have the kind of relationship where of course OP would have offered her something, I think.

Since I am the only one defending OP, maybe I am missing something here. But honestly, to me it sounds like a bunch of nasty DILs who probably complain nonstop about their terrible in laws, feeling entitled to their stuff once they're gone. That's a bad look. I truly cannot imagine doing this with my in laws - they have two sons, and a granddaughter, and I assume it's all going to the granddaughter. If my MIL tells me and my husband she wants me to have something of hers, that would be a lovely (and unnecessary) gesture. I'm not blood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

A piece of jewelry to a blood relative is a windfall?? To whom?? By what measure?? God help you, for real.

How is the SIL a blood relative?

Oh please let’s not split hairs there. The point remains the same it is hardly a windfall and the OP pointed out herself that she was close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. At that rate blood is the last thing that should be on someone’s mind.

20 years goes by in a flash. I was 25 years old yesterday and somehow today I'm 50.

And of course blood matters. That's why the brother can ask, if he chooses - and it's ugly for the person who married in to try to take from the grieving daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

I agree that SIL should have waited until a better time to ask when the grief wasn’t so raw. Absolutely! However from what the OP wrote the SIL and her MIL were close as well. Not to compare the grief one has for their own parent vs a MIL but I’m sure that the SIL is grieving in her own way as well.

I disagree that it’s as cut and dry as you make it sound that you have to be a blood relative to ask. It should depend on closeness not blood. And from what OP herself wrote the SIL was very much close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. That’s hardly an insignificant relationship. You’re right that if SIL was asking for a bunch of jewelry or the most expensive piece that would be uncalled for but to ask for one piece which is what OP herself wrote isn’t crazy for a family you been a part of for 20 years.

OP says her brother insists that SIL and MIL were close - but I don't know if that's true. And honestly if they were that close, MIL would have said something to OP about sharing with the SIL - or would have put something in the will. Or would have told the SIL and the brother and OP that she wanted SIL to have something and to work it out with OP.

My mother, who I hope to gd will never die, has told me that her jewelry is for me - but I should let my SIL have one piece. I'm sure it'll be more than that. But the point is we've had a conversation about it. And I can't IMAGINE me SIL would ever ASK - if anyone ever feels entitled enough to ask, it should be the blood relative.

I just cannot imagine someone doing this while the daughter is grieving. It speaks to why OP and her SIL don't have the kind of relationship where of course OP would have offered her something, I think.

Since I am the only one defending OP, maybe I am missing something here. But honestly, to me it sounds like a bunch of nasty DILs who probably complain nonstop about their terrible in laws, feeling entitled to their stuff once they're gone. That's a bad look. I truly cannot imagine doing this with my in laws - they have two sons, and a granddaughter, and I assume it's all going to the granddaughter. If my MIL tells me and my husband she wants me to have something of hers, that would be a lovely (and unnecessary) gesture. I'm not blood.

Obviously, no one who marries into the family is blood - that would be incest!

But an actual blood grand daughter - no matter what SIL thinks of her brother's wife, is more than reasonable for a piece of jewelry.

OP seems truly greedy and mean. Does your brother have one or more daughters, OP? Why would you not want them to have a piece of your mom's jewelry? That does not sound right to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

I agree that SIL should have waited until a better time to ask when the grief wasn’t so raw. Absolutely! However from what the OP wrote the SIL and her MIL were close as well. Not to compare the grief one has for their own parent vs a MIL but I’m sure that the SIL is grieving in her own way as well.

I disagree that it’s as cut and dry as you make it sound that you have to be a blood relative to ask. It should depend on closeness not blood. And from what OP herself wrote the SIL was very much close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. That’s hardly an insignificant relationship. You’re right that if SIL was asking for a bunch of jewelry or the most expensive piece that would be uncalled for but to ask for one piece which is what OP herself wrote isn’t crazy for a family you been a part of for 20 years.

OP says her brother insists that SIL and MIL were close - but I don't know if that's true. And honestly if they were that close, MIL would have said something to OP about sharing with the SIL - or would have put something in the will. Or would have told the SIL and the brother and OP that she wanted SIL to have something and to work it out with OP.

My mother, who I hope to gd will never die, has told me that her jewelry is for me - but I should let my SIL have one piece. I'm sure it'll be more than that. But the point is we've had a conversation about it. And I can't IMAGINE me SIL would ever ASK - if anyone ever feels entitled enough to ask, it should be the blood relative.

I just cannot imagine someone doing this while the daughter is grieving. It speaks to why OP and her SIL don't have the kind of relationship where of course OP would have offered her something, I think.

Since I am the only one defending OP, maybe I am missing something here. But honestly, to me it sounds like a bunch of nasty DILs who probably complain nonstop about their terrible in laws, feeling entitled to their stuff once they're gone. That's a bad look. I truly cannot imagine doing this with my in laws - they have two sons, and a granddaughter, and I assume it's all going to the granddaughter. If my MIL tells me and my husband she wants me to have something of hers, that would be a lovely (and unnecessary) gesture. I'm not blood.

Obviously, no one who marries into the family is blood - that would be incest!

But an actual blood grand daughter - no matter what SIL thinks of her brother's wife, is more than reasonable for a piece of jewelry.

OP seems truly greedy and mean. Does your brother have one or more daughters, OP? Why would you not want them to have a piece of your mom's jewelry? That does not sound right to me.

To add, do you think your SIL "wronged" you OP - or is there more to the story that you are not telling? (Maybe OP is ungrateful - maybe OP did something terrible, and SIL covered for her for a really long time, and OP resents that her SIL knows the truth. It could be anything, really.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

I agree that SIL should have waited until a better time to ask when the grief wasn’t so raw. Absolutely! However from what the OP wrote the SIL and her MIL were close as well. Not to compare the grief one has for their own parent vs a MIL but I’m sure that the SIL is grieving in her own way as well.

I disagree that it’s as cut and dry as you make it sound that you have to be a blood relative to ask. It should depend on closeness not blood. And from what OP herself wrote the SIL was very much close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. That’s hardly an insignificant relationship. You’re right that if SIL was asking for a bunch of jewelry or the most expensive piece that would be uncalled for but to ask for one piece which is what OP herself wrote isn’t crazy for a family you been a part of for 20 years.

+1

I can't imagine treating someone who has been in the family 20+ years the way OP is treating her SIL. Awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

I agree that SIL should have waited until a better time to ask when the grief wasn’t so raw. Absolutely! However from what the OP wrote the SIL and her MIL were close as well. Not to compare the grief one has for their own parent vs a MIL but I’m sure that the SIL is grieving in her own way as well.

I disagree that it’s as cut and dry as you make it sound that you have to be a blood relative to ask. It should depend on closeness not blood. And from what OP herself wrote the SIL was very much close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. That’s hardly an insignificant relationship. You’re right that if SIL was asking for a bunch of jewelry or the most expensive piece that would be uncalled for but to ask for one piece which is what OP herself wrote isn’t crazy for a family you been a part of for 20 years.

OP says her brother insists that SIL and MIL were close - but I don't know if that's true. And honestly if they were that close, MIL would have said something to OP about sharing with the SIL - or would have put something in the will. Or would have told the SIL and the brother and OP that she wanted SIL to have something and to work it out with OP.

My mother, who I hope to gd will never die, has told me that her jewelry is for me - but I should let my SIL have one piece. I'm sure it'll be more than that. But the point is we've had a conversation about it. And I can't IMAGINE me SIL would ever ASK - if anyone ever feels entitled enough to ask, it should be the blood relative.

I just cannot imagine someone doing this while the daughter is grieving. It speaks to why OP and her SIL don't have the kind of relationship where of course OP would have offered her something, I think.

Since I am the only one defending OP, maybe I am missing something here. But honestly, to me it sounds like a bunch of nasty DILs who probably complain nonstop about their terrible in laws, feeling entitled to their stuff once they're gone. That's a bad look. I truly cannot imagine doing this with my in laws - they have two sons, and a granddaughter, and I assume it's all going to the granddaughter. If my MIL tells me and my husband she wants me to have something of hers, that would be a lovely (and unnecessary) gesture. I'm not blood.

Obviously, no one who marries into the family is blood - that would be incest!

But an actual blood grand daughter - no matter what SIL thinks of her brother's wife, is more than reasonable for a piece of jewelry.

OP seems truly greedy and mean. Does your brother have one or more daughters, OP? Why would you not want them to have a piece of your mom's jewelry? That does not sound right to me.

I’ve barely read this thread, but even I know that the brother and SIL have no kids and don’t plan to have any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

I agree that SIL should have waited until a better time to ask when the grief wasn’t so raw. Absolutely! However from what the OP wrote the SIL and her MIL were close as well. Not to compare the grief one has for their own parent vs a MIL but I’m sure that the SIL is grieving in her own way as well.

I disagree that it’s as cut and dry as you make it sound that you have to be a blood relative to ask. It should depend on closeness not blood. And from what OP herself wrote the SIL was very much close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. That’s hardly an insignificant relationship. You’re right that if SIL was asking for a bunch of jewelry or the most expensive piece that would be uncalled for but to ask for one piece which is what OP herself wrote isn’t crazy for a family you been a part of for 20 years.

OP says her brother insists that SIL and MIL were close - but I don't know if that's true. And honestly if they were that close, MIL would have said something to OP about sharing with the SIL - or would have put something in the will. Or would have told the SIL and the brother and OP that she wanted SIL to have something and to work it out with OP.

My mother, who I hope to gd will never die, has told me that her jewelry is for me - but I should let my SIL have one piece. I'm sure it'll be more than that. But the point is we've had a conversation about it. And I can't IMAGINE me SIL would ever ASK - if anyone ever feels entitled enough to ask, it should be the blood relative.

I just cannot imagine someone doing this while the daughter is grieving. It speaks to why OP and her SIL don't have the kind of relationship where of course OP would have offered her something, I think.

Since I am the only one defending OP, maybe I am missing something here. But honestly, to me it sounds like a bunch of nasty DILs who probably complain nonstop about their terrible in laws, feeling entitled to their stuff once they're gone. That's a bad look. I truly cannot imagine doing this with my in laws - they have two sons, and a granddaughter, and I assume it's all going to the granddaughter. If my MIL tells me and my husband she wants me to have something of hers, that would be a lovely (and unnecessary) gesture. I'm not blood.

Obviously, no one who marries into the family is blood - that would be incest!

But an actual blood grand daughter - no matter what SIL thinks of her brother's wife, is more than reasonable for a piece of jewelry.

OP seems truly greedy and mean. Does your brother have one or more daughters, OP? Why would you not want them to have a piece of your mom's jewelry? That does not sound right to me.

I’ve barely read this thread, but even I know that the brother and SIL have no kids anOpd don’t plan to have any.

The SIL has been in the family for decades, no?
OP seems petty and jealous of her SIL.

[Anonymous]

My MIL was a clotheshorse and a jewelry “horse” (and i mean that in the nicest way possible).

I’m wearing one of her sweaters right now.

My SIL (her daughter) placed boxes and trays of jewelry on the table for all of us to choose from — as much as we wanted.

I remember taking a watch. My daughters made other selections.

Glad to know this could be done without agita and angst.