Brother’s Wife Asked for a piece of Jewlery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

I agree that SIL should have waited until a better time to ask when the grief wasn’t so raw. Absolutely! However from what the OP wrote the SIL and her MIL were close as well. Not to compare the grief one has for their own parent vs a MIL but I’m sure that the SIL is grieving in her own way as well.

I disagree that it’s as cut and dry as you make it sound that you have to be a blood relative to ask. It should depend on closeness not blood. And from what OP herself wrote the SIL was very much close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. That’s hardly an insignificant relationship. You’re right that if SIL was asking for a bunch of jewelry or the most expensive piece that would be uncalled for but to ask for one piece which is what OP herself wrote isn’t crazy for a family you been a part of for 20 years.

OP says her brother insists that SIL and MIL were close - but I don't know if that's true. And honestly if they were that close, MIL would have said something to OP about sharing with the SIL - or would have put something in the will. Or would have told the SIL and the brother and OP that she wanted SIL to have something and to work it out with OP.

My mother, who I hope to gd will never die, has told me that her jewelry is for me - but I should let my SIL have one piece. I'm sure it'll be more than that. But the point is we've had a conversation about it. And I can't IMAGINE me SIL would ever ASK - if anyone ever feels entitled enough to ask, it should be the blood relative.

I just cannot imagine someone doing this while the daughter is grieving. It speaks to why OP and her SIL don't have the kind of relationship where of course OP would have offered her something, I think.

Since I am the only one defending OP, maybe I am missing something here. But honestly, to me it sounds like a bunch of nasty DILs who probably complain nonstop about their terrible in laws, feeling entitled to their stuff once they're gone. That's a bad look. I truly cannot imagine doing this with my in laws - they have two sons, and a granddaughter, and I assume it's all going to the granddaughter. If my MIL tells me and my husband she wants me to have something of hers, that would be a lovely (and unnecessary) gesture. I'm not blood.

Obviously, no one who marries into the family is blood - that would be incest!

But an actual blood grand daughter - no matter what SIL thinks of her brother's wife, is more than reasonable for a piece of jewelry.

OP seems truly greedy and mean. Does your brother have one or more daughters, OP? Why would you not want them to have a piece of your mom's jewelry? That does not sound right to me.

I’ve barely read this thread, but even I know that the brother and SIL have no kids anOpd don’t plan to have any.

The SIL has been in the family for decades, no?
OP seems petty and jealous of her SIL.

Just correcting the record.

[Anonymous]

Half the jewelry can go to you, and the other half can go to your brother. You shouldn't get all the jewelry just because "he can't wear it." If it's an asset of the estate, it should be treated just as any other asset.

Are you appraising all of this jewelry that you simply cannot dream of letting go, and providing your brother an equal asset in exchange because you can't begrudge your SIL one piece?

[Anonymous]

Depending on the piece she wants I see nothing wrong with SIL asking. But OP's attitude WILL cause a wedge in the family.

Talk to her. Work something out. Stop being so pissy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

I agree that SIL should have waited until a better time to ask when the grief wasn’t so raw. Absolutely! However from what the OP wrote the SIL and her MIL were close as well. Not to compare the grief one has for their own parent vs a MIL but I’m sure that the SIL is grieving in her own way as well.

I disagree that it’s as cut and dry as you make it sound that you have to be a blood relative to ask. It should depend on closeness not blood. And from what OP herself wrote the SIL was very much close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. That’s hardly an insignificant relationship. You’re right that if SIL was asking for a bunch of jewelry or the most expensive piece that would be uncalled for but to ask for one piece which is what OP herself wrote isn’t crazy for a family you been a part of for 20 years.

OP says her brother insists that SIL and MIL were close - but I don't know if that's true. And honestly if they were that close, MIL would have said something to OP about sharing with the SIL - or would have put something in the will. Or would have told the SIL and the brother and OP that she wanted SIL to have something and to work it out with OP.

My mother, who I hope to gd will never die, has told me that her jewelry is for me - but I should let my SIL have one piece. I'm sure it'll be more than that. But the point is we've had a conversation about it. And I can't IMAGINE me SIL would ever ASK - if anyone ever feels entitled enough to ask, it should be the blood relative.

I just cannot imagine someone doing this while the daughter is grieving. It speaks to why OP and her SIL don't have the kind of relationship where of course OP would have offered her something, I think.

Since I am the only one defending OP, maybe I am missing something here. But honestly, to me it sounds like a bunch of nasty DILs who probably complain nonstop about their terrible in laws, feeling entitled to their stuff once they're gone. That's a bad look. I truly cannot imagine doing this with my in laws - they have two sons, and a granddaughter, and I assume it's all going to the granddaughter. If my MIL tells me and my husband she wants me to have something of hers, that would be a lovely (and unnecessary) gesture. I'm not blood.

Some DIL are better to their MIL than their own kids. I took care of mine for many years, first in my home, then in a nursing home. I bathed her, cooked, cleaned, laundry, bought her everything she needed, etc. I didn't want the stuff. But, the other brother and his wife on the rare visit stole everything. It was pretty bad. The saw her maybe 2 in 10 years and wouldn't come to her funeral. They wouldn't help in any way.

[Anonymous]

Someone asks something
Someone else can say no

If you don't understand this Op, you have no class. A simple no.

[Anonymous]

Do you just need something to be outraged about?
My grandmother had a large 3-stone diamond wedding ring. When she was old, she had a jeweler make pendants out of the stones, one for my mother, one for my aunt, and one for her DIL -- my uncle's wife. The DIL was always treated the same as the daughters. I think it was really nice, especially since my uncle was the only one with a life-long marriage (my mother was married 3x and my aunt 2x, and none of those marriages were successful).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound horrible and insane.

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Your brother is right, you are wrong.

[Anonymous]

By the way, OP has offered no information about when her mom died. We are assuming it was recently bc we are trying to give her grace by assuming her grief is coloring her judgement but we actually don’t know how recent the death was.

[Anonymous]

OP you’ve been given almost unanimous agreement that you’re an ass. Do with it what you will.

[Anonymous]

I have several lovely pieces that my mother in law gave me (and she has a daughter). I think the OP is really just a horrible and greedy person.

I hope I don't know you in real life - and I feel so sorry for your brother. Death of a family member really brings out the worst in people. Example, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - how would you have felt if your brother had been the one who asked for a piece of your mother's jewelry?

I must admit I would feel differently because that’s his mother as well.

But he can’t wear it.

You make no sense.

You're literally an idiot.

[Anonymous]

OP is a horrible human

Ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Give it to her and have her sign a piece of paper saying if they divorce, she will return it to the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

I agree that SIL should have waited until a better time to ask when the grief wasn’t so raw. Absolutely! However from what the OP wrote the SIL and her MIL were close as well. Not to compare the grief one has for their own parent vs a MIL but I’m sure that the SIL is grieving in her own way as well.

I disagree that it’s as cut and dry as you make it sound that you have to be a blood relative to ask. It should depend on closeness not blood. And from what OP herself wrote the SIL was very much close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. That’s hardly an insignificant relationship. You’re right that if SIL was asking for a bunch of jewelry or the most expensive piece that would be uncalled for but to ask for one piece which is what OP herself wrote isn’t crazy for a family you been a part of for 20 years.

OP says her brother insists that SIL and MIL were close - but I don't know if that's true. And honestly if they were that close, MIL would have said something to OP about sharing with the SIL - or would have put something in the will. Or would have told the SIL and the brother and OP that she wanted SIL to have something and to work it out with OP.

My mother, who I hope to gd will never die, has told me that her jewelry is for me - but I should let my SIL have one piece. I'm sure it'll be more than that. But the point is we've had a conversation about it. And I can't IMAGINE me SIL would ever ASK - if anyone ever feels entitled enough to ask, it should be the blood relative.

I just cannot imagine someone doing this while the daughter is grieving. It speaks to why OP and her SIL don't have the kind of relationship where of course OP would have offered her something, I think.

Since I am the only one defending OP, maybe I am missing something here. But honestly, to me it sounds like a bunch of nasty DILs who probably complain nonstop about their terrible in laws, feeling entitled to their stuff once they're gone. That's a bad look. I truly cannot imagine doing this with my in laws - they have two sons, and a granddaughter, and I assume it's all going to the granddaughter. If my MIL tells me and my husband she wants me to have something of hers, that would be a lovely (and unnecessary) gesture. I'm not blood.

Since you’re the only defender you might stop to think why that is. Life is too short to be so ugly, greedy, and miserable. It’s jewelry why let that ruin a family? Wouldn’t OP like to see someone who liked the jewelry enjoy wearing it?