Brother’s Wife Asked for a piece of Jewlery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

I agree that SIL should have waited until a better time to ask when the grief wasn’t so raw. Absolutely! However from what the OP wrote the SIL and her MIL were close as well. Not to compare the grief one has for their own parent vs a MIL but I’m sure that the SIL is grieving in her own way as well.

I disagree that it’s as cut and dry as you make it sound that you have to be a blood relative to ask. It should depend on closeness not blood. And from what OP herself wrote the SIL was very much close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. That’s hardly an insignificant relationship. You’re right that if SIL was asking for a bunch of jewelry or the most expensive piece that would be uncalled for but to ask for one piece which is what OP herself wrote isn’t crazy for a family you been a part of for 20 years.

OP says her brother insists that SIL and MIL were close - but I don't know if that's true. And honestly if they were that close, MIL would have said something to OP about sharing with the SIL - or would have put something in the will. Or would have told the SIL and the brother and OP that she wanted SIL to have something and to work it out with OP.

My mother, who I hope to gd will never die, has told me that her jewelry is for me - but I should let my SIL have one piece. I'm sure it'll be more than that. But the point is we've had a conversation about it. And I can't IMAGINE me SIL would ever ASK - if anyone ever feels entitled enough to ask, it should be the blood relative.

I just cannot imagine someone doing this while the daughter is grieving. It speaks to why OP and her SIL don't have the kind of relationship where of course OP would have offered her something, I think.

Since I am the only one defending OP, maybe I am missing something here. But honestly, to me it sounds like a bunch of nasty DILs who probably complain nonstop about their terrible in laws, feeling entitled to their stuff once they're gone. That's a bad look. I truly cannot imagine doing this with my in laws - they have two sons, and a granddaughter, and I assume it's all going to the granddaughter. If my MIL tells me and my husband she wants me to have something of hers, that would be a lovely (and unnecessary) gesture. I'm not blood.

See I think that’s where the disconnect between you and I is. You think blood is everything and automatically makes someone more important in the family line up. I disagree. I think after 20 years of being in the family the importance of blood diminishes. OP clearly detests her SIL because of that I highly doubt that she isn’t being truthful about her SIL’s closeness to her MIL.

I think a lot of PPs are reacting so harshly towards PP not because of the grief of her mother dying and her feelings it is the way she is wording those feelings as if her sadness is the only one that matters and her harsh words towards her SIL in this post are pretty extreme.

If she had said something more along the lines of she understands that the SIL was close to and therefore misses her MIL as well she just doesn’t feel comfortable giving up the jewelry that would have been one thing.

But instead she went on a tirade about how awful SIL is for even daring to make a request not a demand for one piece of jewelry. Sure she wouldn’t have asked for her own MIL’s jewelry but that’s irrelevant here. Everyone is a completely different person and SIL isn’t the OP and has a different approach to things. Doesn’t make it wrong.

I understand and completely sympathize with OP’s grief however that’s not a license to take a nasty attitude towards someone else who was very close to the mother as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

I agree that SIL should have waited until a better time to ask when the grief wasn’t so raw. Absolutely! However from what the OP wrote the SIL and her MIL were close as well. Not to compare the grief one has for their own parent vs a MIL but I’m sure that the SIL is grieving in her own way as well.

I disagree that it’s as cut and dry as you make it sound that you have to be a blood relative to ask. It should depend on closeness not blood. And from what OP herself wrote the SIL was very much close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. That’s hardly an insignificant relationship. You’re right that if SIL was asking for a bunch of jewelry or the most expensive piece that would be uncalled for but to ask for one piece which is what OP herself wrote isn’t crazy for a family you been a part of for 20 years.

OP says her brother insists that SIL and MIL were close - but I don't know if that's true. And honestly if they were that close, MIL would have said something to OP about sharing with the SIL - or would have put something in the will. Or would have told the SIL and the brother and OP that she wanted SIL to have something and to work it out with OP.

My mother, who I hope to gd will never die, has told me that her jewelry is for me - but I should let my SIL have one piece. I'm sure it'll be more than that. But the point is we've had a conversation about it. And I can't IMAGINE me SIL would ever ASK - if anyone ever feels entitled enough to ask, it should be the blood relative.

I just cannot imagine someone doing this while the daughter is grieving. It speaks to why OP and her SIL don't have the kind of relationship where of course OP would have offered her something, I think.

Since I am the only one defending OP, maybe I am missing something here. But honestly, to me it sounds like a bunch of nasty DILs who probably complain nonstop about their terrible in laws, feeling entitled to their stuff once they're gone. That's a bad look. I truly cannot imagine doing this with my in laws - they have two sons, and a granddaughter, and I assume it's all going to the granddaughter. If my MIL tells me and my husband she wants me to have something of hers, that would be a lovely (and unnecessary) gesture. I'm not blood.

See I think that’s where the disconnect between you and I is. You think blood is everything and automatically makes someone more important in the family line up. I disagree. I think after 20 years of being in the family the importance of blood diminishes. OP clearly detests her SIL because of that I highly doubt that she isn’t being truthful about her SIL’s closeness to her MIL.

I think a lot of PPs are reacting so harshly towards PP not because of the grief of her mother dying and her feelings it is the way she is wording those feelings as if her sadness is the only one that matters and her harsh words towards her SIL in this post are pretty extreme.

If she had said something more along the lines of she understands that the SIL was close to and therefore misses her MIL as well she just doesn’t feel comfortable giving up the jewelry that would have been one thing.

But instead she went on a tirade about how awful SIL is for even daring to make a request not a demand for one piece of jewelry. Sure she wouldn’t have asked for her own MIL’s jewelry but that’s irrelevant here. Everyone is a completely different person and SIL isn’t the OP and has a different approach to things. Doesn’t make it wrong.

I understand and completely sympathize with OP’s grief however that’s not a license to take a nasty attitude towards someone else who was very close to the mother as well.

+1

Even if the SIL asked before the MIL passed, SIL would still not be in the "wrong".

OP, are you trying to pretend that SIL has not been in the family for over two decades? That is a long time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

I agree that SIL should have waited until a better time to ask when the grief wasn’t so raw. Absolutely! However from what the OP wrote the SIL and her MIL were close as well. Not to compare the grief one has for their own parent vs a MIL but I’m sure that the SIL is grieving in her own way as well.

I disagree that it’s as cut and dry as you make it sound that you have to be a blood relative to ask. It should depend on closeness not blood. And from what OP herself wrote the SIL was very much close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. That’s hardly an insignificant relationship. You’re right that if SIL was asking for a bunch of jewelry or the most expensive piece that would be uncalled for but to ask for one piece which is what OP herself wrote isn’t crazy for a family you been a part of for 20 years.

OP says her brother insists that SIL and MIL were close - but I don't know if that's true. And honestly if they were that close, MIL would have said something to OP about sharing with the SIL - or would have put something in the will. Or would have told the SIL and the brother and OP that she wanted SIL to have something and to work it out with OP.

My mother, who I hope to gd will never die, has told me that her jewelry is for me - but I should let my SIL have one piece. I'm sure it'll be more than that. But the point is we've had a conversation about it. And I can't IMAGINE me SIL would ever ASK - if anyone ever feels entitled enough to ask, it should be the blood relative.

I just cannot imagine someone doing this while the daughter is grieving. It speaks to why OP and her SIL don't have the kind of relationship where of course OP would have offered her something, I think.

Since I am the only one defending OP, maybe I am missing something here. But honestly, to me it sounds like a bunch of nasty DILs who probably complain nonstop about their terrible in laws, feeling entitled to their stuff once they're gone. That's a bad look. I truly cannot imagine doing this with my in laws - they have two sons, and a granddaughter, and I assume it's all going to the granddaughter. If my MIL tells me and my husband she wants me to have something of hers, that would be a lovely (and unnecessary) gesture. I'm not blood.

Since you’re the only defender you might stop to think why that is. Life is too short to be so ugly, greedy, and miserable. It’s jewelry why let that ruin a family? Wouldn’t OP like to see someone who liked the jewelry enjoy wearing it?

I think it's the OP pretending to be someone else. There aren't really two people who are this terrible...right?

I think the OP is hooked on the only blood is family. So probably posting from 1950?

[Anonymous]

10 pages in one day, and perhaps more by the end of the day!

Well done, Trolly OP.

I think SILs are allowed to ask for jewelry

- woman who doesn't like anybody else's jewelry, and buys her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you’ve been given almost unanimous agreement that you’re an ass. Do with it what you will.

HAHA - SIL might be too nice to tell OP where to put the jewelry. We already know that SIL is nicer than OP.

[Anonymous]

She probably wanted something to remember the OP's mother by - and now she can remember that the OP is a horrible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you just need something to be outraged about?
My grandmother had a large 3-stone diamond wedding ring. When she was old, she had a jeweler make pendants out of the stones, one for my mother, one for my aunt, and one for her DIL -- my uncle's wife. The DIL was always treated the same as the daughters. I think it was really nice, especially since my uncle was the only one with a life-long marriage (my mother was married 3x and my aunt 2x, and none of those marriages were successful).

This is the way it should be. Agree OP just needs something to be outraged about. So gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

A piece of jewelry to a blood relative is a windfall?? To whom?? By what measure?? God help you, for real.

How is the SIL a blood relative?

Oh please let’s not split hairs there. The point remains the same it is hardly a windfall and the OP pointed out herself that she was close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. At that rate blood is the last thing that should be on someone’s mind.

20 years goes by in a flash. I was 25 years old yesterday and somehow today I'm 50.

And of course blood matters. That's why the brother can ask, if he chooses - and it's ugly for the person who married in to try to take from the grieving daughter.

To you it went by in a flash but to most people 20 years is a decent amount of time.

Again it’s the relationship not the blood that matters here. They were close and for OP to harbor resentment and not give her SIL one shred of memory isn’t cool at all.

There are other people besides OP impacted by the death.

Kids that are adopted aren’t blood would you tell them they matter less

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give it to her and have her sign a piece of paper saying if they divorce, she will return it to the family.

Jesus Christ please don’t take this advice. If my SIL did that to me I’m pretty sure I would take note of how she viewed me and never talk to her again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to her and have her sign a piece of paper saying if they divorce, she will return it to the family.

Jesus Christ please don’t take this advice. If my SIL did that to me I’m pretty sure I would take note of how she viewed me and never talk to her again

Yeah, but you wouldn't care because you got the jewelry you were willing to lose the relationship over when you made the insane request!

When our mum died there were certain things we gave to common-law SIL as she was with the family a while and our mum liked her. Plus we all know what a pill my brother is to deal with. No kids for her/brother but she has earned her pay- God knows brother hasn't given it to her. Maybe that's the issue with OP- her brother may be cheap- perhaps has never bought nice things for his wife she she is hoping something nice was willed to brother. Apparently not- the sisters are keeping the jewelry and he gets dads tools. Sexist but I get it- some families are like that.

[Anonymous]

What does the will sa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to her and have her sign a piece of paper saying if they divorce, she will return it to the family.

Jesus Christ please don’t take this advice. If my SIL did that to me I’m pretty sure I would take note of how she viewed me and never talk to her again

Yeah, but you wouldn't care because you got the jewelry you were willing to lose the relationship over when you made the insane request!

When our mum died there were certain things we gave to common-law SIL as she was with the family a while and our mum liked her. Plus we all know what a pill my brother is to deal with. No kids for her/brother but she has earned her pay- God knows brother hasn't given it to her. Maybe that's the issue with OP- her brother may be cheap- perhaps has never bought nice things for his wife she she is hoping something nice was willed to brother. Apparently not- the sisters are keeping the jewelry and he gets dads tools. Sexist but I get it- some families are like that.

Insane request to ask for one piece of jewelry from a family you were close to and a part of for 20 years? I mean that’s your opinion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to her and have her sign a piece of paper saying if they divorce, she will return it to the family.

Jesus Christ please don’t take this advice. If my SIL did that to me I’m pretty sure I would take note of how she viewed me and never talk to her again

Yeah, but you wouldn't care because you got the jewelry you were willing to lose the relationship over when you made the insane request!

When our mum died there were certain things we gave to common-law SIL as she was with the family a while and our mum liked her. Plus we all know what a pill my brother is to deal with. No kids for her/brother but she has earned her pay- God knows brother hasn't given it to her. Maybe that's the issue with OP- her brother may be cheap- perhaps has never bought nice things for his wife she she is hoping something nice was willed to brother. Apparently not- the sisters are keeping the jewelry and he gets dads tools. Sexist but I get it- some families are like that.

Insane request to ask for one piece of jewelry from a family you were close to and a part of for 20 years? I mean that’s your opinion

Also an opinion.

[Anonymous]

Princess Catherine wears Diana’s blue sapphire ring and earrings. Before they left Meghan also wore some of Diana’s pieces. Boys are perfectly fine to inherit jewelry and give it to their wives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to her and have her sign a piece of paper saying if they divorce, she will return it to the family.

Jesus Christ please don’t take this advice. If my SIL did that to me I’m pretty sure I would take note of how she viewed me and never talk to her again

Yeah, but you wouldn't care because you got the jewelry you were willing to lose the relationship over when you made the insane request!

When our mum died there were certain things we gave to common-law SIL as she was with the family a while and our mum liked her. Plus we all know what a pill my brother is to deal with. No kids for her/brother but she has earned her pay- God knows brother hasn't given it to her. Maybe that's the issue with OP- her brother may be cheap- perhaps has never bought nice things for his wife she she is hoping something nice was willed to brother. Apparently not- the sisters are keeping the jewelry and he gets dads tools. Sexist but I get it- some families are like that.

Insane request to ask for one piece of jewelry from a family you were close to and a part of for 20 years? I mean that’s your opinion

Also an opinion.

Not an opinion once you marry someone you become a part of that family and again it was made clear SIL was close and around for 20 years that says something.