Brother’s Wife Asked for a piece of Jewlery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're nuts.

You could really picture asking for a piece of your MIL’s jewelry even if you didn’t have a daughter (which would be MIL’s granddaughter) to pass it on to?

Especially knowing your MIL has a daughter of her own?

NP. Yes. It doesn't have to be anything expensive. Just something to remember a loved one by.

You're self centered and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to her and have her sign a piece of paper saying if they divorce, she will return it to the family.

Jesus Christ please don’t take this advice. If my SIL did that to me I’m pretty sure I would take note of how she viewed me and never talk to her again

Yeah, but you wouldn't care because you got the jewelry you were willing to lose the relationship over when you made the insane request!

When our mum died there were certain things we gave to common-law SIL as she was with the family a while and our mum liked her. Plus we all know what a pill my brother is to deal with. No kids for her/brother but she has earned her pay- God knows brother hasn't given it to her. Maybe that's the issue with OP- her brother may be cheap- perhaps has never bought nice things for his wife she she is hoping something nice was willed to brother. Apparently not- the sisters are keeping the jewelry and he gets dad’s tools. Sexist but I get it- some families are like that.

Also you’re such a hypocrite for shaming this DIL for asking for a piece of her MIL’s jewelry meanwhile you yourself did the very same thing to your SIL that this SIL is asking for. So obviously if you gave your SIL some of your late mother’s jewelry this isn’t an out of the ordinary thing to happen so that’s probably why DIL asked for ONE piece of jewelry. She didn’t demand it she asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably wanted something to remember the OP's mother by - and now she can remember that the OP is a horrible person.

The way people act after a death is who they are. I hope SIL and OP's brother remembers this behavior going forward. Stress reveals the cracks in our personalities. OP has a big one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably wanted something to remember the OP's mother by - and now she can remember that the OP is a horrible person.

The way people act after a death is who they are. I hope SIL and OP's brother remembers this behavior going forward. Stress reveals the cracks in our personalities. OP has a big one.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to her and have her sign a piece of paper saying if they divorce, she will return it to the family.

Jesus Christ please don’t take this advice. If my SIL did that to me I’m pretty sure I would take note of how she viewed me and never talk to her again

Yeah, but you wouldn't care because you got the jewelry you were willing to lose the relationship over when you made the insane request!

When our mum died there were certain things we gave to common-law SIL as she was with the family a while and our mum liked her. Plus we all know what a pill my brother is to deal with. No kids for her/brother but she has earned her pay- God knows brother hasn't given it to her. Maybe that's the issue with OP- her brother may be cheap- perhaps has never bought nice things for his wife she she is hoping something nice was willed to brother. Apparently not- the sisters are keeping the jewelry and he gets dad’s tools. Sexist but I get it- some families are like that.

Also you’re such a hypocrite for shaming this DIL for asking for a piece of her MIL’s jewelry meanwhile you yourself did the very same thing to your SIL that this SIL is asking for. So obviously if you gave your SIL some of your late mother’s jewelry this isn’t an out of the ordinary thing to happen so that’s probably why DIL asked for ONE piece of jewelry. She didn’t demand it she asked.

DP here. Based on OP's post, I would guess OP is perpetuating a lie (to whomever who will listen!) that SIL is as bad as OP is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably wanted something to remember the OP's mother by - and now she can remember that the OP is a horrible person.

The way people act after a death is who they are. I hope SIL and OP's brother remembers this behavior going forward. Stress reveals the cracks in our personalities. OP has a big one.

+1000

+1

OP has more than one crack in her personality, that is for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

A piece of jewelry to a blood relative is a windfall?? To whom?? By what measure?? God help you, for real.

How is the SIL a blood relative?

Oh please let’s not split hairs there. The point remains the same it is hardly a windfall and the OP pointed out herself that she was close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. At that rate blood is the last thing that should be on someone’s mind.

20 years goes by in a flash. I was 25 years old yesterday and somehow today I'm 50.

And of course blood matters. That's why the brother can ask, if he chooses - and it's ugly for the person who married in to try to take from the grieving daughter.

To you it went by in a flash but to most people 20 years is a decent amount of time.

Again it’s the relationship not the blood that matters here. They were close and for OP to harbor resentment and not give her SIL one shred of memory isn’t cool at all.

There are other people besides OP impacted by the death.

Kids that are adopted aren’t blood would you tell them they matter less

+1. Agree.

Starting to wonder if MIL was afraid of SIL - SIL seems like a bully, trying to dismiss DIL's existence. Would love to hear from DIL's DH - probably some juicy tidbits about SIL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

OP's niece is the mother's grandkid. Of course a grandkid can ask. And the brother - OP's sibling, the mother's child - can of course ask, too.

We don't know all the context. If the DIL is asking for a piece of costume jewelry OP doesn't care about because it has sentimental value, that's one thing. From how OP wrote her post, that;s not how it sounds. SIL shouldn't have a windfall, or ask for a windfall, while OP is grieving like this.

A piece of jewelry to a blood relative is a windfall?? To whom?? By what measure?? God help you, for real.

How is the SIL a blood relative?

Oh please let’s not split hairs there. The point remains the same it is hardly a windfall and the OP pointed out herself that she was close to her MIL and has been around for 20 years. At that rate blood is the last thing that should be on someone’s mind.

20 years goes by in a flash. I was 25 years old yesterday and somehow today I'm 50.

And of course blood matters. That's why the brother can ask, if he chooses - and it's ugly for the person who married in to try to take from the grieving daughter.

To you it went by in a flash but to most people 20 years is a decent amount of time.

Again it’s the relationship not the blood that matters here. They were close and for OP to harbor resentment and not give her SIL one shred of memory isn’t cool at all.

There are other people besides OP impacted by the death.

Kids that are adopted aren’t blood would you tell them they matter less

+1. Agree.

Starting to wonder if MIL was afraid of SIL - SIL seems like a bully, trying to dismiss DIL's existence. Would love to hear from DIL's DH - probably some juicy tidbits about SIL!

SIL = OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gross, on your part. It was your brother's mom too. Why so greedy?

Well my brother isn’t going wear the jewelry so what would he do with it? Again they don’t have any kids and don’t plan on it so it’s not like it would go to their daughter.

He’d give it to his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were close for 20 years and presumably she loved your mom. A piece of jewelry is fine.

It's fine if it's offered - it's not fine to ask.

Why?

Because it's not her mother. You can be close with your in laws - but unless the MIL gave the SIL some jewelry, or told her she wanted her to have some of it, it's for the daughter. Jewelry can have a special significance - it sounds like that's the case here. If the mother didn't say she wanted it to go in a different way, it goes to the daughter - and then the daughter can decide if she wants to share.

Maybe the SIL can ask at some point - especially if there's a special piece that means a lot to her, and probably won't mean as much to the daughter. But probably not while OP is in the thick of grief. It should have been the brother broaching this, if at all, in any case - not demanding any of the jewelry, but saying his wife has an attachment to such and suck piece, and how does OP feel about giving it to her. SIL should not have been the one asking.

Well OP you clearly weren’t going to offer.

[Anonymous]

I'm a DIL of over 20 years and my DH has one sister. I wouldn't ask for any of my MILs jewelry. It does feel a little tacky to me.

[Anonymous]

What do you think your Mom would want you to do? Would she want you to further damage your relationship with your brother (her son) and his wife? Is this who she taught you to be?

[Anonymous]

Your brother deserves half the jewelry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother passed away and my brother’s wife had the audacity to ask for a piece of her jewelry. I’m fuming mad! I can’t belie an in law would dare ask for a piece of their MIL’s jewelry . I told my brother how wrong that is and he said they been married for 20 years and she grew close to her. I could see asking for jewelry if they had a daughter for my mother’s granddaughter but not for her DIL. While I understand that they were close the fact of the matter that wasn’t her mother and she has actual daughters who are blood related to her.

I’m close to my MIL but I have class and would rather die than ever ask for something of hers when she passes. My husband has a sister and that’s her mother I would never get in the way of that.

I can’t believe my brother isn’t gaining a back bone with this.

If I were you, I would've given her something without asking. If I were your SIL, I wouldn't ask. If I were your mother, would've given her something while ai was alive.

That being said, if your mom left jewlry to you and didn't say anything about giving any piece to her and she doesn't have children, you aren't obliged to give because she asked. If you've a nephew, it would be nice to give a small piece to your SIL, asking her to wear it and pass it to her DIL when time comes.

[Anonymous]

You don’t get to keep all of it just because you have a vag. Your brother should get half of it, he can give it to his wife.