Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

My husband has physical limitations. He's not as flexible of a person to begin with and as he's aged its gotten worse. Some positions just aren't possible any more.

What I don't understand is why you aren't sexually fulfilled. Are you not achieving O? If so, that could be a issue with you and has nothing to do with him.

Mentally or physically flexible. I’m finding both are getting worse with age!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d figure out a way to get past this if I were you.

The idea that you might meet someone who checks all the boxes and is also indefinitely igniting passion is absurd.

Or you can have a string of fun and fulfilling relationships that last several months or more.

Lots of us do.

NP and if I had to go back in time and live my life over I think this is what I would do.

What a shallow existence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d figure out a way to get past this if I were you.

The idea that you might meet someone who checks all the boxes and is also indefinitely igniting passion is absurd.

Or you can have a string of fun and fulfilling relationships that last several months or more.

Lots of us do.

NP and if I had to go back in time and live my life over I think this is what I would do.

What a shallow existence.

By sounds quite fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d figure out a way to get past this if I were you.

The idea that you might meet someone who checks all the boxes and is also indefinitely igniting passion is absurd.

Op here. Logically, I know you are right. I really do. Except it’s simply not that easy. Like I said, I fully acknowledge that nobody is perfect. I just wish it was something else that was the problem and not this. Because this is hard to get past when you are talking about the rest of your life.

If you divorce you will be very disappointed. The quality of men out there is very very low. Sex will be the least of your worries.

Not sure why you’re saying that as an absolute fact. It’s obnoxious.

It’s probably 99% certain. Even if you do find someone who isn’t a loser, he’ll likely have kids and baggage. You can’t date and find someone in your 40s and expect them not to have baggage.

It's 99% certain when people in their 40s go looking for a life partner until death for a 2nd time.

But the number of people in their 40s and older who find fulfilling relationships is far more than 1%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d figure out a way to get past this if I were you.

The idea that you might meet someone who checks all the boxes and is also indefinitely igniting passion is absurd.

Or you can have a string of fun and fulfilling relationships that last several months or more.

Lots of us do.

NP and if I had to go back in time and live my life over I think this is what I would do.

What a shallow existence.

PP here and I'm not so sure being married is an in-depth experience either. I dunno, everyone gets into a routine but I'd you're periodically mixing it up with new people you'll get new things from them. Not just sex but they will like different foods, different places to go, etc.

Opinions prob differ but kids for me isn't a fulfilling thing. It's a ton of routine work and a few happy moments but mostly just grinding it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

My husband has physical limitations. He's not as flexible of a person to begin with and as he's aged its gotten worse. Some positions just aren't possible any more.

What I don't understand is why you aren't sexually fulfilled. Are you not achieving O? If so, that could be a issue with you and has nothing to do with him.

NP and I could see physical flexibility as a factor. I also agree if you say I'd like to try something different the answer should be let's see what we can work out not just flat out no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

My husband has physical limitations. He's not as flexible of a person to begin with and as he's aged its gotten worse. Some positions just aren't possible any more.

What I don't understand is why you aren't sexually fulfilled. Are you not achieving O? If so, that could be a issue with you and has nothing to do with him.

NP and I could see physical flexibility as a factor. I also agree if you say I'd like to try something different the answer should be let's see what we can work out not just flat out no.

Flexibility and a bad back are definitely issues with my husband because he is in his 60’s. But, it’s been fun trying new positions in and out of our bed. Google search has been great in giving us ideas for dealing with certain limitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d figure out a way to get past this if I were you.

The idea that you might meet someone who checks all the boxes and is also indefinitely igniting passion is absurd.

Or you can have a string of fun and fulfilling relationships that last several months or more.

Lots of us do.

NP and if I had to go back in time and live my life over I think this is what I would do.

What a shallow existence.

PP here and I'm not so sure being married is an in-depth experience either. I dunno, everyone gets into a routine but I'd you're periodically mixing it up with new people you'll get new things from them. Not just sex but they will like different foods, different places to go, etc.

Opinions prob differ but kids for me isn't a fulfilling thing. It's a ton of routine work and a few happy moments but mostly just grinding it out.

Agree with your first point. There are all kinds of marriages. Some are very deep and intimate and some are shallow and without true closeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d figure out a way to get past this if I were you.

The idea that you might meet someone who checks all the boxes and is also indefinitely igniting passion is absurd.

Or you can have a string of fun and fulfilling relationships that last several months or more.

Lots of us do.

NP and if I had to go back in time and live my life over I think this is what I would do.

What a shallow existence.

PP here and I'm not so sure being married is an in-depth experience either. I dunno, everyone gets into a routine but I'd you're periodically mixing it up with new people you'll get new things from them. Not just sex but they will like different foods, different places to go, etc.

Opinions prob differ but kids for me isn't a fulfilling thing. It's a ton of routine work and a few happy moments but mostly just grinding it out.

Agree with your first point. There are all kinds of marriages. Some are very deep and intimate and some are shallow and without true closeness.

Right. Marriage isn't a guarantee of a deep relationship, but I would argue that the depth isn't possible without a long relationship through many seasons of life. But limiting your relationships to "several months" is pretty much a guarantee of shallowness, at least when it comes to relationships. (Now PP said "several months or more," and depending on how much more, the relationship becomes more and more like a marriage.)_

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me start off by saying that I love my husband very much. We have been together almost half my life and he is a wonderful father and husband. I know nobody has perfect relationships and that you always have to take the good with the bad etc…

Although we have, what I would consider an “active” sex life-I have told him multiple times that there are things I want to do. Now these aren’t even taboo or crazy things. These are literally things that most other people would consider regular and normal. But he has basically straight out refused even though he has told me he did these things in previous relationships (as did I). This just keeps upsetting me more and more and my dilemma is this:

1. I don’t feel like I should have to give up what I want. We only get this one life. I want to enjoy it to its absolute fullest.
2. I don’t feel like anybody should be manipulated/ convinced to do something sexually they don’t want to do. I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me either.

So do I just plan on not having what I want sexually for the rest of my life? That just seems so depressing. Although I feel like we have a strong marriage-this is a big deal to me and I just feel like I can’t get over it. I do have a therapist and I do talk about it with them.

Thoughts?

So OP, you say that he did these things in prior relationships, and that you've been together nearly half your life. So are you saying that in the decades you've been together, you have never done anything except missionary? I'm just trying to make sure I got the story straight. It's definitely harder to introduce something new after all of this time, even if that new thing seems pretty standard for most people (including me).

However, I would hope that most people would be willing to try new things if their partner wanted. Like maybe you are physically unable or just completely icked out by the request or whatever, but at least you could listen to what interests your spouse and try to find a compromise. Refusing to do that, whether it's about sex or not, is a real shame in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

I can only imagine this guy. Tighty whiteys, two pump chump, doesn’t go downtown and socks with Birkenstocks.
OP, man do I feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only imagine this guy. Tighty whiteys, two pump chump, doesn’t go downtown and socks with Birkenstocks.
OP, man do I feel sorry for you.

I’m sure OP attracted the best she could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only imagine this guy. Tighty whiteys, two pump chump, doesn’t go downtown and socks with Birkenstocks.
OP, man do I feel sorry for you.

OP said he eats pu$$y.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

[Anonymous]

Please don’t divorce over this Op. You will
Regret it. The grass isn’t greener!