I think I’m being taken advantage of by DD friend’s mom

[Anonymous]

I find it incredible that people on here are siding with the mom. She intentionally did not covet facts to OP when discussing the play date of the 9pm time.

For all you people, let’s arrange a 1st play date with a child and family who you don’t know. Then when the kid is there tell you that she either needs to stay till 9pm or you need to drive far away and drop her off at grandmom.

Who in their right mind does this s’hit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it incredible that people on here are siding with the mom. She intentionally did not covet facts to OP when discussing the play date of the 9pm time.

For all you people, let’s arrange a 1st play date with a child and family who you don’t know. Then when the kid is there tell you that she either needs to stay till 9pm or you need to drive far away and drop her off at grandmom.

Who in their right mind does this s’hit?

PP directly before you - a lot of people prefer to be jerks and then criticize other people for not "using their words" and telling them they're being jerks. Those are the people defending 9pm playdate mom.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe so many are defending the presumptuous, entitled behavior of the other mom. Y’all just like to be contrarians sometimes. OP, your take on the situation is spot on. You’re being used and she bait and switched you. You can either do it just this once or you can text back and say actually this play date isn’t going to work for you guys after all this week unless grandma can pick up at 6.

[Anonymous]

I would do it just this once but would be annoyed about it. Then in the future, if you choose to have this kid over again, iron out all the details very well in advance with the other mom. She does sound like a user. But then it’s like, you don’t want to punish your kid and your kid’s friend because mom is a user, which is clearly outside of the kid’s control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let her stay until 9 this one time. Then next time she texts for a play date I'd say "sure, but Larla will need to be picked up by 6. If that doesn't work, let's get the kids together another time!"

This. Exactly. Be gracious but set boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use your words. “I’m happy to have Karla come over after school until X time, but until 9pm won’t work for me. Can grandma come pick Karla up at x time?”. “Oh she can’t? Then can we reschedule the play date to another day?”

This is 100% the answer

[Anonymous]

Do it this once or else reschedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe so many are defending the presumptuous, entitled behavior of the other mom. Y’all just like to be contrarians sometimes. OP, your take on the situation is spot on. You’re being used and she bait and switched you. You can either do it just this once or you can text back and say actually this play date isn’t going to work for you guys after all this week unless grandma can pick up at 6.

It all depends on the mom. There are some moms I would allow to invite both kids over to sleepover whenever they need. Mostly because I know her and her husband work weird hours and will always reciprocate in some way when they can. Another mom I am always giving the brush off too, mostly because she seems very entitled in a variety of ways and seems more like she “dumping off” rather than seeking a solution for something. A third mom never reciprocates and is weirdly libertarian and a homeschooler with kids that don’t get socialized much outside of church. and I can put my finger on it but there is something off in that family - I told that girl she can come here any day or night anytime. Just go with your gut OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How well do you know the family? Is it possible that the girl goes to grandma's every day after school, or many days, and mom is letting you know the sitch?

I never assume bad intentions first off.

+1

If the mom is working late and mentions grandma being involved, I would assume that she had planned for grandma to watch her, but in order to make this playdate work your options are mom picks up at 9 or you drop off with grandma.

If my child wanted to play with this friend, I would be fine making this happen and wouldn’t feel taken advantage of. Hopefully they will reciprocate in some way in the future. Also you’re talking about 10 y/os not 4 y/os so I don’t quite think this counts as “babysitting.”

Hopefully grandma lives close by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it incredible that people on here are siding with the mom. She intentionally did not covet facts to OP when discussing the play date of the 9pm time.

For all you people, let’s arrange a 1st play date with a child and family who you don’t know. Then when the kid is there tell you that she either needs to stay till 9pm or you need to drive far away and drop her off at grandmom.

Who in their right mind does this s’hit?

You sound unstable.

[Anonymous]

"This doesn't work for me. I can't do the playdate."

why can't people manage to say, "no"?
It was a yes but now it's a no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it incredible that people on here are siding with the mom. She intentionally did not covet facts to OP when discussing the play date of the 9pm time.

For all you people, let’s arrange a 1st play date with a child and family who you don’t know. Then when the kid is there tell you that she either needs to stay till 9pm or you need to drive far away and drop her off at grandmom.

Who in their right mind does this s’hit?

PP directly before you - a lot of people prefer to be jerks and then criticize other people for not "using their words" and telling them they're being jerks. Those are the people defending 9pm playdate mom.

You realize people have more than 1 child and often don’t get home until late after sports practice/games.

If you plan a playdate there is no expectation someone is just sitting at home waiting for it to be over.

If late pickup is not an option and u can’t drop of “use your words”.

[Anonymous]

I just had a bunch of kids OP’s kid’s age over and they left at 8:30. 9 doesn’t seem that much later.

I also have a 6 year old. I keep these play dates to 2 hours. Most parents still stick around. I have the opposite problem. These moms want to hang out and want to stay the entire time.

For my older kid, I drive kid home if kid’s parents can’t pick up and it is getting late. Tween hangouts don’t have specific hours and seem more spontaneous and frequent. It is more the kids planning and asking parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put the girl in an Uber to grandmas at 6 with a sack dinner. You obviously don’t want to help another mom out.

We’ve found the user.

[Anonymous]

I would honestly cancel the play date, but I hate driving and would not want to drop the kid off somewhere else. Reschedule the play date for when mom can pick up the girl at a more normal time.