Working Parents Who Aren’t Tired — Tell us your schedule or secret sauce

[Anonymous]

Sorry people are being so rude about your life choices, op. At one point, my parents had 4 kids in 4 different schools for a variety of complex reasons I won’t get into. It was a crazy time of life but here’s what they did -
- each kid was limited to two activities at once. So ballet plus Girl Scouts, or a sport plus an instrument. Lots of carpools. No travel sports.
- everyone ate the same dinner. Two of the four of us were very picky. My parents just made meals that we all liked or the picky ones just didn’t eat as much.
- kids were responsible for dusting/cleaning their own rooms once a week
- we had a chore chart that had daily cleaning tasks (dishwasher, vacuuming) and other jobs (walking the dog) that rotated among the kids
- my parents didn’t have the money to outsource anything, but they started paying us for things like mowing the lawn
- we had a membership to the YMCA and my parents would work out while the older kids had swimming lessons and the younger kids played at the childcare center there
- we went to church on Saturday evenings so that Sundays wouldn’t be crazy busy

I’ll be honest - there was definitely a decent number of years where my parents didn’t socialize much, didn’t have a lot of time for their own hobbies, etc. But it was doable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse needs to stop focusing on what others are doing. First, it is counterproductive and second, whatever he is imagining probably isn't true.

Everyone is tired with that many kids and activities. There are many days it feels as busy with two teens as it was with two toddlers. Just a different kind of busy.

But, I agree with others, you are not helping matters with 3 meals and all the driving. You can make one meal. Ex. Fajitas. Put out both corn and flour tortillas if someone can't have gluten. Someone is vegetarian, then you put out chicken and sautéed mushrooms. Then you put out rice, beans, avocado, tomato, cheese, etc. and let everyone build their own. Next time, it's some sort of bowl with rice, beef, mushrooms, carrots, onions, and sauce. Your picky eater can have rice and beef. And, so on.

The 9th grader should be doing their own laundry and 6th grade is time to learn.

If you aren't using a chore chart, start.

So you are cooking ride, sauté mushrooms, sauté chicken/beef, dicing tomato’s, onions, and carrots. I assume you mean shredded cheese and canned beans — but even simple fajita has a lot of ingredients and prep?!

Np. Who said fajitas are simple? It's not complicated, like cooking three dishes would be, but it still involves multiple ingredients. That's most cooking.

A burger with cheese, lettuce and tomatoes has five ingredients, and most people still add sides, which increases the ingredient count. Unless you're cooking out of a box, I don't see how you would drastically reduce the number of ingredients.

Don't get me wrong, though, if you need to cook out of a box, by all means.

Fajitas / assemble your own Mexican is super easy at my house.

Sheet pan chicken, beef, and onions+peppers. Sliced and seasoned the night before or on the weekend. Actually when I make sheet pan fajitas I double or triple the meat and freeze it with the seasonings.
Tortillas, salsa, sour cream, shredded lettuce, shredded cheese, black olives, jalapeño slices - all from cans/bags.
Rice - easy to cook while sheet pans are in the oven. Add a bit of cilantro and lime juice if you want to be fancy.
Black beans and/or refried beans - also from cans. Harris Teeter makes “Cuban Beans” which are seasoned black beans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are only so many hours a week so something has to give. My DH and I each work 3 days a week. So we each have 2 full weekdays to do kid activities/home maintenance/self care. We also had an after school sitter (until covid hit) so she would do dinner prep and laundry. I would make dinner simple. My family eats meat but I meal plan vegetarian meals for weekdays and then on weekends they can order meat if we’re eating out. Picky eater can also eat leftovers so you don’t have to make a new meal each night for them.

How do you both have part time jobs? 3 days a week?? Where is this?

We’re both physicians. It’s the norm at our group to do work 3 days a week.

I thought you meant you worked at the office 3 days and WFH the other 2. You only work 3 days a week???? And you can’t figure out your life??? In that case, who cares there is no retail on your commute. You can take 2 hours one afternoon to swing over to Arlington / Columbia Pike and pick things up. It’s the time you aren’t spending shopping in person.
But the fact that you chose to move to a place where you won’t use the public schools - that’s on you. That’s where you over complicated your life.

[Anonymous]

Based on the way you wrote your post, you know the answer. Pick one major thing to shed: private schools, special meals for all, sports or sweet 40 hour workweek. Or you could sell / give away the kid you live the least (obv a joke but you get the point)

Anyone else picking up humble brag vibes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live just outside old town Alexandria. So public schools are challenged but work is a quick shot up 395 — no retail really on the way unless we detour to local Arlington.

We should have moved to Vienna I think.

Oh for the love of Pete.

Seriously. So many excuses.

Uh, what does the truth about my commute relate to excuses. It’s a 10 minute drive opposite my commute to go to a grocery store? Are maps excuses? Someplace like Vienna has much denser retail.

So you can’t go once per week? And there is no grocery store near your house? Go at 7am on a Saturday or whenever it opens. If it’s too much to go to a store, then groceries online.

You have a “reason” for why every suggestion given to you won’t work. It’s like you’re trying to make it more difficult than it has to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are only so many hours a week so something has to give. My DH and I each work 3 days a week. So we each have 2 full weekdays to do kid activities/home maintenance/self care. We also had an after school sitter (until covid hit) so she would do dinner prep and laundry. I would make dinner simple. My family eats meat but I meal plan vegetarian meals for weekdays and then on weekends they can order meat if we’re eating out. Picky eater can also eat leftovers so you don’t have to make a new meal each night for them.

How do you both have part time jobs? 3 days a week?? Where is this?

We’re both physicians. It’s the norm at our group to do work 3 days a week.

I thought you meant you worked at the office 3 days and WFH the other 2. You only work 3 days a week???? And you can’t figure out your life??? In that case, who cares there is no retail on your commute. You can take 2 hours one afternoon to swing over to Arlington / Columbia Pike and pick things up. It’s the time you aren’t spending shopping in person.
But the fact that you chose to move to a place where you won’t use the public schools - that’s on you. That’s where you over complicated your life.

The physician PP is not OP. Physician PP and DH work 3 days a week total. They are not complaining.

OP and DH work 5 days a week with 3 days in office. World of difference.

[Anonymous]

Your kids need to be doing way way more. Each of them can contribute in a meaningful way. Do not clean after they go to bed. You should all be doing it together.

[Anonymous]

My advice: choose some of these excellent suggestions, and have a family meeting to lay it out for the kids. Tell them things are going to change and why, and acknowledge that it may be hard at first. Don’t just spring these changes on the kids.

[Anonymous]

quote=Anonymous]It sounds like you and your spouse are your children’s b! tch. The 9th grader can babysit the other two for date nights. They can all do chores. It’s BS to say they do not do it right and best to do it your own. My teen son tried that on the lawn. He cut the front and back and half@ssed it. We made him go right back out and do it two more times. Trust me, he cut it perfectly ever since then. He tried it with the dishes. We woke him up at 3am when we found out and he washed those dishes right ever since then. Your vegetarian kid can eat a frozen meal on the days that you all have meat. Why are you catering to all their food wants? The kids should not have guest/friends over if the house is not clean before and after.

+1
I grew up in a large family and the kids did all the chores. Alll of them. We’d be assigned a chore to do and it was our responsibility to do it. Eventually someone would have a breakdown/mini revolt because they were tired of their assigned chore and then we’d all rotate chores until the next revolt. By the time I left for college, I could actually take care of myself and was shocked by the number of kids who could not. For dinner, kids were all assigned a day of the week to make food for everyone. I almost always made tacos. One of my siblings always made french toast. It was great and nobody ever complained about meal time. No one special food restrictions were humored. I didn’t really like most meat as a kid and would have been a vegetarian if it would have been accommodated in my home but it was not, so I was never a vegetarian until I was an adult.

Your kids still do a lot of activities. I know it will probably be an unpopular thing to say, but I think the music lessons are a waste of time. I grew up in a musical family, and my siblings and parents are professional classical musicians, directors of music related non-profits, high school music teachers, etc. and your kids aren’t getting enough music time for it to actually be worth the hassle.

Your house would be easier to manage if you get rid of the clutter. Get the crap out of your house and you aren’t constantly moving it around trying to find a place for it to go…

And finally, my husband is the sort who has boundless energy, and what’s obvious to me is that he has impeccably healthy habits that help tremendously. He’s fanatical about protecting his sleep. He eats incredibly healthily - no added sugar, no takeout, plant forward vegetarian, no alcohol, etc. He exercises every single day, biking and/or swimming (almost always taking our kid with him). He goes goes goes all day long, and finally gets tired in the 30 minutes before bed. I do none of those things, sleep badly, eat moderately poorly, exercise intermittently, etc and am always tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are only so many hours a week so something has to give. My DH and I each work 3 days a week. So we each have 2 full weekdays to do kid activities/home maintenance/self care. We also had an after school sitter (until covid hit) so she would do dinner prep and laundry. I would make dinner simple. My family eats meat but I meal plan vegetarian meals for weekdays and then on weekends they can order meat if we’re eating out. Picky eater can also eat leftovers so you don’t have to make a new meal each night for them.

How do you both have part time jobs? 3 days a week?? Where is this?

We’re both physicians. It’s the norm at our group to do work 3 days a week.

I thought you meant you worked at the office 3 days and WFH the other 2. You only work 3 days a week???? And you can’t figure out your life??? In that case, who cares there is no retail on your commute. You can take 2 hours one afternoon to swing over to Arlington / Columbia Pike and pick things up. It’s the time you aren’t spending shopping in person.
But the fact that you chose to move to a place where you won’t use the public schools - that’s on you. That’s where you over complicated your life.

The 3 day work week doctors are NOT OP.

[Anonymous]

I use the cookbook fresh food fast. It’s very quick. I do have to accommodate an allergy in my house, but the vegetarian can cook their own dinners. That’s a choice. Allergy kid doesn’t have that choice.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read the whole thread, but your high schooler should absolutely be making their own meals. No reason a kid that age can’t cook for themselves and the whole family too. Time for them to help more.

[Anonymous]

Asleep by 10pm at the latest, up at 6.

[Anonymous]

We're a not tired couple with a clean and organized house...

-my job is 100% WFH and very solitary and flexible. I can complete a household or parenting chore or errand or two during the day and take DD to after school activities; I just need to deliver my deliverables, no one cares which hours in the day I work or how long it takes me; I'm so expert at this point that I can usually complete my work during ES hours...

-DH's job is more intense and inflexible, but he has a very short commute and no travel; he's able to be home for morning quality time and dinner and bedtime, but he does need to log back on a lot of evenings

- older DD (entering 4th grade) is in public ES; takes bus every morning and some afternoons (bus stop is two houses away)
-younger DD is in preschool; we drop off and pick up, but we picked a school that is only a 5 min drive away

- biweekly cleaning lady
- housekeeper who comes 8 hours a week (two afternoons) and does laundry, meal prep, house tidying or organization
-weekly grocery delivery (instacart)

-I have a tried-and-true rotation of simple weeknight dinners that usually everyone eats; if not, the backup option is very basic...cereal, PB&J sandwich, etc...

-older DD does a lot of activities, that's what makes her happy. I'm able to handle that because of the flexibility of my job, carpools, and the fact that my younger DD is 4 and doesn't do any weekday activities yet bc she gets all the enrichment she needs at her full-day preschool (FWIW, we didn't plan the big age gap, but I actually think it's helped to lighten my burden, at least at this particular stage)

-once my kids go to bed, I do a quick kitchen clean up, but my evening time is "me time".. exercising, reading, watching TV with DH

Really the key to it all is my job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're a not tired couple with a clean and organized house...

-my job is 100% WFH and very solitary and flexible. I can complete a household or parenting chore or errand or two during the day and take DD to after school activities; I just need to deliver my deliverables, no one cares which hours in the day I work or how long it takes me; I'm so expert at this point that I can usually complete my work during ES hours...

-DH's job is more intense and inflexible, but he has a very short commute and no travel; he's able to be home for morning quality time and dinner and bedtime, but he does need to log back on a lot of evenings

- older DD (entering 4th grade) is in public ES; takes bus every morning and some afternoons (bus stop is two houses away)
-younger DD is in preschool; we drop off and pick up, but we picked a school that is only a 5 min drive away

- biweekly cleaning lady
- housekeeper who comes 8 hours a week (two afternoons) and does laundry, meal prep, house tidying or organization
-weekly grocery delivery (instacart)

-I have a tried-and-true rotation of simple weeknight dinners that usually everyone eats; if not, the backup option is very basic...cereal, PB&J sandwich, etc...

-older DD does a lot of activities, that's what makes her happy. I'm able to handle that because of the flexibility of my job, carpools, and the fact that my younger DD is 4 and doesn't do any weekday activities yet bc she gets all the enrichment she needs at her full-day preschool (FWIW, we didn't plan the big age gap, but I actually think it's helped to lighten my burden, at least at this particular stage)

-once my kids go to bed, I do a quick kitchen clean up, but my evening time is "me time".. exercising, reading, watching TV with DH

Really the key to it all is my job!

So key points:

1) essentially part time flex job 100% WFH
2) cleaning lady and house keeper, about 15 hrs of hired labor a week seems like
3) only one kid in activities
4) public school bus (how are the upper schools in your neighborhood?)
5) two kids

How did you get such a great flex job? How does it pay? Sounds like DH works about 40 hrs with commute — his pay?

Having that much household labor, must be $300/week?

If you are zoned for good high schools you are golden.