Working Parents Who Aren’t Tired — Tell us your schedule or secret sauce

[Anonymous]

Why aren't your kids washing dishes and doing some of the meal prep?

[Anonymous]

Kids in bed at 8:30 to read; lights out at 9. It's not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Each kid gets one activity. That's it. And they get there by bus or carpool.

What scatter-brained parents the OPs are!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're a not tired couple with a clean and organized house...

-my job is 100% WFH and very solitary and flexible. I can complete a household or parenting chore or errand or two during the day and take DD to after school activities; I just need to deliver my deliverables, no one cares which hours in the day I work or how long it takes me; I'm so expert at this point that I can usually complete my work during ES hours...

-DH's job is more intense and inflexible, but he has a very short commute and no travel; he's able to be home for morning quality time and dinner and bedtime, but he does need to log back on a lot of evenings

- older DD (entering 4th grade) is in public ES; takes bus every morning and some afternoons (bus stop is two houses away)
-younger DD is in preschool; we drop off and pick up, but we picked a school that is only a 5 min drive away

- biweekly cleaning lady
- housekeeper who comes 8 hours a week (two afternoons) and does laundry, meal prep, house tidying or organization
-weekly grocery delivery (instacart)

-I have a tried-and-true rotation of simple weeknight dinners that usually everyone eats; if not, the backup option is very basic...cereal, PB&J sandwich, etc...

-older DD does a lot of activities, that's what makes her happy. I'm able to handle that because of the flexibility of my job, carpools, and the fact that my younger DD is 4 and doesn't do any weekday activities yet bc she gets all the enrichment she needs at her full-day preschool (FWIW, we didn't plan the big age gap, but I actually think it's helped to lighten my burden, at least at this particular stage)

-once my kids go to bed, I do a quick kitchen clean up, but my evening time is "me time".. exercising, reading, watching TV with DH

Really the key to it all is my job!

So key points:

1) essentially part time flex job 100% WFH
2) cleaning lady and house keeper, about 15 hrs of hired labor a week seems like
3) only one kid in activities
4) public school bus (how are the upper schools in your neighborhood?)
5) two kids

How did you get such a great flex job? How does it pay? Sounds like DH works about 40 hrs with commute — his pay?

Having that much household labor, must be $300/week?

If you are zoned for good high schools you are golden.

Re zoned public schools, I can't imagine that OP's 3 kids in private is really worth the price difference between ACPS and a better district/pyramid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're a not tired couple with a clean and organized house...

-my job is 100% WFH and very solitary and flexible. I can complete a household or parenting chore or errand or two during the day and take DD to after school activities; I just need to deliver my deliverables, no one cares which hours in the day I work or how long it takes me; I'm so expert at this point that I can usually complete my work during ES hours...

-DH's job is more intense and inflexible, but he has a very short commute and no travel; he's able to be home for morning quality time and dinner and bedtime, but he does need to log back on a lot of evenings

- older DD (entering 4th grade) is in public ES; takes bus every morning and some afternoons (bus stop is two houses away)
-younger DD is in preschool; we drop off and pick up, but we picked a school that is only a 5 min drive away

- biweekly cleaning lady
- housekeeper who comes 8 hours a week (two afternoons) and does laundry, meal prep, house tidying or organization
-weekly grocery delivery (instacart)

-I have a tried-and-true rotation of simple weeknight dinners that usually everyone eats; if not, the backup option is very basic...cereal, PB&J sandwich, etc...

-older DD does a lot of activities, that's what makes her happy. I'm able to handle that because of the flexibility of my job, carpools, and the fact that my younger DD is 4 and doesn't do any weekday activities yet bc she gets all the enrichment she needs at her full-day preschool (FWIW, we didn't plan the big age gap, but I actually think it's helped to lighten my burden, at least at this particular stage)

-once my kids go to bed, I do a quick kitchen clean up, but my evening time is "me time".. exercising, reading, watching TV with DH

Really the key to it all is my job!

So key points:

1) essentially part time flex job 100% WFH
2) cleaning lady and house keeper, about 15 hrs of hired labor a week seems like
3) only one kid in activities
4) public school bus (how are the upper schools in your neighborhood?)
5) two kids

How did you get such a great flex job? How does it pay? Sounds like DH works about 40 hrs with commute — his pay?

Having that much household labor, must be $300/week?

If you are zoned for good high schools you are golden.

Re zoned public schools, I can't imagine that OP's 3 kids in private is really worth the price difference between ACPS and a better district/pyramid.

Depends on when they bought, ACPS prices have declined while places like Vienna, Oakton have risen sharply because commute is less valued.

[Anonymous]

No secret sauce. I have two young kids. Two fairly flexible wfh careers and we have a nanny. We’re always tired and I have to take PTO to dedicate time to cleaning out kids toys, playroom, etc.

If you want to work out you need to be up at 5:30/6am to work out and shower before your day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ve posted before, haven’t you, OP? Many times. The three kids in three different schools and inability to manage it - enough, already. There is no “secret sauce” other than having them in public school, which addresses a lot of the issues you’re facing. We’re also dual Feds, have three kids, each does an activity, etc. Your kids don’t do enough around the house and you insist on non-public schools.

I would insist on non public schools too if my kids had to attend Alexandria City schools! Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ve posted before, haven’t you, OP? Many times. The three kids in three different schools and inability to manage it - enough, already. There is no “secret sauce” other than having them in public school, which addresses a lot of the issues you’re facing. We’re also dual Feds, have three kids, each does an activity, etc. Your kids don’t do enough around the house and you insist on non-public schools.

I would insist on non public schools too if my kids had to attend Alexandria City schools! Yikes.

But OP chose to live there so their commutes are better. Meanwhile everything else is a shitshow.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if you like your life, you just accept being tired. Go to bed earlier in lieu of reading or a movie or whatever it is you do at night.

If you feel too squeezed, get the oldest two into the same school - multiple drop-offs and pickups is insane - and cut down on activities. One or two activities per kid, and they need to be either the same activity or compatible, eg, one kid has gymnastics and one has swimming and they're at the same gym.

Grocery delivery. Amazon delivery. These are key. We almost never do physical errands for stuff like buying clothes or school supplies, takes way too long in our traffic-congested area. We walk to a small grocery a couple times a week and get delivery for the bigger items. We do an in-person shop for paper towels, toilet paper etc once a month, and combine that with package returns if need be (package store is right next to Giant).

Do a load of laundry every day. Make your kids do their own. The two older ones could be assigned their own laundry day and then you just have to do the rest.

Cut the play dates down to every other week if it's too much. Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone here who claims they aren't tired is lying.

I wasn’t tired the first ten years. As I got older I got more tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone here who claims they aren't tired is lying.

I wasn’t tired the first ten years. As I got older I got more tired.

I was a little tired the first 9 months with each kid. But generally I got tired as I got older and they turned into tweens/teens who stay up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. When we had one vegetarian in the house, we often ate “Chipotle style.” Unless picky eating is due to health concerns, I don’t know why you are catering to it. Goal 1: stop being short order cooks.

2. Give all kids age appropriate chores. Your 9th and 6th can very much helpful with meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. All kids can help with clean up, laundry, straightening their own stuff.

3. I don’t understand the three schools thing and assume you are not willing to budge. But multiple pickups/drop offs that affect your work day with deplete you.

4. Do you like your weekends? Is that how you want to spend time?

5. Can your kids shift to school activities from rec league?

6. Where are the music lessons? I’m torn on this one but 2 per week is a lot when you are talkkng three kids. Are they different instruments? For 2 instruments, we kept virtual; in person for the third 3. Is it optimal? When you consider the convenience, it is actually

Basically I think you are doing too much and that’s why you are tired. When kids have more than 1 kid, each kid doesn’t get catered to for everything. But between school, meals, sports, music, that’s what you are doing.

Would die for school sport options, but not available for many sports and the ones we tried were cut sports and didn’t make it.

Music is private lesson and orchestra practice — neither can be virtual. We tried combining them sequentially but then you have a teen sitting around for an hour waiting for their sibling which seemed worse (and I was waiting 2 hours). It’s a 15 minute drive so 30 round trip.

How long are peoples practices that they can workout then? Sure I go for walks or run errands, but a 50 minute practice is not enough time to get to gym.

Time is too fragmented with 3 kids. Agreed. But it’s where we are at.

Not really complaining, my spouse just is saying what are we doing wrong that “other family” with three kids seem to have it all happening, have tons of energy, and career success for both parents.

OP you are judging your lived experience versus the limited snippets from other people. Most adults in two working parent households are tired!! I am right there with ya with only two kids.

+1. My life is pretty similar to yours, OP. We are exhausted too. But we also realize that this is just a short phase of life. My 13 takes public buses back and forth from school now, so I don't drop off/pick up him anymore -- only the youngest. Once the youngest get that age, they'll do the same, and no more drop off/pick ups for me!

[Anonymous]

My 13 year old. I don't have 13 kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're a not tired couple with a clean and organized house...

-my job is 100% WFH and very solitary and flexible. I can complete a household or parenting chore or errand or two during the day and take DD to after school activities; I just need to deliver my deliverables, no one cares which hours in the day I work or how long it takes me; I'm so expert at this point that I can usually complete my work during ES hours...

-DH's job is more intense and inflexible, but he has a very short commute and no travel; he's able to be home for morning quality time and dinner and bedtime, but he does need to log back on a lot of evenings

- older DD (entering 4th grade) is in public ES; takes bus every morning and some afternoons (bus stop is two houses away)
-younger DD is in preschool; we drop off and pick up, but we picked a school that is only a 5 min drive away

- biweekly cleaning lady
- housekeeper who comes 8 hours a week (two afternoons) and does laundry, meal prep, house tidying or organization
-weekly grocery delivery (instacart)

-I have a tried-and-true rotation of simple weeknight dinners that usually everyone eats; if not, the backup option is very basic...cereal, PB&J sandwich, etc...

-older DD does a lot of activities, that's what makes her happy. I'm able to handle that because of the flexibility of my job, carpools, and the fact that my younger DD is 4 and doesn't do any weekday activities yet bc she gets all the enrichment she needs at her full-day preschool (FWIW, we didn't plan the big age gap, but I actually think it's helped to lighten my burden, at least at this particular stage)

-once my kids go to bed, I do a quick kitchen clean up, but my evening time is "me time".. exercising, reading, watching TV with DH

Really the key to it all is my job!

So key points:

1) essentially part time flex job 100% WFH
2) cleaning lady and house keeper, about 15 hrs of hired labor a week seems like
3) only one kid in activities
4) public school bus (how are the upper schools in your neighborhood?)
5) two kids

How did you get such a great flex job? How does it pay? Sounds like DH works about 40 hrs with commute — his pay?

Having that much household labor, must be $300/week?

If you are zoned for good high schools you are golden.

DH works substantially more than 40 hours a week; he makes $300k plus 75k - 100k in bonus.
I make $150k and my job also provides our excellent health insurance. So, I'm not making the big bucks, but my salary makes a big difference in terms of the house we could buy, travel, and college savings. My job is very niche, I made choices to specialize; I also turned down opportunities to make more in favor of the flexibility.

We pay cleaning lady $225 a visit (so twice a month) and we pay housekeeper $250 a week. Money so well spent!

My younger DD is also in a few activities, but only on the weekend, when DH is available to help out.

Our public schools are excellent through HS. We have ZERO interest in sending our kids to private school, and we would never have purchased a home in a district without public schools we were happy with. My DH's company is in a neighboring suburb, not downtown (we are outside a major city, but not DC).

I should clarify...we are tired at the end of the day, but in a good way...the way parents and fully functioning adults should be. It's not like I have down time during the day...I go from working, to dealing with older DD's activities, to picking up younger DD, to getting dinner on the table, to bedtime. But we're not run down, exhausted, just trying to slog and get through the day. Those things are not overwhelming given our overall set up, I have time when my kids go to sleep for me time, I don't need to log back on, I can spend quality time with them in the afternoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you nuts? Why can't the 9th grader get paid by you to babysit occasionally? Why can't they all go to public school? Why are you making three different dinners every single night? That is INSANE. Completely, unequivocally insane.

We have a nanny who runs the kids around after school and preps/starts dinner and herds the kids through setting the table. We have twice a week cleaners. So we spot clean and load and unload the dishwasher, but that's it for cleaning. Our kids are at the same school. But they are close in age - you spaced your kids way out.

We have three kids and they are all 24 months apart. It’s hard but it also seems like having a 14 year old and an 8 year old is hard. You are just in parent mode for a long time.

In terms of what you could do differently- get someone to at least do yard work and either pay your 9th grader to babysit or a babysitter to do an occasional date night. Other than that I wouldn’t change anything. Working with kids is hard and it sounds like you are choosing to spend on school and not additional childcare help. That’s your choice and it sounds like it’s well informed.