
OP rightly gave context she knew The Real Harpies of DCUM would chase after before they could make their pronouncements. If you don’t bring an entire binder full of receipts and backstory in your original post, you will get hounded. We all know this. |
NP. I love how you proudly cling to sexist traditions. That’s not how we do it in our family. In our family, we talk through different possibilities and logistics and make plans together. In my family, we teach our sons and daughters to cook and how to be gracious hosts, and we celebrate when they feel ready to invite us to their homes. In my family, that is the mark that we’ve done our jobs well…we don’t sit back and gleefully hope—as someone literally just posted—that new hosts will be “suicidal” because it is apparently so hard to cook and present a holiday meal. |
Below is what I see. It's about having space now, when there was none before.
This doesn't seem to be the conversation you are having. |
Has OP ruined any holiday traditions for her side of the family? Or are those untouchable? |
I think I just don’t understand why hosting is such an emotional issue for so many people here, unless they’re in the position of feeling they won’t have someone to celebrate with or they’re sad about losing a role in their family. If the point is just to be together, why does it matter where you do that? |
Dunno, tell that to MIL. How sad that you think some women’s “role in the family” is simply to host meals. That is not how we treat members of my family. |
So because you have space, it is important to host this year? That’s the “good” reason she has, while MIL has no “good” reason? Life is short. Just be together somewhere. |
Obviously DHs Aunt, and DH, at a minimum do not consider the holiday tradition “ruined”. If a put-out MIL constitutes a ruined holiday there must be very few pleasant ones. |
Damn, PP. You’re bringing a lot of your own stuff into interpreting what OP and others must be feeling—fraught, intense, anxiety…😳 That’s not close to how I read OP’s post. |
You’re sooo feminist. |
I’m not saying I think that is anyone’s role. I’m saying maybe the MIL feels it is her role, and it brings her something of value, and she may want to keep it. Can her son and DIL not just ask her why she wants to host again? I think empathy and curiosity are always helpful in relationships. |
Life is short. Honor the plans you make as a family, and accept the invitation you are issued. |
Oh you’re totally right…hopefully MIL can be empathetic and curious enough to accept the invitation she was issued after the family made a decision together. |
Why does MIL have to “give up hosting”? Can’t you just be added into the rotation?
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It’s not my stuff. I’m not older, not a mother in law, don’t feel any sense of ownership around holidays :) When someone absolutely insists on hosting, there’s usually a reason for it. OP’s reason is that she has a new house and her family agreed. I get it! I’m just suggesting that she and her us and explore the MIL’s reasons, too. If it’s just “tradition,” explore what that means to MIL and why she’s no longer open to coming to OP’s house. Maybe she’s just rigid and unreasonable. Or maybe there’s more going on for her. |