My kid talks to adults too much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to say that most adults - most, not all - don’t want to spend a lot of time talking with a stranger’s kid. The polite thing for you to do would be to nip this in the bud every time. Don’t let him do it, even if the adult seems interested. Just don’t.

Surely there are other avenues for discussing his interests. Sign him up for clubs. Explore on line opportunities for interactions (safe ones, of course). Just don’t tell yourself that he’s different, smarter, more enjoyable, or whatever else you think he might be and that this justifies your allowing him to talk other adults’ ears off. You may think he’s all of these things, and he very well may be. But to the vast majority of the stranger adults he deals with, after a minute or two he’s just another annoying kid.

I did this with my bright, chatty kid until I realized I got a lot of pushback from most of the adults he was talking to. At that point, I realized i became the odd one making the situation impolite.

Now I don't interfere. Feeling the sting of rejection is one way of learning when is the appropriate time to talk. As he’s getting older (middle school), he’s better.

He’s older. He’s in middle school different situation. He now gets it.

The adults around him before were just being polite.

DP. Most adults can figure out how to end a conversation they aren’t interested in. It’s OK. I do sometimes intervene if it’s something like a plane where they literally cannot walk away. But I generally don’t try to take responsibility for other adult’s decisions.

Not good parenting.

I’ll bet if those same adults dismissed your kid in a way you didn’t appreciate you’d be posting here about how rude adults are to your kid.

Your kid is not the Christ Child. The world does not revolve around him. Your job is to mold him and construct and enforce boundaries until he’s older. It’s not to leave it up to other adults - strangers, no less - to construct them for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to say that most adults - most, not all - don’t want to spend a lot of time talking with a stranger’s kid. The polite thing for you to do would be to nip this in the bud every time. Don’t let him do it, even if the adult seems interested. Just don’t.

Surely there are other avenues for discussing his interests. Sign him up for clubs. Explore on line opportunities for interactions (safe ones, of course). Just don’t tell yourself that he’s different, smarter, more enjoyable, or whatever else you think he might be and that this justifies your allowing him to talk other adults’ ears off. You may think he’s all of these things, and he very well may be. But to the vast majority of the stranger adults he deals with, after a minute or two he’s just another annoying kid.

I did this with my bright, chatty kid until I realized I got a lot of pushback from most of the adults he was talking to. At that point, I realized i became the odd one making the situation impolite.

Now I don't interfere. Feeling the sting of rejection is one way of learning when is the appropriate time to talk. As he’s getting older (middle school), he’s better.

He’s older. He’s in middle school different situation. He now gets it.

The adults around him before were just being polite.

They were polite. And most didn't like me interfering. They ended the conversation themselves.

I was the awkward one. Even my son didn't get it because the other adult was not happy with what I did.

And how often did this actually happen? I call bullshit.

Actually, what I suspect happened is that you didn’t handle the “cut off” very well and are responsible for the awkwardness that followed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s just some niche interests, I would try to get him involved in classes/groups/events about those interests. If it’s that he likes to talk to adults about the most interesting thing he just read on any topic, I would just make sure he understands conversational give and take, and extricate him after a couple of minutes. I also think it’s somewhat situational even with people who might share the interest. If his interests were comics, for instance, then the guy at the comic book store probably wouldn’t mind talking longer during a slow time. If it’s a tour group leader, that might have to be pretty limited because they have to pay attention to the whole group.

I wasn't clear. It's when the tour group leader asks certain questions. He looks around, and when no adult answers, he does. It's kind of cringey, because he comes off as being too smart.

You’re embarrassed that he’s smart? If he’s the valedictorian will you skip graduation because you’re dying of shame?

It seems like the issue is that you’re a wallflower type and you’re uncomfortable that your kid keeps you from hiding in the background.

I mean, yes. I am. But I don't think that's a terrible thing?

It’s not a terrible thing if you’re a wallflower, OP. But neither is it a terrible thing if your son isn’t. The fact that he interacts with people at all, doesn’t automatically mean it’s “too much” for them, even if you prefer to avoid interactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This kid is on the spectrum. Not sure why OP insists he’s not. Or he’s super annoying.

Agree. Autistic or very annoying know it all kid. OP, have you actually had him tested for autism??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kid is on the spectrum. Not sure why OP insists he’s not. Or he’s super annoying.

Agree. Autistic or very annoying know it all kid. OP, have you actually had him tested for autism??

Why is everyone jumping to autism? Because the kid isn't reading chapter books and knows what a schooler is? Man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to say that most adults - most, not all - don’t want to spend a lot of time talking with a stranger’s kid. The polite thing for you to do would be to nip this in the bud every time. Don’t let him do it, even if the adult seems interested. Just don’t.

Surely there are other avenues for discussing his interests. Sign him up for clubs. Explore on line opportunities for interactions (safe ones, of course). Just don’t tell yourself that he’s different, smarter, more enjoyable, or whatever else you think he might be and that this justifies your allowing him to talk other adults’ ears off. You may think he’s all of these things, and he very well may be. But to the vast majority of the stranger adults he deals with, after a minute or two he’s just another annoying kid.

I did this with my bright, chatty kid until I realized I got a lot of pushback from most of the adults he was talking to. At that point, I realized i became the odd one making the situation impolite.

Now I don't interfere. Feeling the sting of rejection is one way of learning when is the appropriate time to talk. As he’s getting older (middle school), he’s better.

He’s older. He’s in middle school different situation. He now gets it.

The adults around him before were just being polite.

They were polite. And most didn't like me interfering. They ended the conversation themselves.

I was the awkward one. Even my son didn't get it because the other adult was not happy with what I did.

And how often did this actually happen? I call bullshit.

Actually, what I suspect happened is that you didn’t handle the “cut off” very well and are responsible for the awkwardness that followed.

Yeah, I'm sure I didn't handle the "cut off" well considering that each different person has a different tolerance level. And many people don't realize a kid is annoying them until the kid is actually past a certain threshold.

Until then, they feel they are so magnanimous in listening to the kid who is speaking somewhat maturely. And here comes mom blundering in and stopping their generous impulse. Your left with two sets of eyes staring at you wondering what hot into you.

If you think you are more talented that you would handle all of these moments well, ah then I call bullshit. And say you really don't have any imagination and shouldn't be giving advice on a parenting site. But of course you will

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to say that most adults - most, not all - don’t want to spend a lot of time talking with a stranger’s kid. The polite thing for you to do would be to nip this in the bud every time. Don’t let him do it, even if the adult seems interested. Just don’t.

Surely there are other avenues for discussing his interests. Sign him up for clubs. Explore on line opportunities for interactions (safe ones, of course). Just don’t tell yourself that he’s different, smarter, more enjoyable, or whatever else you think he might be and that this justifies your allowing him to talk other adults’ ears off. You may think he’s all of these things, and he very well may be. But to the vast majority of the stranger adults he deals with, after a minute or two he’s just another annoying kid.

I did this with my bright, chatty kid until I realized I got a lot of pushback from most of the adults he was talking to. At that point, I realized i became the odd one making the situation impolite.

Now I don't interfere. Feeling the sting of rejection is one way of learning when is the appropriate time to talk. As he’s getting older (middle school), he’s better.

He’s older. He’s in middle school different situation. He now gets it.

The adults around him before were just being polite.

They were polite. And most didn't like me interfering. They ended the conversation themselves.

I was the awkward one. Even my son didn't get it because the other adult was not happy with what I did.

And how often did this actually happen? I call bullshit.

Actually, what I suspect happened is that you didn’t handle the “cut off” very well and are responsible for the awkwardness that followed.

Yeah, I'm sure I didn't handle the "cut off" well considering that each different person has a different tolerance level. And many people don't realize a kid is annoying them until the kid is actually past a certain threshold.

Until then, they feel they are so magnanimous in listening to the kid who is speaking somewhat maturely. And here comes mom blundering in and stopping their generous impulse. Your left with two sets of eyes staring at you wondering what hot into you.

If you think you are more talented that you would handle all of these moments well, ah then I call bullshit. And say you really don't have any imagination and shouldn't be giving advice on a parenting site. But of course you will

Now OP shows her true colors. She doesn’t want to hear that experienced parents think this behavior sounds off. She just knows he isn’t autistic; he is a brilliant gifted kid. Oh, and all other kids are stupid, can only talk about Minecraft, are shy or just don’t know how to talk to adults. OP, I’m done. You asked for advice then get nasty when you don’t like the answers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to say that most adults - most, not all - don’t want to spend a lot of time talking with a stranger’s kid. The polite thing for you to do would be to nip this in the bud every time. Don’t let him do it, even if the adult seems interested. Just don’t.

Surely there are other avenues for discussing his interests. Sign him up for clubs. Explore on line opportunities for interactions (safe ones, of course). Just don’t tell yourself that he’s different, smarter, more enjoyable, or whatever else you think he might be and that this justifies your allowing him to talk other adults’ ears off. You may think he’s all of these things, and he very well may be. But to the vast majority of the stranger adults he deals with, after a minute or two he’s just another annoying kid.

I did this with my bright, chatty kid until I realized I got a lot of pushback from most of the adults he was talking to. At that point, I realized i became the odd one making the situation impolite.

Now I don't interfere. Feeling the sting of rejection is one way of learning when is the appropriate time to talk. As he’s getting older (middle school), he’s better.

He’s older. He’s in middle school different situation. He now gets it.

The adults around him before were just being polite.

They were polite. And most didn't like me interfering. They ended the conversation themselves.

I was the awkward one. Even my son didn't get it because the other adult was not happy with what I did.

And how often did this actually happen? I call bullshit.

Actually, what I suspect happened is that you didn’t handle the “cut off” very well and are responsible for the awkwardness that followed.

Yeah, I'm sure I didn't handle the "cut off" well considering that each different person has a different tolerance level. And many people don't realize a kid is annoying them until the kid is actually past a certain threshold.

Until then, they feel they are so magnanimous in listening to the kid who is speaking somewhat maturely. And here comes mom blundering in and stopping their generous impulse. Your left with two sets of eyes staring at you wondering what hot into you.

If you think you are more talented that you would handle all of these moments well, ah then I call bullshit. And say you really don't have any imagination and shouldn't be giving advice on a parenting site. But of course you will

Now OP shows her true colors. She doesn’t want to hear that experienced parents think this behavior sounds off. She just knows he isn’t autistic; he is a brilliant gifted kid. Oh, and all other kids are stupid, can only talk about Minecraft, are shy or just don’t know how to talk to adults. OP, I’m done. You asked for advice then get nasty when you don’t like the answers.

Totally different writing styles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to say that most adults - most, not all - don’t want to spend a lot of time talking with a stranger’s kid. The polite thing for you to do would be to nip this in the bud every time. Don’t let him do it, even if the adult seems interested. Just don’t.

Surely there are other avenues for discussing his interests. Sign him up for clubs. Explore on line opportunities for interactions (safe ones, of course). Just don’t tell yourself that he’s different, smarter, more enjoyable, or whatever else you think he might be and that this justifies your allowing him to talk other adults’ ears off. You may think he’s all of these things, and he very well may be. But to the vast majority of the stranger adults he deals with, after a minute or two he’s just another annoying kid.

I did this with my bright, chatty kid until I realized I got a lot of pushback from most of the adults he was talking to. At that point, I realized i became the odd one making the situation impolite.

Now I don't interfere. Feeling the sting of rejection is one way of learning when is the appropriate time to talk. As he’s getting older (middle school), he’s better.

He’s older. He’s in middle school different situation. He now gets it.

The adults around him before were just being polite.

They were polite. And most didn't like me interfering. They ended the conversation themselves.

I was the awkward one. Even my son didn't get it because the other adult was not happy with what I did.

And how often did this actually happen? I call bullshit.

Actually, what I suspect happened is that you didn’t handle the “cut off” very well and are responsible for the awkwardness that followed.

Yeah, I'm sure I didn't handle the "cut off" well considering that each different person has a different tolerance level. And many people don't realize a kid is annoying them until the kid is actually past a certain threshold.

Until then, they feel they are so magnanimous in listening to the kid who is speaking somewhat maturely. And here comes mom blundering in and stopping their generous impulse. Your left with two sets of eyes staring at you wondering what hot into you.

If you think you are more talented that you would handle all of these moments well, ah then I call bullshit. And say you really don't have any imagination and shouldn't be giving advice on a parenting site. But of course you will

Now OP shows her true colors. She doesn’t want to hear that experienced parents think this behavior sounds off. She just knows he isn’t autistic; he is a brilliant gifted kid. Oh, and all other kids are stupid, can only talk about Minecraft, are shy or just don’t know how to talk to adults. OP, I’m done. You asked for advice then get nasty when you don’t like the answers.

I'm not OP do please don't jump on someone who sounds nice. Please follow the previous thread and you'll see where I come in. But if you're done, you're done.
Bye.

[Anonymous]

Has your child been homeschooled? I homeschooled my kids for a year pre-COVID when they were in 5th and 7th. It drive my kids bonkers that so many homeschooled kids were like this. We would go to activities such as to a museum where there was a guide. So many kids wanted to talk over the guide, interrupt the guide, or wanted to comment on what the guide was saying.

Many of the parents never corrected their kids because I got the sense they were proud that they thought their kids were so clever when it was so obvious the guides were getting annoyed and it was taking too long for the guide to say their spiel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your child been homeschooled? I homeschooled my kids for a year pre-COVID when they were in 5th and 7th. It drive my kids bonkers that so many homeschooled kids were like this. We would go to activities such as to a museum where there was a guide. So many kids wanted to talk over the guide, interrupt the guide, or wanted to comment on what the guide was saying.

Many of the parents never corrected their kids because I got the sense they were proud that they thought their kids were so clever when it was so obvious the guides were getting annoyed and it was taking too long for the guide to say their spiel.

There’s a difference between talking over the guide and answering a question asked by the guide that is just hanging there awkwardly because nobody else has answered it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your child been homeschooled? I homeschooled my kids for a year pre-COVID when they were in 5th and 7th. It drive my kids bonkers that so many homeschooled kids were like this. We would go to activities such as to a museum where there was a guide. So many kids wanted to talk over the guide, interrupt the guide, or wanted to comment on what the guide was saying.

Many of the parents never corrected their kids because I got the sense they were proud that they thought their kids were so clever when it was so obvious the guides were getting annoyed and it was taking too long for the guide to say their spiel.

You probably shouldn't homeschool if your reading comprehension is this poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

It's always easier for kids to talk to adults because adults are mature enough to make allowances for a child, don't make fun of or pick on a kid for saying something wrong, know how to be polite and pretend to be interested, and so on.

Your kid likely has some social anxiety related to talking to kids his own age who don't have the same maturity as adults. It would be good to help him work on building social skills with same age peers.

At 10, he isn't going to pick up the social cues of adults so you as the adult who does pick up on it, has to intervene. Intervene early and redirect him. Be blunt if you have to. He is not just going to pick it up from subtle cues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your child been homeschooled? I homeschooled my kids for a year pre-COVID when they were in 5th and 7th. It drive my kids bonkers that so many homeschooled kids were like this. We would go to activities such as to a museum where there was a guide. So many kids wanted to talk over the guide, interrupt the guide, or wanted to comment on what the guide was saying.

Many of the parents never corrected their kids because I got the sense they were proud that they thought their kids were so clever when it was so obvious the guides were getting annoyed and it was taking too long for the guide to say their spiel.

Yes! So many homeschooled kids are like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kid is on the spectrum. Not sure why OP insists he’s not. Or he’s super annoying.

Agree. Autistic or very annoying know it all kid. OP, have you actually had him tested for autism??

Why is everyone jumping to autism? Because the kid isn't reading chapter books and knows what a schooler is? Man.

Because the alternative is that this kid is smart, outgoing, and confident.