Are you suspicious of people who chose to work with kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just watched a documentary about rampant sexual abuse in the Boy Scouts so this is freshly on my mind but I don’t think I trust people who want to work around kids.

I just guess I can’t understand their reasoning unless it’s nefarious?

The pay in these jobs is always very low and very rarely have good benefits. I just don’t believe people do it because they “love” other peoples kids. I love my kid, but not really anyone else’s. I don’t want them harmed of course but never would I willingly spend any amount of time with someone else’s kids. Kids are gross and obnoxious. The only reason I can see people putting up with it would be if they’re their kids or they’re paid incredibly well to put up with it.

And I don’t want to seem like I’m demonizing educators. I can somewhat understand the draw for teachers. I’m sure helping young people learn can give some people an internal, moral drive.

But I just can’t shake this suspicion of yeah, obviously volunteer based work like Cub Scout leaders or children’s swim coaches or any job where an adult chooses to spend a lot of time with children often without parents.

My baby is an infant and only is cared for by myself, my DH and my mother but at some point I’ll have to let her be under the care of someone else and it just really scares me.

We toured a daycare when DD was about 4 months old and I just thought… why would anyone work here? It seemed like hell and the pay was abysmal. My mind couldn’t shake the idea that these people just wanted access to my kid and it freaked me out.

Call me crazy, but think about it. What benefits are there? Why would some 40-year-old choose to spend all day with other peoples kids making $15 an hour when they could have an easier job with adult interaction and make $18 an hour? I just can’t believe it’s a “goodness of their heart” thing. People don’t work like that.

Good. You stay home and take care of your child, home school and never prepare them for life because you are crazy and believe that all people working with children, including all pediatricians, teachers, coaches, kind neighbors, etc., are pedophiles. You need professional help before you ruin your child's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If we want to stop being the victims of sexism, we need to start by examining our own sexist views.

I am talking to you, OP.

In fairness to OP, I don’t think she’s sexist: she seems equally suspicious of everyone who claims to like interacting with kids, regardless of gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just watched a documentary about rampant sexual abuse in the Boy Scouts so this is freshly on my mind but I don’t think I trust people who want to work around kids.

I just guess I can’t understand their reasoning unless it’s nefarious?

The pay in these jobs is always very low and very rarely have good benefits. I just don’t believe people do it because they “love” other peoples kids. I love my kid, but not really anyone else’s. I don’t want them harmed of course but never would I willingly spend any amount of time with someone else’s kids. Kids are gross and obnoxious. The only reason I can see people putting up with it would be if they’re their kids or they’re paid incredibly well to put up with it.

And I don’t want to seem like I’m demonizing educators. I can somewhat understand the draw for teachers. I’m sure helping young people learn can give some people an internal, moral drive.

But I just can’t shake this suspicion of yeah, obviously volunteer based work like Cub Scout leaders or children’s swim coaches or any job where an adult chooses to spend a lot of time with children often without parents.

My baby is an infant and only is cared for by myself, my DH and my mother but at some point I’ll have to let her be under the care of someone else and it just really scares me.

We toured a daycare when DD was about 4 months old and I just thought… why would anyone work here? It seemed like hell and the pay was abysmal. My mind couldn’t shake the idea that these people just wanted access to my kid and it freaked me out.

Call me crazy, but think about it. What benefits are there? Why would some 40-year-old choose to spend all day with other peoples kids making $15 an hour when they could have an easier job with adult interaction and make $18 an hour? I just can’t believe it’s a “goodness of their heart” thing. People don’t work like that.

I may be unique but I’m the oldest girl in my family and babysat a lot and was always sort of held to this older sister role where you are teaching and caretaking the younger kids. I naturally gravitated towards being a YMCA camp counselor and then into the field of education as a teacher. I love kids and think the younger ones are cute. I personally do like other people’s kids and see them as unique individuals who are learning and growing. We threw a birthday party this year and I thought several of the kids were so unique and special. I think it may be how some people are raised, a lot of times in different cultures they value family, community and caretaking more than “modern capitalist society” as we know it today.

[Anonymous]

Call me crazy, but think about it. What benefits are there? Why would some 40-year-old choose to spend all day with other peoples kids making $15 an hour when they could have an easier job with adult interaction and make $18 an hour? I just can’t believe it’s a “goodness of their heart” thing. People don’t work likE

What the hell? I worked with kids absolutely out of the goodness of my heart. Some women have this calling especially if you were raised Christian in a church. You absolutely have a high calling to care and love children. Some of the care takers at these daycare facilities are the most selfless people out there caring for your kids. They clean, wipe up after your kid, barely get a lunch break, it’s crazy taxing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just watched a documentary about rampant sexual abuse in the Boy Scouts so this is freshly on my mind but I don’t think I trust people who want to work around kids.

I just guess I can’t understand their reasoning unless it’s nefarious?

The pay in these jobs is always very low and very rarely have good benefits. I just don’t believe people do it because they “love” other peoples kids. I love my kid, but not really anyone else’s. I don’t want them harmed of course but never would I willingly spend any amount of time with someone else’s kids. Kids are gross and obnoxious. The only reason I can see people putting up with it would be if they’re their kids or they’re paid incredibly well to put up with it.

And I don’t want to seem like I’m demonizing educators. I can somewhat understand the draw for teachers. I’m sure helping young people learn can give some people an internal, moral drive.

But I just can’t shake this suspicion of yeah, obviously volunteer based work like Cub Scout leaders or children’s swim coaches or any job where an adult chooses to spend a lot of time with children often without parents.

My baby is an infant and only is cared for by myself, my DH and my mother but at some point I’ll have to let her be under the care of someone else and it just really scares me.

We toured a daycare when DD was about 4 months old and I just thought… why would anyone work here? It seemed like hell and the pay was abysmal. My mind couldn’t shake the idea that these people just wanted access to my kid and it freaked me out.

Call me crazy, but think about it. What benefits are there? Why would some 40-year-old choose to spend all day with other peoples kids making $15 an hour when they could have an easier job with adult interaction and make $18 an hour? I just can’t believe it’s a “goodness of their heart” thing. People don’t work like that.

There is no pay in boy scouts. People do it because they believe in what it does. Like why I send money and volunteer for the girl scouts

[Anonymous]

I'm a bit ashamed to admit it - but childhood traumas and newsworthy events make me, if not suspicious - very cautious and I do feel a bit sexist in that I probably eyeball men harder than women.

I do not allow my child to be alone with another adult - no rides, no one-on-one excursions. Me or DH will be there too! Or give everyone rides. DH feels similar and takes it further in that he will not be alone with someone else's child - not because of what he may do but because he knows that is how a lot of people feel even if they don't say it outloud.

I admit it's sad - and tied to past hurt and real issues. But I have one child now an adult out of the house and it's worked for me. Waiting on second to be old enough for me not to worry so much.

Flame away but I'm trying to be honest for thread purposes.

[Anonymous]

I agree it would be a good idea for OP to talk to a therapist or a mature, neutral third party about this. Yes - there are bad people out there, but they are rare. While I would tel most people to go with their gut, OP might need a recalibration.

I worked at a preschool/daycare for a few months while I was waiting for another job to come through. It was a way my daughter could attend preschool and I could bring in a few extra bucks while we were establishing ourselves in the DC area.

Most of the women who worked there were immigrants from the Middle East or Central America. As I got to know them, I learned that all of the women generally fell into 2 camps: those who were truly nurturing, and those who were there only for lack of better opportunities. No one gave off “creepy” vibes.

I was assigned to the Pre-K classroom where thankfully at least the kids in there were potty trained and verbal. There were one or two kids that created 95% of the challenges, but overall, it wasn’t too bad.

I still chuckle when I remember a young woman from Iraq who worked there. She was very beautiful, super sharp, and had kind of spicy attitude when it came to the kids and other workers. She was educated and clearly overqualified, but was still improving her English and had her own young child to care for, so her options were limited. I got the feeling from her that she definitely did not enjoy all of the kids, but I never saw her do it say anything that would have harmed a child. She DID try to pawn off a poopy diapered kid from her class on me once, LOL. We talked from time to time and we once had a conversation about what we really wanted to do career wise. I wonder what she is doing now. I’m sure it’s something better.

[Anonymous]

I have an SN child. There are nice male caretakers out there. Just make sure you have CCTV and/ or never alone with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree it would be a good idea for OP to talk to a therapist or a mature, neutral third party about this. Yes - there are bad people out there, but they are rare. While I would tel most people to go with their gut, OP might need a recalibration.

I worked at a preschool/daycare for a few months while I was waiting for another job to come through. It was a way my daughter could attend preschool and I could bring in a few extra bucks while we were establishing ourselves in the DC area.

Most of the women who worked there were immigrants from the Middle East or Central America. As I got to know them, I learned that all of the women generally fell into 2 camps: those who were truly nurturing, and those who were there only for lack of better opportunities. No one gave off “creepy” vibes.

I was assigned to the Pre-K classroom where thankfully at least the kids in there were potty trained and verbal. There were one or two kids that created 95% of the challenges, but overall, it wasn’t too bad.

I still chuckle when I remember a young woman from Iraq who worked there. She was very beautiful, super sharp, and had kind of spicy attitude when it came to the kids and other workers. She was educated and clearly overqualified, but was still improving her English and had her own young child to care for, so her options were limited. I got the feeling from her that she definitely did not enjoy all of the kids, but I never saw her do it say anything that would have harmed a child. She DID try to pawn off a poopy diapered kid from her class on me once, LOL. We talked from time to time and we once had a conversation about what we really wanted to do career wise. I wonder what she is doing now. I’m sure it’s something better.

I'm sorry - but it's not rare.

I don't know any woman who has not been harrassed/sexually approached as a minor/teen or worse - abused/molested, etc. Literally I do not know one. And I've been around for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not as a rule, but yes some guys can be shady as heck. My (male) high school track coach was always complaining about his wife to us kids. He’d talk about their sex lives and he’d get handsy.

We also had a lesbian basketball coach who would come into the locker room and just SIT AND STARE while we got dressed. This was early nineties. It was just sort of a joke, but looking back, totally messed up!

Re: the bolded, my HS had a language teacher who did the same thing! She was unmarried but told us alllllllll about her romantic life, the dates she went on, the losers she dated, etc. She told us her political opinions, thoughts on various religions, and body-shamed some of the girls for being "too skinny," calling them anorexic. Students loved her because we didn't do anything in class; she was so easy to distract from actual teaching (which she must have done about 10% of the time in the time I was there). Looking back on it, it was completely inappropriate! She still teaches at the same school, and I wonder how parents are reacting to her now vs when I was there.

[Anonymous]

If you don't want men to work with children, step 1 is to remove women from job that don't work with children.

[Anonymous]

My college-age nephew referees soccer games. The pay is ok and he can choose his hours. Also, he loves soccer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a bit ashamed to admit it - but childhood traumas and newsworthy events make me, if not suspicious - very cautious and I do feel a bit sexist in that I probably eyeball men harder than women.

I do not allow my child to be alone with another adult - no rides, no one-on-one excursions. Me or DH will be there too! Or give everyone rides. DH feels similar and takes it further in that he will not be alone with someone else's child - not because of what he may do but because he knows that is how a lot of people feel even if they don't say it outloud.

I admit it's sad - and tied to past hurt and real issues. But I have one child now an adult out of the house and it's worked for me. Waiting on second to be old enough for me not to worry so much.

Flame away but I'm trying to be honest for thread purposes.

Same.

I was sexually abused twice in my life and both times were by men in leadership positions (cheerleading coach & youth pastor).

I make sure my daughters are rarely alone with men. No private lessons with male coaches, no private tutoring with a male tutor, etc.

I feel sexist being overly cautious, but I'd rather have those negative feelings about myself than allow the opportunity for my daughters to be abused like I was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it would be a good idea for OP to talk to a therapist or a mature, neutral third party about this. Yes - there are bad people out there, but they are rare. While I would tel most people to go with their gut, OP might need a recalibration.

I worked at a preschool/daycare for a few months while I was waiting for another job to come through. It was a way my daughter could attend preschool and I could bring in a few extra bucks while we were establishing ourselves in the DC area.

Most of the women who worked there were immigrants from the Middle East or Central America. As I got to know them, I learned that all of the women generally fell into 2 camps: those who were truly nurturing, and those who were there only for lack of better opportunities. No one gave off “creepy” vibes.

I was assigned to the Pre-K classroom where thankfully at least the kids in there were potty trained and verbal. There were one or two kids that created 95% of the challenges, but overall, it wasn’t too bad.

I still chuckle when I remember a young woman from Iraq who worked there. She was very beautiful, super sharp, and had kind of spicy attitude when it came to the kids and other workers. She was educated and clearly overqualified, but was still improving her English and had her own young child to care for, so her options were limited. I got the feeling from her that she definitely did not enjoy all of the kids, but I never saw her do it say anything that would have harmed a child. She DID try to pawn off a poopy diapered kid from her class on me once, LOL. We talked from time to time and we once had a conversation about what we really wanted to do career wise. I wonder what she is doing now. I’m sure it’s something better.

I'm sorry - but it's not rare.

I don't know any woman who has not been harrassed/sexually approached as a minor/teen or worse - abused/molested, etc. Literally I do not know one. And I've been around for a long time.

Um, my post was about daycare.

Yes, pretty much every woman has been catcalled or worse, so yes statistically most girls are at the very least in the receiving end of unwanted sexual attention, usually from men. But MOST men are not involved in that.

But we are talking about apples and oranges. My post was about daycare, which is what OP was freaking out about.

I came here to say that the daycare workers I encountered who weren’t the nurturing type were often there mostly due to lack of better options. That does not make them abusers.

My guess is that OP is kind of privileged and sheltered and just not able to imagine the kind of circumstances less privileged people deal with that might make it harder for them to get other types of jobs. She also seems to lack awareness of other cultures. In many, if not most cultures around the world, children are seen as blessings and caring for children is seen as a wonderful thing for women to do. I am thankful that these women still exist because they are literally one of the last things holding up society. As bad as things are, imagine the type of world we would live in if all people were so self-centered and disliked children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want men to work with children, step 1 is to remove women from job that don't work with children.

Good point.

All the closeted sexists here who do not want / trust men working with children are reinforcing a belief; a belief they should be honest about; a belief they should think long and hard about. They believe:

“working with children is women’s work.”

Maybe some of you need to rethink your prejudices.