Are you suspicious of people who chose to work with kids?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think it's creepy, yes. Just like how I find male gymnastics coaches creepy. And male nanny's creepy. And male aides in SN classrooms creepy.

Sexism is alive and well.

If it’s sexism if it’s based on fact? Sorry. 95% of sexual predators are men.

If you want to prove you aren’t a misandrist and sacrifice your kids to a male caregiver go for it.

I’ll wear whatever label you want me to label and have protected kids.

Actually, there are MANY women too. Most go undetected because if sexism like yours. You just THINK you are protecting your children. Good luck to them!

+1, I was sexually assaulted by a female coach. People didn't believe me because she was a woman and they thought I must have "misunderstood." I do think there is more female-perpetrated sexual assault than we realize because it doesn't get reported or, even if reported, accusers are not believed. I've read that this is also true for workplace harassment -- women harass more than gets reported because people are embarrassed to report harassment from a woman or reports are quickly dismissed as not credible.

There is also some gender normative stuff that goes on -- female aggressors are more likely to assault/harass other women (it makes sense, people looking for victims will target one who is physically weaker and who is unlikely to be believed). I think my assault was dismissed in part because both parties were female and that made it seem unimportant to others, like some kind of mean girl incident instead of a criminal assault, which is what it was.

I said 95% not all. You were assaulted by that 5% unfortunately.

I personally don’t trust my kid with anyone. Not even my own parents. Never worth the risk.

This is not healthy and is not going to be good for your kid in the long run.

Having a loving and protective parent will not harm my children.

What will is if they are sexually assaulted.

Little lady, I understand you are in a tender condition, what with just becoming a mommy and all.

But I think you’re being a bit hysterical, don’t you agree?

It really is just your hormones. Hopefully they come back down to normal real soon.

[Anonymous]

I am marginally suspicious. I know all the stories/profiles. But I feel that at my child's school, he is safe.

My mother was a mentally ill, narcissistic teacher. I would be surprised to hear that she abused students (but unsurprised to hear they thought she was weird/unsettling/racist/unfair). I don't believe she ever abused students. I only know she abused her own kids. I think she went into teaching because 1) it was the feminine career of her era and 2) it gave her access to having power and being adored, if only by children, which are pretty much the only group of people who can be counted upon to adore you, and 3) she had to work. It's possible my child could cross paths with a teacher like my mother, but it would not be abuse, just an odd experience, like my experiences with teachers who didn't care for children.

I think most people who choose to work with children these days are honest to a greater extent than in the past. Anyway, they have security clearances now.

[Anonymous]

I love my children, but I really don’t like children in general. I don’t gush over babies, think everything toddlers say is precious, or appreciate the brutal honesty kindergarteners share with the world.

That’s why I’m grateful that people who do tolerate children better than I can volunteer or have careers so my kids’ lives were richer. I hated volunteering in my kids’ classrooms or chaperoning field trips. I’d rather drill holes in my toenails than try to coach preschool soccer. I’d so much rather pay extra fees and drop off snacks than work with children. Because it’s so stressful and unpleasant for me to be responsible for a group of kids, I’m even more grateful that others step in where I can’t or just don’t want to.

I did lead their Girl Scouts troops for nearly a decade, but there was a lot of parental support and freedom to tailor the meetings to fit our group’s needs and keep it fun. Even with that, I know how thankless and consuming jobs with kids can be, so again, it makes me more grateful that other people do it so I don’t have to.

We all have talents and interests, likes and preferences. Maybe you’re like me and you need a drink after you chaperone a class trip. Or maybe you’ll be like my sister who adores her kids’ friends because her kids like them and they like her kids, so she seeks out ways to be involved in the classroom. I’m sure that you’ll find plenty of other ways to enrich your kids’ lives and give back to the community even if it’s not through volunteering with children. But please don’t make things unpleasant for the people who do work with kids just because you don’t like doing it. You’ve already acknowledged it’s low pay/low respect most of the time. Boost them up for making the world better, don’t make their lives harder because they picked a hard job.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone does it for the sole reason of working with children, For example what if you really needed a job and a job at a daycare was all you could get? When i chose to become a scout leader i had 2 reasons, One reason was that i was aging out but really enjoyed the sense of adventure and wanted to remain with the troop, The second reason was that one of the other leaders was leaving the troop and that would have left them without the required number of leaders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound very paranoid and delusional.

Have you considered you might be suffering from PPD/PPA? I’m serious. You seem very anxious to the point of paranoia. Maybe consider seeing a Dr and getting on some meds. I had PPA and medication helped a lot.

+1 on the PPA. She basically made a whole post about her intrusive thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just watched a documentary about rampant sexual abuse in the Boy Scouts so this is freshly on my mind but I don’t think I trust people who want to work around kids.

I just guess I can’t understand their reasoning unless it’s nefarious?

The pay in these jobs is always very low and very rarely have good benefits. I just don’t believe people do it because they “love” other peoples kids. I love my kid, but not really anyone else’s. I don’t want them harmed of course but never would I willingly spend any amount of time with someone else’s kids. Kids are gross and obnoxious. The only reason I can see people putting up with it would be if they’re their kids or they’re paid incredibly well to put up with it.

And I don’t want to seem like I’m demonizing educators. I can somewhat understand the draw for teachers. I’m sure helping young people learn can give some people an internal, moral drive.

But I just can’t shake this suspicion of yeah, obviously volunteer based work like Cub Scout leaders or children’s swim coaches or any job where an adult chooses to spend a lot of time with children often without parents.

My baby is an infant and only is cared for by myself, my DH and my mother but at some point I’ll have to let her be under the care of someone else and it just really scares me.

We toured a daycare when DD was about 4 months old and I just thought… why would anyone work here? It seemed like hell and the pay was abysmal. My mind couldn’t shake the idea that these people just wanted access to my kid and it freaked me out.

Call me crazy, but think about it. What benefits are there? Why would some 40-year-old choose to spend all day with other peoples kids making $15 an hour when they could have an easier job with adult interaction and make $18 an hour? I just can’t believe it’s a “goodness of their heart” thing. People don’t work like that.

No, not without more. One of my son's favorite preschool teachers was a young man who was working full time at a day care and going to school at night. Both his parents were teachers and they didn't have enough money to put all four of their kids through college, so several were working to pay for it. He was fabulous, and went on to be a kindergarten teacher, and then 3rd grade teacher. He's now married and has two children himself. His wife works for the government. Typical, normal family. He just happens to be good at connecting with kids and chose this as a profession. And I am happy he did. One, I want men to think they can go into stereotypically female jobs and thrive. Two, it's great for my son to have had several male teacher role models showing him that excelling at school is a good thing. And not a nerdy thing to be shunned or mocked, which is more common than you may think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my children, but I really don’t like children in general. I don’t gush over babies, think everything toddlers say is precious, or appreciate the brutal honesty kindergarteners share with the world.

That’s why I’m grateful that people who do tolerate children better than I can volunteer or have careers so my kids’ lives were richer. I hated volunteering in my kids’ classrooms or chaperoning field trips. I’d rather drill holes in my toenails than try to coach preschool soccer. I’d so much rather pay extra fees and drop off snacks than work with children. Because it’s so stressful and unpleasant for me to be responsible for a group of kids, I’m even more grateful that others step in where I can’t or just don’t want to.

I did lead their Girl Scouts troops for nearly a decade, but there was a lot of parental support and freedom to tailor the meetings to fit our group’s needs and keep it fun. Even with that, I know how thankless and consuming jobs with kids can be, so again, it makes me more grateful that other people do it so I don’t have to.

We all have talents and interests, likes and preferences. Maybe you’re like me and you need a drink after you chaperone a class trip. Or maybe you’ll be like my sister who adores her kids’ friends because her kids like them and they like her kids, so she seeks out ways to be involved in the classroom. I’m sure that you’ll find plenty of other ways to enrich your kids’ lives and give back to the community even if it’s not through volunteering with children. But please don’t make things unpleasant for the people who do work with kids just because you don’t like doing it. You’ve already acknowledged it’s low pay/low respect most of the time. Boost them up for making the world better, don’t make their lives harder because they picked a hard job.

+100 This is basically me. My mom and my SIL are different and light up around kids, and I am thankful there are people like them in the world doing work with children.

[Anonymous]

It depends. Suspicious of all of them? Not at all. Suspicious of a recently retired cop who wants to run a preschool? Yes.

[Anonymous]

I work in a field that helps kids through a certain activity. I chose to do this because the first time I did this activity I thought why don’t I have this as a child? I had a pretty traumatic upbringing, and the specific activity would’ve helped me greatly. It’s my way of using my experience to give back.

[Anonymous]

I wish there were more men who worked with children. Having a virtually a female only environment in elementary is too much, IMO. Kids need more male role models, both girls and boys.

[Anonymous]

Both of my kids (DS and DD) were work at local summer camps for the summer. The pay and the hours are good for older teenagers (18/19) I also remember when my kids had an aftercare program at the elementary school. There were male employees in the program who my kids liked because They were a lot of fun. I am not immediately suspicious.

[Anonymous]

Not women.

I adore children, and am much happier spending my day with them than most adults.

For people with limited education, especially, it can be much more rewarding that their other options for work.

I think your view (that other people's children are "gross and obnoxious") is very weird and disturbing. Most parents that I know have a natural affection/concern for young children generally.

[Anonymous]

I think most men who do this work are sweet and can be great role models. Children need to learn from both men and women. For better or for worse, they do face more scrutiny and have to be very careful in their interactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my children, but I really don’t like children in general. I don’t gush over babies, think everything toddlers say is precious, or appreciate the brutal honesty kindergarteners share with the world.

That’s why I’m grateful that people who do tolerate children better than I can volunteer or have careers so my kids’ lives were richer. I hated volunteering in my kids’ classrooms or chaperoning field trips. I’d rather drill holes in my toenails than try to coach preschool soccer. I’d so much rather pay extra fees and drop off snacks than work with children. Because it’s so stressful and unpleasant for me to be responsible for a group of kids, I’m even more grateful that others step in where I can’t or just don’t want to.

I did lead their Girl Scouts troops for nearly a decade, but there was a lot of parental support and freedom to tailor the meetings to fit our group’s needs and keep it fun. Even with that, I know how thankless and consuming jobs with kids can be, so again, it makes me more grateful that other people do it so I don’t have to.

We all have talents and interests, likes and preferences. Maybe you’re like me and you need a drink after you chaperone a class trip. Or maybe you’ll be like my sister who adores her kids’ friends because her kids like them and they like her kids, so she seeks out ways to be involved in the classroom. I’m sure that you’ll find plenty of other ways to enrich your kids’ lives and give back to the community even if it’s not through volunteering with children. But please don’t make things unpleasant for the people who do work with kids just because you don’t like doing it. You’ve already acknowledged it’s low pay/low respect most of the time. Boost them up for making the world better, don’t make their lives harder because they picked a hard job.

+100 This is basically me. My mom and my SIL are different and light up around kids, and I am thankful there are people like them in the world doing work with children.

I am like this. Your wording captures it perfectly.

Children blossom when surrounded by people who marvel at the amazing little people they are.

[Anonymous]

If we want to stop being the victims of sexism, we need to start by examining our own sexist views.

I am talking to you, OP.