Father not involved in child’s life

[Anonymous]

Did the babydaddy run for Senator in the Georgia race recently?

Asking for a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

I'm a woman and I can see that there's nothing confusing about it at all. He is loving and involved with his older kids because he wanted them. He's not loving and involved with your friends kid because he didn't want a kid with someone that he'd known briefly. And that's likely never going to change.

Your friend can get child support, but that's all she's getting from him. She needs to assemble her village with her own family and friends. She made a choice to be a single parent and now she, unfortunately for the kid, will have to be just that.

+1.

+2. Sucks all around, but she made a unilateral choice to keep the pregnancy knowing he didn’t want to be involved. He is making a unilateral choice not to be involved. I’m not sure what she thought was going to happen - that he’d come around? - but both have to live with the choices they’ve made. It really is that simple.

He can make a unilateral decision not to be involved but that’s going to be a costly decision. He’s already going to be 24 months in the hole, 16 years to go.

OP your friend will be fine— with child support she’ll have a lot of the perks of a dual-income family. It’s a shame this will be calculated on his income after child support to his ex but…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They both chose to have sex. She was the only one who decided that sex act should lead to a child being brought into the world. He was clear he didn't want that. She made that decision single handedly and so now the bulk of the responsibility for the choice she alone made to bring a child into the world is on her.

Nope, the sex act itself decides that. Birds and bees.

He may legally only be on the hook for child support, but it’s wrong ethically to turn his back on his own child.

Nope, birds and bees and sex act doesn't directly lead to the birth of a child. You really think that sex is the final decision when it comes to birth? Many women have sex and get pregnant and don't have a child. They make a different choice.

Omg of course it is. Abortion is just extra innings. It’s an emergency response to a huge accident or mistake it’s not birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

I'm a woman and I can see that there's nothing confusing about it at all. He is loving and involved with his older kids because he wanted them. He's not loving and involved with your friends kid because he didn't want a kid with someone that he'd known briefly. And that's likely never going to change.

Your friend can get child support, but that's all she's getting from him. She needs to assemble her village with her own family and friends. She made a choice to be a single parent and now she, unfortunately for the kid, will have to be just that.

+1.

+2. Sucks all around, but she made a unilateral choice to keep the pregnancy knowing he didn’t want to be involved. He is making a unilateral choice not to be involved. I’m not sure what she thought was going to happen - that he’d come around? - but both have to live with the choices they’ve made. It really is that simple.

He can make a unilateral decision not to be involved but that’s going to be a costly decision. He’s already going to be 24 months in the hole, 16 years to go.

OP your friend will be fine— with child support she’ll have a lot of the perks of a dual-income family. It’s a shame this will be calculated on his income after child support to his ex but…

He could go off the grid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

I heard somewhere recently that a man's love for his children is based on his feelings for the mother of the children. I'm on the fence with how i feel about this, but I think there could be some truth to it. Based on the people I know who were abandoned, the man didn't care/have deep feelings for the mother.

[Anonymous]

Why hasn't she done a paternity test and filed for child support? Is she willing to share custody or just have him a a weekly visitor? There is clearly more to this.

[Anonymous]

True, naivety isn't age dependent after 18.

[Anonymous]

In theory, yes a man or a woman should take responsibility of their child but truly how involved or loving lots of parents are who've kids out of wedlock?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

Father's consent was when he had sex with Mother without using a condom or having had a vasectomy.

This is such an outdated and stupid way of thinking. An unplanned pregnancy is in no way a consent to have a child together. If you think two people behaving irresponsibly is a consent to have a child, you are foolish. Your friend should have promptly course-corrected their failure to plan, particularly once he made it clear he was not onboard with the decision. Your friend made a unilateral decision to proceed with birthing a child that only one parent wanted. At that point, it became a solo/single parent mission. Either sue for child support or move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

Father's consent was when he had sex with Mother without using a condom or having had a vasectomy.

This is such an outdated and stupid way of thinking. An unplanned pregnancy is in no way a consent to have a child together. If you think two people behaving irresponsibly is a consent to have a child, you are foolish. Your friend should have promptly course-corrected their failure to plan, particularly once he made it clear he was not onboard with the decision. Your friend made a unilateral decision to proceed with birthing a child that only one parent wanted. At that point, it became a solo/single parent mission. Either sue for child support or move on.

Nature doesn’t need your consent. If you have sex, a child can result. It’s not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

Usually, I'm on women's side but since we want the right to abortion, women need to own their reproductive decisions. He had no say in it, she made a decision in her own so she should deal with the consequences. He already had children and didn't want any more, why should he pay for her choice to trap him into having another one.

This isn’t right either. He made the decision to take financial responsibility when he made the decision to have unprotected sex. He doesn’t get to not pay child support. Sucks for his existing family but this is his doing too. If you don’t want a baby don’t have sex without protection.

Yes but why a man doesn't get any say in abortion? Just like theyshould be able to force women to carry children, they shouldn't be forced to be fathers to kids they didn't want? Just playing devil's advocate.

Because it isn’t their body. A wife doesn’t get any say in whether their husband has a vasectomy or a triple bypass. It’s his body. She can give her opinion but has no decision making right unless he is incapacitated and she is his legally designated proxy. This is a cornerstone of health care.

100% but should a man be held responsible for life long responsibilities and sponsoring if a woman who isn't a wife, wants to keep the child?

and declines abortion

Yes. He makes the decision at the time of unprotected sex. She makes the decision then and again past the until abortion deadline. It’s not equal. That’s just the way it is bc abortion is legal and she is the one carrying the pregnancy and facing the health consequences of pregnancy and childbirth.

I get that abortion decision making rights shouldn't be equal because it only involves one party's body but if an accident happens with a condom and woman wasn't truthful about her birth control and wants to trap the guy with a baby, is it fair to punish him?

It’s not punishment to understand that you can inseminate a woman even if you are practicing birth control. It happens. Be a man and step up.

Op, what bygone planet do you live on?? He doesn't have to step up for a child he didn't want. The most he will have to do legally is pay child support. Stop trying to force him into a situation he does not want. Also, you are way too emotionally involved for this not to be about you and your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

Father's consent was when he had sex with Mother without using a condom or having had a vasectomy.

This is such an outdated and stupid way of thinking. An unplanned pregnancy is in no way a consent to have a child together. If you think two people behaving irresponsibly is a consent to have a child, you are foolish. Your friend should have promptly course-corrected their failure to plan, particularly once he made it clear he was not onboard with the decision. Your friend made a unilateral decision to proceed with birthing a child that only one parent wanted. At that point, it became a solo/single parent mission. Either sue for child support or move on.

Nature doesn’t need your consent. If you have sex, a child can result. It’s not rocket science.

Well, sue nature for child support, lol. Op, stop trying to get posters to bend to your POV. You made a poor choice for your child (can we all just agree that op is the "friend?") and it's blowing up in your face. Having a baby with a married man is always a bad choice.

[Anonymous]

Hypothetically, if she agreed to an abortion then who would be responsible for any long or short term complications due to the procedure?

People need to know how innocent act of lust can change lives not only for two people but potential child and many others involved, like these too and his ex (then wife) and kids.

[Anonymous]

Make informed and thoughtful decisions, keeping all consequences in mind.

[Anonymous]

OP, the man will probably not step up. One of my cousins is child in this situation and her mom is/was great — told her the truth and raised a wonderful person. When my cousin was an adult she decided to track her dad down and he still wanted nothing to do with her. Stop trying to make fetch happen and focus on what the mom can do as a solo parent.