Father not involved in child’s life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope when she dude for support, he sues for full custody.

He’s entitled to 50%. If the kids dad wants 50% then OP gets her wish of an involved dad.

Now, would a judge assign 50% to someone who has evaded all responsibility for his child to this point, probably not, but if OP sues for child support then she’s going to get more money and more involvement than she has now— again, win-win.

hard no on that, once divorced or separated neither parent has any entitlement at all to the child.

You could not be more wrong. Rights to the child transcend marital status and have nothing to do with whether you are still married to the other parent. If he wants 50% and lives close enough he will get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

Father's consent was when he had sex with Mother without using a condom or having had a vasectomy.

She said she was on the pill.

Irrelevant. Every responsible man knows to wear a condom regardless of what she says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your friend should have gotten an abortion. She made the decision to keep a baby.

Does the guy have money? Maybe file for child support. I personally wouldn’t.

That’s a big decision to make on behalf of the kid, unless she’s independently wealthy. Dad can explain to the kid at 18 why he was absentee when the kid reaches our, but mom would have a big explanation for raising the kid in lesser financial circumstances— it can all go into a 529 and the kid could be set for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend should have gotten an abortion. She made the decision to keep a baby.

Does the guy have money? Maybe file for child support. I personally wouldn’t.

That’s a big decision to make on behalf of the kid, unless she’s independently wealthy. Dad can explain to the kid at 18 why he was absentee when the kid reaches our, but mom would have a big explanation for raising the kid in lesser financial circumstances— it can all go into a 529 and the kid could be set for college.

It wasn’t a child they had together mutually.

I would have gotten an abortion. If she decided to have the child, it was her decision.

If the guy was wealthy or came from a wealthy family, ask for child support. Average Joe? Just skip it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend should have gotten an abortion. She made the decision to keep a baby.

Does the guy have money? Maybe file for child support. I personally wouldn’t.

That’s a big decision to make on behalf of the kid, unless she’s independently wealthy. Dad can explain to the kid at 18 why he was absentee when the kid reaches our, but mom would have a big explanation for raising the kid in lesser financial circumstances— it can all go into a 529 and the kid could be set for college.

It wasn’t a child they had together mutually.

I would have gotten an abortion. If she decided to have the child, it was her decision.

If the guy was wealthy or came from a wealthy family, ask for child support. Average Joe? Just skip it.

That doesn’t matter for the child though. Do you think in his twenties, crushed under college debt payments, the kids going to think “yeah I mean it totally makes sense my mom didn’t ask my dad for a penny because my dad doesn’t think I should have existed”

At the lowest rate of child support I have ever seen ($600/month) the kid could be looking at $130,000 for college if she put it in a mattress. In a 529 he or she would walk away from college debt free. That’s a huge thing to decide *not* to do for your kid and I would expect the kid would have some thoughts about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend should have gotten an abortion. She made the decision to keep a baby.

Does the guy have money? Maybe file for child support. I personally wouldn’t.

That’s a big decision to make on behalf of the kid, unless she’s independently wealthy. Dad can explain to the kid at 18 why he was absentee when the kid reaches our, but mom would have a big explanation for raising the kid in lesser financial circumstances— it can all go into a 529 and the kid could be set for college.

It wasn’t a child they had together mutually.

I would have gotten an abortion. If she decided to have the child, it was her decision.

If the guy was wealthy or came from a wealthy family, ask for child support. Average Joe? Just skip it.

That doesn’t matter for the child though. Do you think in his twenties, crushed under college debt payments, the kids going to think “yeah I mean it totally makes sense my mom didn’t ask my dad for a penny because my dad doesn’t think I should have existed”

At the lowest rate of child support I have ever seen ($600/month) the kid could be looking at $130,000 for college if she put it in a mattress. In a 529 he or she would walk away from college debt free. That’s a huge thing to decide *not* to do for your kid and I would expect the kid would have some thoughts about it.

People should be better at being careful to not get pregnant. Or get rid of the baby. I am also against using abortion as birth control.

What happened to getting married and having kids? Too many babies born out of wedlock.

I sound so old and old fashioned but this is how I feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend should have gotten an abortion. She made the decision to keep a baby.

Does the guy have money? Maybe file for child support. I personally wouldn’t.

That’s a big decision to make on behalf of the kid, unless she’s independently wealthy. Dad can explain to the kid at 18 why he was absentee when the kid reaches our, but mom would have a big explanation for raising the kid in lesser financial circumstances— it can all go into a 529 and the kid could be set for college.

It wasn’t a child they had together mutually.

I would have gotten an abortion. If she decided to have the child, it was her decision.

If the guy was wealthy or came from a wealthy family, ask for child support. Average Joe? Just skip it.

That doesn’t matter for the child though. Do you think in his twenties, crushed under college debt payments, the kids going to think “yeah I mean it totally makes sense my mom didn’t ask my dad for a penny because my dad doesn’t think I should have existed”

At the lowest rate of child support I have ever seen ($600/month) the kid could be looking at $130,000 for college if she put it in a mattress. In a 529 he or she would walk away from college debt free. That’s a huge thing to decide *not* to do for your kid and I would expect the kid would have some thoughts about it.

People should be better at being careful to not get pregnant. Or get rid of the baby. I am also against using abortion as birth control.

What happened to getting married and having kids? Too many babies born out of wedlock.

I sound so old and old fashioned but this is how I feel.

I mean I do think you have to pick one between “get rid of it” and “don’t use abortion as birth control”.

On the other hand once the kid is already here, how you— or I— feel about the ideal situation in which to raise a child is irrelevant: the child is entitled to financial support from both parents. You don’t do anything to reduce the number of children born out of wedlock by deciding this particular baby shouldn’t go to college or should live in poverty— the decision was made by the parents not the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope when she dude for support, he sues for full custody.

He’s entitled to 50%. If the kids dad wants 50% then OP gets her wish of an involved dad.

Now, would a judge assign 50% to someone who has evaded all responsibility for his child to this point, probably not, but if OP sues for child support then she’s going to get more money and more involvement than she has now— again, win-win.

hard no on that, once divorced or separated neither parent has any entitlement at all to the child.

In many if not most states now, the law presumes 50/50 custody. In my state, if this father wanted it, he'd probably get it.

And this is why i had to break the law just so i could avoid spending my summers 4 hours away from my home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's friend is probably young and naive and signed up for more than she can chew.

OP probably IS the "friend".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend should have gotten an abortion. She made the decision to keep a baby.

Does the guy have money? Maybe file for child support. I personally wouldn’t.

That’s a big decision to make on behalf of the kid, unless she’s independently wealthy. Dad can explain to the kid at 18 why he was absentee when the kid reaches our, but mom would have a big explanation for raising the kid in lesser financial circumstances— it can all go into a 529 and the kid could be set for college.

It wasn’t a child they had together mutually.

I would have gotten an abortion. If she decided to have the child, it was her decision.

If the guy was wealthy or came from a wealthy family, ask for child support. Average Joe? Just skip it.

That doesn’t matter for the child though. Do you think in his twenties, crushed under college debt payments, the kids going to think “yeah I mean it totally makes sense my mom didn’t ask my dad for a penny because my dad doesn’t think I should have existed”

At the lowest rate of child support I have ever seen ($600/month) the kid could be looking at $130,000 for college if she put it in a mattress. In a 529 he or she would walk away from college debt free. That’s a huge thing to decide *not* to do for your kid and I would expect the kid would have some thoughts about it.

You have some major delusions about child support. My ex made $350/year and pays $2K/month for one child. He now makes $600K/year and unless I take him back to court which will cost me tons) it ain’t budging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

Father's consent was when he had sex with Mother without using a condom or having had a vasectomy.

She said she was on the pill.

Irrelevant. Every responsible man knows to wear a condom regardless of what she says.

^Absolutely.

(WTF to that PP??)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

Father's consent was when he had sex with Mother without using a condom or having had a vasectomy.

She said she was on the pill.

Irrelevant. Every responsible man knows to wear a condom regardless of what she says.

Yep, never trust them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

NP. Whoa. It is not outdated. Every fertile couple engaging in PIV has to consider the possibility of pregnancy. Sexual partners are people, not sex toys. Abortions should not be a light, breezy “oh well, if pregnancy occurs I can just pop down to my doc and get one during lunchtime.”
What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

Father's consent was when he had sex with Mother without using a condom or having had a vasectomy.

This is such an outdated and stupid way of thinking. An unplanned pregnancy is in no way a consent to have a child together. If you think two people behaving irresponsibly is a consent to have a child, you are foolish. Your friend should have promptly course-corrected their failure to plan, particularly once he made it clear he was not onboard with the decision. Your friend made a unilateral decision to proceed with birthing a child that only one parent wanted. At that point, it became a solo/single parent mission. Either sue for child support or move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

Father's consent was when he had sex with Mother without using a condom or having had a vasectomy.

This is such an outdated and stupid way of thinking. An unplanned pregnancy is in no way a consent to have a child together. If you think two people behaving irresponsibly is a consent to have a child, you are foolish. Your friend should have promptly course-corrected their failure to plan, particularly once he made it clear he was not onboard with the decision. Your friend made a unilateral decision to proceed with birthing a child that only one parent wanted. At that point, it became a solo/single parent mission. Either sue for child support or move on.

+1
He should have a say in whether to abort or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

Father's consent was when he had sex with Mother without using a condom or having had a vasectomy.

This is such an outdated and stupid way of thinking. An unplanned pregnancy is in no way a consent to have a child together. If you think two people behaving irresponsibly is a consent to have a child, you are foolish. Your friend should have promptly course-corrected their failure to plan, particularly once he made it clear he was not onboard with the decision. Your friend made a unilateral decision to proceed with birthing a child that only one parent wanted. At that point, it became a solo/single parent mission. Either sue for child support or move on.

+1
He should have a say in whether to abort or not.

He did have a say. She disagreed.