Father not involved in child’s life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since she discovered the pregnancy after they broke up, it is quite possible he doesn't believe he is the father.

She found out a few days after they broke up and she was a few weeks in the pregnancy already. He believes it’s his child 100% and he had no doubts about the paternity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

[Anonymous]

Why hasn’t she filed for child support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

Mommy broke up with him before you were born and decided to be a single mother because society thinks it’s fine. Start there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

Maybe because he didn't want this child? If she wants money she can get that but she's crazy to expect him to just drop everything and become involved with a child he didn't want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

Mommy broke up with him before you were born and decided to be a single mother because society thinks it’s fine. Start there.

This

[Anonymous]

OP, you are way too emotionally involved in this. I would step back. If your friend starts talking about her son's father, you need to change the subject or not engage. If this is a very good friend, then say your piece, once, and then stop engaging with her on this topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why hasn’t she filed for child support?

I know two women who never filed for child support from their "sperm donors". They didn't want to deal with the guy nor did they want to risk losing any custody. They were able to support themselves. My cousin remarried and the kid was adopted by her new husband. The other has stayed single, but the now young adult child has a relationship with his father (and the father's side of the family).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

This is nuts. Are you both really young? If your friend wants to get her parents involved, she is desperately naive. If this is your idea, it is a terrible one and you need to take about 100 steps back. You cannot fix this. Your friend cannot fix this. She needs to file for child support and then move on from the idea that her kid will have an actively involved biological dad.

[Anonymous]

If you really love this child, you two can raise him together, one if my colleague is doing it with her best friend.Two loving moms are as good as one mom and a dad, no matter if they are romantically involved or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

Father's consent was when he had sex with Mother without using a condom or having had a vasectomy.

[Anonymous]

Well, clearly guy isn't a prize of a dad as he had unprotected sex with someone while he wasn't even divorced and he doesn't want to father his new child.

Mother isn't a prize because she got pregnant with a dad of two who was merely separate from mother of his children AND then she decided to have a child on her own hoping it'll tie the father to her AND father will become a doting dad.

[Anonymous]

To be fair, we are judging both of them with very little information but consent matters and consequences happen. It's unfortunate for all but mostly for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

Father's consent was when he had sex with Mother without using a condom or having had a vasectomy.

Seriously. We all know how babies are formed.