Father not involved in child’s life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you people are ridiculous. Not everyone is lucky enough to meet a suitable mate in college, get married around 27 and get started on a planned family at 30.

I got pregnant by accident at 30 with a man I was casually seeing. He told me to have an abortion but I refused. I wanted children and I wasn’t willing to abort an existing baby and throw the dice on another chance. Also I am pro choice but once I was actually pregnant I felt that I was carrying a baby and did not want to abort.

Anyway, we reconciled after the baby was born and he is a great dad. We seem to be about equally as happy as other couples who took the traditional route.

So pps are ridiculous because you got lucky? It could have gone the other way, and more often than not, it does.

An no one is asking you to make a different choice. But the outcome in the OP is more common than yours.

Soo many people in this thread are suggesting she should have had an abortion because the dad asked her to. Sometimes you just make the best of a bad situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

Father's consent was when he had sex with Mother without using a condom or having had a vasectomy.

This is such an outdated and stupid way of thinking. An unplanned pregnancy is in no way a consent to have a child together. If you think two people behaving irresponsibly is a consent to have a child, you are foolish. Your friend should have promptly course-corrected their failure to plan, particularly once he made it clear he was not onboard with the decision. Your friend made a unilateral decision to proceed with birthing a child that only one parent wanted. At that point, it became a solo/single parent mission. Either sue for child support or move on.

+1
He should have a say in whether to abort or not.

He did have a say. She disagreed.

Then she should go it alone, no child support.

Why?

Because the child’s parents disagree about them, the child is no longer entitled to financial support from one parent? What weird dystopian universe are you living in? The child exists, the child is entitled to financial support.

I think it is abandoning the child, like if you put our child up for adoption. The man didn’t want this child. The woman had it.

OP wants the dad to be involved. He abandoned them.

[Anonymous]

Of course it’s horrible for the child that the father doesn’t want to be involved. On the other hand, how can we allow women the decision to terminate because they can’t/don’t want to parent, yet demand that a man either support an abortion or be an enthusiastic parent, depending on what the woman chooses.

[Anonymous]

sounds like he tried to break up with her and she tried to baby-trap him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.

OP here. It’s a quite sad situation overall. I’m trying to be very supportive for her as much as I can.

When my friend’s son will start going to school, he would probably ask her, where is my father? What does she tell him then?

Can we correct this stereotype please. Not all single moms are on welfare. And even if they’re not, their kid is still entitled to some of the standard of living enjoyed by his FATHER, who likewise does not get to walk away for free while the mother spends 20 years raising his kid alone.

Besides, if you really think your taxes shouldn’t go to the less affluent then how have you managed to avoid paying taxes that go to public schools? Or using them yourself?

What did she think she'll say to the kid when she decided to have him without father's consent?

Father's consent was when he had sex with Mother without using a condom or having had a vasectomy.

This is such an outdated and stupid way of thinking. An unplanned pregnancy is in no way a consent to have a child together. If you think two people behaving irresponsibly is a consent to have a child, you are foolish. Your friend should have promptly course-corrected their failure to plan, particularly once he made it clear he was not onboard with the decision. Your friend made a unilateral decision to proceed with birthing a child that only one parent wanted. At that point, it became a solo/single parent mission. Either sue for child support or move on.

+1
He should have a say in whether to abort or not.

He did have a say. She disagreed.

Then she should go it alone, no child support.

The reason the law doesn’t agree with you is we, the society, pay when the dad doesn’t. I’m not interested in paying more taxes to give men the right to a “financial abortion.”

Me neither. He should have practised abstinence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course it’s horrible for the child that the father doesn’t want to be involved. On the other hand, how can we allow women the decision to terminate because they can’t/don’t want to parent, yet demand that a man either support an abortion or be an enthusiastic parent, depending on what the woman chooses.

Who is “they”?

There’s no law compelling enthusiastic parenting— just financial support for 18 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sounds like he tried to break up with her and she tried to baby-trap him.

What if she wanted to abort but he wanted to keep it. Who would you support then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sounds like he tried to break up with her and she tried to baby-trap him.

What if she wanted to abort but he wanted to keep it. Who would you support then?

Always the person who goes through the risks and lifelong consequences of pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sounds like he tried to break up with her and she tried to baby-trap him.

What if she wanted to abort but he wanted to keep it. Who would you support then?

Always the person who goes through the risks and lifelong consequences of pregnancy.

The man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sounds like he tried to break up with her and she tried to baby-trap him.

What if she wanted to abort but he wanted to keep it. Who would you support then?

Always the person who goes through the risks and lifelong consequences of pregnancy.

The man?

Show me the man who had died in childbirth or been permanently disabled, and I’ll support his right to make decisions about his pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course it’s horrible for the child that the father doesn’t want to be involved. On the other hand, how can we allow women the decision to terminate because they can’t/don’t want to parent, yet demand that a man either support an abortion or be an enthusiastic parent, depending on what the woman chooses.

Who is “they”?

There’s no law compelling enthusiastic parenting— just financial support for 18 years.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you people are ridiculous. Not everyone is lucky enough to meet a suitable mate in college, get married around 27 and get started on a planned family at 30.

I got pregnant by accident at 30 with a man I was casually seeing. He told me to have an abortion but I refused. I wanted children and I wasn’t willing to abort an existing baby and throw the dice on another chance. Also I am pro choice but once I was actually pregnant I felt that I was carrying a baby and did not want to abort.

Anyway, we reconciled after the baby was born and he is a great dad. We seem to be about equally as happy as other couples who took the traditional route.

So pps are ridiculous because you got lucky? It could have gone the other way, and more often than not, it does.

An no one is asking you to make a different choice. But the outcome in the OP is more common than yours.

Soo many people in this thread are suggesting she should have had an abortion because the dad asked her to. Sometimes you just make the best of a bad situation.

I don't think they would be suggesting so if she accepted the fact that the man would not be involved

She chose to have a baby on her own even after the sperm donor made it clear that he did not want it. And now she is complaining about him being nothing more than a sperm donor.

I have a family friend who made the same choice and is very happy with her daughter and their lives. The father is not in their lives and does not contribute financially. She does not complain and has a huge support network of family and friends. This is exactly how she thought it would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you people are ridiculous. Not everyone is lucky enough to meet a suitable mate in college, get married around 27 and get started on a planned family at 30.

I got pregnant by accident at 30 with a man I was casually seeing. He told me to have an abortion but I refused. I wanted children and I wasn’t willing to abort an existing baby and throw the dice on another chance. Also I am pro choice but once I was actually pregnant I felt that I was carrying a baby and did not want to abort.

Anyway, we reconciled after the baby was born and he is a great dad. We seem to be about equally as happy as other couples who took the traditional route.

So pps are ridiculous because you got lucky? It could have gone the other way, and more often than not, it does.

An no one is asking you to make a different choice. But the outcome in the OP is more common than yours.

Soo many people in this thread are suggesting she should have had an abortion because the dad asked her to. Sometimes you just make the best of a bad situation.

I don't think they would be suggesting so if she accepted the fact that the man would not be involved

She chose to have a baby on her own even after the sperm donor made it clear that he did not want it. And now she is complaining about him being nothing more than a sperm donor.

I have a family friend who made the same choice and is very happy with her daughter and their lives. The father is not in their lives and does not contribute financially. She does not complain and has a huge support network of family and friends. This is exactly how she thought it would be.

She should complain and she should also demand financial support from the dad.