I hate the comments my husband makes about what I eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

I’m the same weight I was when I met my DH 8+ years ago. I was 5lbs lighter when we got married bc of the stress of the wedding. If I’m not DH’s type, he’s had plenty of time to go find someone who is his type.

Thanks for the constructive feedback on how to approach his unhelpful comments. For the record, his body isn’t perfect either but I’m still attracted to him. We are intimate 2-3x/week.

Is this a new thing?

I don’t ask to make one of those obnoxious “well why did you marry him?” comments, I’m just curious about what’s going on. Its one thing if this was a flaw you overlooked before and if he always felt entitled to comment, but if it’s something that started up suddenly I feel like there must have been some impetus for it, like maybe something happened that made him feel insecure or something. (I’m also not making a “he’s cheating comment” lol).

OP here - it’s a new thing. We go out to eat all the time and he never bats an eye if I order a side or fries or something. We used to eat out a lot together in our dating days. He seems to only make the comments at home. What’s weird about it is he often brings home a little sweet treat or something for me on his way home from work. Yet he seems to only make comments when I’m cooking/eating at home.

If it just started, you should call him out. Maybe he doesn't realize how it comes off. Maybe it's jealousy bc he feels like you eat more/better stuff than him but he is struggling w his body. I dunno. But you should tell him it bothers you and that it has to stop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

I’m the same weight I was when I met my DH 8+ years ago. I was 5lbs lighter when we got married bc of the stress of the wedding. If I’m not DH’s type, he’s had plenty of time to go find someone who is his type.

Thanks for the constructive feedback on how to approach his unhelpful comments. For the record, his body isn’t perfect either but I’m still attracted to him. We are intimate 2-3x/week.

Is this a new thing?

I don’t ask to make one of those obnoxious “well why did you marry him?” comments, I’m just curious about what’s going on. Its one thing if this was a flaw you overlooked before and if he always felt entitled to comment, but if it’s something that started up suddenly I feel like there must have been some impetus for it, like maybe something happened that made him feel insecure or something. (I’m also not making a “he’s cheating comment” lol).

OP here - it’s a new thing. We go out to eat all the time and he never bats an eye if I order a side or fries or something. We used to eat out a lot together in our dating days. He seems to only make the comments at home. What’s weird about it is he often brings home a little sweet treat or something for me on his way home from work. Yet he seems to only make comments when I’m cooking/eating at home.

If it just started, you should call him out. Maybe he doesn't realize how it comes off. Maybe it's jealousy bc he feels like you eat more/better stuff than him but he is struggling w his body. I dunno. But you should tell him it bothers you and that it has to stop

This is 100% about him - approach him in those terms. Not "I am hurt because ..." but "wow, I've noticed you've been making weird comments that seem really out of character for you - are you ok? What is going on with you? And yes, I assume these comments are addressed at me because I am the closest person you have to - but you know these aren't acceptable, and if they continue [INSERT YOUR ENFORCEABLE BOUNDARY HERE: eg, I will ignore you and walk away / I will no longer eat with you /etc."] You can't MAKE him do anything, but you can decide how you are going to think and act about this situation.

[Anonymous]

He wants you to lose weight!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wants you to lose weight!

So . . . Her body her choice of what she eats and her size.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

I’m the same weight I was when I met my DH 8+ years ago. I was 5lbs lighter when we got married bc of the stress of the wedding. If I’m not DH’s type, he’s had plenty of time to go find someone who is his type.

Thanks for the constructive feedback on how to approach his unhelpful comments. For the record, his body isn’t perfect either but I’m still attracted to him. We are intimate 2-3x/week.

Is this a new thing?

I don’t ask to make one of those obnoxious “well why did you marry him?” comments, I’m just curious about what’s going on. Its one thing if this was a flaw you overlooked before and if he always felt entitled to comment, but if it’s something that started up suddenly I feel like there must have been some impetus for it, like maybe something happened that made him feel insecure or something. (I’m also not making a “he’s cheating comment” lol).

OP here - it’s a new thing. We go out to eat all the time and he never bats an eye if I order a side or fries or something. We used to eat out a lot together in our dating days. He seems to only make the comments at home. What’s weird about it is he often brings home a little sweet treat or something for me on his way home from work. Yet he seems to only make comments when I’m cooking/eating at home.

If it just started, you should call him out. Maybe he doesn't realize how it comes off. Maybe it's jealousy bc he feels like you eat more/better stuff than him but he is struggling w his body. I dunno. But you should tell him it bothers you and that it has to stop

This is 100% about him - approach him in those terms. Not "I am hurt because ..." but "wow, I've noticed you've been making weird comments that seem really out of character for you - are you ok? What is going on with you? And yes, I assume these comments are addressed at me because I am the closest person you have to - but you know these aren't acceptable, and if they continue [INSERT YOUR ENFORCEABLE BOUNDARY HERE: eg, I will ignore you and walk away / I will no longer eat with you /etc."] You can't MAKE him do anything, but you can decide how you are going to think and act about this situation.

"Are you ok?" - what kind of a question is that?! It's not like he fell on the floor...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, team DH, and I am a woman.

Someone who can’t set and reach goals because of lack of self-disciple and accountability is a TURN OFF.

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

I’m the same weight I was when I met my DH 8+ years ago. I was 5lbs lighter when we got married bc of the stress of the wedding. If I’m not DH’s type, he’s had plenty of time to go find someone who is his type.

Thanks for the constructive feedback on how to approach his unhelpful comments. For the record, his body isn’t perfect either but I’m still attracted to him. We are intimate 2-3x/week.

Is this a new thing?

I don’t ask to make one of those obnoxious “well why did you marry him?” comments, I’m just curious about what’s going on. Its one thing if this was a flaw you overlooked before and if he always felt entitled to comment, but if it’s something that started up suddenly I feel like there must have been some impetus for it, like maybe something happened that made him feel insecure or something. (I’m also not making a “he’s cheating comment” lol).

OP here - it’s a new thing. We go out to eat all the time and he never bats an eye if I order a side or fries or something. We used to eat out a lot together in our dating days. He seems to only make the comments at home. What’s weird about it is he often brings home a little sweet treat or something for me on his way home from work. Yet he seems to only make comments when I’m cooking/eating at home.

If it just started, you should call him out. Maybe he doesn't realize how it comes off. Maybe it's jealousy bc he feels like you eat more/better stuff than him but he is struggling w his body. I dunno. But you should tell him it bothers you and that it has to stop

This is 100% about him - approach him in those terms. Not "I am hurt because ..." but "wow, I've noticed you've been making weird comments that seem really out of character for you - are you ok? What is going on with you? And yes, I assume these comments are addressed at me because I am the closest person you have to - but you know these aren't acceptable, and if they continue [INSERT YOUR ENFORCEABLE BOUNDARY HERE: eg, I will ignore you and walk away / I will no longer eat with you /etc."] You can't MAKE him do anything, but you can decide how you are going to think and act about this situation.

"Are you ok?" - what kind of a question is that?! It's not like he fell on the floor...

It's a question to ask when you someone you care about and know well starts to act out of character. Another way to put it: Is there something you want to talk about?

OP - any chance he is feeling guilty about something (infidelity / money / other lies?) and he is transferring his own self-loathing to you?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you two sign up with a trainer and start working out together? It would break the stupid dynamic infecting your marriage.

[Anonymous]

5’2” and 130 is perfectly fine. I’m an inch and a half taller and was modeling at that weight.
Your husband is a controlling ass and would probably still be doing this if you were 115 pounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve mentioned it before how his comments come across as rude and unhelpful. Im 5’2, 130lbs. Im not overweight or trying to change my body, I know im not at an ideal weight for my size but im healthy that that’s the most important thing to me.

He constantly makes side commentary about what I eat. I had put a second tablespoon of parmesan and he snorted/laughed when I did this. I asked him what the problem was and he commented about how I must "really like parmesan." I asked him what the problem is and he said nothing.

I was eating wheat crackers earlier today about an hour before dinner and grabbed one more cracker from the bag, he said "are you sure you’re going to be hungry for dinner later?" I asked him why it’s his concern if/when I eat crackers and he went "oh god THIS again", like how dare I have the audacity to be offended by what be said.

I cook and do all the grocery shopping in our household. We eat healthy and have indulgences once in a while. He has some weird hangups about his own body.

Honestly I’m just sick of him and his snide commentary - if it’s not what I’m eating it’s what I’m buying or doing. He always has some kind of unkind comment.

Textbook VBA.

About being 5’2” and 130? No.

Imagine the corpulence of a woman believing OP posted a VBA.

Right?? Omg. I’m 5-2 and weighing 130 makes me a size 10. Nope nope nope.

I’m 5’’2”, 140 and a size 8. Maybe you should lift some weights.

[Anonymous]

I was 127 pounds before pregnancy; 5'9 tall. I was size 4 back then. I was modeling, too, in my 20s, but considered on a heavy side. In-demand girls at castings were size 0.

Now at age 43 I am 141 pounds. I am somewhere between 6 and 8.

No way a woman at 5'2 who is 130 pounds is size 6! It's a wishful thinking

OP is likely approaching size 10, thus her husband wants her to loose weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 127 pounds before pregnancy; 5'9 tall. I was size 4 back then. I was modeling, too, in my 20s, but considered on a heavy side. In-demand girls at castings were size 0.

Now at age 43 I am 141 pounds. I am somewhere between 6 and 8.

No way a woman at 5'2 who is 130 pounds is size 6! It's a wishful thinking

OP is likely approaching size 10, thus her husband wants her to loose weight.

Body types differ. I’m 5’3”, 140 and a 6.

[Anonymous]

OP, honestly, can you provide your waste, butt and breast dimensions in inches? We can't side with you or your husband without determining what size you are. Maybe he's hinting it's time to loose weight; maybe he's an a-hole.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who said the OP should work out with a trainer. I am 4'11 and not that much shorter than the OP. At my heaviest, I was 132lbs and had 30% body fat. Since training with weights (deadlifts, barbell squats etc.) for several years, I'm now 120lbs so not that much lighter but my physique looks fit. I wear 4P dresses by Calvin Klein but can also fit in their Size 2 dresses if they're hemmed. So I don't think OP would be a size 10 but more like a 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's trying to tell you he's not that into you at your current weight.

Obviously.
That doesn't make it okay though.

DH does the same and I believe it’s because he doesn’t like my weight gain. I think it’s a control issue - If he comments on my food choices and controls what I eat then I’ll be thin. It totally doesn’t work. No one can calorie restrict unless they want to and shaming your partner doesn’t make them want to lose weight. I hate the comments so I eat really healthy around DH, then eat what I want when he’s not around. We just went on vacation and I was starving the whole time. We got home and I ate everything that wasn’t tied down. I’m 5’5” 160lbs and have accepted my weight. I wish DH would just accept me at my weight and let me live around him.

Yeah, it’s not a control thing, he wants you to be thinner because that is more sexually appealing to him. Do you think he would be controlling if you were at your most attractive (to him weight)?

NP. That's still control. It's like somebody who gives their dog a treat when the dog does a trick. Approval or not, somebody is still treating you like a dog.

I’m bumping this comment.