Worth breaking up over a birthday?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I hope that OP keeps us updated. This is the best will-he-or-won't-he I've read in a while.

For the record, I'm Team OP. She told him it was important to celebrate her birthday. If he drops the ball, they are incompatible. Doesn't matter how any of us celebrate or don't celebrate our birthdays.

OP: thank you We went for a walk last night and grabbed a quick bit to eat and at one point he again said, "someone's birthday's coming up!" and I smiled. But, no mention of any plans for before (it would have to be tonight) or after birthday. Trying to be chill- it's hard!

Op you blew it right there IMO. Why didn't you ask if he has any plans? Maybe he's been hoping for ideas.

Op: to clarify, all I was hoping for is maybe lunch or dinner, as PP stated- nothing extravagant. But per your question, we talked a few weeks ago about things we’ve always wanted to do in the city that we haven’t done yet, and I named 5-6 things (shows, museums, etc).

Are you being purposefully dense? You need to tell him you want to do something WITH HIM for your birthday!! Listing activities you want to do sometimes, but then blowing him off when he says your birthday is coming up?! He keeps bringing up your birthday and you are shooting him down every time! I totally agree the with poster up thread who said you are giving him a clear signal that you do NOT want to celebrate your birthday with him.

Op: I’m not shooting him down at all! And if we don’t do anything but he gets me a gift, I’ll be very happy! For everyone saying I need to TELL HIM, I am trying to find out if we’re compatible long-term. And if he doesn’t do anything, I know we’re not.

New poster. OP, I'm going to fix this for you, because you didn't quite finish your thought above:

"I'm trying to find out if we're compatible long term. He needs to be able to read my mind if we're going to be a long-term couple. I will dump him if he can't guess what I want, based on hints and my coy way of deflecting when he brings up my birthday. He should WANT to do something for me, should want it so much he can read my 'hints' even if some people would read them as the exact opposite of what I really want!"

He. Cannot. Read. Your. Mind. And you really want him to! If he were "compatible" with you he would just know what you really want! Based on generic talks about things you generally like.

Do you really not understand why this is not mature thinking? And why true compatibility for a real relationship is not at all about birthday celebration plans?

If you would do this over your birthday, heaven help him when the holidays roll around. Why would you intentionally screw up a decent relationship because you are testing him to see if he is psychic?! And that's what you are doing -- testing him. Grown-ups don't do that, OP. They just don't.

She wants a guy who TAKES THE INITIATIVE and makes thoughtful gestures during special occasions. She ALREADY told him this. She is allowed to have this very reasonable preference. Heck, even employers expect it of many employees.

Yes, it's the taking the initiative part that's important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope that OP keeps us updated. This is the best will-he-or-won't-he I've read in a while.

For the record, I'm Team OP. She told him it was important to celebrate her birthday. If he drops the ball, they are incompatible. Doesn't matter how any of us celebrate or don't celebrate our birthdays.

OP: thank you We went for a walk last night and grabbed a quick bit to eat and at one point he again said, "someone's birthday's coming up!" and I smiled. But, no mention of any plans for before (it would have to be tonight) or after birthday. Trying to be chill- it's hard!

Op you blew it right there IMO. Why didn't you ask if he has any plans? Maybe he's been hoping for ideas.

Op: to clarify, all I was hoping for is maybe lunch or dinner, as PP stated- nothing extravagant. But per your question, we talked a few weeks ago about things we’ve always wanted to do in the city that we haven’t done yet, and I named 5-6 things (shows, museums, etc).

Are you being purposefully dense? You need to tell him you want to do something WITH HIM for your birthday!! Listing activities you want to do sometimes, but then blowing him off when he says your birthday is coming up?! He keeps bringing up your birthday and you are shooting him down every time! I totally agree the with poster up thread who said you are giving him a clear signal that you do NOT want to celebrate your birthday with him.

Op: I’m not shooting him down at all! And if we don’t do anything but he gets me a gift, I’ll be very happy! For everyone saying I need to TELL HIM, I am trying to find out if we’re compatible long-term. And if he doesn’t do anything, I know we’re not.

Then why in your original post did you say you were “bummed” days before your birthday!?

From the original post:" I feel like if he doesn't do anything special and/or get a gift (doesn't have to be expensive at all!), I might just break it off."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use your words, OP.

Sitting there silent and waiting to see if your BF comes through or not -- and putting the entire relationship on the line without ever making that clear -- is something a 12 year old does.

Will you be turning 13 in a few days?

. Lol. I though the same thing, then I saw her post that she’s at least 40!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope that OP keeps us updated. This is the best will-he-or-won't-he I've read in a while.

For the record, I'm Team OP. She told him it was important to celebrate her birthday. If he drops the ball, they are incompatible. Doesn't matter how any of us celebrate or don't celebrate our birthdays.

OP: thank you We went for a walk last night and grabbed a quick bit to eat and at one point he again said, "someone's birthday's coming up!" and I smiled. But, no mention of any plans for before (it would have to be tonight) or after birthday. Trying to be chill- it's hard!

Op you blew it right there IMO. Why didn't you ask if he has any plans? Maybe he's been hoping for ideas.

Op: to clarify, all I was hoping for is maybe lunch or dinner, as PP stated- nothing extravagant. But per your question, we talked a few weeks ago about things we’ve always wanted to do in the city that we haven’t done yet, and I named 5-6 things (shows, museums, etc).

Are you being purposefully dense? You need to tell him you want to do something WITH HIM for your birthday!! Listing activities you want to do sometimes, but then blowing him off when he says your birthday is coming up?! He keeps bringing up your birthday and you are shooting him down every time! I totally agree the with poster up thread who said you are giving him a clear signal that you do NOT want to celebrate your birthday with him.

Op: I’m not shooting him down at all! And if we don’t do anything but he gets me a gift, I’ll be very happy! For everyone saying I need to TELL HIM, I am trying to find out if we’re compatible long-term. And if he doesn’t do anything, I know we’re not.

Then why in your original post did you say you were “bummed” days before your birthday!?

From the original post:" I feel like if he doesn't do anything special and/or get a gift (doesn't have to be expensive at all!), I might just break it off."

Also from the original post: “But so far, he has not asked me to do anything or indicated there are any plans. I admit, I'm kind of bummed.” If a gift is suitable then why are you already bummed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I find grown adults who insist on making a big deal out of their birthdays to be so, so tiresome and high maintenance.

Agree. I think it is really weird and immature.

Why is it considered "immature" to hope that the MOST important person in your life acknowledges your birthday in some nice way? Genuine question.

After six months he is the MOST important person? My parents aren't living but I would still not consider my BF of six months to be the most important....

NP. The idea is that if you get married that person will be the most important person in life, and you cannot that once a person becomes the most important person in life they will step up and do what you hope a spouse does. My husband is the most important person in my life and I expect him to acknowledge my birthday in a nice way. It seems like people are suggesting that is immature.

I think it is the fact that she is already so stressed that she is posting on a message board about it, and pre-emptively planning a break up. Wny not wait to see what happens? She could break up with him next week. What is the rush?

She is figuring out where her line in the sand is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope that OP keeps us updated. This is the best will-he-or-won't-he I've read in a while.

For the record, I'm Team OP. She told him it was important to celebrate her birthday. If he drops the ball, they are incompatible. Doesn't matter how any of us celebrate or don't celebrate our birthdays.

OP: thank you We went for a walk last night and grabbed a quick bit to eat and at one point he again said, "someone's birthday's coming up!" and I smiled. But, no mention of any plans for before (it would have to be tonight) or after birthday. Trying to be chill- it's hard!

Op you blew it right there IMO. Why didn't you ask if he has any plans? Maybe he's been hoping for ideas.

Op: to clarify, all I was hoping for is maybe lunch or dinner, as PP stated- nothing extravagant. But per your question, we talked a few weeks ago about things we’ve always wanted to do in the city that we haven’t done yet, and I named 5-6 things (shows, museums, etc).

Are you being purposefully dense? You need to tell him you want to do something WITH HIM for your birthday!! Listing activities you want to do sometimes, but then blowing him off when he says your birthday is coming up?! He keeps bringing up your birthday and you are shooting him down every time! I totally agree the with poster up thread who said you are giving him a clear signal that you do NOT want to celebrate your birthday with him.

You can't both say that she needs to use her words with him *and* that he is being totally reasonable to interpret a smile as saying she doesn't want to do something for her birthday.

[Anonymous]

For the guys on this thread- if you really liked a woman, are you actually saying you would risk not doing ANYTHING for her birthday at all, because she didn't explicitly ask you to?

To me, a guy doing nothing indicates he's clueless or he doesn't care- NOT that he's nervous she doesn't want to celebrate her birthday. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope that OP keeps us updated. This is the best will-he-or-won't-he I've read in a while.

For the record, I'm Team OP. She told him it was important to celebrate her birthday. If he drops the ball, they are incompatible. Doesn't matter how any of us celebrate or don't celebrate our birthdays.

OP: thank you We went for a walk last night and grabbed a quick bit to eat and at one point he again said, "someone's birthday's coming up!" and I smiled. But, no mention of any plans for before (it would have to be tonight) or after birthday. Trying to be chill- it's hard!

Op you blew it right there IMO. Why didn't you ask if he has any plans? Maybe he's been hoping for ideas.

Op: to clarify, all I was hoping for is maybe lunch or dinner, as PP stated- nothing extravagant. But per your question, we talked a few weeks ago about things we’ve always wanted to do in the city that we haven’t done yet, and I named 5-6 things (shows, museums, etc).

Are you being purposefully dense? You need to tell him you want to do something WITH HIM for your birthday!! Listing activities you want to do sometimes, but then blowing him off when he says your birthday is coming up?! He keeps bringing up your birthday and you are shooting him down every time! I totally agree the with poster up thread who said you are giving him a clear signal that you do NOT want to celebrate your birthday with him.

You can't both say that she needs to use her words with him *and* that he is being totally reasonable to interpret a smile as saying she doesn't want to do something for her birthday.

I imagine if he were posting here and not OP, that poster would also tell him to use his words.

[Anonymous]

OP please come back and let us know how this ended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the guys on this thread- if you really liked a woman, are you actually saying you would risk not doing ANYTHING for her birthday at all, because she didn't explicitly ask you to?

To me, a guy doing nothing indicates he's clueless or he doesn't care- NOT that he's nervous she doesn't want to celebrate her birthday. Come on.

Not when he has repeatedly brought up the subject though. Either he is feeling her out and feels spooked to act, or he is a jerk who brought it up repeatedly with zero intention of doing anything. I think there’s close to zero chance he doesn’t have plans or a gift lined up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP please come back and let us know how this ended.

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope that OP keeps us updated. This is the best will-he-or-won't-he I've read in a while.

For the record, I'm Team OP. She told him it was important to celebrate her birthday. If he drops the ball, they are incompatible. Doesn't matter how any of us celebrate or don't celebrate our birthdays.

OP: thank you We went for a walk last night and grabbed a quick bit to eat and at one point he again said, "someone's birthday's coming up!" and I smiled. But, no mention of any plans for before (it would have to be tonight) or after birthday. Trying to be chill- it's hard!

Op you blew it right there IMO. Why didn't you ask if he has any plans? Maybe he's been hoping for ideas.

Op: to clarify, all I was hoping for is maybe lunch or dinner, as PP stated- nothing extravagant. But per your question, we talked a few weeks ago about things we’ve always wanted to do in the city that we haven’t done yet, and I named 5-6 things (shows, museums, etc).

Are you being purposefully dense? You need to tell him you want to do something WITH HIM for your birthday!! Listing activities you want to do sometimes, but then blowing him off when he says your birthday is coming up?! He keeps bringing up your birthday and you are shooting him down every time! I totally agree the with poster up thread who said you are giving him a clear signal that you do NOT want to celebrate your birthday with him.

Op: I’m not shooting him down at all! And if we don’t do anything but he gets me a gift, I’ll be very happy! For everyone saying I need to TELL HIM, I am trying to find out if we’re compatible long-term. And if he doesn’t do anything, I know we’re not.

New poster. OP, I'm going to fix this for you, because you didn't quite finish your thought above:

"I'm trying to find out if we're compatible long term. He needs to be able to read my mind if we're going to be a long-term couple. I will dump him if he can't guess what I want, based on hints and my coy way of deflecting when he brings up my birthday. He should WANT to do something for me, should want it so much he can read my 'hints' even if some people would read them as the exact opposite of what I really want!"

He. Cannot. Read. Your. Mind. And you really want him to! If he were "compatible" with you he would just know what you really want! Based on generic talks about things you generally like.

Do you really not understand why this is not mature thinking? And why true compatibility for a real relationship is not at all about birthday celebration plans?

If you would do this over your birthday, heaven help him when the holidays roll around. Why would you intentionally screw up a decent relationship because you are testing him to see if he is psychic?! And that's what you are doing -- testing him. Grown-ups don't do that, OP. They just don't.

She wants a guy who TAKES THE INITIATIVE and makes thoughtful gestures during special occasions. She ALREADY told him this. She is allowed to have this very reasonable preference. Heck, even employers expect it of many employees.

Yes, it's the taking the initiative part that's important.

*facepalm* THE BIRTHDAY HASN’T EVEN HAPPENED YET. In no university would it be reasonable to be bummed he didn’t take the initiative to do something for your birthday when it’s still BEFORE your birthday!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope that OP keeps us updated. This is the best will-he-or-won't-he I've read in a while.

For the record, I'm Team OP. She told him it was important to celebrate her birthday. If he drops the ball, they are incompatible. Doesn't matter how any of us celebrate or don't celebrate our birthdays.

OP: thank you We went for a walk last night and grabbed a quick bit to eat and at one point he again said, "someone's birthday's coming up!" and I smiled. But, no mention of any plans for before (it would have to be tonight) or after birthday. Trying to be chill- it's hard!

Op you blew it right there IMO. Why didn't you ask if he has any plans? Maybe he's been hoping for ideas.

Op: to clarify, all I was hoping for is maybe lunch or dinner, as PP stated- nothing extravagant. But per your question, we talked a few weeks ago about things we’ve always wanted to do in the city that we haven’t done yet, and I named 5-6 things (shows, museums, etc).

Are you being purposefully dense? You need to tell him you want to do something WITH HIM for your birthday!! Listing activities you want to do sometimes, but then blowing him off when he says your birthday is coming up?! He keeps bringing up your birthday and you are shooting him down every time! I totally agree the with poster up thread who said you are giving him a clear signal that you do NOT want to celebrate your birthday with him.

Op: I’m not shooting him down at all! And if we don’t do anything but he gets me a gift, I’ll be very happy! For everyone saying I need to TELL HIM, I am trying to find out if we’re compatible long-term. And if he doesn’t do anything, I know we’re not.

New poster. OP, I'm going to fix this for you, because you didn't quite finish your thought above:

"I'm trying to find out if we're compatible long term. He needs to be able to read my mind if we're going to be a long-term couple. I will dump him if he can't guess what I want, based on hints and my coy way of deflecting when he brings up my birthday. He should WANT to do something for me, should want it so much he can read my 'hints' even if some people would read them as the exact opposite of what I really want!"

He. Cannot. Read. Your. Mind. And you really want him to! If he were "compatible" with you he would just know what you really want! Based on generic talks about things you generally like.

Do you really not understand why this is not mature thinking? And why true compatibility for a real relationship is not at all about birthday celebration plans?

If you would do this over your birthday, heaven help him when the holidays roll around. Why would you intentionally screw up a decent relationship because you are testing him to see if he is psychic?! And that's what you are doing -- testing him. Grown-ups don't do that, OP. They just don't.

She wants a guy who TAKES THE INITIATIVE and makes thoughtful gestures during special occasions. She ALREADY told him this. She is allowed to have this very reasonable preference. Heck, even employers expect it of many employees.

Yes, it's the taking the initiative part that's important.

*facepalm* THE BIRTHDAY HASN’T EVEN HAPPENED YET. In no university would it be reasonable to be bummed he didn’t take the initiative to do something for your birthday when it’s still BEFORE your birthday!!

Of course it's reasonable. She knows he hasn't made any plans that she would need to be informed of ahead of time. You know, like a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope that OP keeps us updated. This is the best will-he-or-won't-he I've read in a while.

For the record, I'm Team OP. She told him it was important to celebrate her birthday. If he drops the ball, they are incompatible. Doesn't matter how any of us celebrate or don't celebrate our birthdays.

OP: thank you We went for a walk last night and grabbed a quick bit to eat and at one point he again said, "someone's birthday's coming up!" and I smiled. But, no mention of any plans for before (it would have to be tonight) or after birthday. Trying to be chill- it's hard!

Op you blew it right there IMO. Why didn't you ask if he has any plans? Maybe he's been hoping for ideas.

Op: to clarify, all I was hoping for is maybe lunch or dinner, as PP stated- nothing extravagant. But per your question, we talked a few weeks ago about things we’ve always wanted to do in the city that we haven’t done yet, and I named 5-6 things (shows, museums, etc).

Are you being purposefully dense? You need to tell him you want to do something WITH HIM for your birthday!! Listing activities you want to do sometimes, but then blowing him off when he says your birthday is coming up?! He keeps bringing up your birthday and you are shooting him down every time! I totally agree the with poster up thread who said you are giving him a clear signal that you do NOT want to celebrate your birthday with him.

Op: I’m not shooting him down at all! And if we don’t do anything but he gets me a gift, I’ll be very happy! For everyone saying I need to TELL HIM, I am trying to find out if we’re compatible long-term. And if he doesn’t do anything, I know we’re not.

New poster. OP, I'm going to fix this for you, because you didn't quite finish your thought above:

"I'm trying to find out if we're compatible long term. He needs to be able to read my mind if we're going to be a long-term couple. I will dump him if he can't guess what I want, based on hints and my coy way of deflecting when he brings up my birthday. He should WANT to do something for me, should want it so much he can read my 'hints' even if some people would read them as the exact opposite of what I really want!"

He. Cannot. Read. Your. Mind. And you really want him to! If he were "compatible" with you he would just know what you really want! Based on generic talks about things you generally like.

Do you really not understand why this is not mature thinking? And why true compatibility for a real relationship is not at all about birthday celebration plans?

If you would do this over your birthday, heaven help him when the holidays roll around. Why would you intentionally screw up a decent relationship because you are testing him to see if he is psychic?! And that's what you are doing -- testing him. Grown-ups don't do that, OP. They just don't.

She wants a guy who TAKES THE INITIATIVE and makes thoughtful gestures during special occasions. She ALREADY told him this. She is allowed to have this very reasonable preference. Heck, even employers expect it of many employees.

Yes, it's the taking the initiative part that's important.

*facepalm* THE BIRTHDAY HASN’T EVEN HAPPENED YET. In no university would it be reasonable to be bummed he didn’t take the initiative to do something for your birthday when it’s still BEFORE your birthday!!

Of course it's reasonable. She knows he hasn't made any plans that she would need to be informed of ahead of time. You know, like a date.

Which still leaves a surprise party, flowers at her hotel where she’s traveling, a gift. She doesn’t need to be informed ahead of time for every avenue of celebration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find grown adults who insist on making a big deal out of their birthdays to be so, so tiresome and high maintenance.

Same, and they are the ones who never even text others a simple HBD.