Husband left two-year-old twins home alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not overreacting, but take it as a lesson to always confirm handoff. DH and I use the air traffic control approach—one person hands off responsibility for the kids and waits to leave until the other person confirms/accepts responsibility. It’s not enough to call out “I’m leaving!” and assume the other person heard.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, you're overreacting. The kids were not harmed. He made a mistake thinking you were in the house. If it happens again, then I would get upset.

Even if she was in the house why would you leave two 2-year-olds roaming around alone without checking with the person behind a locked door?

You mean like OP did when she left to get her other child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Delete this post, OP. Because CPS. I’m serious. Ask Jeff to delete in website feedback.

OP could be a troll, for all we know. Jeff moderates, not investigates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No this is not divorce worthy. But you are also not overreacting - they could have gotten seriously hurt.

However, this is a mistake that I could see someone making maybe once in a lifetime. Work on a better communication system between you guys and move on.

This, above, x1,000.

Not divorce worthy. That is your (understandable!) rage and intense fear talking, OP. And it's justifiable to feel anger and fear-- 30 minutes for a toddler alone totally unsupervised has immeasurable potential for accidents.

But please heed the PP's line above: "This is a mistake that I could see someone making maybe once in a lifetime. Work on a better communication system between you guys and move on."

OP, please wait until you have cooled down a little -- not because you are wrong to be upset and angry (you are not wrong) BUT because it's difficult to communicate clearly when one is upset and angry, and you need him to hear your words, not just your anger. You need to ask him why, when you are gone at that time every day, he made an assumption and then did not check in on you to be sure you knew he was leaving the house. That should never happen again, ever. Establish a rule always to check in--both of you.

Also: Was something different about today? Yes, you make this run daily and he should know that (is he working at home and that's why he should know that schedule?). But was something different today? He had a meeting online or on the phone that was unexpected, and it distracted him from remembering the schedule? He was going out to pick up something at a place that was about to close and he felt rushed and was focused o that, and so made a stupid assumption? And so forth. Sit down and calmly, with him, walk through why today was any different or more distracting. This is NOT to make excuses for him, or to bash him with his actions (he surely feels bad enough--right?) but to analyze this a little and figure out how to prevent its ever happening again. Also, OP, do you usually tell him that your'e leaving the house? If I were heading out to pick up one kid and the other two were there at home, I'd likely at least call out to DH that I was going out the door, and I'd want a response from him. Maybe that can be part of the routine as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, you're overreacting. The kids were not harmed. He made a mistake thinking you were in the house. If it happens again, then I would get upset.

Even if she was in the house why would you leave two 2-year-olds roaming around alone without checking with the person behind a locked door?

You mean like OP did when she left to get her other child?

+1 OP is really lucky she hasn’t done more damage. If this pickup happens daily who even knows how many times she’s left her kids alone without telling anyone or making sure someone else was home. Neither parent would know because they clearly don’t talk to each other. Unbelievable she can’t see her own faults and puts the blame on him. Glad the kids are safe now, hopefully she learns something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No this is not divorce worthy. But you are also not overreacting - they could have gotten seriously hurt.

However, this is a mistake that I could see someone making maybe once in a lifetime. Work on a better communication system between you guys and move on.

This, above, x1,000.

Not divorce worthy. That is your (understandable!) rage and intense fear talking, OP. And it's justifiable to feel anger and fear-- 30 minutes for a toddler alone totally unsupervised has immeasurable potential for accidents.

But please heed the PP's line above: "This is a mistake that I could see someone making maybe once in a lifetime. Work on a better communication system between you guys and move on."

OP, please wait until you have cooled down a little -- not because you are wrong to be upset and angry (you are not wrong) BUT because it's difficult to communicate clearly when one is upset and angry, and you need him to hear your words, not just your anger. You need to ask him why, when you are gone at that time every day, he made an assumption and then did not check in on you to be sure you knew he was leaving the house. That should never happen again, ever. Establish a rule always to check in--both of you.

Also: Was something different about today? Yes, you make this run daily and he should know that (is he working at home and that's why he should know that schedule?). But was something different today? He had a meeting online or on the phone that was unexpected, and it distracted him from remembering the schedule? He was going out to pick up something at a place that was about to close and he felt rushed and was focused o that, and so made a stupid assumption? And so forth. Sit down and calmly, with him, walk through why today was any different or more distracting. This is NOT to make excuses for him, or to bash him with his actions (he surely feels bad enough--right?) but to analyze this a little and figure out how to prevent its ever happening again. Also, OP, do you usually tell him that your'e leaving the house? If I were heading out to pick up one kid and the other two were there at home, I'd likely at least call out to DH that I was going out the door, and I'd want a response from him. Maybe that can be part of the routine as well.

SHE left the home first.
SHE knew there were children present.
SHE didn’t communicate.
HE is not a mind reader.
SHE does this daily.
SHE is at fault as much if not more than him.
HE messed up to but SHE left first.
SHE got lucky.
HE did not.
They BOTH need help.

[Anonymous]

Where did the husband go? Wasn't he with the kids previously and she with the preschooler? So why would he just leave them alone without talking to anyone first?

[Anonymous]

I don't think divorce is a reasonable next step for many reasons but you should take the following steps:

1. Implement a hand-off procedure. Any time one of you leaves, you must tell the other that you are leaving and which, if any, kids are with you and the other person must acknowledge what you said before you leave. Every time. Calling out to the person and then taking off before you make sure they heard you isn't enough. Even if you aren't leaving the house but are handing off supervision of the kids, take the same approach - like if the kids are in the bath or whatever. That way, each of you knows where the other is and which kid(s) you are each responsible for.

2. Meet with a parenting coach to learn about what each of you can do - separately and as a parenting team - to ensure a safe and stable home for the kids.

3. Meet with a marriage counselor to work through any anger or resentment that is lingering due to these issues. DH may need to see a therapist on his own, too.

[Anonymous]

My BIL is a lot like your husband: absent minded, easily distracted, negligent w the kids, etc. My SIL is sure he has ADHD but he’s never been evaluated/diagnosed or medicated for it. my SIL doesn’t feel like she can trust him to adequately take care of the kids on his own so she stays married to him to protect the kids even though she’d like to get a divorce (not just bc of this issue—he is also terrible with money and often makes bad financial decisions, he lies to cover up things he did wrong, he can be mean…it’s not all due to ADHD but probably a lot of it is?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think he's lying about believing you were home or do you think he actually thought you were there?

how did he not notice your car missing in the driveway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are overreacting. Were they harmed?

I can't believe all the people saying op is overreacting! Just because they were lucky does not mean she was overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

??? Amber Heard is a deranged victimizer. Reminds me of OP.

Btw a jury ageees with me on that.

Only in the US. in the UK he was found guilty of 12 counts of abuse.

Uh, no. He wasn’t. He wasn’t on trial. These were defamation suits.

Everyone agrees Amber Heard is a manipulative, lying liar who lies. This isn’t even opinion but a matter of established fact.

‘The judge in the Johnny Depp libel action concluded that “the great majority of alleged assaults” on Amber Heard by the Pirates of the Caribbean star had been “proved to the civil standard”.
Of the 14 alleged assaults heard in open court – all of which have been denied by Depp – he found that 12 of them were proved on the balance of probability.’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are overreacting. Were they harmed?

I can't believe all the people saying op is overreacting! Just because they were lucky does not mean she was overreacting.

You were overreacting OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No this is not divorce worthy. But you are also not overreacting - they could have gotten seriously hurt.

However, this is a mistake that I could see someone making maybe once in a lifetime. Work on a better communication system between you guys and move on.

This, above, x1,000.

Not divorce worthy. That is your (understandable!) rage and intense fear talking, OP. And it's justifiable to feel anger and fear-- 30 minutes for a toddler alone totally unsupervised has immeasurable potential for accidents.

But please heed the PP's line above: "This is a mistake that I could see someone making maybe once in a lifetime. Work on a better communication system between you guys and move on."

OP, please wait until you have cooled down a little -- not because you are wrong to be upset and angry (you are not wrong) BUT because it's difficult to communicate clearly when one is upset and angry, and you need him to hear your words, not just your anger. You need to ask him why, when you are gone at that time every day, he made an assumption and then did not check in on you to be sure you knew he was leaving the house. That should never happen again, ever. Establish a rule always to check in--both of you.

Also: Was something different about today? Yes, you make this run daily and he should know that (is he working at home and that's why he should know that schedule?). But was something different today? He had a meeting online or on the phone that was unexpected, and it distracted him from remembering the schedule? He was going out to pick up something at a place that was about to close and he felt rushed and was focused o that, and so made a stupid assumption? And so forth. Sit down and calmly, with him, walk through why today was any different or more distracting. This is NOT to make excuses for him, or to bash him with his actions (he surely feels bad enough--right?) but to analyze this a little and figure out how to prevent its ever happening again. Also, OP, do you usually tell him that your'e leaving the house? If I were heading out to pick up one kid and the other two were there at home, I'd likely at least call out to DH that I was going out the door, and I'd want a response from him. Maybe that can be part of the routine as well.

SHE left the home first.
SHE knew there were children present.
SHE didn’t communicate.
HE is not a mind reader.
SHE does this daily.
SHE is at fault as much if not more than him.
HE messed up to but SHE left first.
SHE got lucky.
HE did not.
They BOTH need help.

Crazy troll poster at it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, you're overreacting. The kids were not harmed. He made a mistake thinking you were in the house. If it happens again, then I would get upset.

Even if she was in the house why would you leave two 2-year-olds roaming around alone without checking with the person behind a locked door?

This. He knowingly left them unsupervised, because a parent in another room with the door closed is not supervision. It would be different with 5 year old, but toddlers? Good grief.

I also agree that it's a little odd that neither OP nor her husband typically let the other know when going out the door. It seems like a lack of courtesy or teamwork or closeness or something, to not just yell out, "I'm leaving!" when heading out the door.

This. He is straight up negligent. Two year olds need eyes at all times.