Husband left two-year-old twins home alone

[Anonymous]

Everyone is just obsessed with the 50/50 custody thing. A man like this won’t want 50/50 custody.

[Anonymous]

If he has money or high income he might.
Or a big ego and image to preserve.
Or if he wants “to get” Op for the whole duration of coparenting and beyond.

Remember, he thinks raising kids is easy…. Because he’s clueless.
He also likely thinks you can throw money at anything and it will get done right, by someone else, with no real instructions, directions or oversight from him. Easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended my marriage for many reasons other than failure to parent (similar to what OP describes). But the failure to parent part was a big component of that. For safety reasons, I was forced to do all parenting. I never wanted a relationship like that - I always assumed there would be equally shared parenting. But you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. I never wanted to model for the kids that the woman does all the parenting and staying in the marriage would have taught them that was OK. It’s not. If I wanted I third child, I would have conceived one; I don’t need a man-child to take care of in addition to two actual children.

Re: the bold, asking seriously, PP -- did he get partial custody or visitation rights, or--? And was it a situation where his having the kids solo was a potential danger to them? As some PPs here are noting, it's extremely difficult to make a successful case for 100 percent physical custody, and some moms here are noting that if they divorce, their kids will end up at times alone with fathers who are potentially dangerous to the kids, so the women stay married at least until the children are old enough to understand and react to danger, not have random accidents, etc. What was your situation and how old were your kids when you divorced? Because that's not an option for some mothers, if the fathers are oblivious. Divorcing and putting him in charge solo at times doesn't always teach the ex that he now must step up and oversee his own kids' safety. It's horrible situation to be in, staying in a marriage just becuase one fears for the kids' safety when with their other parent.

FWIW both of OP’s examples of her husband’s neglect were “caused” (so to speak) by the fact that he assumed she was providing backup but she really wasn’t. In a shared-custody situation, he would always know that he was watching the kids alone with no backup, so there would never be any confusion about that. Given this change in the dynamic, I’ll bet these incidents would stop.

OK, cool. Gamble with the kids’ safety for half of their entire childhoods because you “bet” he would change.

The kids will likely be fine. That’s the problem. Women like OP love to share about bad things that ALMOST happened. Nothing happened to the children in this situation. They were fine and are fine. If you have anxiety, it’s hard to accept this.

It’s also hard to accept that if you’re truly married to a man who is too dangerous to watch children on his own, then he is too dangerous to live with you.

Safety is not an accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended my marriage for many reasons other than failure to parent (similar to what OP describes). But the failure to parent part was a big component of that. For safety reasons, I was forced to do all parenting. I never wanted a relationship like that - I always assumed there would be equally shared parenting. But you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. I never wanted to model for the kids that the woman does all the parenting and staying in the marriage would have taught them that was OK. It’s not. If I wanted I third child, I would have conceived one; I don’t need a man-child to take care of in addition to two actual children.

Re: the bold, asking seriously, PP -- did he get partial custody or visitation rights, or--? And was it a situation where his having the kids solo was a potential danger to them? As some PPs here are noting, it's extremely difficult to make a successful case for 100 percent physical custody, and some moms here are noting that if they divorce, their kids will end up at times alone with fathers who are potentially dangerous to the kids, so the women stay married at least until the children are old enough to understand and react to danger, not have random accidents, etc. What was your situation and how old were your kids when you divorced? Because that's not an option for some mothers, if the fathers are oblivious. Divorcing and putting him in charge solo at times doesn't always teach the ex that he now must step up and oversee his own kids' safety. It's horrible situation to be in, staying in a marriage just becuase one fears for the kids' safety when with their other parent.

FWIW both of OP’s examples of her husband’s neglect were “caused” (so to speak) by the fact that he assumed she was providing backup but she really wasn’t. In a shared-custody situation, he would always know that he was watching the kids alone with no backup, so there would never be any confusion about that. Given this change in the dynamic, I’ll bet these incidents would stop.

These types hire teen sitters, make their elderly mom be the caretaker, or worse, make the new girlfriend play stepmom to impress him. They never step up. They avoid. Avoid responsibilities.

+1. Top PP’s comments are just another version of blame the woman. The idea that if you force the man to be the caretaker, he will (finally) step up to the plate is not consistent with the lived experience of many women. Stop blaming us. It is not our job to manipulate the man to take responsibility for his own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is just obsessed with the 50/50 custody thing. A man like this won’t want 50/50 custody.

This was exactly my experience. He didn’t want it. He couldn’t handle it. Custody got in the way of other things he wanted more than custody of his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is just obsessed with the 50/50 custody thing. A man like this won’t want 50/50 custody.

This was exactly my experience. He didn’t want it. He couldn’t handle it. Custody got in the way of other things he wanted more than custody of his kids.

exactly. Mine too. Didn’t see him for 3 years except once every other weekend to go to the playground and get a treat. THEN he remarried (she’s wonderful and I trust her and the kids love her) and we’re 50/50 now except when it comes to braces, medical bills, soccer, soccer clothes and shoes, any type of camp or activity, new clothes, new shoes, and meeting with teachers and following up with school issues. LMAO. it’s all good. Single mom life.

[Anonymous]

This is not an over reaction. I am a man, and this is why men are idiots. The failure to affirmatively confirm your whereabouts before departing is egregious.

To use a sports analogy you do not run until the other person has handed off the baton to you.

This could have been solved with a simple, “Bye, I am leaving” and then waiting for a response.

[Anonymous]

This is an obvious troll and I am shocked people are taking it seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am shaking with rage. He said he thought I was in the bedroom with my preschooler with the door closed. I was picking her up from school like I do every day at that time. We are never home at that time. Why would he think that? Toddlers were just roaming around the house on their own. Probably about a half hour and I completely lost it when I realized what he had done. My mind is spinning. I don't want him to set foot in this house again. Is this divorce worthy. Am I overreacting.

You are as much to blame as he is and you sound like a nut case. And you think that crowd sourcing this on DCUM is a good idea. Your poor husband.

You are horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am shaking with rage. He said he thought I was in the bedroom with my preschooler with the door closed. I was picking her up from school like I do every day at that time. We are never home at that time. Why would he think that? Toddlers were just roaming around the house on their own. Probably about a half hour and I completely lost it when I realized what he had done. My mind is spinning. I don't want him to set foot in this house again. Is this divorce worthy. Am I overreacting.

You are as much to blame as he is and you sound like a nut case. And you think that crowd sourcing this on DCUM is a good idea. Your poor husband.

She did literally nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is just obsessed with the 50/50 custody thing. A man like this won’t want 50/50 custody.

They almost always want 50/50, whether it’s ego, to piss off the mom, because they think parenting is easy, or because the women they’ll be dating are suspicious of men who don’t have it.

[Anonymous]

Or heir lawyers tell them to. Totally brainless decision on their part and you’re back in court in 6-9 mos with a neglect case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended my marriage for many reasons other than failure to parent (similar to what OP describes). But the failure to parent part was a big component of that. For safety reasons, I was forced to do all parenting. I never wanted a relationship like that - I always assumed there would be equally shared parenting. But you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. I never wanted to model for the kids that the woman does all the parenting and staying in the marriage would have taught them that was OK. It’s not. If I wanted I third child, I would have conceived one; I don’t need a man-child to take care of in addition to two actual children.

Re: the bold, asking seriously, PP -- did he get partial custody or visitation rights, or--? And was it a situation where his having the kids solo was a potential danger to them? As some PPs here are noting, it's extremely difficult to make a successful case for 100 percent physical custody, and some moms here are noting that if they divorce, their kids will end up at times alone with fathers who are potentially dangerous to the kids, so the women stay married at least until the children are old enough to understand and react to danger, not have random accidents, etc. What was your situation and how old were your kids when you divorced? Because that's not an option for some mothers, if the fathers are oblivious. Divorcing and putting him in charge solo at times doesn't always teach the ex that he now must step up and oversee his own kids' safety. It's horrible situation to be in, staying in a marriage just becuase one fears for the kids' safety when with their other parent.

FWIW both of OP’s examples of her husband’s neglect were “caused” (so to speak) by the fact that he assumed she was providing backup but she really wasn’t. In a shared-custody situation, he would always know that he was watching the kids alone with no backup, so there would never be any confusion about that. Given this change in the dynamic, I’ll bet these incidents would stop.

OK, cool. Gamble with the kids’ safety for half of their entire childhoods because you “bet” he would change.

The kids will likely be fine. That’s the problem. Women like OP love to share about bad things that ALMOST happened. Nothing happened to the children in this situation. They were fine and are fine. If you have anxiety, it’s hard to accept this.

It’s also hard to accept that if you’re truly married to a man who is too dangerous to watch children on his own, then he is too dangerous to live with you.

Exactly! The guy is fine 94% of the time. So what if he endangers lives only 6% of the time. It’ll probably work out all right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended my marriage for many reasons other than failure to parent (similar to what OP describes). But the failure to parent part was a big component of that. For safety reasons, I was forced to do all parenting. I never wanted a relationship like that - I always assumed there would be equally shared parenting. But you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. I never wanted to model for the kids that the woman does all the parenting and staying in the marriage would have taught them that was OK. It’s not. If I wanted I third child, I would have conceived one; I don’t need a man-child to take care of in addition to two actual children.

Re: the bold, asking seriously, PP -- did he get partial custody or visitation rights, or--? And was it a situation where his having the kids solo was a potential danger to them? As some PPs here are noting, it's extremely difficult to make a successful case for 100 percent physical custody, and some moms here are noting that if they divorce, their kids will end up at times alone with fathers who are potentially dangerous to the kids, so the women stay married at least until the children are old enough to understand and react to danger, not have random accidents, etc. What was your situation and how old were your kids when you divorced? Because that's not an option for some mothers, if the fathers are oblivious. Divorcing and putting him in charge solo at times doesn't always teach the ex that he now must step up and oversee his own kids' safety. It's horrible situation to be in, staying in a marriage just becuase one fears for the kids' safety when with their other parent.

FWIW both of OP’s examples of her husband’s neglect were “caused” (so to speak) by the fact that he assumed she was providing backup but she really wasn’t. In a shared-custody situation, he would always know that he was watching the kids alone with no backup, so there would never be any confusion about that. Given this change in the dynamic, I’ll bet these incidents would stop.

OK, cool. Gamble with the kids’ safety for half of their entire childhoods because you “bet” he would change.

The kids will likely be fine. That’s the problem. Women like OP love to share about bad things that ALMOST happened. Nothing happened to the children in this situation. They were fine and are fine. If you have anxiety, it’s hard to accept this.

It’s also hard to accept that if you’re truly married to a man who is too dangerous to watch children on his own, then he is too dangerous to live with you.

Exactly! The guy is fine 94% of the time. So what if he endangers lives only 6% of the time. It’ll probably work out all right.

And if it doesn't, everyone will blame his wife anyway, and he'll just find some dumb young thing to knock up and start over. It's all good, man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

Get out. Go to a country that doesn’t abide by the Hague Convention. Good luck.