Almost done with freshman year! And lessons learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of the people crying helicopter don't have kids.

Also, agree with the poster who said the novelty wears off of being so independent. In fact, I've seen time and time again where students with those 'hands off' parents end up relying on their friends' parents for advice and support and help. If you're proud to be that parent that's MIA while your kid bonds with/relies on another adult your age, good for you....I question your values and mental health.

Why can't you understand that there's middle ground? You can raise independent kids with love and compassion, without going MIA. It's not one or the other.

My point is that if you read the OP, and you find that to be helicopter-y, I'd hate to see what your definition of independent is. That's all.

+1 apparently the PP's calling the thread OP a helicopter parent didn't actually READ the original post. There is NOTHING in there that is helicoptering, just some times and things to keep in mind as a parent.

welp even if they guaranteed housing (which i believe is pretty well available all four years) my DS wanted off campus. So... I guess if it doesn't apply to you, ignore the advice?



Handling their housing, talking to them about drinking--after they have left for college. And frankly, just having so much knowledge about their day to day lives. That's helicoptering.

Nowhere does it say the OP "handled their housing". It simply says to ignore all the other parents who may say, oh don[t worry about housing until spring. In a large state school. it does need to be handled. It does not anywhere say that the OP handled anything for their kid, just giving parents a heads up that thats the timeframe it will need to happen.

"Talking to them about drinking" That's helicoptering? okay. Well if that is what it's called, I hope more people do it more often. Alot of kids at my DC's school ended up in the ER in the first few months of school from overindulging, so to speak. Mine did not. Guess sometimes helicoptering is the right thing to do?

Why does OP need to have ANY involvement in a kid’s housing? I don’t think my parents knew a darn thing about the timeframe in which we needed to get housing taken care of. We all just did it on our own.

In terms of drinking: That’s a conversation that needs to happen well before your kid goes off to college. By that time, they’re either going to know how to be responsible or not.

This is OP, back to join the fun that I unintentionally started hahah. The reason I mentioned housing is because the parent is paying for it. If it was an on campus apartment, yea I would not expect to be consulted, advised or even informed of the timing or plans unless I asked. But we are talking about off campus apartments. The first order of business needed to be a discussion with the kid to set the budget, and then I did also review the lease. Otherwise, my DS and his roommates did it all. They found the apartments, met the realtors, made a decision and asked me for the security deposit. I mentioned it only because coming from a SLAC myself, I had no idea that happened so quickly into the freshman year.

With regard to drinking, obviously as they were being dropped off to college was not the first or last discussion I had ever had about drinking. I simply imparted those words as I left.

Well then you needed to be clear about that. A lot of schools guarantee 4 years of housing — especially big state schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of the people crying helicopter don't have kids.

Also, agree with the poster who said the novelty wears off of being so independent. In fact, I've seen time and time again where students with those 'hands off' parents end up relying on their friends' parents for advice and support and help. If you're proud to be that parent that's MIA while your kid bonds with/relies on another adult your age, good for you....I question your values and mental health.

Why can't you understand that there's middle ground? You can raise independent kids with love and compassion, without going MIA. It's not one or the other.

My point is that if you read the OP, and you find that to be helicopter-y, I'd hate to see what your definition of independent is. That's all.

+1 apparently the PP's calling the thread OP a helicopter parent didn't actually READ the original post. There is NOTHING in there that is helicoptering, just some times and things to keep in mind as a parent.

welp even if they guaranteed housing (which i believe is pretty well available all four years) my DS wanted off campus. So... I guess if it doesn't apply to you, ignore the advice?



Handling their housing, talking to them about drinking--after they have left for college. And frankly, just having so much knowledge about their day to day lives. That's helicoptering.

Nowhere does it say the OP "handled their housing". It simply says to ignore all the other parents who may say, oh don[t worry about housing until spring. In a large state school. it does need to be handled. It does not anywhere say that the OP handled anything for their kid, just giving parents a heads up that thats the timeframe it will need to happen.

"Talking to them about drinking" That's helicoptering? okay. Well if that is what it's called, I hope more people do it more often. Alot of kids at my DC's school ended up in the ER in the first few months of school from overindulging, so to speak. Mine did not. Guess sometimes helicoptering is the right thing to do?

Why does OP need to have ANY involvement in a kid’s housing? I don’t think my parents knew a darn thing about the timeframe in which we needed to get housing taken care of. We all just did it on our own.

In terms of drinking: That’s a conversation that needs to happen well before your kid goes off to college. By that time, they’re either going to know how to be responsible or not.

This is OP, back to join the fun that I unintentionally started hahah. The reason I mentioned housing is because the parent is paying for it. If it was an on campus apartment, yea I would not expect to be consulted, advised or even informed of the timing or plans unless I asked. But we are talking about off campus apartments. The first order of business needed to be a discussion with the kid to set the budget, and then I did also review the lease. Otherwise, my DS and his roommates did it all. They found the apartments, met the realtors, made a decision and asked me for the security deposit. I mentioned it only because coming from a SLAC myself, I had no idea that happened so quickly into the freshman year.

With regard to drinking, obviously as they were being dropped off to college was not the first or last discussion I had ever had about drinking. I simply imparted those words as I left.

Well then you needed to be clear about that. A lot of schools guarantee 4 years of housing — especially big state schools.

welp my kid wanted to move off campus. So i guess if the advice doesn't apply to you, ignore it? rather than calling people names... but ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a psychologist who focuses on emerging adulthood period, I think OP sounds like a supportive parent for this stage of life--not helicoptering nor neglectful. Each person adapts to their own kid of course, but I've regularly seen people on this board call things that are normal parenting (actually even healthy interactions between adult family members!) "helicoptering." Believe me I see plenty of helicoptering behavior and none of what OP describes comes close.

The people you see who are helicoptering are undoubtedly on the extreme end, since they are seeing a psychologist.

I work with colleges to develop support systems for schools so I see the full range.

[Anonymous]

Can this get back to the original intent of sharing useful advice? If you don't want to follow it, ignore and move on.

Pages 1 and 2 had some interesting info and some I will ignore.

I think it is so cool that a bank has an online tool that allows student to put $ into buckets. Sure, they can do this on their own offline using a spreadsheet but that's a great feature for young people learning how to budget - both in college and after.

Let's get back to sharing things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the first year end up for the class of 2025 and parents?!

I can’t believe the year is almost done. Little over two weeks of classes left and then finals for mine. It was a year of amazing growth both academically and socially for one. For the other (twins obviously), it was a year of sickness and injury. I can count on one hand how many weeks they were healthy since august drop off. Very tough year because of dealing with that and the transition.

Lessons learned:
1. More vitamins and meds on hand for the inevitable sicknesses. Also air filter.
2. We were told not to succumb to the pressure to rent an apartment for sophomore year in October but in reality that IS when you need to book
Something if you’re at a large state school. Glad the kids found a place then as there is nothing good left this spring.
3. Encourage the kids to bring home fall clothes at Thanksgiving and winter clothes at Easter.
4. Don’t stress about their grades. Don’t even ask. Trust me they are plenty stressed about it without you adding to it. If they stay out all night drinking and miss a class or an assignment, they will learn from their mistakes. Freshman year is going to be hard, don’t expect As even if your kid has never gotten worse than an A.
5. The piece of advice I have my kids when I left them at drop off was, “don’t be the drink freshman passed out on the bathroom floor”. Happy to say they never were and in fact are quite proud of that. Overall drinking has slowed down but those first few weeks (really until Midterms) were pretty out of control for many kids.

Who else wants to report?

Why and how would you know this? And why would you believe you know everything that is going on even if you are pressing for them to tell you or asking these questions in the first place? What normally developing 18 or 19 year old tells mommy about drinking at college. So odd to me.

Yes, have conversations about drinking. Don't drink something you haven't poured or opened yourself, don't leave your drink, don't leave your friends behind, etc. But honestly you people should not be this involved in the details.

Strikes me as odd that you don't talk to your kids about drinking or presumably anything else? I guess you were probably the poster last fall who proudly said they dropped off the kid and didn't expect to hear from them until break.

I talk to my kids, they trust me to they tell me things. They know I will not judge them. They ask for advice. I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have that relationship with their kids.

I am the complete opposite of OP...I really don't have a great picture of my kid's day to day life at school and don't really want to. It's his life, not mine. If I haven't already talked to him about drinking enough by now, nothing I say now, to an 18-year-old, would make a bit of difference. He was home over a long Easter break however, and he shared a lot fun pieces of information, how he is feeling about things, what's stressing him out, and what he loves about college. So when you act like a normal person and treat your 18-year-olds like 18-year-olds, they treat you with respect and are willing to share. As a side note: I am very close friends with his high school best friend's mother. She shares with me things she hears from her son, who is fairly far away at college. My son and I were talking a bit about him and it turns out, the stuff he shares with his mother is complete and utter BS. He shares basically fake stuff with her so she believes she knows everything, and she knows very little. My son said, "it's nothing I'm going to tell you either. He's fine, but trust me, she does not really have a sense of his life at college at all." I'm sure that's true of my son, and probably many of these first-year college students. I do not have blinders on, but boy do so many of you.

Because you are an expert, and your son is representative of the universe. Got it.

When she was looking at colleges, my kid did not want heavily greek schools or schools where drinking was central to the social life (as indicated by reviews on Unigo). Her only complaint about her school freshman year was how hard it was to find other non-drinkers to hang out with. She also took issue with the fact that the cafeteria opened so late on weekends, because so many kids have hangovers/sleep in on weekends.

These are not topics I brought up. These are issues she raised, as concerns to her. So, my kid is very different than yours. And that is not because I have blinders on. It is because our kids are different. And I know my kid, you do not.

So your kid is talking to you about her feelings, frustrations, etc. That's great. That's not helicoptering. My kid complains about the food and mask mandates and other things that bother him, and the things he likes as well. I also am smart enough to know that there's lots of stuff he's not telling me. It's like parents forget what they were like as teens. They lie and keep a lot to themselves. It's part of splitting off and becoming their own people. Now, if your kid is incapable of registering for next year's classes, arranging her housing, or buying her own Tylenol because you do it all for her, that is. People on this site truly only see black or white, no middle ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Are you kidding? This is the total opposite of a helicopter. I am a helicopter. My kids would not for one second be without a full stock of vitamins and meds, housing secured for the following year, and the fear of god in them for not getting strong grades.

I applaud OP because I think she is doing many things that will foster independence in her children. I can certainly learn from her.

A full stock of vitamins for a college student? What does that even mean?

This is confusing for you? A big bottle of multivitamins, and another zinc. I may include refills in care packages. Stocked also means medicines for common ailments like benadryl, advil, Pepto-Bismol, NyQuil, Tums, etc.... Did that help?

Your kid can’t go to a CVS and buy medication for themselves?

It's just about making them feel secure. Believe me even if you plan for everything, there is still tons of things that your child will need to face and deal with on their own. I'd probably put the same package together for my husband if he went away on an extended business trip or something.

Also, my immigrant parents did this for me, too. So there is a cultural element at play here. I have acknowledged in every post that I am a helicopter and that this is overbearing, but it's what we're comfortable with as a family. Hope you find what works for you all too. If part of that is purposefully not providing items that would be useful in a pinch, great. You do you.

You would put a medication package together for your husband?

Yeah. In my early twenties I did development work and had to stay in all kinds of places. It was mostly hotels in towns (with at least a Walmart, and usually a couple of 7-Eleven and drugstore type places...not grass huts). Anyway, my mom, knowing I was busy with work and maybe didn't know my way around that well, would put together stuff like this for me. Yes I would do the same for my husband. If you think that deserves ridicule, that's on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of the people crying helicopter don't have kids.

Also, agree with the poster who said the novelty wears off of being so independent. In fact, I've seen time and time again where students with those 'hands off' parents end up relying on their friends' parents for advice and support and help. If you're proud to be that parent that's MIA while your kid bonds with/relies on another adult your age, good for you....I question your values and mental health.

Why can't you understand that there's middle ground? You can raise independent kids with love and compassion, without going MIA. It's not one or the other.

My point is that if you read the OP, and you find that to be helicopter-y, I'd hate to see what your definition of independent is. That's all.

+1 apparently the PP's calling the thread OP a helicopter parent didn't actually READ the original post. There is NOTHING in there that is helicoptering, just some times and things to keep in mind as a parent.

Handling their housing, talking to them about drinking--after they have left for college. And frankly, just having so much knowledge about their day to day lives. That's helicoptering.

Nowhere does it say the OP "handled their housing". It simply says to ignore all the other parents who may say, oh don[t worry about housing until spring. In a large state school. it does need to be handled. It does not anywhere say that the OP handled anything for their kid, just giving parents a heads up that thats the timeframe it will need to happen.

"Talking to them about drinking" That's helicoptering? okay. Well if that is what it's called, I hope more people do it more often. Alot of kids at my DC's school ended up in the ER in the first few months of school from overindulging, so to speak. Mine did not. Guess sometimes helicoptering is the right thing to do?

Why does OP need to have ANY involvement in a kid’s housing? I don’t think my parents knew a darn thing about the timeframe in which we needed to get housing taken care of. We all just did it on our own.

In terms of drinking: That’s a conversation that needs to happen well before your kid goes off to college. By that time, they’re either going to know how to be responsible or not.

At DC’s school, there is such a wide variety of housing for upperclassmen … dorms, apartments, 2 person, 3 person, 4 person, 6 person, 8 person, singles and on and on…. And the price differential… upwards of $2500 PER SEMESTER on Rooming alone and another $1500 PER SEMESTER on Food Plan… merits a conversation PP. Stop being incredulous and judgy when you have a personal N of 1 to compare things to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of the people crying helicopter don't have kids.

Also, agree with the poster who said the novelty wears off of being so independent. In fact, I've seen time and time again where students with those 'hands off' parents end up relying on their friends' parents for advice and support and help. If you're proud to be that parent that's MIA while your kid bonds with/relies on another adult your age, good for you....I question your values and mental health.

Why can't you understand that there's middle ground? You can raise independent kids with love and compassion, without going MIA. It's not one or the other.

My point is that if you read the OP, and you find that to be helicopter-y, I'd hate to see what your definition of independent is. That's all.

+1 apparently the PP's calling the thread OP a helicopter parent didn't actually READ the original post. There is NOTHING in there that is helicoptering, just some times and things to keep in mind as a parent.

Handling their housing, talking to them about drinking--after they have left for college. And frankly, just having so much knowledge about their day to day lives. That's helicoptering.

Nowhere does it say the OP "handled their housing". It simply says to ignore all the other parents who may say, oh don[t worry about housing until spring. In a large state school. it does need to be handled. It does not anywhere say that the OP handled anything for their kid, just giving parents a heads up that thats the timeframe it will need to happen.

"Talking to them about drinking" That's helicoptering? okay. Well if that is what it's called, I hope more people do it more often. Alot of kids at my DC's school ended up in the ER in the first few months of school from overindulging, so to speak. Mine did not. Guess sometimes helicoptering is the right thing to do?

Why does OP need to have ANY involvement in a kid’s housing? I don’t think my parents knew a darn thing about the timeframe in which we needed to get housing taken care of. We all just did it on our own.

In terms of drinking: That’s a conversation that needs to happen well before your kid goes off to college. By that time, they’re either going to know how to be responsible or not.

At DC’s school, there is such a wide variety of housing for upperclassmen … dorms, apartments, 2 person, 3 person, 4 person, 6 person, 8 person, singles and on and on…. And the price differential… upwards of $2500 PER SEMESTER on Rooming alone and another $1500 PER SEMESTER on Food Plan… merits a conversation PP. Stop being incredulous and judgy when you have a personal N of 1 to compare things to.

Then give the kid a budget and let them handle the rest of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of the people crying helicopter don't have kids.

Also, agree with the poster who said the novelty wears off of being so independent. In fact, I've seen time and time again where students with those 'hands off' parents end up relying on their friends' parents for advice and support and help. If you're proud to be that parent that's MIA while your kid bonds with/relies on another adult your age, good for you....I question your values and mental health.

Why can't you understand that there's middle ground? You can raise independent kids with love and compassion, without going MIA. It's not one or the other.

My point is that if you read the OP, and you find that to be helicopter-y, I'd hate to see what your definition of independent is. That's all.

+1 apparently the PP's calling the thread OP a helicopter parent didn't actually READ the original post. There is NOTHING in there that is helicoptering, just some times and things to keep in mind as a parent.

Handling their housing, talking to them about drinking--after they have left for college. And frankly, just having so much knowledge about their day to day lives. That's helicoptering.

Nowhere does it say the OP "handled their housing". It simply says to ignore all the other parents who may say, oh don[t worry about housing until spring. In a large state school. it does need to be handled. It does not anywhere say that the OP handled anything for their kid, just giving parents a heads up that thats the timeframe it will need to happen.

"Talking to them about drinking" That's helicoptering? okay. Well if that is what it's called, I hope more people do it more often. Alot of kids at my DC's school ended up in the ER in the first few months of school from overindulging, so to speak. Mine did not. Guess sometimes helicoptering is the right thing to do?

Why does OP need to have ANY involvement in a kid’s housing? I don’t think my parents knew a darn thing about the timeframe in which we needed to get housing taken care of. We all just did it on our own.

In terms of drinking: That’s a conversation that needs to happen well before your kid goes off to college. By that time, they’re either going to know how to be responsible or not.

This is OP, back to join the fun that I unintentionally started hahah. The reason I mentioned housing is because the parent is paying for it. If it was an on campus apartment, yea I would not expect to be consulted, advised or even informed of the timing or plans unless I asked. But we are talking about off campus apartments. The first order of business needed to be a discussion with the kid to set the budget, and then I did also review the lease. Otherwise, my DS and his roommates did it all. They found the apartments, met the realtors, made a decision and asked me for the security deposit. I mentioned it only because coming from a SLAC myself, I had no idea that happened so quickly into the freshman year.

With regard to drinking, obviously as they were being dropped off to college was not the first or last discussion I had ever had about drinking. I simply imparted those words as I left.

Well then you needed to be clear about that. A lot of schools guarantee 4 years of housing — especially big state schools.

No th su don’t, ESPECIALLY the bigger schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Are you kidding? This is the total opposite of a helicopter. I am a helicopter. My kids would not for one second be without a full stock of vitamins and meds, housing secured for the following year, and the fear of god in them for not getting strong grades.

I applaud OP because I think she is doing many things that will foster independence in her children. I can certainly learn from her.

My parents taught me to value grades well before I started college. I dealt with figuring out housing. I *think* I might have generally told them what I ended up getting each semester, but I honestly don’t remember for sure.

Basically, they helped me move in freshman year, visited me occasionally, and that was about it.

The whole idea is to prepare your kid for college beforehand, so that they can be independent when they go. They’re adults.

Np Some people mature later than others or have disabilities OR need more support than you did. If you can't understand this ask yourself why it bothers you so much when it doesn't affect your life at all. Judge not or you will be judged yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Are you kidding? This is the total opposite of a helicopter. I am a helicopter. My kids would not for one second be without a full stock of vitamins and meds, housing secured for the following year, and the fear of god in them for not getting strong grades.

I applaud OP because I think she is doing many things that will foster independence in her children. I can certainly learn from her.

My parents taught me to value grades well before I started college. I dealt with figuring out housing. I *think* I might have generally told them what I ended up getting each semester, but I honestly don’t remember for sure.

Basically, they helped me move in freshman year, visited me occasionally, and that was about it.

The whole idea is to prepare your kid for college beforehand, so that they can be independent when they go. They’re adults.

Np Some people mature later than others or have disabilities OR need more support than you did. If you can't understand this ask yourself why it bothers you so much when it doesn't affect your life at all. Judge not or you will be judged yourself.

Obviously no one here is talking about kids with special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Are you kidding? This is the total opposite of a helicopter. I am a helicopter. My kids would not for one second be without a full stock of vitamins and meds, housing secured for the following year, and the fear of god in them for not getting strong grades.

I applaud OP because I think she is doing many things that will foster independence in her children. I can certainly learn from her.

My parents taught me to value grades well before I started college. I dealt with figuring out housing. I *think* I might have generally told them what I ended up getting each semester, but I honestly don’t remember for sure.

Basically, they helped me move in freshman year, visited me occasionally, and that was about it.

The whole idea is to prepare your kid for college beforehand, so that they can be independent when they go. They’re adults.

Np Some people mature later than others or have disabilities OR need more support than you did. If you can't understand this ask yourself why it bothers you so much when it doesn't affect your life at all. Judge not or you will be judged yourself.

Obviously no one here is talking about kids with special needs.

And before you jump down my throat, what I mean is that no one is arguing that kids with special needs shouldn’t have extra support from their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of the people crying helicopter don't have kids.

Also, agree with the poster who said the novelty wears off of being so independent. In fact, I've seen time and time again where students with those 'hands off' parents end up relying on their friends' parents for advice and support and help. If you're proud to be that parent that's MIA while your kid bonds with/relies on another adult your age, good for you....I question your values and mental health.

Why can't you understand that there's middle ground? You can raise independent kids with love and compassion, without going MIA. It's not one or the other.

My point is that if you read the OP, and you find that to be helicopter-y, I'd hate to see what your definition of independent is. That's all.

+1 apparently the PP's calling the thread OP a helicopter parent didn't actually READ the original post. There is NOTHING in there that is helicoptering, just some times and things to keep in mind as a parent.

Handling their housing, talking to them about drinking--after they have left for college. And frankly, just having so much knowledge about their day to day lives. That's helicoptering.

Nowhere does it say the OP "handled their housing". It simply says to ignore all the other parents who may say, oh don[t worry about housing until spring. In a large state school. it does need to be handled. It does not anywhere say that the OP handled anything for their kid, just giving parents a heads up that thats the timeframe it will need to happen.

"Talking to them about drinking" That's helicoptering? okay. Well if that is what it's called, I hope more people do it more often. Alot of kids at my DC's school ended up in the ER in the first few months of school from overindulging, so to speak. Mine did not. Guess sometimes helicoptering is the right thing to do?

Why does OP need to have ANY involvement in a kid’s housing? I don’t think my parents knew a darn thing about the timeframe in which we needed to get housing taken care of. We all just did it on our own.

In terms of drinking: That’s a conversation that needs to happen well before your kid goes off to college. By that time, they’re either going to know how to be responsible or not.

At DC’s school, there is such a wide variety of housing for upperclassmen … dorms, apartments, 2 person, 3 person, 4 person, 6 person, 8 person, singles and on and on…. And the price differential… upwards of $2500 PER SEMESTER on Rooming alone and another $1500 PER SEMESTER on Food Plan… merits a conversation PP. Stop being incredulous and judgy when you have a personal N of 1 to compare things to.

Then give the kid a budget and let them handle the rest of it.

Ah! That’s it! GENIUS! a budget! That will handle everything — including consideration of 529 withdrawals and distributions, the consideration of what is covered by the 529 (on campus room and board), not covered by the 529 (off campus groceries), other considerations (what about parking?)……. No definitely, you’ve nailed it PP. I’ll forego the conversations with my kid, and I’ll just hand them 10K. THANK YOU for the insightful advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of the people crying helicopter don't have kids.

Also, agree with the poster who said the novelty wears off of being so independent. In fact, I've seen time and time again where students with those 'hands off' parents end up relying on their friends' parents for advice and support and help. If you're proud to be that parent that's MIA while your kid bonds with/relies on another adult your age, good for you....I question your values and mental health.

Why can't you understand that there's middle ground? You can raise independent kids with love and compassion, without going MIA. It's not one or the other.

My point is that if you read the OP, and you find that to be helicopter-y, I'd hate to see what your definition of independent is. That's all.

+1 apparently the PP's calling the thread OP a helicopter parent didn't actually READ the original post. There is NOTHING in there that is helicoptering, just some times and things to keep in mind as a parent.

Handling their housing, talking to them about drinking--after they have left for college. And frankly, just having so much knowledge about their day to day lives. That's helicoptering.

Nowhere does it say the OP "handled their housing". It simply says to ignore all the other parents who may say, oh don[t worry about housing until spring. In a large state school. it does need to be handled. It does not anywhere say that the OP handled anything for their kid, just giving parents a heads up that thats the timeframe it will need to happen.

"Talking to them about drinking" That's helicoptering? okay. Well if that is what it's called, I hope more people do it more often. Alot of kids at my DC's school ended up in the ER in the first few months of school from overindulging, so to speak. Mine did not. Guess sometimes helicoptering is the right thing to do?

Why does OP need to have ANY involvement in a kid’s housing? I don’t think my parents knew a darn thing about the timeframe in which we needed to get housing taken care of. We all just did it on our own.

In terms of drinking: That’s a conversation that needs to happen well before your kid goes off to college. By that time, they’re either going to know how to be responsible or not.

At DC’s school, there is such a wide variety of housing for upperclassmen … dorms, apartments, 2 person, 3 person, 4 person, 6 person, 8 person, singles and on and on…. And the price differential… upwards of $2500 PER SEMESTER on Rooming alone and another $1500 PER SEMESTER on Food Plan… merits a conversation PP. Stop being incredulous and judgy when you have a personal N of 1 to compare things to.

Then give the kid a budget and let them handle the rest of it.

Ah! That’s it! GENIUS! a budget! That will handle everything — including consideration of 529 withdrawals and distributions, the consideration of what is covered by the 529 (on campus room and board), not covered by the 529 (off campus groceries), other considerations (what about parking?)……. No definitely, you’ve nailed it PP. I’ll forego the conversations with my kid, and I’ll just hand them 10K. THANK YOU for the insightful advice!

Obviously all of those considerations go into the determination of the budget. But you knew that.

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Anonymous wrote:I think some of the people crying helicopter don't have kids.

Also, agree with the poster who said the novelty wears off of being so independent. In fact, I've seen time and time again where students with those 'hands off' parents end up relying on their friends' parents for advice and support and help. If you're proud to be that parent that's MIA while your kid bonds with/relies on another adult your age, good for you....I question your values and mental health.

Why can't you understand that there's middle ground? You can raise independent kids with love and compassion, without going MIA. It's not one or the other.

My point is that if you read the OP, and you find that to be helicopter-y, I'd hate to see what your definition of independent is. That's all.

Handling their housing, talking to them about drinking--after they have left for college. And frankly, just having so much knowledge about their day to day lives. That's helicoptering.

Nowhere does it say the OP "handled their housing". It simply says to ignore all the other parents who may say, oh don[t worry about housing until spring. In a large state school. it does need to be handled. It does not anywhere say that the OP handled anything for their kid, just giving parents a heads up that thats the timeframe it will need to happen.

"Talking to them about drinking" That's helicoptering? okay. Well if that is what it's called, I hope more people do it more often. Alot of kids at my DC's school ended up in the ER in the first few months of school from overindulging, so to speak. Mine did not. Guess sometimes helicoptering is the right thing to do?

Why does OP need to have ANY involvement in a kid’s housing? I don’t think my parents knew a darn thing about the timeframe in which we needed to get housing taken care of. We all just did it on our own.

In terms of drinking: That’s a conversation that needs to happen well before your kid goes off to college. By that time, they’re either going to know how to be responsible or not.

At DC’s school, there is such a wide variety of housing for upperclassmen … dorms, apartments, 2 person, 3 person, 4 person, 6 person, 8 person, singles and on and on…. And the price differential… upwards of $2500 PER SEMESTER on Rooming alone and another $1500 PER SEMESTER on Food Plan… merits a conversation PP. Stop being incredulous and judgy when you have a personal N of 1 to compare things to.

WHAT? At my kid's school parents have to cosign the leases and most parents are paying the rent, too.