Husband refuses to allow our child to see unvaccinated family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband refuses to let our son (3) see my unvaccinated sister, BIL and nieces. He describes my sister and BIL as selfish and dislikes them because they refused to get vaccinated for personal choice during the pandemic.

My husband takes methotrexate for rheumatoid arthritis and has been doing so for the past 10+ years. As a result he’s at higher risk of developing an infection and our son is too young to be vaccinated. My husband works from home and we outsource most things - groceries, etc.

But he refuses to see my family or let them see our son during family events. Our son will not maintain a mask and my sister refuses to wear one as well. My husband is perfectly fine with me going alone but has made it clear he will not be attending any family events with our son for an indefinite period of time.

I support him but WTF am I supposed to tell my sister?! Let me also add that my husband will take our son to the park to play around other kids and has taken him on an airplane once during the pandemic as well.

WTF your husband is insane and being a jerk. This is about control no Covid.

For starters them being or not being vaccinated does not change that they can catch and spread covid. Even if they were vaccinated they could still spread it to you and your son.

Second if you go visit them you could catch covid too and bring it home. My entire family is vaccinated and after my vaccinated son caught it we got it one after another. That fact that his is fine with you going proves my first point that this is all about either not wanting to spend time with them be being a controlling jerk.

He has an autoimmune disease you idiot.

No, idiot, their vaccination status does not matter. The vaccine does not prevent catching or spreading the virus. Even if they were vaccinated they could still catch and spread covid to his wife. As stated above my entire vaccinate and boosted family caught it and spread it to one person after another.

If he has an autoimmune disease, is high risk and has a zero risk tolerance policy then he should not be ok with his wife seeing them either, but he is fine with her going. He is a selfish controlling jerk. I would also argue that he needs therapy if he is still this terrified of covid 2 yrs out.

DP. If OP is fully vaccinated and properly masked, it does meaningfully decrease the risk of her seeing her unvaxed family. You choose to see it as controlling, but to me it seems like him trying to compromise on the issue without abandoning all consideration of safety. My guess is he would prefer OP not see her sister’s family at all, but he’s not taking that hard a line here.

the mask will help, the vaccination status does not.

Case numbers are low, time for this fool to let his family live their lives.

Maybe have her sister test beforehand as a compromise.

LOL, you think a family that refuses to get vaccinated will agree to all get covid tested before OP and her kid come to visit?

And yet it turns out this is exactly why OP’s husband is mad at the sister - because she wanted to isolate and test! None of this makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your sister to grow the f*ck up and get vaccinated.

She and her husband won’t. It’s in their character.

So does this mean that we will just never see them as a family, ever?!

Maybe. I don’t see my unvaccinated family. I would not see my husband’s unvaccinated family either.

but is vaccination status really the only reason?
I used covid as an excuse not to see my family for a very long time.

It’s the primary reason but the longer I don’t see them, the better it is for me. They are living their lives as normal including travel. We are not. When we saw one once they said outside masked and next thing I knew they were in the house unmasked. No one comes in our house except for an emergency. We are still very careful due to health issues.

[Anonymous]

This is wild. People are really letting vaccination status tear apart their family? Sounds like there was already a rift, but c’mon. You’re not letting your kid have a normal childhood because of covid? I can’t imagine going to such extreme measures to avoid covid. I’m assuming you lived a normal life pre-COVID even though it was full of risks including for your spouse. I’d try to take a step back, look at the big picture and figure out what the end game is for tour family. This seems like no way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your sister to grow the f*ck up and get vaccinated.

She and her husband won’t. It’s in their character.

So does this mean that we will just never see them as a family, ever?!

Maybe. I don’t see my unvaccinated family. I would not see my husband’s unvaccinated family either.

but is vaccination status really the only reason?
I used covid as an excuse not to see my family for a very long time.

It’s the primary reason but the longer I don’t see them, the better it is for me. They are living their lives as normal including travel. We are not. When we saw one once they said outside masked and next thing I knew they were in the house unmasked. No one comes in our house except for an emergency. We are still very careful due to health issues.

You aren’t traveling and require someone to wear a mask in your house? Lady, please get help. Your husband has RA. It’s not like he’s going through chemo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your relatives get covid already? If so - it's the same as being vaxxed.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2022/02/10/infection-vaccination-protection-mandates-cdc/

Haha. Are you a Russian troll?

We gotta start recognizing it in the Us. It’s making our vaxx data look bad if we don’t

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is wild. People are really letting vaccination status tear apart their family? Sounds like there was already a rift, but c’mon. You’re not letting your kid have a normal childhood because of covid? I can’t imagine going to such extreme measures to avoid covid. I’m assuming you lived a normal life pre-COVID even though it was full of risks including for your spouse. I’d try to take a step back, look at the big picture and figure out what the end game is for tour family. This seems like no way to live.

Op here.

You’re really blowing this out of proportion. I took the advice of DCUM and DH is fine with DS and I to see my sister and her children at a park or in public with a mask until DS can be vaccinated.

He is not comfortable with indoor gatherings with unvaccinated family with prolonged contact, shared surfaces, food, etc.

It’s not "tearing my family apart", my sister chose to not vaccinate and my husband is choosing boundaries for our family. Yes, he does not like my sister and thinks she’s a user. But he only has to see her at thanksgiving or Christmas. We won’t be in town this year for my nieces birthdays and my family doesn’t really get together for big gatherings aside from holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild. People are really letting vaccination status tear apart their family? Sounds like there was already a rift, but c’mon. You’re not letting your kid have a normal childhood because of covid? I can’t imagine going to such extreme measures to avoid covid. I’m assuming you lived a normal life pre-COVID even though it was full of risks including for your spouse. I’d try to take a step back, look at the big picture and figure out what the end game is for tour family. This seems like no way to live.

Op here.

You’re really blowing this out of proportion. I took the advice of DCUM and DH is fine with DS and I to see my sister and her children at a park or in public with a mask until DS can be vaccinated.

He is not comfortable with indoor gatherings with unvaccinated family with prolonged contact, shared surfaces, food, etc.

It’s not "tearing my family apart", my sister chose to not vaccinate and my husband is choosing boundaries for our family. Yes, he does not like my sister and thinks she’s a user. But he only has to see her at thanksgiving or Christmas. We won’t be in town this year for my nieces birthdays and my family doesn’t really get together for big gatherings aside from holidays.

Yeah you’re definitely not doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aside from everything else you said about your sister's and DH's relationship (which quite frankly doesn't matter for medical decisions) I think he is right. Your sister is a selfish idiot. Why should he risk his and your son's health?

I say this as someone who also has a sister who refuses to get vaccinated. She and her husband just got covid. They have a 2.5 year old who tested negative. HOWEVER, she is still breastfeeding her child. It might not matter since they sleep together but damn!

Except kids really aren't at risk, so relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild. People are really letting vaccination status tear apart their family? Sounds like there was already a rift, but c’mon. You’re not letting your kid have a normal childhood because of covid? I can’t imagine going to such extreme measures to avoid covid. I’m assuming you lived a normal life pre-COVID even though it was full of risks including for your spouse. I’d try to take a step back, look at the big picture and figure out what the end game is for tour family. This seems like no way to live.

Op here.

You’re really blowing this out of proportion. I took the advice of DCUM and DH is fine with DS and I to see my sister and her children at a park or in public with a mask until DS can be vaccinated.

He is not comfortable with indoor gatherings with unvaccinated family with prolonged contact, shared surfaces, food, etc.

It’s not "tearing my family apart", my sister chose to not vaccinate and my husband is choosing boundaries for our family. Yes, he does not like my sister and thinks she’s a user. But he only has to see her at thanksgiving or Christmas. We won’t be in town this year for my nieces birthdays and my family doesn’t really get together for big gatherings aside from holidays.

Are you a Stepford wife? This sounds ridiculous. What else does your husband not allowed you to do? Sitting in a park to see your sister with a mask? Your husband is a complete douche bag. Or you are a troll because this is all completely stupid.

[Anonymous]

See your sister and family outdoors only. Or masked indoors if he feels comfortable. Team husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild. People are really letting vaccination status tear apart their family? Sounds like there was already a rift, but c’mon. You’re not letting your kid have a normal childhood because of covid? I can’t imagine going to such extreme measures to avoid covid. I’m assuming you lived a normal life pre-COVID even though it was full of risks including for your spouse. I’d try to take a step back, look at the big picture and figure out what the end game is for tour family. This seems like no way to live.

Op here.

You’re really blowing this out of proportion. I took the advice of DCUM and DH is fine with DS and I to see my sister and her children at a park or in public with a mask until DS can be vaccinated.

He is not comfortable with indoor gatherings with unvaccinated family with prolonged contact, shared surfaces, food, etc.

It’s not "tearing my family apart", my sister chose to not vaccinate and my husband is choosing boundaries for our family. Yes, he does not like my sister and thinks she’s a user. But he only has to see her at thanksgiving or Christmas. We won’t be in town this year for my nieces birthdays and my family doesn’t really get together for big gatherings aside from holidays.

Are you a Stepford wife? This sounds ridiculous. What else does your husband not allowed you to do? Sitting in a park to see your sister with a mask? Your husband is a complete douche bag. Or you are a troll because this is all completely stupid.

I’m beginning to think this is a troll story too because none of it makes sense unless you’re crazy. This marriage is doomed. She’s like “you’re blowing this outta proportion” as she proceeds to say how her husband won’t event let her go to a park. Just insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild. People are really letting vaccination status tear apart their family? Sounds like there was already a rift, but c’mon. You’re not letting your kid have a normal childhood because of covid? I can’t imagine going to such extreme measures to avoid covid. I’m assuming you lived a normal life pre-COVID even though it was full of risks including for your spouse. I’d try to take a step back, look at the big picture and figure out what the end game is for tour family. This seems like no way to live.

Op here.

You’re really blowing this out of proportion. I took the advice of DCUM and DH is fine with DS and I to see my sister and her children at a park or in public with a mask until DS can be vaccinated.

He is not comfortable with indoor gatherings with unvaccinated family with prolonged contact, shared surfaces, food, etc.

It’s not "tearing my family apart", my sister chose to not vaccinate and my husband is choosing boundaries for our family. Yes, he does not like my sister and thinks she’s a user. But he only has to see her at thanksgiving or Christmas. We won’t be in town this year for my nieces birthdays and my family doesn’t really get together for big gatherings aside from holidays.

Are you a Stepford wife? This sounds ridiculous. What else does your husband not allowed you to do? Sitting in a park to see your sister with a mask? Your husband is a complete douche bag. Or you are a troll because this is all completely stupid.

I’m beginning to think this is a troll story too because none of it makes sense unless you’re crazy. This marriage is doomed. She’s like “you’re blowing this outta proportion” as she proceeds to say how her husband won’t event let her go to a park. Just insane.

That is the exact opposite of what OP said. She said her DH was okay with meeting outside in a park with her and DS masked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild. People are really letting vaccination status tear apart their family? Sounds like there was already a rift, but c’mon. You’re not letting your kid have a normal childhood because of covid? I can’t imagine going to such extreme measures to avoid covid. I’m assuming you lived a normal life pre-COVID even though it was full of risks including for your spouse. I’d try to take a step back, look at the big picture and figure out what the end game is for tour family. This seems like no way to live.

Op here.

You’re really blowing this out of proportion. I took the advice of DCUM and DH is fine with DS and I to see my sister and her children at a park or in public with a mask until DS can be vaccinated.

He is not comfortable with indoor gatherings with unvaccinated family with prolonged contact, shared surfaces, food, etc.

It’s not "tearing my family apart", my sister chose to not vaccinate and my husband is choosing boundaries for our family. Yes, he does not like my sister and thinks she’s a user. But he only has to see her at thanksgiving or Christmas. We won’t be in town this year for my nieces birthdays and my family doesn’t really get together for big gatherings aside from holidays.

Is your husband really covid-anxious in general? His level of concern seems out of proportion, so either he’s a naturally covid-anxious person or he’s using covid to mask other feelings about his in-laws.

My wife is a gastroenterologist who manages patients on methotrexate, biologics, and, (as more of a secondary provider) immunosuppressants in post-transplant patients. She says despite early concern about the impact of methotrexate and biologics on covid outcomes, the studies from the pandemic seem to show they're not associated with a significantly higher risk of severe outcomes. If the medications can't be held post-vaccination, they might not have as strong of an immune response, but in many patients that will be offset by setting the third and fourth shots. Many of these patients are ultimately at high risk due to other factors- age and other comorbidities- but the medication they're on is a relatively small part of the increased risk these patients face.

Immunosuppressants in transplant recipients are another story. They're pretty high risk, although even that seems to depend a lot on the combination of immunosuppressants they're on, the condition that led to the transplant, the organ they received, and the length of time since the transplant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your sister to grow the f*ck up and get vaccinated.

Exactly. She is knowingly putting your husband at risk, so, no, she doesn’t get to see your son. Actions have consequences.

I love how we keep pretending that it’s only the unvaxxed who are transmitting COVID. The BIL’s risk is the same whether he catches COVID from someone is vaxxed or unvaxxed. I’m immune compromised as well, but I’m not kidding myself thinking that I’m lowering my risk by steering clear of the unvaxxed only. The only thing this great vaccine does is decrease the severity of symptoms for those that are vaxxed, and even if it lowers the transmissibility, it still doesn’t stop it completely.