MIL super upset that I don’t always answer the phone—and she wasn’t event calling!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I only answer my phone if I feel like it and I quite often don't feel like it once I see who it is. However, I keep it with me at all times. I don't leave it upstairs and then let it ring, how weird is that?

Emergency calls don't always involve a scenario where someone else can just call 911 if you don't answer. I want to know if a friend or loved one is having an emergency that I need to know about or they wouldn't be calling me.

It’s called charging sometimes. Do you carry it in the shower? To the toilet? If not, then GASP, you do let it ring—*how weird is that?*

You only charge in, what, your bedroom? How weird is that! There's a solution for that too. I already said I often let it ring, or actually I let it buzz because my ringer is off 95% of the time. And yes, I definitely take it to the toilet, what else do you do while you sit there but phone stuff?

Are you 16?

No, I'm in my 60s. You?

NP. Ah, I see. Your unsanitary habits are already setting in, as they do with many elderly people.

Um, ok. I've been reading stuff on the toilet since I was a child, how is the phone any different? I have a great book on my kindle app.

So if your friends calls while you’re pooping, you answer the phone and let them hear all the details in the background?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't jump to get the phone or text. Those of you addicted to immediate replies need therapy.

I would have shut the woman down fast. This is none of her business.

Exactly. OP - was this a hardline or cell? Just curious. We still have a hardline that I literally haven’t answered in years. If it’s a hardline, she’s lucky you even still have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only answer my phone if I feel like it and I quite often don't feel like it once I see who it is. However, I keep it with me at all times. I don't leave it upstairs and then let it ring, how weird is that?

Emergency calls don't always involve a scenario where someone else can just call 911 if you don't answer. I want to know if a friend or loved one is having an emergency that I need to know about or they wouldn't be calling me.

It’s called charging sometimes. Do you carry it in the shower? To the toilet? If not, then GASP, you do let it ring—*how weird is that?*

You only charge in, what, your bedroom? How weird is that! There's a solution for that too. I already said I often let it ring, or actually I let it buzz because my ringer is off 95% of the time. And yes, I definitely take it to the toilet, what else do you do while you sit there but phone stuff?

Are you 16?

No, I'm in my 60s. You?

NP. Ah, I see. Your unsanitary habits are already setting in, as they do with many elderly people.

Um, ok. I've been reading stuff on the toilet since I was a child, how is the phone any different? I have a great book on my kindle app.

So gross. Let me guess, you sanitize your phone never? Anyway, if you spend that much time on the toilet, you likely need a better diet and exercise program. Again, you’re getting on in years so you really do need to take better care of yourself. And watch those sanitary habits—you’re definitely starting to slip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only answer my phone if I feel like it and I quite often don't feel like it once I see who it is. However, I keep it with me at all times. I don't leave it upstairs and then let it ring, how weird is that?

Emergency calls don't always involve a scenario where someone else can just call 911 if you don't answer. I want to know if a friend or loved one is having an emergency that I need to know about or they wouldn't be calling me.

It’s called charging sometimes. Do you carry it in the shower? To the toilet? If not, then GASP, you do let it ring—*how weird is that?*

You only charge in, what, your bedroom? How weird is that! There's a solution for that too. I already said I often let it ring, or actually I let it buzz because my ringer is off 95% of the time. And yes, I definitely take it to the toilet, what else do you do while you sit there but phone stuff?

Are you 16?

No, I'm in my 60s. You?

NP. Ah, I see. Your unsanitary habits are already setting in, as they do with many elderly people.

Um, ok. I've been reading stuff on the toilet since I was a child, how is the phone any different? I have a great book on my kindle app.

So gross. Let me guess, you sanitize your phone never? Anyway, if you spend that much time on the toilet, you likely need a better diet and exercise program. Again, you’re getting on in years so you really do need to take better care of yourself. And watch those sanitary habits—you’re definitely starting to slip.

You're right, I'm probably the only one (other than all the other elderly idiots, right?) who reads anything on the pot, especially including fooling around on the phone, right? You have devolved into an ageist a**hole for no good reason other than to keep this ridiculous debate going even though you are probably sitting on the toilet reading this right now but won't admit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Soooo...really? You would all drop everything and run to a different floor of the house to answer a call any time your phone rings? I’m flabbergasted. Honestly.

Said nobody. But I also don't make rude comments like "if its an emergency they can call back a few more times or just call 911". I would say something normal to questioning MIL like "I'll check when I get a chance, too busy right now." and leave it at that.

How exactly is it rude to say “If it’s an emergency, they can call back a few more times or just call 911?” Please explain how this is rude.

Because it's idiotic. Only people close to you call you in an emergency your spouse, parents, kids, etc. If your own mother fell down the stairs and tried to reach you would you let her just resort to 911? Nobody does this, it's not even a normal response.

My mother is 1000 miles away, so if she breaks her leg she should def “resort to 911”, cause I can’t do shit from where I am.

I am a teacher-- one time a student's phone rang in his backpack and he starts digging it out. I said, "You know you can't take phone calls in class." He looks at the phone and says, "But it's from my grandma." And I said, "Well you can call grandma after school." Another kid pipes up, "What if it's an emergency?? What if his grandma is having a heart attack?" I said, "THEN GRANDMA NEEDS TO CALL 911"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only answer my phone if I feel like it and I quite often don't feel like it once I see who it is. However, I keep it with me at all times. I don't leave it upstairs and then let it ring, how weird is that?

Emergency calls don't always involve a scenario where someone else can just call 911 if you don't answer. I want to know if a friend or loved one is having an emergency that I need to know about or they wouldn't be calling me.

It’s called charging sometimes. Do you carry it in the shower? To the toilet? If not, then GASP, you do let it ring—*how weird is that?*

You only charge in, what, your bedroom? How weird is that! There's a solution for that too. I already said I often let it ring, or actually I let it buzz because my ringer is off 95% of the time. And yes, I definitely take it to the toilet, what else do you do while you sit there but phone stuff?

Are you 16?

No, I'm in my 60s. You?

DP but this explains it - 60-70 year olds are the MOST addicted to their phones other than teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only answer my phone if I feel like it and I quite often don't feel like it once I see who it is. However, I keep it with me at all times. I don't leave it upstairs and then let it ring, how weird is that?

Emergency calls don't always involve a scenario where someone else can just call 911 if you don't answer. I want to know if a friend or loved one is having an emergency that I need to know about or they wouldn't be calling me.

It’s called charging sometimes. Do you carry it in the shower? To the toilet? If not, then GASP, you do let it ring—*how weird is that?*

You only charge in, what, your bedroom? How weird is that! There's a solution for that too. I already said I often let it ring, or actually I let it buzz because my ringer is off 95% of the time. And yes, I definitely take it to the toilet, what else do you do while you sit there but phone stuff?

Are you 16?

No, I'm in my 60s. You?

NP. Ah, I see. Your unsanitary habits are already setting in, as they do with many elderly people.

Um, ok. I've been reading stuff on the toilet since I was a child, how is the phone any different? I have a great book on my kindle app.

I know people take their phones into the bathroom, but that's gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't jump to get the phone or text. Those of you addicted to immediate replies need therapy.

I would have shut the woman down fast. This is none of her business.

Exactly. OP - was this a hardline or cell? Just curious. We still have a hardline that I literally haven’t answered in years. If it’s a hardline, she’s lucky you even still have one.

Do you mean landline?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL has hurt her own feelings by making up a narrative in her head where her DIL has no problem “ignoring” her calls. It’s not about OP’s practice in general. MIL now realizes that DIL doesn’t jump to answer her calls no matter the situation and feels wounded. It’s a super toxic thinking pattern.

I now expect that in the future when MIL calls and OP doesn’t pick up the first time MIL will keep calling until she does now that MIL knows OP is more likely to pick up with multiple calls.

I agree this is what triggered MIL. She is imagining all the times DIL has intentionally ignored her phone calls. In her mind, DIL has probably convinced the son and grandchildren to ignore her calls too. She envisions you all sitting around ignoring her.

My mother is the same why while also complaining how rude it is for me to check my phone while spending time with her.

Seems lots of older mothers' biggest fear are to be what they think is dismissed. My mother would rather start a fight and try to force me to say "hurtful/rude" things than think she is being dismissed. Like bad attention is better than no attention.

Side note, how many of you really do get non-scam, non-work phone calls? Only my mother and one friend call, everyone else texts only or texts "call me when you can".

[Anonymous]

I hear women in bathroom stalls having conversations while they poop. WTF is that. I will hang up on you if I hear you straining and farting and ugh just gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only answer my phone if I feel like it and I quite often don't feel like it once I see who it is. However, I keep it with me at all times. I don't leave it upstairs and then let it ring, how weird is that?

Emergency calls don't always involve a scenario where someone else can just call 911 if you don't answer. I want to know if a friend or loved one is having an emergency that I need to know about or they wouldn't be calling me.

It’s called charging sometimes. Do you carry it in the shower? To the toilet? If not, then GASP, you do let it ring—*how weird is that?*

You only charge in, what, your bedroom? How weird is that! There's a solution for that too. I already said I often let it ring, or actually I let it buzz because my ringer is off 95% of the time. And yes, I definitely take it to the toilet, what else do you do while you sit there but phone stuff?

Are you 16?

No, I'm in my 60s. You?

NP. Ah, I see. Your unsanitary habits are already setting in, as they do with many elderly people.

Um, ok. I've been reading stuff on the toilet since I was a child, how is the phone any different? I have a great book on my kindle app.

So gross. Let me guess, you sanitize your phone never? Anyway, if you spend that much time on the toilet, you likely need a better diet and exercise program. Again, you’re getting on in years so you really do need to take better care of yourself. And watch those sanitary habits—you’re definitely starting to slip.

You're right, I'm probably the only one (other than all the other elderly idiots, right?) who reads anything on the pot, especially including fooling around on the phone, right? You have devolved into an ageist a**hole for no good reason other than to keep this ridiculous debate going even though you are probably sitting on the toilet reading this right now but won't admit it.

Sanitize your phone and get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only answer my phone if I feel like it and I quite often don't feel like it once I see who it is. However, I keep it with me at all times. I don't leave it upstairs and then let it ring, how weird is that?

Emergency calls don't always involve a scenario where someone else can just call 911 if you don't answer. I want to know if a friend or loved one is having an emergency that I need to know about or they wouldn't be calling me.

It’s called charging sometimes. Do you carry it in the shower? To the toilet? If not, then GASP, you do let it ring—*how weird is that?*

You only charge in, what, your bedroom? How weird is that! There's a solution for that too. I already said I often let it ring, or actually I let it buzz because my ringer is off 95% of the time. And yes, I definitely take it to the toilet, what else do you do while you sit there but phone stuff?

Are you 16?

No, I'm in my 60s. You?

NP. Ah, I see. Your unsanitary habits are already setting in, as they do with many elderly people.

Um, ok. I've been reading stuff on the toilet since I was a child, how is the phone any different? I have a great book on my kindle app.

So gross. Let me guess, you sanitize your phone never? Anyway, if you spend that much time on the toilet, you likely need a better diet and exercise program. Again, you’re getting on in years so you really do need to take better care of yourself. And watch those sanitary habits—you’re definitely starting to slip.

NP here, but why so nasty? You can disapprove of something, without personally attacking. J

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only answer my phone if I feel like it and I quite often don't feel like it once I see who it is. However, I keep it with me at all times. I don't leave it upstairs and then let it ring, how weird is that?

Emergency calls don't always involve a scenario where someone else can just call 911 if you don't answer. I want to know if a friend or loved one is having an emergency that I need to know about or they wouldn't be calling me.

It’s called charging sometimes. Do you carry it in the shower? To the toilet? If not, then GASP, you do let it ring—*how weird is that?*

You only charge in, what, your bedroom? How weird is that! There's a solution for that too. I already said I often let it ring, or actually I let it buzz because my ringer is off 95% of the time. And yes, I definitely take it to the toilet, what else do you do while you sit there but phone stuff?

Are you 16?

No, I'm in my 60s. You?

NP. Ah, I see. Your unsanitary habits are already setting in, as they do with many elderly people.

Um, ok. I've been reading stuff on the toilet since I was a child, how is the phone any different? I have a great book on my kindle app.

So gross. Let me guess, you sanitize your phone never? Anyway, if you spend that much time on the toilet, you likely need a better diet and exercise program. Again, you’re getting on in years so you really do need to take better care of yourself. And watch those sanitary habits—you’re definitely starting to slip.

NP here, but why so nasty? You can disapprove of something, without personally attacking. J

I'm pretty sure attacking older people is sport for some of these gen x and millenial women, especially anyone defending a MIL in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL has hurt her own feelings by making up a narrative in her head where her DIL has no problem “ignoring” her calls. It’s not about OP’s practice in general. MIL now realizes that DIL doesn’t jump to answer her calls no matter the situation and feels wounded. It’s a super toxic thinking pattern.

I now expect that in the future when MIL calls and OP doesn’t pick up the first time MIL will keep calling until she does now that MIL knows OP is more likely to pick up with multiple calls.

I agree this is what triggered MIL. She is imagining all the times DIL has intentionally ignored her phone calls. In her mind, DIL has probably convinced the son and grandchildren to ignore her calls too. She envisions you all sitting around ignoring her.

My mother is the same why while also complaining how rude it is for me to check my phone while spending time with her.

Seems lots of older mothers' biggest fear are to be what they think is dismissed. My mother would rather start a fight and try to force me to say "hurtful/rude" things than think she is being dismissed. Like bad attention is better than no attention.

Side note, how many of you really do get non-scam, non-work phone calls? Only my mother and one friend call, everyone else texts only or texts "call me when you can".

I agree with this. I also think there may be a little bit of worry by the MIL that if she calls with a true emergency then she is going to be ignored.

It is a tough issue. Our parents were raised differently than us. When I was a child my parents never ignored a ringing phone. And as kids we were taught to answer it immediately. We even had a little spiel (Hello, you've reached the XXX residence. This is Larla speaking.) that we said or any staff had to say. It had to be in a pleasant voice, too!

I notice that my parents get upset if I'm at their house and they can't get to the phone before it stops ringing. So there may be a lot going on here behind the scenes OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL has hurt her own feelings by making up a narrative in her head where her DIL has no problem “ignoring” her calls. It’s not about OP’s practice in general. MIL now realizes that DIL doesn’t jump to answer her calls no matter the situation and feels wounded. It’s a super toxic thinking pattern.

I now expect that in the future when MIL calls and OP doesn’t pick up the first time MIL will keep calling until she does now that MIL knows OP is more likely to pick up with multiple calls.

I agree this is what triggered MIL. She is imagining all the times DIL has intentionally ignored her phone calls. In her mind, DIL has probably convinced the son and grandchildren to ignore her calls too. She envisions you all sitting around ignoring her.

My mother is the same why while also complaining how rude it is for me to check my phone while spending time with her.

Seems lots of older mothers' biggest fear are to be what they think is dismissed. My mother would rather start a fight and try to force me to say "hurtful/rude" things than think she is being dismissed. Like bad attention is better than no attention.

Side note, how many of you really do get non-scam, non-work phone calls? Only my mother and one friend call, everyone else texts only or texts "call me when you can".

I agree with this. I also think there may be a little bit of worry by the MIL that if she calls with a true emergency then she is going to be ignored.

It is a tough issue. Our parents were raised differently than us. When I was a child my parents never ignored a ringing phone. And as kids we were taught to answer it immediately. We even had a little spiel (Hello, you've reached the XXX residence. This is Larla speaking.) that we said or any staff had to say. It had to be in a pleasant voice, too!

I notice that my parents get upset if I'm at their house and they can't get to the phone before it stops ringing. So there may be a lot going on here behind the scenes OP.

My mother is the same way. It is generational, but you know what? Old dogs can learn new tricks and need to suck up their feelings when the way they’ve always done something changes. This is the way of the world. It’s like old men who think that workplace sexual harassment wasn’t really a problem so they think it is still acceptable to make jokes about women’s bodies and whatnot. Just because they were raised in a time where that was a norm, times have changed and they have to accept it. The MIL is not a fool living in some time warp bubble where she doesn’t know that the world is different.

The MIL would probably be equally as offended if the OP had taken the call and had a conversation while hosting the ILs.