Reply to MIL super upset that I don’t always answer the phone

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "MIL super upset that I don’t always answer the phone—and she wasn’t event calling!"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]MIL has hurt her own feelings by making up a narrative in her head where her DIL has no problem “ignoring” her calls. It’s not about OP’s practice in general. MIL now realizes that DIL doesn’t jump to answer her calls no matter the situation and feels wounded. It’s a super toxic thinking pattern.

I now expect that in the future when MIL calls and OP doesn’t pick up the first time MIL will keep calling until she does now that MIL knows OP is more likely to pick up with multiple calls. [/quote]

I agree this is what triggered MIL.  She is imagining all the times DIL has intentionally ignored her phone calls.  In her mind, DIL has probably convinced the son and grandchildren to ignore her calls too. She envisions you all sitting around ignoring her.

My mother is the same why while also complaining how rude it is for me to check my phone while spending time with her.

Seems lots of older mothers' biggest fear are to be what they think is dismissed.  My mother would rather start a fight and try to force me to say "hurtful/rude" things than think she is being dismissed. Like bad attention is better than no attention.

Side note, how many of you really do get non-scam, non-work phone calls?  Only my mother and one friend call, everyone else texts only or texts "call me when you can".[/quote]

I agree with this.  I also think there may be a little bit of worry by the MIL that if she calls with a true emergency then she is going to be ignored.

It is a tough issue.  Our parents were raised differently than us.  When I was a child my parents never ignored a ringing phone.  And as kids we were taught to answer it immediately.  We even had a little spiel (Hello, you've reached the XXX residence.  This is Larla speaking.) that we said or any staff had to say.  It had to be in a pleasant voice, too!

I notice that my parents get upset if I'm at their house and they can't get to the phone before it stops ringing.  So there may be a lot going on here behind the scenes OP.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics