MIL super upset that I don’t always answer the phone—and she wasn’t event calling!

[Anonymous]

MIL has hurt her own feelings by making up a narrative in her head where her DIL has no problem “ignoring” her calls. It’s not about OP’s practice in general. MIL now realizes that DIL doesn’t jump to answer her calls no matter the situation and feels wounded. It’s a super toxic thinking pattern.

I now expect that in the future when MIL calls and OP doesn’t pick up the first time MIL will keep calling until she does now that MIL knows OP is more likely to pick up with multiple calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I’m filing this under “LOL and ignore.”

ILs are here and we’re having a relaxed day. I’m cooking a few things so that I don’t have to spend too much time in the kitchen tomorrow. I was in the middle of cleaning off some mushrooms, when my phone rang upstairs. I heard it, and ignored it. MIL said, “Aren’t you going to get that?” And I replied, “No, I’m going to finish this and I’ll call them back later, if it wasn’t a telemarketer.”

MIL then asked if I wanted her to go upstairs to my bedroom and give it to me so I could at least see who called. I said thanks but no, I’ll just call back when I can, if I need to.

She took a long pause and then asked, “So you just don’t always answer your phone?” And I said no, not when I’m busy. And she asked what if it’s an emergency, and I said, “Well then I assume they’ll either call back another time or two, or dial 911.”

She told me I was rude to not always answer my phone, and asked if I ignored it when she called. I said, “Not answering when someone calls is not ‘ignoring,’ it’s being busy with life—I always return the call when it is a good time for me. Remember before cell phones? Was it ‘rude’ for you to go to the grocery store or go for a walk or go to church and miss a few calls?”

She’s freezing me out now and I’m just like—are you serious?

My mom ALWAYS answers her phone, even if she doesn't recognize the caller. During a conversation, middle of dinner, whoits her turn to play 5 Second Rule, it doesn't matter to her. I was working from home because I had Covid. She called, left a voicemail, and when I called her back that evening she was so confused. "Where were you today? I thought you were working from home... we're you sleeping? You were working from home? Well, Why didn't you answer?"

[Anonymous]

OP, way to go!👊🏾
I’ve gone a step further, I’ve turned off my ringers (home & cell). When I’m home, my cell is usually in my nightstand drawer. Also, I do not reply to text immediately. I decide when it is a good moment for me to speak or text.

Continue to do what works for you!😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL has hurt her own feelings by making up a narrative in her head where her DIL has no problem “ignoring” her calls. It’s not about OP’s practice in general. MIL now realizes that DIL doesn’t jump to answer her calls no matter the situation and feels wounded. It’s a super toxic thinking pattern.

I now expect that in the future when MIL calls and OP doesn’t pick up the first time MIL will keep calling until she does now that MIL knows OP is more likely to pick up with multiple calls.

If my MIL did this to me, I would tell her to her face that she should call DH from now on. No one cries wolf on my time.

[Anonymous]

I love the expression “Lol and ignore”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the expression “Lol and ignore”

Me, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were rude AF that's why she's freezing you out. Saying you wait for an emergency to call you back once or twice or call 911 is gross. It's not even true, you know you check your missed calls. You got what you deserve.

Troll.

Everyone does what OP does. I don't know a single person who doesn't.

+1. And it isn’t a generational thing. My 93 y/o grandma let’s her cell ring when she’s in the middle of something and gives the person a call back later. This is normal behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were rude AF that's why she's freezing you out. Saying you wait for an emergency to call you back once or twice or call 911 is gross. It's not even true, you know you check your missed calls. You got what you deserve.

Why do you expect other people to always be at your beck and call?

I don't say untrue things and then get huffy when people notice and give me the cold shoulder. If OP was so sure of herself, why did she let it get under her skin?

This is one of those posters who is always contrarian to the OP and will keep doubling down till the bitter end. Ignore.

[Anonymous]

put your phone on silent. Problem solved--she'll never know if you ignored another call. But I'm with you OP--no big deal to ignore a call if it's not a good time. I have my phone set so that only calls from contacts come through. Everything else is silenced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soooo...really? You would all drop everything and run to a different floor of the house to answer a call any time your phone rings? I’m flabbergasted. Honestly.

Said nobody. But I also don't make rude comments like "if its an emergency they can call back a few more times or just call 911". I would say something normal to questioning MIL like "I'll check when I get a chance, too busy right now." and leave it at that.

How exactly is it rude to say “If it’s an emergency, they can call back a few more times or just call 911?” Please explain how this is rude.

Because it's idiotic. Only people close to you call you in an emergency your spouse, parents, kids, etc. If your own mother fell down the stairs and tried to reach you would you let her just resort to 911? Nobody does this, it's not even a normal response.

If I try to call my dd and she doesn’t answer, I either try her again a couple of times or call 911. I don’t understand you’re thinking here. You think op should assume every time her phone rings it could be an emergency and she needs to answer it right away? On the off chance it’s her mother who just fell down the stairs instead of a telemarketer?

No, I'm assuming she can have a simple conversation with her MIL without being rude. How many times have you called 911 on your daughter, by the way? That's, not normal.

Reading comprehension. She's not calling 911 on her daughter, she's calling 911 if she has an emergency and can't reach her daughter. Like a normal person would do.

I cannot fathom how you perceive the OP accurately pointing out that if the caller is having an emergency they can call 911 is a rude response. MIL asked "what if it's an emergency?" and OP answered MIL's question. Namely, that she would expect someone having an emergency to call 911 if they couldn't reach her. OP was not ride in the slightest and her MIL sounds like an immature dolt.

+1

[Anonymous]

I don’t always answer my phone.

[Anonymous]

Op, you are normal. I am youg and will never be at anyone's beck and call. One time a friend said, I can't make you my emergency contact. I told her she was scorrsxf. The only people who I'm an emergency contact for is my kids and if they are at home with me I know they are safe.

[Anonymous]

Years ago my dad had a visit from someone trying to sell him insurance. They were sitting in my parents' kitchen and the phone started ringing and dad just ignored it. Before answering machines were common. The salesman gets uncomfortable and finally asks if he is going to answer it. My dad says, "you know, every so often that thing on the wall makes that noise, but I find that if I just ignore it, it goes away." The salesman didn't spend much more time there.

[Anonymous]

How dare you not answer my imaginary calls?

[Anonymous]

I only answer my phone if I feel like it and I quite often don't feel like it once I see who it is. However, I keep it with me at all times. I don't leave it upstairs and then let it ring, how weird is that?

Emergency calls don't always involve a scenario where someone else can just call 911 if you don't answer. I want to know if a friend or loved one is having an emergency that I need to know about or they wouldn't be calling me.