Of the people you know who have had affairs, is there a common them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 50's and never known a married person who cheated in real life. See it a lot in movies and television, though.

You know a bunch. You just don't know that you do. You would be shocked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the "mentally ill" PP, but the idea of soulmates is still pretty ridiculous. You think in a world of 9 billion people, there is a single person out there who is The One (as deemed by who?) that should be your partner? Come on.

And I'm not saying that because I don't believe in chemistry or attraction or anything -- I too am in a situation where I am in infatuation/near-love with someone who is not my husband. I'm simply realistic enough to understand it's because of things missing in my marriage, not because of some pre-ordained decision by the universe that our souls are connected and we're meant to be together

I don’t believe ‘the one’ exists but I do believe in soul mates, possibly multiple soul mates. It’s sounds crazy maybe but I believe in it. I married a very practical man who is deeply in love with me, he is handsome, a great provider and hard worker. I feel like I should have better chemistry with him, but I don’t. I have chemistry toward someone else’s husband for some reason and I think the feelings are mutual. It’s a scary feeling, I almost feel out of control, I can’t stop thinking about him.

For crying out loud having “chemistry for someone else’s husband” does not make this person your soul mate. You describe this as a “scary feeling.” You know why? Because what you are ruminating about has the potential to blow up your life and harm the people you love. That’s why it is scary and producing a visceral reaction in you. If anything, the guy is probably a predatory creep, which also can produce that “scary” feeling even if you don’t quite understand the reason for it. Please get your head out of your backside, see this for what it is - and knock it off immediately.

[Anonymous]

don’t believe ‘the one’ exists but I do believe in soul mates, possibly multiple soul mates. It’s sounds crazy maybe but I believe in it. I married a very practical man who is deeply in love with me, he is handsome, a great provider and hard worker. I feel like I should have better chemistry with him, but I don’t. I have chemistry toward someone else’s husband for some reason and I think the feelings are mutual. It’s a scary feeling, I almost feel out of control, I can’t stop thinking about him.

Your posts make you sound unhinged. You can control it and should. Tryouts say those things about your DH and are still considering destroying him and your family? Work on your marriage. Stay out of someone else’s. Seriously, you are recognizing there are two families involved and you are still going down that path? Is it worth losing your world and taking down everyone you supposedly love with you? Get marriage counseling, read books, figure out how to reconnect with your DH. Don’t be selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every affair, like every family, is unique. Tolstoy writes in Anna Karenina " All happy families are alike. All unhappy families are unique in their own way."

I suggest that all those opining on here about what causes an affair. It is b/c the cheaters are bad people? Narcissists? Good people doing bad things? Bored in their marriage? Or looking for something missing in themselves? There are any number of reasons and I think all of these reasons require compassion not condemnation.

Read Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs." Here is an excerpt:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/why-happy-people-cheat/537882/

Uggh! Life in America. Anything goes with no controls. It's not loving to be tolerant of everything. It's not truthful. Should we be tolerant of the 15 year old who killed all those other children? Sure have some compassion that he is human, but he's a danger. Infidelity is dangerous.

How is infidelity dangerous? Anything can be dangerous if you’re an idiot.

The poster you are responding to is a type: everything must be black and white. There must be a right person and a wrong person. And people who do something hurtful must be bad or broken people. It is an extremely simplistic and immature view of the world, and you see it all the time on any thread discussing infidelity. There is no reasoning with those people.

It's called dualistic thinking. It's very lazy.

No it's not. I was just working during the day. God forbid. I'll have to look up a list of reasons why infidelity is dangerous. I can think of several off the top of my head but wanted to respond more thoroughly. If you don't mind, I need to do other things after work and will get back to this question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every affair, like every family, is unique. Tolstoy writes in Anna Karenina " All happy families are alike. All unhappy families are unique in their own way."

I suggest that all those opining on here about what causes an affair. It is b/c the cheaters are bad people? Narcissists? Good people doing bad things? Bored in their marriage? Or looking for something missing in themselves? There are any number of reasons and I think all of these reasons require compassion not condemnation.

Read Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs." Here is an excerpt:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/why-happy-people-cheat/537882/

Uggh! Life in America. Anything goes with no controls. It's not loving to be tolerant of everything. It's not truthful. Should we be tolerant of the 15 year old who killed all those other children? Sure have some compassion that he is human, but he's a danger. Infidelity is dangerous.

How is infidelity dangerous? Anything can be dangerous if you’re an idiot.

The poster you are responding to is a type: everything must be black and white. There must be a right person and a wrong person. And people who do something hurtful must be bad or broken people. It is an extremely simplistic and immature view of the world, and you see it all the time on any thread discussing infidelity. There is no reasoning with those people.

It's called dualistic thinking. It's very lazy.

No it's not. I was just working during the day. God forbid. I'll have to look up a list of reasons why infidelity is dangerous. I can think of several off the top of my head but wanted to respond more thoroughly. If you don't mind, I need to do other things after work and will get back to this question.

And I mean seriously. It's one of the commandments that has been around for centuries. Multiple thousands of years. But I know. You are the enlightened one. Those billions of people who lived didn't know what they were talking about. I know there is a lot of increased STD's since the birth control pill and since the dating apps but I wanted to be more thorough. and cover more areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing in common with all cheaters is they found someone they thought was a better option.

HA. Oh boy. Not at all. Affair down is a big thing. It's real. 99% of men are in it just for side/variety sex, and the women are usually lower caliber.

This is not true in the affairs I know about.

[Anonymous]

The affairs I know about? Usually the friends have a mild bipolar, and become super sexual when they are manic.

When the manic phase goes away, they usually stop the affair and the male APs are very confused. Have even called mutual friends looking for them; I make sure I stay well away from the APs. Thankfully, none of these friends live in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing in common with all cheaters is they found someone they thought was a better option.

HA. Oh boy. Not at all. Affair down is a big thing. It's real. 99% of men are in it just for side/variety sex, and the women are usually lower caliber.

This is not true in the affairs I know about.

Definitely true in the ones I know about. I have seen photos of the APs and saw one in person. Woof woof

[Anonymous]

Common? All cheaters: No morals, no integrity and poor character. Dishonest, liars.

To cheat you have to be a liar first and foremost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Common? All cheaters: No morals, no integrity and poor character. Dishonest, liars.

To cheat you have to be a liar first and foremost.

You are missing: No class. Skanky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Common? All cheaters: No morals, no integrity and poor character. Dishonest, liars.

To cheat you have to be a liar first and foremost.

Yes! So true. It starts with bad character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing in common with all cheaters is they found someone they thought was a better option.

HA. Oh boy. Not at all. Affair down is a big thing. It's real. 99% of men are in it just for side/variety sex, and the women are usually lower caliber.

For some, affairing down is a better option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every affair, like every family, is unique. Tolstoy writes in Anna Karenina " All happy families are alike. All unhappy families are unique in their own way."

I suggest that all those opining on here about what causes an affair. It is b/c the cheaters are bad people? Narcissists? Good people doing bad things? Bored in their marriage? Or looking for something missing in themselves? There are any number of reasons and I think all of these reasons require compassion not condemnation.

Read Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs." Here is an excerpt:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/why-happy-people-cheat/537882/

Uggh! Life in America. Anything goes with no controls. It's not loving to be tolerant of everything. It's not truthful. Should we be tolerant of the 15 year old who killed all those other children? Sure have some compassion that he is human, but he's a danger. Infidelity is dangerous.

How is infidelity dangerous? Anything can be dangerous if you’re an idiot.

The poster you are responding to is a type: everything must be black and white. There must be a right person and a wrong person. And people who do something hurtful must be bad or broken people. It is an extremely simplistic and immature view of the world, and you see it all the time on any thread discussing infidelity. There is no reasoning with those people.

It's called dualistic thinking. It's very lazy.

No it's not. I was just working during the day. God forbid. I'll have to look up a list of reasons why infidelity is dangerous. I can think of several off the top of my head but wanted to respond more thoroughly. If you don't mind, I need to do other things after work and will get back to this question.

And I mean seriously. It's one of the commandments that has been around for centuries. Multiple thousands of years. But I know. You are the enlightened one. Those billions of people who lived didn't know what they were talking about. I know there is a lot of increased STD's since the birth control pill and since the dating apps but I wanted to be more thorough. and cover more areas.

There is no commandment about adultery. It is about "coveting thy neighbor's wife" -- i.e., his possession. But if that's your best argument, you can go back to and spare us the rest of your insights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing in common with all cheaters is they found someone they thought was a better option.

HA. Oh boy. Not at all. Affair down is a big thing. It's real. 99% of men are in it just for side/variety sex, and the women are usually lower caliber.

This is not true in the affairs I know about.

Definitely true in the ones I know about. I have seen photos of the APs and saw one in person. Woof woof

The cope is strong in this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every affair, like every family, is unique. Tolstoy writes in Anna Karenina " All happy families are alike. All unhappy families are unique in their own way."

I suggest that all those opining on here about what causes an affair. It is b/c the cheaters are bad people? Narcissists? Good people doing bad things? Bored in their marriage? Or looking for something missing in themselves? There are any number of reasons and I think all of these reasons require compassion not condemnation.

Read Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs." Here is an excerpt:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/why-happy-people-cheat/537882/

Uggh! Life in America. Anything goes with no controls. It's not loving to be tolerant of everything. It's not truthful. Should we be tolerant of the 15 year old who killed all those other children? Sure have some compassion that he is human, but he's a danger. Infidelity is dangerous.

How is infidelity dangerous? Anything can be dangerous if you’re an idiot.

The poster you are responding to is a type: everything must be black and white. There must be a right person and a wrong person. And people who do something hurtful must be bad or broken people. It is an extremely simplistic and immature view of the world, and you see it all the time on any thread discussing infidelity. There is no reasoning with those people.

It's called dualistic thinking. It's very lazy.

No it's not. I was just working during the day. God forbid. I'll have to look up a list of reasons why infidelity is dangerous. I can think of several off the top of my head but wanted to respond more thoroughly. If you don't mind, I need to do other things after work and will get back to this question.

And I mean seriously. It's one of the commandments that has been around for centuries. Multiple thousands of years. But I know. You are the enlightened one. Those billions of people who lived didn't know what they were talking about. I know there is a lot of increased STD's since the birth control pill and since the dating apps but I wanted to be more thorough. and cover more areas.

There is no commandment about adultery. It is about "coveting thy neighbor's wife" -- i.e., his possession. But if that's your best argument, you can go back to and spare us the rest of your insights.

I think she’s referring to the unforgivable sins. Unrepentant adulterated is considered a path to eternal damnation biblically.