Of the people you know who have had affairs, is there a common them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People cheat because they realize they are married to the wrong person. When they meet their soulmate it’s earth shattering, but because they have a family obligations and small children, they feel guilty and ashamed. They lose all logical thought and decision making. For me, as a woman, it’s something I am very ashamed of, I can’t fathom destroying something I have worked so hard for, my family. However, I have met someone where the chemistry is palpable, I have not acted on it yet, but I almost have a compulsion, a magnetic attraction to this person. It’s hard to ignore. I have never ever felt this way before in my life.

people believing in soul mates are mentally ill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every affair, like every family, is unique. Tolstoy writes in Anna Karenina " All happy families are alike. All unhappy families are unique in their own way."

I suggest that all those opining on here about what causes an affair. It is b/c the cheaters are bad people? Narcissists? Good people doing bad things? Bored in their marriage? Or looking for something missing in themselves? There are any number of reasons and I think all of these reasons require compassion not condemnation.

Read Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs." Here is an excerpt:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/why-happy-people-cheat/537882/

Uggh! Life in America. Anything goes with no controls. It's not loving to be tolerant of everything. It's not truthful. Should we be tolerant of the 15 year old who killed all those other children? Sure have some compassion that he is human, but he's a danger. Infidelity is dangerous.

How is infidelity dangerous? Anything can be dangerous if you’re an idiot.

The poster you are responding to is a type: everything must be black and white. There must be a right person and a wrong person. And people who do something hurtful must be bad or broken people. It is an extremely simplistic and immature view of the world, and you see it all the time on any thread discussing infidelity. There is no reasoning with those people.

It's called dualistic thinking. It's very lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People cheat because they realize they are married to the wrong person. When they meet their soulmate it’s earth shattering, but because they have a family obligations and small children, they feel guilty and ashamed. They lose all logical thought and decision making. For me, as a woman, it’s something I am very ashamed of, I can’t fathom destroying something I have worked so hard for, my family. However, I have met someone where the chemistry is palpable, I have not acted on it yet, but I almost have a compulsion, a magnetic attraction to this person. It’s hard to ignore. I have never ever felt this way before in my life.

^^we are both married and I feel like I have to tell him how I feel. I can’t hold this in any longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People cheat because they realize they are married to the wrong person. When they meet their soulmate it’s earth shattering, but because they have a family obligations and small children, they feel guilty and ashamed. They lose all logical thought and decision making. For me, as a woman, it’s something I am very ashamed of, I can’t fathom destroying something I have worked so hard for, my family. However, I have met someone where the chemistry is palpable, I have not acted on it yet, but I almost have a compulsion, a magnetic attraction to this person. It’s hard to ignore. I have never ever felt this way before in my life.

people believing in soul mates are mentally ill

Really?? And what mental illness would that be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People cheat because they realize they are married to the wrong person. When they meet their soulmate it’s earth shattering, but because they have a family obligations and small children, they feel guilty and ashamed. They lose all logical thought and decision making. For me, as a woman, it’s something I am very ashamed of, I can’t fathom destroying something I have worked so hard for, my family. However, I have met someone where the chemistry is palpable, I have not acted on it yet, but I almost have a compulsion, a magnetic attraction to this person. It’s hard to ignore. I have never ever felt this way before in my life.

people believing in soul mates are mentally ill

I never believed in soul mates until now. I am not married to my soul mate.

[Anonymous]

Would asking another married person out for coffee be inappropriate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would asking another married person out for coffee be inappropriate?

I’ve had coffee with many married people - for business purposes. Or maybe your kids are having a legit play date and you happen to grab a coffee or other refreshment. But coffee date with a married person purely for personal reasons? I mean, I guess it’s possible to have purely platonic friends of the opposite sex. But if some guy is hitting you up for a coffee date, chances are it’s not just about the coffee.

[Anonymous]

One thing in common with all cheaters is they found someone they thought was a better option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People cheat because they realize they are married to the wrong person. When they meet their soulmate it’s earth shattering, but because they have a family obligations and small children, they feel guilty and ashamed. They lose all logical thought and decision making. For me, as a woman, it’s something I am very ashamed of, I can’t fathom destroying something I have worked so hard for, my family. However, I have met someone where the chemistry is palpable, I have not acted on it yet, but I almost have a compulsion, a magnetic attraction to this person. It’s hard to ignore. I have never ever felt this way before in my life.

people believing in soul mates are mentally ill

I never believed in soul mates until now. I am not married to my soul mate.

Friend, please look up the story of Christie Smythe, the formerly married former Bloomberg journalist who fell for Martin Shkreli and thinks he is her soul mate. She lost her marriage, her job, her Brooklyn townhome, and most significantly, she lost the respect of those around her. Oh, and the guy is in jail and still treats her like crap. Some soul mate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People cheat because they realize they are married to the wrong person. When they meet their soulmate it’s earth shattering, but because they have a family obligations and small children, they feel guilty and ashamed. They lose all logical thought and decision making. For me, as a woman, it’s something I am very ashamed of, I can’t fathom destroying something I have worked so hard for, my family. However, I have met someone where the chemistry is palpable, I have not acted on it yet, but I almost have a compulsion, a magnetic attraction to this person. It’s hard to ignore. I have never ever felt this way before in my life.

people believing in soul mates are mentally ill

Really?? And what mental illness would that be?

I am dying to know the answer to this one too!! A lot of people responding to posts these days seem extremely ignorant; more so than usual!

[Anonymous]

Trying to generalize when so many people do it. You can't.

What's next, a common theme among people whose favorite dessert is ice cream?

[Anonymous]

Not the "mentally ill" PP, but the idea of soulmates is still pretty ridiculous. You think in a world of 9 billion people, there is a single person out there who is The One (as deemed by who?) that should be your partner? Come on.

And I'm not saying that because I don't believe in chemistry or attraction or anything -- I too am in a situation where I am in infatuation/near-love with someone who is not my husband. I'm simply realistic enough to understand it's because of things missing in my marriage, not because of some pre-ordained decision by the universe that our souls are connected and we're meant to be together

[Anonymous]

I'm in my 50's and never known a married person who cheated in real life. See it a lot in movies and television, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing in common with all cheaters is they found someone they thought was a better option.

HA. Oh boy. Not at all. Affair down is a big thing. It's real. 99% of men are in it just for side/variety sex, and the women are usually lower caliber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the "mentally ill" PP, but the idea of soulmates is still pretty ridiculous. You think in a world of 9 billion people, there is a single person out there who is The One (as deemed by who?) that should be your partner? Come on.

And I'm not saying that because I don't believe in chemistry or attraction or anything -- I too am in a situation where I am in infatuation/near-love with someone who is not my husband. I'm simply realistic enough to understand it's because of things missing in my marriage, not because of some pre-ordained decision by the universe that our souls are connected and we're meant to be together

I don’t believe ‘the one’ exists but I do believe in soul mates, possibly multiple soul mates. It’s sounds crazy maybe but I believe in it. I married a very practical man who is deeply in love with me, he is handsome, a great provider and hard worker. I feel like I should have better chemistry with him, but I don’t. I have chemistry toward someone else’s husband for some reason and I think the feelings are mutual. It’s a scary feeling, I almost feel out of control, I can’t stop thinking about him.