Of the people you know who have had affairs, is there a common them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of the two common themes from men who have cheated - they were either very handsome and charming. Or they were married to rude, controlling women.

Eh, mine might have been handsome or charming in his youth. When I met him he was 56, gray/receding, soft and out of shape, and still about 5 ft 9. And yet, rocked me and my world like no one before or since. It was emotional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And homosexuality

https://www.openbible.info/topics/homosexuality

That's only in the English translation. It's mistranslated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of the two common themes from men who have cheated - they were either very handsome and charming. Or they were married to rude, controlling women.

Never a flaw in them huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The patterns I have noticed are:

For men, they often were dorky or mediocre in high school, then had a glow-up, either physically or professionally, and can't resist exploring what is now available to them. It's an ego boost.

For women, they often aren't getting attention and romance from their partner and they crave feeling wanted. Actually that's similar to the men, but the men crave being wanted because it leads to sex. Women crave being wanted in and of itself.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People I know who have had affairs:

My dad - I know nothing about it until WAY after it happened. (Still married to my mom)
My mom - revenge affair (again, knew nothing about it until WAY after it happened) (She is still married to my dad)
Me - angry, lonely, messed up (I'm still married to my husband)
My AP - wasn't having sex with his wife (He is still married to his wife)
Male friend - ended up divorcing wife and marrying AP, and they are still married (This all happened way before I knew them)

Yep, and that's all the affairs I knew about. So, in my eyes affairs result in long marriages.

Very common in the moneyed classes centuries ago. It is a fairy tale that most people want to live monogamously ever after. Having sex outside the marriage does not mean you do not love your spouse and value the family. Every spouse does not demand physical faithfulness. I knew a gay man who remained happily married for decades. He cared for his wife very well. Does his having had sex with men neutralize the wonderful things he did for her?

HA!!! VERY Common in the white trash/Jerry Springer, multiple baby momma world.

FYI, my family is neither white trash / Jerry Springer type, nor the moneyed class of centuries ago. White collar, middle - upper middle class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People I know who have had affairs:

My dad - I know nothing about it until WAY after it happened. (Still married to my mom)
My mom - revenge affair (again, knew nothing about it until WAY after it happened) (She is still married to my dad)
Me - angry, lonely, messed up (I'm still married to my husband)
My AP - wasn't having sex with his wife (He is still married to his wife)
Male friend - ended up divorcing wife and marrying AP, and they are still married (This all happened way before I knew them)

Yep, and that's all the affairs I knew about. So, in my eyes affairs result in long marriages.

Your family and you are the perfect example of how affairs span generations.

So it's not my fault??? Whew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of the two common themes from men who have cheated - they were either very handsome and charming. Or they were married to rude, controlling women.

Never a flaw in them huh?

I was laughing when I saw the pp post. The guy is clearly trolling but it’s not even as though he put effort in to it and so it’s just a stupid post instead.

[Anonymous]

Common theme is that their husbands never found out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Common theme is that their husbands never found out.

Gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every affair, like every family, is unique. Tolstoy writes in Anna Karenina " All happy families are alike. All unhappy families are unique in their own way."

I suggest that all those opining on here about what causes an affair. It is b/c the cheaters are bad people? Narcissists? Good people doing bad things? Bored in their marriage? Or looking for something missing in themselves? There are any number of reasons and I think all of these reasons require compassion not condemnation.

Read Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs." Here is an excerpt:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/why-happy-people-cheat/537882/

Uggh! Life in America. Anything goes with no controls. It's not loving to be tolerant of everything. It's not truthful. Should we be tolerant of the 15 year old who killed all those other children? Sure have some compassion that he is human, but he's a danger. Infidelity is dangerous.

How is infidelity dangerous? Anything can be dangerous if you’re an idiot.

The poster you are responding to is a type: everything must be black and white. There must be a right person and a wrong person. And people who do something hurtful must be bad or broken people. It is an extremely simplistic and immature view of the world, and you see it all the time on any thread discussing infidelity. There is no reasoning with those people.

It's called dualistic thinking. It's very lazy.

I’m a NP. I think people who justify cheating are the lazy ones. They don’t want to do the hard work of doing the right thing. Cheating by definition is wrong. Otherwise it’s called open marriage.

I think some people are just more sexual than others, some are more attractive, they have many options and opportunities throughout their lives. Not that I condone cheating but who are we to tell someone how to live their life? If they can make it work for them, who am I to judge? The Ten Commandments are a good guideline but again, we seem to really hold those Puritan values close in the US. Sometimes there is a gray area.

I’m the pp you are responding to. I don’t see the association between sexuality of a person and cheating. Cheating has to do with taking the easy way out instead of doing the right thing. Not sure why add in the religion comment either. Honestly, you are all over the place in your reasoning and your gray area comments reflects lazy thinking. Justifying cheating is the lazy thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every affair, like every family, is unique. Tolstoy writes in Anna Karenina " All happy families are alike. All unhappy families are unique in their own way."

I suggest that all those opining on here about what causes an affair. It is b/c the cheaters are bad people? Narcissists? Good people doing bad things? Bored in their marriage? Or looking for something missing in themselves? There are any number of reasons and I think all of these reasons require compassion not condemnation.

Read Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs." Here is an excerpt:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/why-happy-people-cheat/537882/

Uggh! Life in America. Anything goes with no controls. It's not loving to be tolerant of everything. It's not truthful. Should we be tolerant of the 15 year old who killed all those other children? Sure have some compassion that he is human, but he's a danger. Infidelity is dangerous.

How is infidelity dangerous? Anything can be dangerous if you’re an idiot.

The poster you are responding to is a type: everything must be black and white. There must be a right person and a wrong person. And people who do something hurtful must be bad or broken people. It is an extremely simplistic and immature view of the world, and you see it all the time on any thread discussing infidelity. There is no reasoning with those people.

It's called dualistic thinking. It's very lazy.

I’m a NP. I think people who justify cheating are the lazy ones. They don’t want to do the hard work of doing the right thing. Cheating by definition is wrong. Otherwise it’s called open marriage.

I think some people are just more sexual than others, some are more attractive, they have many options and opportunities throughout their lives. Not that I condone cheating but who are we to tell someone how to live their life? If they can make it work for them, who am I to judge? The Ten Commandments are a good guideline but again, we seem to really hold those Puritan values close in the US. Sometimes there is a gray area.

I’m the pp you are responding to. I don’t see the association between sexuality of a person and cheating. Cheating has to do with taking the easy way out instead of doing the right thing. Not sure why add in the religion comment either. Honestly, you are all over the place in your reasoning and your gray area comments reflects lazy thinking. Justifying cheating is the lazy thinking.

So by ‘doing the right thing’ do you mean divorcing? Because I don’t agree that divorce and a disruption and breakup of family is better than a discrete affair. If the person can be discrete about it while still supporting his/her family financially/emotionally/whatever what is the big deal? Some people are actually able to compartmentalize feelings and it works for them. Maybe we should let go of our restrictive Puritan values and loosen up, it’s okay to love multiple people at the same time. If you realize your husband or wife is not on the same page, don’t tell them about it. Why do we feel compelled to share EVERYTHING with our spouses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every affair, like every family, is unique. Tolstoy writes in Anna Karenina " All happy families are alike. All unhappy families are unique in their own way."

I suggest that all those opining on here about what causes an affair. It is b/c the cheaters are bad people? Narcissists? Good people doing bad things? Bored in their marriage? Or looking for something missing in themselves? There are any number of reasons and I think all of these reasons require compassion not condemnation.

Read Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs." Here is an excerpt:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/why-happy-people-cheat/537882/

Uggh! Life in America. Anything goes with no controls. It's not loving to be tolerant of everything. It's not truthful. Should we be tolerant of the 15 year old who killed all those other children? Sure have some compassion that he is human, but he's a danger. Infidelity is dangerous.

How is infidelity dangerous? Anything can be dangerous if you’re an idiot.

The poster you are responding to is a type: everything must be black and white. There must be a right person and a wrong person. And people who do something hurtful must be bad or broken people. It is an extremely simplistic and immature view of the world, and you see it all the time on any thread discussing infidelity. There is no reasoning with those people.

It's called dualistic thinking. It's very lazy.

I’m a NP. I think people who justify cheating are the lazy ones. They don’t want to do the hard work of doing the right thing. Cheating by definition is wrong. Otherwise it’s called open marriage.

I think some people are just more sexual than others, some are more attractive, they have many options and opportunities throughout their lives. Not that I condone cheating but who are we to tell someone how to live their life? If they can make it work for them, who am I to judge? The Ten Commandments are a good guideline but again, we seem to really hold those Puritan values close in the US. Sometimes there is a gray area.

I’m the pp you are responding to. I don’t see the association between sexuality of a person and cheating. Cheating has to do with taking the easy way out instead of doing the right thing. Not sure why add in the religion comment either. Honestly, you are all over the place in your reasoning and your gray area comments reflects lazy thinking. Justifying cheating is the lazy thinking.

So by ‘doing the right thing’ do you mean divorcing? Because I don’t agree that divorce and a disruption and breakup of family is better than a discrete affair. If the person can be discrete about it while still supporting his/her family financially/emotionally/whatever what is the big deal? Some people are actually able to compartmentalize feelings and it works for them. Maybe we should let go of our restrictive Puritan values and loosen up, it’s okay to love multiple people at the same time. If you realize your husband or wife is not on the same page, don’t tell them about it. Why do we feel compelled to share EVERYTHING with our spouses?

I agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every affair, like every family, is unique. Tolstoy writes in Anna Karenina " All happy families are alike. All unhappy families are unique in their own way."

I suggest that all those opining on here about what causes an affair. It is b/c the cheaters are bad people? Narcissists? Good people doing bad things? Bored in their marriage? Or looking for something missing in themselves? There are any number of reasons and I think all of these reasons require compassion not condemnation.

Read Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs." Here is an excerpt:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/why-happy-people-cheat/537882/

Uggh! Life in America. Anything goes with no controls. It's not loving to be tolerant of everything. It's not truthful. Should we be tolerant of the 15 year old who killed all those other children? Sure have some compassion that he is human, but he's a danger. Infidelity is dangerous.

How is infidelity dangerous? Anything can be dangerous if you’re an idiot.

The poster you are responding to is a type: everything must be black and white. There must be a right person and a wrong person. And people who do something hurtful must be bad or broken people. It is an extremely simplistic and immature view of the world, and you see it all the time on any thread discussing infidelity. There is no reasoning with those people.

It's called dualistic thinking. It's very lazy.

I’m a NP. I think people who justify cheating are the lazy ones. They don’t want to do the hard work of doing the right thing. Cheating by definition is wrong. Otherwise it’s called open marriage.

I think some people are just more sexual than others, some are more attractive, they have many options and opportunities throughout their lives. Not that I condone cheating but who are we to tell someone how to live their life? If they can make it work for them, who am I to judge? The Ten Commandments are a good guideline but again, we seem to really hold those Puritan values close in the US. Sometimes there is a gray area.

I’m the pp you are responding to. I don’t see the association between sexuality of a person and cheating. Cheating has to do with taking the easy way out instead of doing the right thing. Not sure why add in the religion comment either. Honestly, you are all over the place in your reasoning and your gray area comments reflects lazy thinking. Justifying cheating is the lazy thinking.

So by ‘doing the right thing’ do you mean divorcing? Because I don’t agree that divorce and a disruption and breakup of family is better than a discrete affair. If the person can be discrete about it while still supporting his/her family financially/emotionally/whatever what is the big deal? Some people are actually able to compartmentalize feelings and it works for them. Maybe we should let go of our restrictive Puritan values and loosen up, it’s okay to love multiple people at the same time. If you realize your husband or wife is not on the same page, don’t tell them about it. Why do we feel compelled to share EVERYTHING with our spouses?

I agree

I don’t and it’s “discreet”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every affair, like every family, is unique. Tolstoy writes in Anna Karenina " All happy families are alike. All unhappy families are unique in their own way."

I suggest that all those opining on here about what causes an affair. It is b/c the cheaters are bad people? Narcissists? Good people doing bad things? Bored in their marriage? Or looking for something missing in themselves? There are any number of reasons and I think all of these reasons require compassion not condemnation.

Read Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs." Here is an excerpt:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/why-happy-people-cheat/537882/

Uggh! Life in America. Anything goes with no controls. It's not loving to be tolerant of everything. It's not truthful. Should we be tolerant of the 15 year old who killed all those other children? Sure have some compassion that he is human, but he's a danger. Infidelity is dangerous.

How is infidelity dangerous? Anything can be dangerous if you’re an idiot.

The poster you are responding to is a type: everything must be black and white. There must be a right person and a wrong person. And people who do something hurtful must be bad or broken people. It is an extremely simplistic and immature view of the world, and you see it all the time on any thread discussing infidelity. There is no reasoning with those people.

It's called dualistic thinking. It's very lazy.

I’m a NP. I think people who justify cheating are the lazy ones. They don’t want to do the hard work of doing the right thing. Cheating by definition is wrong. Otherwise it’s called open marriage.

I think some people are just more sexual than others, some are more attractive, they have many options and opportunities throughout their lives. Not that I condone cheating but who are we to tell someone how to live their life? If they can make it work for them, who am I to judge? The Ten Commandments are a good guideline but again, we seem to really hold those Puritan values close in the US. Sometimes there is a gray area.

I’m the pp you are responding to. I don’t see the association between sexuality of a person and cheating. Cheating has to do with taking the easy way out instead of doing the right thing. Not sure why add in the religion comment either. Honestly, you are all over the place in your reasoning and your gray area comments reflects lazy thinking. Justifying cheating is the lazy thinking.

So by ‘doing the right thing’ do you mean divorcing? Because I don’t agree that divorce and a disruption and breakup of family is better than a discrete affair. If the person can be discrete about it while still supporting his/her family financially/emotionally/whatever what is the big deal? Some people are actually able to compartmentalize feelings and it works for them. Maybe we should let go of our restrictive Puritan values and loosen up, it’s okay to love multiple people at the same time. If you realize your husband or wife is not on the same page, don’t tell them about it. Why do we feel compelled to share EVERYTHING with our spouses?

I agree

I don’t and it’s “discreet”.

Nitpicky shrews like you wouldn’t be an attractive AP anyhow, you obviously aren’t on board and no one will miss you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every affair, like every family, is unique. Tolstoy writes in Anna Karenina " All happy families are alike. All unhappy families are unique in their own way."

I suggest that all those opining on here about what causes an affair. It is b/c the cheaters are bad people? Narcissists? Good people doing bad things? Bored in their marriage? Or looking for something missing in themselves? There are any number of reasons and I think all of these reasons require compassion not condemnation.

Read Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs." Here is an excerpt:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/why-happy-people-cheat/537882/

Uggh! Life in America. Anything goes with no controls. It's not loving to be tolerant of everything. It's not truthful. Should we be tolerant of the 15 year old who killed all those other children? Sure have some compassion that he is human, but he's a danger. Infidelity is dangerous.

How is infidelity dangerous? Anything can be dangerous if you’re an idiot.

The poster you are responding to is a type: everything must be black and white. There must be a right person and a wrong person. And people who do something hurtful must be bad or broken people. It is an extremely simplistic and immature view of the world, and you see it all the time on any thread discussing infidelity. There is no reasoning with those people.

It's called dualistic thinking. It's very lazy.

I’m a NP. I think people who justify cheating are the lazy ones. They don’t want to do the hard work of doing the right thing. Cheating by definition is wrong. Otherwise it’s called open marriage.

I think some people are just more sexual than others, some are more attractive, they have many options and opportunities throughout their lives. Not that I condone cheating but who are we to tell someone how to live their life? If they can make it work for them, who am I to judge? The Ten Commandments are a good guideline but again, we seem to really hold those Puritan values close in the US. Sometimes there is a gray area.

I’m the pp you are responding to. I don’t see the association between sexuality of a person and cheating. Cheating has to do with taking the easy way out instead of doing the right thing. Not sure why add in the religion comment either. Honestly, you are all over the place in your reasoning and your gray area comments reflects lazy thinking. Justifying cheating is the lazy thinking.

So by ‘doing the right thing’ do you mean divorcing? Because I don’t agree that divorce and a disruption and breakup of family is better than a discrete affair. If the person can be discrete about it while still supporting his/her family financially/emotionally/whatever what is the big deal? Some people are actually able to compartmentalize feelings and it works for them. Maybe we should let go of our restrictive Puritan values and loosen up, it’s okay to love multiple people at the same time. If you realize your husband or wife is not on the same page, don’t tell them about it. Why do we feel compelled to share EVERYTHING with our spouses?

I agree

I don’t and it’s “discreet”.

Nitpicky shrews like you wouldn’t be an attractive AP anyhow, you obviously aren’t on board and no one will miss you.

Yeah. Sluts aren’t discriminating. They don’t care if you can spell.