How would you handle a 15 yo talking about getting a matching tattoo with a friend who is dying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not allow this. Her choice at age 18.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This girl has been very close to my daughter for a few years but she's had recurring cancer and it recently came back in a very severe form and it's bad enough they aren't going to fight and just try to make her comfortable.

My daughter and her friend recently came to their parents and asked about going to a reputable artist and getting some designs done up, her parents are alright with the idea but I'm hesitant about this it seems insane to allow a tattoo at 15 years old but also the right thing to do.

Oh wow how tragic for your daughter’s friend, her family and your daughter. I can’t imagine losing a friend at that age. I would absolutely allow it in this situation, although I would not allow it otherwise.

Agree. I'm so sorry for your daughter's friend and your daughter, OP.
And agree on allowing it for this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a DCUM wake up moment. We literally have to be one of the last metropolitans and areas of the country where tattoos are shunned. Literally go to the west coast. Entire people covered in tats. By the time your daughter is a professional, DC will be the same. Lots of people have tats (covered) in this town and more will have them uncovered.

I live in Toronto. I don't have any tats and don't like most of them, but they are more common than not. Even partners at the fanciest law firms have them. No one tries to hide them, and no one judges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a DCUM wake up moment. We literally have to be one of the last metropolitans and areas of the country where tattoos are shunned. Literally go to the west coast. Entire people covered in tats. By the time your daughter is a professional, DC will be the same. Lots of people have tats (covered) in this town and more will have them uncovered.

I live in Toronto. I don't have any tats and don't like most of them, but they are more common than not. Even partners at the fanciest law firms have them. No one tries to hide them, and no one judges.

They don't judge out loud. I know several co-workers who have wrist tattoos and you bet I silently judge them, especially when the tattoo says something trite like "faith" or "breathe."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a DCUM wake up moment. We literally have to be one of the last metropolitans and areas of the country where tattoos are shunned. Literally go to the west coast. Entire people covered in tats. By the time your daughter is a professional, DC will be the same. Lots of people have tats (covered) in this town and more will have them uncovered.

I live in Toronto. I don't have any tats and don't like most of them, but they are more common than not. Even partners at the fanciest law firms have them. No one tries to hide them, and no one judges.

They don't judge out loud. I know several co-workers who have wrist tattoos and you bet I silently judge them, especially when the tattoo says something trite like "faith" or "breathe."

Sure, but your judgment is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Let her get the tattoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not allow this. Her choice at age 18.

Normally I’d agree, but the point here is that her friend won’t make it to 15. It’s something they wanted to do together, as a symbolic gesture of friendship that might help them both deal with the pain and sadness.

A posthumous memorial in three years won’t have the same impact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not allow this. Her choice at age 18.

Normally I’d agree, but the point here is that her friend won’t make it to 15. It’s something they wanted to do together, as a symbolic gesture of friendship that might help them both deal with the pain and sadness.

A posthumous memorial in three years won’t have the same impact.

I think the time is a benefit. Make that decision from a place of clarity rather than intense emotion. The tattoo could ease the pain or it could be a daily reminder that is too much for a 15 year old to handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would your pediatrician have some wise advice?

How is this a medical question?

[Anonymous]

Yes, please allow her to do it. Something small and discreet, it will be with her forever. To the PPs saying she'll forget her friend and regret the tattoo -- I am 45 and still grieve a friend I lost at age 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a DCUM wake up moment. We literally have to be one of the last metropolitans and areas of the country where tattoos are shunned. Literally go to the west coast. Entire people covered in tats. By the time your daughter is a professional, DC will be the same. Lots of people have tats (covered) in this town and more will have them uncovered.

I live in Toronto. I don't have any tats and don't like most of them, but they are more common than not. Even partners at the fanciest law firms have them. No one tries to hide them, and no one judges.

They don't judge out loud. I know several co-workers who have wrist tattoos and you bet I silently judge them, especially when the tattoo says something trite like "faith" or "breathe."

Just because you're a dick doesn't mean that everyone else is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a DCUM wake up moment. We literally have to be one of the last metropolitans and areas of the country where tattoos are shunned. Literally go to the west coast. Entire people covered in tats. By the time your daughter is a professional, DC will be the same. Lots of people have tats (covered) in this town and more will have them uncovered.

I live in Toronto. I don't have any tats and don't like most of them, but they are more common than not. Even partners at the fanciest law firms have them. No one tries to hide them, and no one judges.

I’m in the Bay Area and agree 100%. Drs, lawyers, tech bros… people have tattoos in every profession. It’s just not a thing people care about. I really don’t even notice unless they’re on the face.

[Anonymous]

I would ask the pediatrician and then allow it if it is small and discrete. And I’d help check to make sure the place was reputable and have good COVID policies.

I would also tell her I am proud of her for being a good friend and that this will on a small way help to keep her friend’s memory alive.

If she were 11 I would not allow it. 15 is old enough to understand the permanence and what it means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could she possibly accompany her friend and then get the matching tattoo once she's 18?

This may be a situation where my mind would change when presented with it personally, but as an outside party, this seems to be what I'd do now for a 15 year old.

This is what I would do, get the art/design and save until child is an adult who is sure she wants a tattoo.

Part of the meaning is in them going to do it together.

The meaning is in this dying 15 year old child getting to have a small measure of the experience she is going to be denied--of being an adult.

It's not about death. It's about living while there is time.

[Anonymous]

Not a tattoo person, and I would definitely allow it in this situation. It sounds as if they have a mature and well-thought out plan. I would encourage fairly small and discreet.
I'm so, so sorry for your daughter and her friend.