Middle School Halloween Drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont have time to read all the responses.


We were in a similar situation with boys for a HOCO dinner and we asked our son to intervene snd get everybody together including the boy that was invited and then disinvited. Worked out in the end. Nobody’s feelings were hurt. It’s a short life. Teach kindness.

Because boys. Only with girls on this forum do you have middle-age moms chiming in like, "Don't have your daughter invite the girl left out, otherwise she might be branded a loser and ostracized, too!"

+1

Middle-aged mean girls.

No, just not middle aged meddling moms who want to socially engineer their daughter’s social lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MYOB. This is MS. Time for adults to stop social engineering. A kid who gets a pity invite will be ignored the entire time and the host will explain to desired guests “My mom MADE me invite her.”

TOTALLY DISAGREE. This is exactly how mean girl behavior is enabled. These girls are 12, not 17.

I feel like the moms advocating this have never been excluded.
OP Kids talk, they post on social media...Kid B (and mom) will find out.

So she talks to the other Mom and then what? You think that will change the kid or Mom’s mind? Your daughter now looks weak and babyish and the excluding will get worse.

It's not about changing anyone's mind. The mom is reaching out and not the kid. How would OP's daughter look weak and babyish? If the group excludes her because of this, then frankly they are a bunch of a-holes. You are seriously more concerned about the daughter's social status? And you wonder where girls learn this BS. Geez, I guess some people never outgrow this crap. Is that how you act with your grown friends too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MYOB. This is MS. Time for adults to stop social engineering. A kid who gets a pity invite will be ignored the entire time and the host will explain to desired guests “My mom MADE me invite her.”

TOTALLY DISAGREE. This is exactly how mean girl behavior is enabled. These girls are 12, not 17.

I feel like the moms advocating this have never been excluded.
OP Kids talk, they post on social media...Kid B (and mom) will find out.

So she talks to the other Mom and then what? You think that will change the kid or Mom’s mind? Your daughter now looks weak and babyish and the excluding will get worse.

It's not about changing anyone's mind. The mom is reaching out and not the kid. How would OP's daughter look weak and babyish? If the group excludes her because of this, then frankly they are a bunch of a-holes. You are seriously more concerned about the daughter's social status? And you wonder where girls learn this BS. Geez, I guess some people never outgrow this crap. Is that how you act with your grown friends too?

+1

[Anonymous]

I have three daughters and have been through this kind of thing before. I do not understand the gratuitous cruelty - and that's exactly what Girl A is doing. These kids will post pics on social media and Girl B will be devastated all over again. This could spin a ms girl into a bad place. OP should DEFINITELY speak up - these girls are still kids, still. need parenting and need to be taught and reminded to be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont have time to read all the responses.


We were in a similar situation with boys for a HOCO dinner and we asked our son to intervene snd get everybody together including the boy that was invited and then disinvited. Worked out in the end. Nobody’s feelings were hurt. It’s a short life. Teach kindness.

Because boys. Only with girls on this forum do you have middle-age moms chiming in like, "Don't have your daughter invite the girl left out, otherwise she might be branded a loser and ostracized, too!"

+1

Middle-aged mean girls.

No, just not middle aged meddling moms who want to socially engineer their daughter’s social lives.

Teaching kindness and inclusiveness is not social engineering. If you think about that long enough, you understand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MYOB. This is MS. Time for adults to stop social engineering. A kid who gets a pity invite will be ignored the entire time and the host will explain to desired guests “My mom MADE me invite her.”

Agree with this. The girls will also (unfortunately) text behind girl B's back about it.

Completely disagree. This is how the vicious circle of bit--y girl behavior continues.

If you're that good of friends with A's mom, then you bring it up with a "hey I'm concerned" and talk on the down low about it. If someone informed ME of that, I'd use this as an opportunity to speak to my kid about not being an asshat. Anyone who defends this behavior is just that.

I'd also speak to my OWN child. So that she can chime in in B's defense ("I'm fine with her coming with us.")

Kids need to be taught to be nice people at this age. So teach them.

I can tell you're a good mom. This is exactly what I would do. Not everything needs to be a dramatic showdown, but rather just a casual chat with another mom friend about hey i heard rumblings of this, maybe not intentional.

I think you're so right that kids aren't just born knowing how to be social, kind, inclusive etc, and it's not always learned simply by modeling an adult figure- sometimes it needs to be addressed and coached as you would someone you're developing at work. great advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100% say something. I don't buy into this nonsense of they're in MS so they should figure it out. We all know MS girls are the worst when it comes to orchestrating this stuff. THey need guidance. SAY SOMETHING.

Do you think Girl A’s mom should force her DD to invite Girl B? If so, you do not understand teen girls. That would be the worst thing that could happen to Girl B socially.

As a parent to two current middle school girls, I absolutely do understand teen girls. A lot of stuff they do without thinking about the impact. So yes, maybe girl B wasn’t on their radar or maybe they’re being mean, either option is not okay with me. I have zero tolerance for exclusion unless there’s a completely valid reason. I’d want these scenarios brought to my attention ASAP rather than people sitting out and feeling hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont have time to read all the responses.


We were in a similar situation with boys for a HOCO dinner and we asked our son to intervene snd get everybody together including the boy that was invited and then disinvited. Worked out in the end. Nobody’s feelings were hurt. It’s a short life. Teach kindness.

Because boys. Only with girls on this forum do you have middle-age moms chiming in like, "Don't have your daughter invite the girl left out, otherwise she might be branded a loser and ostracized, too!"

+1

Middle-aged mean girls.

No, just not middle aged meddling moms who want to socially engineer their daughter’s social lives.

Teaching kindness and inclusiveness is not social engineering. If you think about that long enough, you understand that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MYOB. This is MS. Time for adults to stop social engineering. A kid who gets a pity invite will be ignored the entire time and the host will explain to desired guests “My mom MADE me invite her.”

Agree with this. The girls will also (unfortunately) text behind girl B's back about it.

Completely disagree. This is how the vicious circle of bit--y girl behavior continues.

If you're that good of friends with A's mom, then you bring it up with a "hey I'm concerned" and talk on the down low about it. If someone informed ME of that, I'd use this as an opportunity to speak to my kid about not being an asshat. Anyone who defends this behavior is just that.

I'd also speak to my OWN child. So that she can chime in in B's defense ("I'm fine with her coming with us.")

Kids need to be taught to be nice people at this age. So teach them.

+1 Kids need to be taught to be nice people at this age. So teach them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont have time to read all the responses.


We were in a similar situation with boys for a HOCO dinner and we asked our son to intervene snd get everybody together including the boy that was invited and then disinvited. Worked out in the end. Nobody’s feelings were hurt. It’s a short life. Teach kindness.

Because boys. Only with girls on this forum do you have middle-age moms chiming in like, "Don't have your daughter invite the girl left out, otherwise she might be branded a loser and ostracized, too!"

+1

Middle-aged mean girls.

No, just not middle aged meddling moms who want to socially engineer their daughter’s social lives.

Teaching kindness and inclusiveness is not social engineering. If you think about that long enough, you understand that.

+1

Begging for an invite isn’t being inclusive and if you think it’s your job to teach others because you’re so amazing, take a seat. It’s middle school petty drama. Guess what? Everyone gets a trophy mom, kids get excluded, life is tough, but having Mommy fly in with the helicopter isn’t helping your child. Maybe your savior complex, but that’s it. Butt out busybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont have time to read all the responses.


We were in a similar situation with boys for a HOCO dinner and we asked our son to intervene snd get everybody together including the boy that was invited and then disinvited. Worked out in the end. Nobody’s feelings were hurt. It’s a short life. Teach kindness.

Because boys. Only with girls on this forum do you have middle-age moms chiming in like, "Don't have your daughter invite the girl left out, otherwise she might be branded a loser and ostracized, too!"

+1

Middle-aged mean girls.

No, just not middle aged meddling moms who want to socially engineer their daughter’s social lives.

Moms of weird kids

[Anonymous]

As a middle school teacher, I’ve seen the fallout of the forced invite. I really do not recommend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a middle school teacher, I’ve seen the fallout of the forced invite. I really do not recommend it.

Forced invite is a bad idea but I would give girl B’s mom a heads up. Hopefully she can tell her daughter so she can save some face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont have time to read all the responses.


We were in a similar situation with boys for a HOCO dinner and we asked our son to intervene snd get everybody together including the boy that was invited and then disinvited. Worked out in the end. Nobody’s feelings were hurt. It’s a short life. Teach kindness.

Because boys. Only with girls on this forum do you have middle-age moms chiming in like, "Don't have your daughter invite the girl left out, otherwise she might be branded a loser and ostracized, too!"

+1

Middle-aged mean girls.

No, just not middle aged meddling moms who want to socially engineer their daughter’s social lives.

Teaching kindness and inclusiveness is not social engineering. If you think about that long enough, you understand that.

+1

Begging for an invite isn’t being inclusive and if you think it’s your job to teach others because you’re so amazing, take a seat. It’s middle school petty drama. Guess what? Everyone gets a trophy mom, kids get excluded, life is tough, but having Mommy fly in with the helicopter isn’t helping your child. Maybe your savior complex, but that’s it. Butt out busybody.

Hon, can you try again in English? And without the bi---iness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a middle school teacher, I’ve seen the fallout of the forced invite. I really do not recommend it.

JFC.

NO ONE is saying force the invite. There is a variety of gentler ways to handle this that fall in the middle of A) ignore/do nothing and B) FORCE an invite.