Anyone else not care that much about cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only a woman could be this dumb. There isn’t a man alive who would be cool with his wife cheating, but I bet there are plenty who will love having a wife who lets them run off. Lord, sometimes I read these posts and wonder who raised these pick-me women. Have some self-respect and don’t for a second believe that a man won’t cheat a thousand times but divorce the second his wife does.

I don’t know if you are a man or a woman but it is genuinely sad how much vitriol you have towards women.

[Anonymous]

There is so much contempt on DCUM toward women who decide that adultery is not a good enough reason to divorce. It's kind of scary. I'm not sure what drives it. I mean it's OK to decide you can't live with this, and it's OK to decide that you can. It's a personal decision. But I don't understand the venom directed at women who decided that they can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is so much contempt on DCUM toward women who decide that adultery is not a good enough reason to divorce. It's kind of scary. I'm not sure what drives it. I mean it's OK to decide you can't live with this, and it's OK to decide that you can. It's a personal decision. But I don't understand the venom directed at women who decided that they can.

It's because people need you to validate their decision. If they left when they were cheated on, if you stay and are reasonably happy, it makes them feel like they made the wrong choice.

You get the same reaction in the stay at home v, work outside the home threads

[Anonymous]

If I told my husband that I no longer had an interest in sex with him or anyone else the two options would be getting a divorce or me not caring if he cheated.

[Anonymous]

This is a troll post and you should not be feeding it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll post and you should not be feeding it.

Is everyone who agrees with OP a troll too? I’d like to think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll post and you should not be feeding it.

Is everyone who agrees with OP a troll too? I’d like to think so.

(And I hope this isn’t coming across as vitriol toward people who are dealing with infidelity and trying to work through it.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll post and you should not be feeding it.

Is everyone who agrees with OP a troll too? I’d like to think so.

God you “troll accusation” people are so stupid and annoying. Always trying to sniff out someone who’s pretending to have a view they don’t actually have on an anonymous moms message board… for what reason exactly? Get a f$cking life.

Newsflash: people have different values, experiences, and emotions.

I’m someone who agreed with OP. I genuinely just do not care very much about cheating. We are sexual creatures, sex with new people is fun and exciting. Even if you’ve built a long term life and family and economic arrangement with someone you love. One has nothing to do with the other for me. I’m not religious, don’t believe in a Sky Giant who’s going to condemn me or my spouse to eternal hellfire over it. We are honest with and respectful of one another, and couldn’t be more comfortable with my arrangement. More than I can say for many of you…

If you think I’m wrong, go scroll through the 4 dozen live threads about “I think he’s cheating!” and “can I search his phone?” and “oh I’m in love with the soccer coach” or “I’m in a sad sexless marriage, wahhh!!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is so much contempt on DCUM toward women who decide that adultery is not a good enough reason to divorce. It's kind of scary. I'm not sure what drives it. I mean it's OK to decide you can't live with this, and it's OK to decide that you can. It's a personal decision. But I don't understand the venom directed at women who decided that they can.

+1. I would hope that DH and I would try to work things out, make amends, and forgive if one of us cheated. I think our marriage and the life we have built is worth more than one mistake. So much about this is dependent on the situation surrounding the cheating that I don’t think it’s possible to say leaving or staying is always right in every scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much contempt on DCUM toward women who decide that adultery is not a good enough reason to divorce. It's kind of scary. I'm not sure what drives it. I mean it's OK to decide you can't live with this, and it's OK to decide that you can. It's a personal decision. But I don't understand the venom directed at women who decided that they can.

+1. I would hope that DH and I would try to work things out, make amends, and forgive if one of us cheated. I think our marriage and the life we have built is worth more than one mistake. So much about this is dependent on the situation surrounding the cheating that I don’t think it’s possible to say leaving or staying is always right in every scenario.

Is one mistake a one night stand? Or do you consider a 3-year affair a one-time mistake; if it was one person/affair?

I think the latter was many different mistakes with an opportunity to stop prior to every single hook up, so I think that’s many mistakes.

But a true one time thing/night in a 30-year marriage would be crazy if everything else is good. I am not so sure about an affair. That’s a lot more lying, a lot more sex a much larger betrayal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is so much contempt on DCUM toward women who decide that adultery is not a good enough reason to divorce. It's kind of scary. I'm not sure what drives it. I mean it's OK to decide you can't live with this, and it's OK to decide that you can. It's a personal decision. But I don't understand the venom directed at women who decided that they can.

There is an ocean of disparity between “adultery does not mean immediate divorce” and “cheating is no big deal amirite”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much contempt on DCUM toward women who decide that adultery is not a good enough reason to divorce. It's kind of scary. I'm not sure what drives it. I mean it's OK to decide you can't live with this, and it's OK to decide that you can. It's a personal decision. But I don't understand the venom directed at women who decided that they can.

+1. I would hope that DH and I would try to work things out, make amends, and forgive if one of us cheated. I think our marriage and the life we have built is worth more than one mistake. So much about this is dependent on the situation surrounding the cheating that I don’t think it’s possible to say leaving or staying is always right in every scenario.

Is one mistake a one night stand? Or do you consider a 3-year affair a one-time mistake; if it was one person/affair?

I think the latter was many different mistakes with an opportunity to stop prior to every single hook up, so I think that’s many mistakes.

But a true one time thing/night in a 30-year marriage would be crazy if everything else is good. I am not so sure about an affair. That’s a lot more lying, a lot more sex a much larger betrayal.

I’m the pp, married 15 years with 3 kids and I truly love DH. If it was a one night stand situation I would not leave him. A long affair, I don’t know? It would be so painful. I think it just depends heavily on the people and the situation when it comes to cheating and deciding to stay or leave. I don’t think leaving is the best choice in all scenarios.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I’ve been happily married for many years. My spouse isn’t perfect and neither am I but we are happy with our lives and have great kids as well as our own separate hobbies/friends etc. I honestly wouldn’t care that much if I found out he had ‘cheated’ on me. It doesn’t take away from what we have together, and I’m imperfect too. I think he feels the same way. It’s not something that is is so important to me the way it seems to be in a lot of other posts cue the realizing whole life was a lie, abuse etc. I also don’t think I have low self esteem as many will crow. Physical intimacy is just not the only measure of love in my opinion and not something I’d divorce over


Waiting for all the replies of wait until it happens to me I’m in denial etc or I have low self esteem and he’s already cheating. Anyone else know what I mean?

I agree with all of this. I think the real issues would be if he or I was in love with another person or had plans to leave the marriage. If that wasn’t the case, it’s not the huge deal to me the way it is for some other people. [/quote

I really agree with this. Perhaps this is some insight from being middle-aged now, but sex just for the sake of having sex doesn’t really bother me. It’s strange because I feel sometimes that it should, but the truth is that I also think I would be capable of having great sex with someone else and having it mean absolutely nothing next to my very happy marriage. I do think “cheating” is a bunch of bad things happening together - lying to your person, getting unsustainably emotionally involved, embarrassing your spouse - I think quite a lot of these things can be dealt with through open communication. But I always have been a fan of openish marriages - we should give ourselves a little bit more space to make a few mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much contempt on DCUM toward women who decide that adultery is not a good enough reason to divorce. It's kind of scary. I'm not sure what drives it. I mean it's OK to decide you can't live with this, and it's OK to decide that you can. It's a personal decision. But I don't understand the venom directed at women who decided that they can.

+1. I would hope that DH and I would try to work things out, make amends, and forgive if one of us cheated. I think our marriage and the life we have built is worth more than one mistake. So much about this is dependent on the situation surrounding the cheating that I don’t think it’s possible to say leaving or staying is always right in every scenario.

Is one mistake a one night stand? Or do you consider a 3-year affair a one-time mistake; if it was one person/affair?

I think the latter was many different mistakes with an opportunity to stop prior to every single hook up, so I think that’s many mistakes.

But a true one time thing/night in a 30-year marriage would be crazy if everything else is good. I am not so sure about an affair. That’s a lot more lying, a lot more sex a much larger betrayal.

I’m the pp, married 15 years with 3 kids and I truly love DH. If it was a one night stand situation I would not leave him. A long affair, I don’t know? It would be so painful. I think it just depends heavily on the people and the situation when it comes to cheating and deciding to stay or leave. I don’t think leaving is the best choice in all scenarios.

If it was a one night stand with someone he would see regularly?

How about I'd he got the one night stand pregnant and she kept the baby?

What about I'd his one night stand gave you an STD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much contempt on DCUM toward women who decide that adultery is not a good enough reason to divorce. It's kind of scary. I'm not sure what drives it. I mean it's OK to decide you can't live with this, and it's OK to decide that you can. It's a personal decision. But I don't understand the venom directed at women who decided that they can.

+1. I would hope that DH and I would try to work things out, make amends, and forgive if one of us cheated. I think our marriage and the life we have built is worth more than one mistake. So much about this is dependent on the situation surrounding the cheating that I don’t think it’s possible to say leaving or staying is always right in every scenario.

Is one mistake a one night stand? Or do you consider a 3-year affair a one-time mistake; if it was one person/affair?

I think the latter was many different mistakes with an opportunity to stop prior to every single hook up, so I think that’s many mistakes.

But a true one time thing/night in a 30-year marriage would be crazy if everything else is good. I am not so sure about an affair. That’s a lot more lying, a lot more sex a much larger betrayal.

I’m the pp, married 15 years with 3 kids and I truly love DH. If it was a one night stand situation I would not leave him. A long affair, I don’t know? It would be so painful. I think it just depends heavily on the people and the situation when it comes to cheating and deciding to stay or leave. I don’t think leaving is the best choice in all scenarios.

If it was a one night stand with someone he would see regularly?

How about I'd he got the one night stand pregnant and she kept the baby?

What about I'd his one night stand gave you an STD?

Or what if he cheated on you with a clown? The kind that performs at children’s birthday parties?

How about if he cheated on you with Rihanna and you are both big fans?

What about his one night stand was your actual mother?