Anyone else not care that much about cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only cheat with married women so the chances of any stds are slim to none. I have a vasectomy so iv never need to wear condone unless we try anal.

Same here excapt I never use a condom for anal. Why would I. And yes, as a group, married women, especially those who are stepping out for the first time are far safer than single women.

I wish I knew your spouse so I could tell him/her to protect themselves from you.

DP here. Not proud of it, but I had a wild drunken 20's and lots of unprotected sex with people I had just met. Despite taking huge risks, all I ended up with was Chlamydia...3 times. Easily treated with antibiotics.

It's just not that easy to catch a serious STD, and they aren't floating around that much in most communities.

Very different in 2021, Dude. And, the types of chlamydia and gonorrhea these days are often antibiotic-resistant Superbugs. Many are also asymptomatic, but cause damage. It's pretty frickin' disgusting you caught an STI 3 times.

Oh--be careful with Ancestry.com too. With that much unprotected sex with strangers, there's likely a mini-nasty you out there somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ oh and as much as theoretically you think you are laid back, would be okay with it. Reality is much different than what you think. I can guarantee the emotions and horror will be night and day if you are blindsided. It’s nothing like the movies or sitting around with girlfriends saying “who cares”. It’s traumatizing.

I wasn't traumatized when I found out but admittedly, my spouse and I rarely have sex. I would probably have been much more disappointed if we had a passionate marriage.

I think you and the others who talk about severe trauma have to remember is a huge percentage of marriages are either sexless or only occasional maintenance sex reluctantly given by a spouse who would rather watch TV. They stay together for stability and for the kids and finances. Cheating is something you don't want to have to deal with but it's not a betrayal of the heart because that ship sailed.

Also remember that half of people have cheated so it's not that strange to find out it happened to you.

I am sorry for the pain you went through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you. Also married over 20 years. My feelings have evolved on this subject. Early on, it would have resulted in me immediately throwing him out due to my pride. Now, I’d be willing to look the other way as long as he was discreet/it didn’t become public and he never confessed to me.

Affairs don’t always have anything to do with the marriage. Sometimes the other person is just looking for excitement, which is r trembly hard to get out of a relationship that has been solid for decades.

Are you willing to look the other way when he lies to your face to take her out of town to a fancy hotel? When he spends his free time texting and emailing her or goes into the bathroom before bed to wish her sweet dreams? Do you look the other way when you find out all the hours he was supposedly 'working over time' or staying at the Office late to finish a case, not only was he not working and you were dealing with the kids on your own, but he also was spending $ on her? Do you look the other way when he tells her that he loves her? Do you look the other way when you find out they don't use condoms? Do you look the other way when the other spouse shows up on your doorstep when you are having dinner with your kids? Do you look the other way when he decides he wants to leave you for her?

I could never love someone that lied to my face, exposed me to disease and was telling another woman that he loved her. I guess some people are different.

Just curious--do you make your own $? Do you still have sex with your husband or even love him? I don't know anyone that truly loved their spouse that thinks this is okay unless they are in it solely for the finances, cheat themselves or never loved them/just settled.

Wow, none of my many affairs were anything like that. We emailed or texted when it was near time to get together again. Not in-between. Used mid-priced hotels. No gifts or fancy meals. No, ILYs ever. Barely took any time away from family, just work. Had zero sex with spouse (hence, the affairs) so she had zero risk or concern about my condom use, or lack of. NO crazy spouses showing up at the door. None of us running off together. It was just sex and I don't regret any of it. Some of us know how to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if his penis was in another hole, you’d be okay with him coming home and putting it in your hole? That’s kind of the base level question here.

Shower first, please.

By then the bacterial/viral infection has already set in. You can’t wash off hiv or chlamydia.

There is such a thing called condom.

Guys don't always use condoms with APs, especially if they think she can't get pregnant.

Also, condoms, don't prevent all STIs.

You don't have to drag down EVERY FRICKIN POST about sexual relations by bringing up STIs. We are adults. We know about it. We also know how to have sex without catching cooties. I presume you did too when you were single and riding a bunch of Ds? Seriously, can you just stop?

People in affairs and/or cheating are risk-takers by nature. In my practice, we see so many betrayed spouses with STIs.

I would still argue that on average, a married person is less likely to have multiple sex partners or carry STI comparing to a single person with the same level of attractiveness.

Sure, a highly attractive married person (like a celebrity or a CEO) may be more promiscuous than a 25-yo single unattractive nerd. But if you compare a single 25-yo average man to a married 45-yo average man, or a single 25-yo above-average looking woman to a married 45-yo above-average looking woman, I'd bet my money on the former being more promiscuous and having more chance of carrying STIs. The latter (the married ones) have too much constraints - kids, careers, the efforts of hiding the affairs - that makes it a lot more difficult (but not impossible) to have multiple partners.

Of course there are the sex addicted cheaters that are banging multiple people at the same time - I bet they did the same when they were single too. But for most married people that are having affairs, they are just looking for sex, attention, and external validation, and they would just be thrilled to have - and practically possible to maintain - one AP at a time.

Didn't you get the DCUM memo? ALL married cheaters are promiscuous, dirty, disease riddled, hos that jump from person to person, spreading it around like wildfire while they never practice safe sex and they are all having 3x week sex with their spouse who is also banging a number of side pieces. Pay attention!

To be certain, I'm a LOT less worried about a married woman than a sexually active, single woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only cheat with married women so the chances of any stds are slim to none. I have a vasectomy so iv never need to wear condone unless we try anal.

Same here excapt I never use a condom for anal. Why would I. And yes, as a group, married women, especially those who are stepping out for the first time are far safer than single women.

I wish I knew your spouse so I could tell him/her to protect themselves from you.

DP here. Not proud of it, but I had a wild drunken 20's and lots of unprotected sex with people I had just met. Despite taking huge risks, all I ended up with was Chlamydia...3 times. Easily treated with antibiotics.

It's just not that easy to catch a serious STD, and they aren't floating around that much in most communities.

Except inner-city Baltimore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only cheat with married women so the chances of any stds are slim to none. I have a vasectomy so iv never need to wear condone unless we try anal.

Same here excapt I never use a condom for anal. Why would I. And yes, as a group, married women, especially those who are stepping out for the first time are far safer than single women.

I wish I knew your spouse so I could tell him/her to protect themselves from you.

If you knew her, she would tell you she is 100% safe. The safest you can be is to have no sex at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you. Also married over 20 years. My feelings have evolved on this subject. Early on, it would have resulted in me immediately throwing him out due to my pride. Now, I’d be willing to look the other way as long as he was discreet/it didn’t become public and he never confessed to me.

Affairs don’t always have anything to do with the marriage. Sometimes the other person is just looking for excitement, which is r trembly hard to get out of a relationship that has been solid for decades.

Are you willing to look the other way when he lies to your face to take her out of town to a fancy hotel? When he spends his free time texting and emailing her or goes into the bathroom before bed to wish her sweet dreams? Do you look the other way when you find out all the hours he was supposedly 'working over time' or staying at the Office late to finish a case, not only was he not working and you were dealing with the kids on your own, but he also was spending $ on her? Do you look the other way when he tells her that he loves her? Do you look the other way when you find out they don't use condoms? Do you look the other way when the other spouse shows up on your doorstep when you are having dinner with your kids? Do you look the other way when he decides he wants to leave you for her?

I could never love someone that lied to my face, exposed me to disease and was telling another woman that he loved her. I guess some people are different.

Just curious--do you make your own $? Do you still have sex with your husband or even love him? I don't know anyone that truly loved their spouse that thinks this is okay unless they are in it solely for the finances, cheat themselves or never loved them/just settled.

Wow, none of my many affairs were anything like that. We emailed or texted when it was near time to get together again. Not in-between. Used mid-priced hotels. No gifts or fancy meals. No, ILYs ever. Barely took any time away from family, just work. Had zero sex with spouse (hence, the affairs) so she had zero risk or concern about my condom use, or lack of. NO crazy spouses showing up at the door. None of us running off together. It was just sex and I don't regret any of it. Some of us know how to do this.

Sounds... delightful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you. Also married over 20 years. My feelings have evolved on this subject. Early on, it would have resulted in me immediately throwing him out due to my pride. Now, I’d be willing to look the other way as long as he was discreet/it didn’t become public and he never confessed to me.

Affairs don’t always have anything to do with the marriage. Sometimes the other person is just looking for excitement, which is r trembly hard to get out of a relationship that has been solid for decades.

Are you willing to look the other way when he lies to your face to take her out of town to a fancy hotel? When he spends his free time texting and emailing her or goes into the bathroom before bed to wish her sweet dreams? Do you look the other way when you find out all the hours he was supposedly 'working over time' or staying at the Office late to finish a case, not only was he not working and you were dealing with the kids on your own, but he also was spending $ on her? Do you look the other way when he tells her that he loves her? Do you look the other way when you find out they don't use condoms? Do you look the other way when the other spouse shows up on your doorstep when you are having dinner with your kids? Do you look the other way when he decides he wants to leave you for her?

I could never love someone that lied to my face, exposed me to disease and was telling another woman that he loved her. I guess some people are different.

Just curious--do you make your own $? Do you still have sex with your husband or even love him? I don't know anyone that truly loved their spouse that thinks this is okay unless they are in it solely for the finances, cheat themselves or never loved them/just settled.

Wow, none of my many affairs were anything like that. We emailed or texted when it was near time to get together again. Not in-between. Used mid-priced hotels. No gifts or fancy meals. No, ILYs ever. Barely took any time away from family, just work. Had zero sex with spouse (hence, the affairs) so she had zero risk or concern about my condom use, or lack of. NO crazy spouses showing up at the door. None of us running off together. It was just sex and I don't regret any of it. Some of us know how to do this.

Sounds... delightful.

Ha! Thrilling. I won’t even step foot in a mid-price hotel, let alone take my shoes off. From that description, I’d feel like a used whore in that scenario. And you have to remember, that’s you. The person you are banging very well might have a great marriage/sex and you are merely a variety screw. If that spouse finds out it can go downhill and blow up very fast for you. It did for my friend. Wife wasn’t playing.

[Anonymous]

DP. Re pps description that is EXACTLY how my ex described it, only she began declaring love over time and wanting more than that mechanically arranged just Fk and leave scenario.

People are predictable especially when sex is involved and they get attached like that woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP. Re pps description that is EXACTLY how my ex described it, only she began declaring love over time and wanting more than that mechanically arranged just Fk and leave scenario.

People are predictable especially when sex is involved and they get attached like that woman.

*aren’t

[Anonymous]

So the wife gets The Four Seasons and the whore gets to suck his D at the Marriott.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the wife gets The Four Seasons and the whore gets to suck his D at the Marriott.

Pretty much.

[Anonymous]

It’s a dealbreaker for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if his penis was in another hole, you’d be okay with him coming home and putting it in your hole? That’s kind of the base level question here.

Shower first, please.

By then the bacterial/viral infection has already set in. You can’t wash off hiv or chlamydia.

There is such a thing called condom.

Guys don't always use condoms with APs, especially if they think she can't get pregnant.

Also, condoms, don't prevent all STIs.

You don't have to drag down EVERY FRICKIN POST about sexual relations by bringing up STIs. We are adults. We know about it. We also know how to have sex without catching cooties. I presume you did too when you were single and riding a bunch of Ds? Seriously, can you just stop?

People in affairs and/or cheating are risk-takers by nature. In my practice, we see so many betrayed spouses with STIs.

I would still argue that on average, a married person is less likely to have multiple sex partners or carry STI comparing to a single person with the same level of attractiveness.

Sure, a highly attractive married person (like a celebrity or a CEO) may be more promiscuous than a 25-yo single unattractive nerd. But if you compare a single 25-yo average man to a married 45-yo average man, or a single 25-yo above-average looking woman to a married 45-yo above-average looking woman, I'd bet my money on the former being more promiscuous and having more chance of carrying STIs. The latter (the married ones) have too much constraints - kids, careers, the efforts of hiding the affairs - that makes it a lot more difficult (but not impossible) to have multiple partners.

Of course there are the sex addicted cheaters that are banging multiple people at the same time - I bet they did the same when they were single too. But for most married people that are having affairs, they are just looking for sex, attention, and external validation, and they would just be thrilled to have - and practically possible to maintain - one AP at a time.

*less likely" wow--such safety measures taken by cheaters on behalf of their spouses. Thanks for not banging a prostitute bare-back, just some whore off of Ashley Madison who has banged multiple men off of websites.

I'm the PP you are responding to. Do you think those cheaters who bang their APs bareback would be having protected sex if they were single? No way. People who have risky sex when cheating would just have riskier sex with more sex partners when they were single. People in general become more risk-adverse as they grow older and settle down.

I'm talking about the population average of STIs among single people having casual sex vs. married cheaters. Not your anecdotal stories of married whores banging all men off AM. If you are OK with young, single people having casual premarital sex, and you think STIs is just an acceptable, controllable risk for single people to have sex, then I don't see how it is different from married people having affairs.

There are certainly people (single or married) who are very careful about having protected sex and there are also those who don't give an F. All the men I slept with when I was single were willing to use condoms. But ultimately you know your DH best. If he was reluctant to use condoms in the early stage of you two dating, then chances are he wouldn't use condoms when he has an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you. Also married over 20 years. My feelings have evolved on this subject. Early on, it would have resulted in me immediately throwing him out due to my pride. Now, I’d be willing to look the other way as long as he was discreet/it didn’t become public and he never confessed to me.

Affairs don’t always have anything to do with the marriage. Sometimes the other person is just looking for excitement, which is r trembly hard to get out of a relationship that has been solid for decades.

Are you willing to look the other way when he lies to your face to take her out of town to a fancy hotel? When he spends his free time texting and emailing her or goes into the bathroom before bed to wish her sweet dreams? Do you look the other way when you find out all the hours he was supposedly 'working over time' or staying at the Office late to finish a case, not only was he not working and you were dealing with the kids on your own, but he also was spending $ on her? Do you look the other way when he tells her that he loves her? Do you look the other way when you find out they don't use condoms? Do you look the other way when the other spouse shows up on your doorstep when you are having dinner with your kids? Do you look the other way when he decides he wants to leave you for her?

I could never love someone that lied to my face, exposed me to disease and was telling another woman that he loved her. I guess some people are different.

Just curious--do you make your own $? Do you still have sex with your husband or even love him? I don't know anyone that truly loved their spouse that thinks this is okay unless they are in it solely for the finances, cheat themselves or never loved them/just settled.

Wow, none of my many affairs were anything like that. We emailed or texted when it was near time to get together again. Not in-between. Used mid-priced hotels. No gifts or fancy meals. No, ILYs ever. Barely took any time away from family, just work. Had zero sex with spouse (hence, the affairs) so she had zero risk or concern about my condom use, or lack of. NO crazy spouses showing up at the door. None of us running off together. It was just sex and I don't regret any of it. Some of us know how to do this.

Sounds... delightful.

Ha! Thrilling. I won’t even step foot in a mid-price hotel, let alone take my shoes off. From that description, I’d feel like a used whore in that scenario. And you have to remember, that’s you. The person you are banging very well might have a great marriage/sex and you are merely a variety screw. If that spouse finds out it can go downhill and blow up very fast for you. It did for my friend. Wife wasn’t playing.

Thank you for advising me of all my risks. When you and I bang, of course I'll book a nice place for us with fluffy towels and soft pillows and room service. Leave your wedding ring on. I like that.