SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful

[Anonymous]

SIL seems very "kiss the ring" -- she doesn't deserve an apology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the rate of $25 very high myself. I have multiple teenage daughters and they don’t get near this. So I think it’s a little of very high expectations on your daughters part and very low on the SIL. But, in our family we help each other out and my kids would have done it for free on an occasional basis. Totally fine for your daughter to turn it down and stick to her terms, but so many better ways to handle it.
I think you and your daughter are in the wrong.

Your step daughter in law does babysitting fir free? FFS people she’s not Cinderella

We’d absolutely babysit family members for free. And then I said if that’s not your situation, she’s free to politely decline.
No reason to be hostile and over aggressive.

Are you also doing the babysitting for free or is it just your daughter? I think it is wrong of you not to have your daughter accept anything from family members. In an emergency? Sure. But your daughter is going to be treated like a door mat and her time is worth something! Would you expect your son to do things for free ( fix a tire or whatever?) I don't think so. This is the continuation of unpaid work that all women are expected to do..care for children, care for elders, housekeeping, meal planning etc.

You are not treating your daughter well. My Mom had to babysit her siblings' children for free and she still grumbles about it many years later. The elder sibs never watched us for free! So please tell your cheap relatives to pay unless it is a real emergency!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team SIL, how do you feel about the below scenario? Still feel the kid is in the wrong if gender/work are switched around a bit?

**********
My stepson mows our 1/4 acre lawn for $20/week. He charges neighbors with similar sized lawns $25-30/wk. My BIL, who lives on 1/2 acre of land, asked him to mow it for $10. He laughed and said “come on man, thats insane. Im not a charity case lawn service” and then walked away laughing…now my BIL is pissed that some kid called him out for trying to take advantage of him.

I would treat it the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team SIL, how do you feel about the below scenario? Still feel the kid is in the wrong if gender/work are switched around a bit?

**********
My stepson mows our 1/4 acre lawn for $20/week. He charges neighbors with similar sized lawns $25-30/wk. My BIL, who lives on 1/2 acre of land, asked him to mow it for $10. He laughed and said “come on man, thats insane. Im not a charity case lawn service” and then walked away laughing…now my BIL is pissed that some kid called him out for trying to take advantage of him.

I would treat it the same.

Team step son or step daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, your daughter was wrong. There was no reason she couldn’t decline politely. It’s bad just as a human, it’s bad as a family member, and it’s bad as a business person. There were 10,000 ways for her to politely stick to her price.

Is your SIL also wrong for being upset about the rudeness? I neither know nor care and neither should you. Your daughter is the only one you’re responsible for and you need to make sure she knows how to be respectful.

Yes, this is good advice. Although I think the SIL is way over-reacting so I guess I do care about whether she is upset. But regardless of SIL's inappropriate reaction, OP's daughter needs to learn how to decline politely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 16 year old daughter who babysits to earn extra spending money. I have 2 kids ages 5&7 and I give her first choice if she wants to babysit or not before I ask anyone else when I need after school care. I pay her $17/hour and she watches them anywhere from 2-15 hours a week. She sometimes does other babysitting jobs on the weekends and her weekend rates start at $20+/hour. This is the average rate for our area.

The issue started when SIL wanted a date night on a Friday night. They have FOUR kids ages 3,5,8 &10. My daughter said she would charge $25/hour with a 4 hour minimum. My SIL was shocked and said she was thinking more along the $10 hour range. My daughter laughed in her face and said she was not running a charity and wished her luck finding a babysitter for her cheap price. My daughter then proceeded to walk away laughing.

My SIL was furious and asked me how I could just stand there and let her be so disrespectful. I told her that my daughter viewed $10 an hour as an insult and she was trying to take advantage of her. I'm not going to punish her for standing up for herself. She then complained to my husband and he blew her off and told her to get over it and he did not care. She then goes crying to my brother. He said at minimum my daughter should apologize. I told him I don't think so.

This has caused a huge family drama with them. Am I in the wrong? Is my daughter in the wrong? If anyone should apologize it should be SIL for trying to take advantage of my daughter.

Nope. Stand your ground and support your daughter.

[Anonymous]

I pay my teen neighbor $20/hour to "babysit" my two kids while they are asleep. $10/hour for four kids is ABSURD, and especially absurd to ask for that after being quoted a reasonable rate. And the fact that now the SIL is complaining to the rest of the family about how her husband's sister's stepdaughter refuses to babysit for a ridiculously below market rate is tacky and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It makes me crazy when teenage girls, or even young women, don’t stand up for themselves or state clearly what they charge for things like babysitting.

Good for your daughter! Laughing in your sil’s face is rude but refusing to work for a really low amount of money is going to serve your daughter well in the long run.

This. All of it.
+100

+1000 too many women think they have to be polite about salaries, your DD deserves praise for standing up for herself

+ a million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 16 year old daughter who babysits to earn extra spending money. I have 2 kids ages 5&7 and I give her first choice if she wants to babysit or not before I ask anyone else when I need after school care. I pay her $17/hour and she watches them anywhere from 2-15 hours a week. She sometimes does other babysitting jobs on the weekends and her weekend rates start at $20+/hour. This is the average rate for our area.

The issue started when SIL wanted a date night on a Friday night. They have FOUR kids ages 3,5,8 &10. My daughter said she would charge $25/hour with a 4 hour minimum. My SIL was shocked and said she was thinking more along the $10 hour range. My daughter laughed in her face and said she was not running a charity and wished her luck finding a babysitter for her cheap price. My daughter then proceeded to walk away laughing.

My SIL was furious and asked me how I could just stand there and let her be so disrespectful. I told her that my daughter viewed $10 an hour as an insult and she was trying to take advantage of her. I'm not going to punish her for standing up for herself. She then complained to my husband and he blew her off and told her to get over it and he did not care. She then goes crying to my brother. He said at minimum my daughter should apologize. I told him I don't think so.

This has caused a huge family drama with them. Am I in the wrong? Is my daughter in the wrong? If anyone should apologize it should be SIL for trying to take advantage of my daughter.

Why didn’t the SIL just find someone for the $10/hour she expected?

What, she expected her niece to give her a discount that you don’t even give?

I mean, the step daughter should have been more gracious about saying no. But at the end of the day, the SIL was asking for charity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the rate of $25 very high myself. I have multiple teenage daughters and they don’t get near this. So I think it’s a little of very high expectations on your daughters part and very low on the SIL. But, in our family we help each other out and my kids would have done it for free on an occasional basis. Totally fine for your daughter to turn it down and stick to her terms, but so many better ways to handle it.
I think you and your daughter are in the wrong.

Your step daughter in law does babysitting fir free? FFS people she’s not Cinderella

We’d absolutely babysit family members for free. And then I said if that’s not your situation, she’s free to politely decline.
No reason to be hostile and over aggressive.

Are you also doing the babysitting for free or is it just your daughter? I think it is wrong of you not to have your daughter accept anything from family members. In an emergency? Sure. But your daughter is going to be treated like a door mat and her time is worth something! Would you expect your son to do things for free ( fix a tire or whatever?) I don't think so. This is the continuation of unpaid work that all women are expected to do..care for children, care for elders, housekeeping, meal planning etc.

You are not treating your daughter well. My Mom had to babysit her siblings' children for free and she still grumbles about it many years later. The elder sibs never watched us for free! So please tell your cheap relatives to pay unless it is a real emergency!

DCUM doesn’t seem to agree, but family does stuff for free without expectations. Absolutely the same with regards to a son or daughter and of course I pitch in. We are far from being doormats. It all equals out in the wash - ever heard that saying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the rate of $25 very high myself. I have multiple teenage daughters and they don’t get near this. So I think it’s a little of very high expectations on your daughters part and very low on the SIL. But, in our family we help each other out and my kids would have done it for free on an occasional basis. Totally fine for your daughter to turn it down and stick to her terms, but so many better ways to handle it.
I think you and your daughter are in the wrong.

Your step daughter in law does babysitting fir free? FFS people she’s not Cinderella

We’d absolutely babysit family members for free. And then I said if that’s not your situation, she’s free to politely decline.
No reason to be hostile and over aggressive.

Are you also doing the babysitting for free or is it just your daughter? I think it is wrong of you not to have your daughter accept anything from family members. In an emergency? Sure. But your daughter is going to be treated like a door mat and her time is worth something! Would you expect your son to do things for free ( fix a tire or whatever?) I don't think so. This is the continuation of unpaid work that all women are expected to do..care for children, care for elders, housekeeping, meal planning etc.

You are not treating your daughter well. My Mom had to babysit her siblings' children for free and she still grumbles about it many years later. The elder sibs never watched us for free! So please tell your cheap relatives to pay unless it is a real emergency!

Also, thanks for the lecture but I find it hilarious my son couldn’t babysit and he’d need to “fix a tire” in your example. And then you go on to lecture me about women’s unpaid work. Clueless.

[Anonymous]

Good for your SD in knowing the worth of her time!

So many professional women still don't know this nor how to advocate for themselves.

I don't see her actions as rude. People are perceiving her actions as rude because she's female and females are supposed to be meek, accommodating, and apologetic.

If a teen boy had been asked to mow 4 acres of grass for $10 an hour and laughed while saying no, that's too low and not his rates, no one would have an issue, I guarantee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the rate of $25 very high myself. I have multiple teenage daughters and they don’t get near this. So I think it’s a little of very high expectations on your daughters part and very low on the SIL. But, in our family we help each other out and my kids would have done it for free on an occasional basis. Totally fine for your daughter to turn it down and stick to her terms, but so many better ways to handle it.
I think you and your daughter are in the wrong.

Your step daughter in law does babysitting fir free? FFS people she’s not Cinderella

We’d absolutely babysit family members for free. And then I said if that’s not your situation, she’s free to politely decline.
No reason to be hostile and over aggressive.

Are you also doing the babysitting for free or is it just your daughter? I think it is wrong of you not to have your daughter accept anything from family members. In an emergency? Sure. But your daughter is going to be treated like a door mat and her time is worth something! Would you expect your son to do things for free ( fix a tire or whatever?) I don't think so. This is the continuation of unpaid work that all women are expected to do..care for children, care for elders, housekeeping, meal planning etc.

You are not treating your daughter well. My Mom had to babysit her siblings' children for free and she still grumbles about it many years later. The elder sibs never watched us for free! So please tell your cheap relatives to pay unless it is a real emergency!

I guess that’s where people are different. I am happy to watch nieces or nephews or cousins and glad to get to spend time with them. Not as a regular sitter but so their parents can go out for date night? Sure thing. It doesn’t make me a doormat. It makes me someone who treasures family. It’s kind of fun to see them minus their parents and spoil them. My kids also don’t want for money and it doesn’t really motivate them.

Again, I have no issue with the sd declining but she didn’t need to be rude. It will absolutely have lasting effects on the relationship with her aunt and uncle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for your SD in knowing the worth of her time!

So many professional women still don't know this nor how to advocate for themselves.

I don't see her actions as rude. People are perceiving her actions as rude because she's female and females are supposed to be meek, accommodating, and apologetic.

If a teen boy had been asked to mow 4 acres of grass for $10 an hour and laughed while saying no, that's too low and not his rates, no one would have an issue, I guarantee.

From OP post - My daughter laughed in her face and said she was not running a charity and wished her luck finding a babysitter for her cheap price. My daughter then proceeded to walk away laughing.

And you don’t think this is rude????

[Anonymous]

I would seriously wonder where I went wrong parenting if my child said that to their aunt or uncle.