SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful

[Anonymous]

I have a 16 year old daughter who babysits to earn extra spending money. I have 2 kids ages 5&7 and I give her first choice if she wants to babysit or not before I ask anyone else when I need after school care. I pay her $17/hour and she watches them anywhere from 2-15 hours a week. She sometimes does other babysitting jobs on the weekends and her weekend rates start at $20+/hour. This is the average rate for our area.

The issue started when SIL wanted a date night on a Friday night. They have FOUR kids ages 3,5,8 &10. My daughter said she would charge $25/hour with a 4 hour minimum. My SIL was shocked and said she was thinking more along the $10 hour range. My daughter laughed in her face and said she was not running a charity and wished her luck finding a babysitter for her cheap price. My daughter then proceeded to walk away laughing.

My SIL was furious and asked me how I could just stand there and let her be so disrespectful. I told her that my daughter viewed $10 an hour as an insult and she was trying to take advantage of her. I'm not going to punish her for standing up for herself. She then complained to my husband and he blew her off and told her to get over it and he did not care. She then goes crying to my brother. He said at minimum my daughter should apologize. I told him I don't think so.

This has caused a huge family drama with them. Am I in the wrong? Is my daughter in the wrong? If anyone should apologize it should be SIL for trying to take advantage of my daughter.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your daughter was rude, but your SIL was also rude.

[Anonymous]

Obviously, your daughter was wrong. There was no reason she couldn’t decline politely. It’s bad just as a human, it’s bad as a family member, and it’s bad as a business person. There were 10,000 ways for her to politely stick to her price.

Is your SIL also wrong for being upset about the rudeness? I neither know nor care and neither should you. Your daughter is the only one you’re responsible for and you need to make sure she knows how to be respectful.

[Anonymous]

If the girl is your stepdaughter you do nothing. It is up to her father (assume he is your DH) to address the issue.

There is no reason for a stepparent to get involved in disciplinary issues with a teen.

[Anonymous]

Don’t engage further. It was rude of her to suggest that price.

[Anonymous]

I don't think $25 is unreasonable for that many kids of those ages, but your SD could have declined more politely. But your SiL needs to take it up with your DH. Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the girl is your stepdaughter you do nothing. It is up to her father (assume he is your DH) to address the issue.

There is no reason for a stepparent to get involved in disciplinary issues with a teen.

OP here. She is my step daughter but I love her as my own. I agree 100% with you. I do not get involved with disciplinary issues. That's her fathers responsibility.

[Anonymous]

It makes me crazy when teenage girls, or even young women, don’t stand up for themselves or state clearly what they charge for things like babysitting.

Good for your daughter! Laughing in your sil’s face is rude but refusing to work for a really low amount of money is going to serve your daughter well in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, your daughter was wrong. There was no reason she couldn’t decline politely. It’s bad just as a human, it’s bad as a family member, and it’s bad as a business person. There were 10,000 ways for her to politely stick to her price.

Is your SIL also wrong for being upset about the rudeness? I neither know nor care and neither should you. Your daughter is the only one you’re responsible for and you need to make sure she knows how to be respectful.

The stepdaughter reacted poorly, but she certainly had something to react to. That price is insulting.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think your step daughter was atrociously rude. I guess she could have phrased it in a better way? It would be good for business too, to be more diplomatic (without backing down). Idk, maybe tell your step daughter about the drama and maybe she will proactively apologize. If she doesn’t then don’t make her. Your SIL is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the girl is your stepdaughter you do nothing. It is up to her father (assume he is your DH) to address the issue.

There is no reason for a stepparent to get involved in disciplinary issues with a teen.

OP here. She is my step daughter but I love her as my own. I agree 100% with you. I do not get involved with disciplinary issues. That's her fathers responsibility.

The bold is what you should say to your SIL if she brings it up to you again. Your daughter was right to turn her down(so proud of her) BUT it was VERY rude of her to laugh in her face and walk off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 16 year old daughter who babysits to earn extra spending money. I have 2 kids ages 5&7 and I give her first choice if she wants to babysit or not before I ask anyone else when I need after school care. I pay her $17/hour and she watches them anywhere from 2-15 hours a week. She sometimes does other babysitting jobs on the weekends and her weekend rates start at $20+/hour. This is the average rate for our area.

The issue started when SIL wanted a date night on a Friday night. They have FOUR kids ages 3,5,8 &10. My daughter said she would charge $25/hour with a 4 hour minimum. My SIL was shocked and said she was thinking more along the $10 hour range. My daughter laughed in her face and said she was not running a charity and wished her luck finding a babysitter for her cheap price. My daughter then proceeded to walk away laughing.

My SIL was furious and asked me how I could just stand there and let her be so disrespectful. I told her that my daughter viewed $10 an hour as an insult and she was trying to take advantage of her. I'm not going to punish her for standing up for herself. She then complained to my husband and he blew her off and told her to get over it and he did not care. She then goes crying to my brother. He said at minimum my daughter should apologize. I told him I don't think so.

This has caused a huge family drama with them. Am I in the wrong? Is my daughter in the wrong? If anyone should apologize it should be SIL for trying to take advantage of my daughter.

You were both not in the wrong. Your 17 year old reacted like a 17 year old. Your SIL needs to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the girl is your stepdaughter you do nothing. It is up to her father (assume he is your DH) to address the issue.

There is no reason for a stepparent to get involved in disciplinary issues with a teen.

OP here. She is my step daughter but I love her as my own. I agree 100% with you. I do not get involved with disciplinary issues. That's her fathers responsibility.

The bold is what you should say to your SIL if she brings it up to you again. Your daughter was right to turn her down(so proud of her) BUT it was VERY rude of her to laugh in her face and walk off.

dp I think it is great she stood up for herself. $10 an hour for four kids is laughable!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the girl is your stepdaughter you do nothing. It is up to her father (assume he is your DH) to address the issue.

There is no reason for a stepparent to get involved in disciplinary issues with a teen.

OP here. She is my step daughter but I love her as my own. I agree 100% with you. I do not get involved with disciplinary issues. That's her fathers responsibility.

The bold is what you should say to your SIL if she brings it up to you again. Your daughter was right to turn her down(so proud of her) BUT it was VERY rude of her to laugh in her face and walk off.

dp I think it is great she stood up for herself. $10 an hour for four kids is laughable!

This. Your SIL tried to take advantage and got an honest reaction. If your SD's dad wants to say something to SD about it, he can, but it doesn't sound like he does.

[Anonymous]

I hope you’re trolling. Your SD was incredibly rude and step or not, I’d have let her know that. It’s fine that they had different ideas of the price and for your SD to decline the job, but laughing at your SIL was way out of line.

Is your SIL from your side of the family or your dh’s?