SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your SD was very rude to laugh and very self entitled to expect adult wages when she doesn't bring adult experience or decision making skills to the table. Your SIL was out of touch with how much teens are currently making (but spoiler alert it's far closer to $10 than $25!!)

Teach your SD manners.

She expects the wages she gets from non-family. That is not “self entitled” that is “knowing the value of ones time” I made more than $10 per hour babysitting more than 15 years ago, I am confident the stepdaughter knows what she’s worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your SD was very rude to laugh and very self entitled to expect adult wages when she doesn't bring adult experience or decision making skills to the table. Your SIL was out of touch with how much teens are currently making (but spoiler alert it's far closer to $10 than $25!!)

Teach your SD manners.

In DC the pay would be $18-$20 for a teen and 4 kids.

Ignore the flyover country trolls.

$18-20 is $7-5 per hour less than the OP's kid was asking. That is a pretty significant markup. Also, I've never heard of guaranteed minimum hours for a teen babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You, your Stepdaughter, and your husband are in the wrong. Full stop. It has zero to do with standing up for herself.

There are 1001 and one ways to your rate and not be nasty.

I say this as someone who worked her way through school as a nanny and babysitting

SIL set the nasty tone by offering less than half of what the SD quoted her. How insulting and rude is that? And SIL is the grown-up!!!!

Sil offered a price. ALl SD had to do was decline, Laughing and being nasty were not required. Even if SIL was intentionally being insulting which I don't believe she was, you do as Michelle Obama tells us to go high, there's never a reason to lower yourself.

Actually, the SD offered a price, and all SIL had to do was politely decline instead of counter offering with sweatshop wages.

X1000

[Anonymous]

SIL opened the door on being rude and disrespectful by scoffing at her niece when stating her rate and requirements. And she’s supposed to be the adult. It’s pretty clear SIL, with her 4 children, was anticipating some sort of friends and family discount. There is a teaching here though. OP, this is a great time to talk to her about how to handle business challenges. Tell her that you’re proud that she knows her value but teach her responses that are direct, firm and clear, while still being polite and kind. Those skills we all have to work at and plenty of adults I know haven’t mastered them. She’s a teen and I give her the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't paying $25 an hour and the real issue is stepdaughter is babysitter to OP and she doesn't want to take care of her kids so she doesn't want to encourage SD to babysit for anyone else.

Why do you persist in repeating this baseless fanfiction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your SD was very rude to laugh and very self entitled to expect adult wages when she doesn't bring adult experience or decision making skills to the table. Your SIL was out of touch with how much teens are currently making (but spoiler alert it's far closer to $10 than $25!!)

Teach your SD manners.

Spoiler alert: where she lives, for 4 kids, no it's not.

Perhaps this will make entitled SIL think twice before she opens her mouth to attempt to take advantage of someone again. One can only hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does a 16 year old presumably living with parents and who has no bills need to make that much money for? I don't feel someone who is am actual adult living on their own with bills should be making the same babysitting as a 16 year old. Sorry not sorry.

It's called the market, sweetie. What some indignant rando on the internet think she "needs" to make could not be less relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The SIL sounds like a drama queen. She offered a wildly off market rate (after being quoted a reasonable rate!) and was laughed at by a child, and is now repeating this story and trying to stir up outrage among other family members at the child. I am surprised some of you find this behavior acceptable.

Bingo. This SIL is behaving like a mean girl. A child upset her and she is now trying to get a child punished because she didn't like that the child didn't give her what she wanted. Stepdaughter certainly could have chosen not to laugh, but honestly, she was offered slave wages. I am an adult I would laugh at someone who offered that to me and feel absolutely zero remorse in burning that bridge. The fact that posters are claiming that the moral high ground is important with crooked actors are BS are exactly why people will continue to be crooked. People should be shunning the SILs of the world, but instead, here folks are saying the child should have swallowed the SIL's BS pill? The SIL will get no consequences for her jerky behavior and everyone will stay quiet about it because we don't speak truth to power. Stepdaughter did. Good for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your SD was very rude to laugh and very self entitled to expect adult wages when she doesn't bring adult experience or decision making skills to the table. Your SIL was out of touch with how much teens are currently making (but spoiler alert it's far closer to $10 than $25!!)

Teach your SD manners.

In DC the pay would be $18-$20 for a teen and 4 kids.

Ignore the flyover country trolls.

$18-20 is $7-5 per hour less than the OP's kid was asking. That is a pretty significant markup. Also, I've never heard of guaranteed minimum hours for a teen babysitter.

I pay about $18/hr for one child in MoCo. FWIW, I am nearly 40 and I charged $12/hr for one child, $15/hr for two and $18/hr for three kids in 1998 in PG county. I had plenty of families who paid my rates without blinking.

People who pay teens substandard wages are jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You, your Stepdaughter, and your husband are in the wrong. Full stop. It has zero to do with standing up for herself.

There are 1001 and one ways to your rate and not be nasty.

I say this as someone who worked her way through school as a nanny and babysitting

SIL set the nasty tone by offering less than half of what the SD quoted her. How insulting and rude is that? And SIL is the grown-up!!!!

Sil offered a price. ALl SD had to do was decline, Laughing and being nasty were not required. Even if SIL was intentionally being insulting which I don't believe she was, you do as Michelle Obama tells us to go high, there's never a reason to lower yourself.

Actually, the SD offered a price, and all SIL had to do was politely decline instead of counter offering with sweatshop wages.

X1000

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t engage further. It was rude of her to suggest that price.

There are many people working much harder for less than $10 per hour. While your daughter is not obligated to accept that wage, she is also not entitled to be rude. It was not "rude" of your SIL to offer $10 per hour. Teenagers are pretty pampered and the wages have been driven up because parents buy everything for kids, so they don't feel the need to work.

In this area, that would be illegal as of July:

https://does.dc.gov/release/dc-minimum-wage-increase-1520-july-1-2021%C2%A0

So, yes, it is absolutely rude to offer someone a wage that would be not only below market rate, but also illegal, to offer a stranger. And not even *close* to the legal minimum— 33% below.

You're really a moron if you think people paying a teen to wash their car, watch their cat, or babysit for a couple of hours are going to worry about minimum wage laws. As if the kids are reporting the wages in taxes? JFC.

DP. Her age has nothing to do with the value of the service she provides. She clearly has experience babysitting and this is her job. Also, she quoted the SIL a very reasonable market rate for her services and it was the SIL who countered with a 60% below market rate. If I am currently paid 100k and apply for a job that usually pays 100k and they counter with 40k I would not be very polite. She does not owe politeness to someone who tried to take advantage of her. Stop teaching this to girls, stop teaching this to teens.

The SIL should have asked OP what she pays her daughter and what she usually charges. And when she got quoted $25 she should have said that’s a bit higher than I was thinking, let me think it over.

Yes, her age absolutely influences the value of the services that provides. There is no teenager who has the skills and experience to actually be worth $25 an hour. But because this is an affluent area, where teenagers have little need to work, parents have bid up the rates in order to lure teenagers into working. We can guarantee that low income teens are babysitting for way less than $25/hr in their neighborhood.

Mmkay. So feel free to drive your kids to one of those low income neighborhoods on the way to your date night and drop them off if all you’re willing to pay is $10/hr. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t engage further. It was rude of her to suggest that price.

There are many people working much harder for less than $10 per hour. While your daughter is not obligated to accept that wage, she is also not entitled to be rude. It was not "rude" of your SIL to offer $10 per hour. Teenagers are pretty pampered and the wages have been driven up because parents buy everything for kids, so they don't feel the need to work.

In this area, that would be illegal as of July:

https://does.dc.gov/release/dc-minimum-wage-increase-1520-july-1-2021%C2%A0

So, yes, it is absolutely rude to offer someone a wage that would be not only below market rate, but also illegal, to offer a stranger. And not even *close* to the legal minimum— 33% below.

You're really a moron if you think people paying a teen to wash their car, watch their cat, or babysit for a couple of hours are going to worry about minimum wage laws. As if the kids are reporting the wages in taxes? JFC.

DP. Her age has nothing to do with the value of the service she provides. She clearly has experience babysitting and this is her job. Also, she quoted the SIL a very reasonable market rate for her services and it was the SIL who countered with a 60% below market rate. If I am currently paid 100k and apply for a job that usually pays 100k and they counter with 40k I would not be very polite. She does not owe politeness to someone who tried to take advantage of her. Stop teaching this to girls, stop teaching this to teens.

The SIL should have asked OP what she pays her daughter and what she usually charges. And when she got quoted $25 she should have said that’s a bit higher than I was thinking, let me think it over.

Yes, her age absolutely influences the value of the services that provides. There is no teenager who has the skills and experience to actually be worth $25 an hour. But because this is an affluent area, where teenagers have little need to work, parents have bid up the rates in order to lure teenagers into working. We can guarantee that low income teens are babysitting for way less than $25/hr in their neighborhood.

Mmkay. So feel free to drive your kids to one of those low income neighborhoods on the way to your date night and drop them off if all you’re willing to pay is $10/hr. LOL.

OP doesn't want to lose her free babysitter which is really inappropriate that the SD is raising her kids vs. she is. You really think OP is paying her stepdaughter $25 an hour. A 16 year old? I doubt it or her kids are a nightmare and no one wants to do it.

[Anonymous]

Let DH handle it. She should have politely declined the low rate and told your SIL she had other plans that night. $20/hr for babysitting two kids is normal in the DC area. 4 or more is more like $30/hr. and more I personally don't pay my step-DD for babysitting her siblings, but I also don't ask/expect her to do it. If she wants to volunteer her time once a month, it is appreciated, but not expected. I'd rather pay hired help and not ask ANY family members to avoid drama.

[Anonymous]

I'm team daughter. She didn't let SIL insult her and treat her like trash.
Who the F does SIL think she is Good? Good for your daughter!

[Anonymous]

Why are you paying your stepdaughter to babysit anyway? She sounds entitled. Families can't be families anymore. Everything is about money.