My DD says she is bisexual - how do I react?

[Anonymous]

My DD told me in confidence that she thinks she is bisexual. She is 15 and not sexually active , but she says she seems to be attracted to both boys and girls. I come from a culture where we weren't even exposed to gay/lesbian and I am not sure what to make of this? How can a kid know they are bisexual ? Does it mean she wants to experiment with both genders before she decides?
I played it cool in front of her and ask her to not rush into an "identity box" yet. But she says kids ask about each others sexual identity now in school and she want to tell she is bisexual.
I am not sure how to take this. Please advise without being mean, I would like to hear especially from other parents experience if they have a bisexual kid... as I said it is very new and I promised my DD not to share this even with her Dad yet.

[Anonymous]

Say that's great, reiterate issues of consent and safety, and let her figure it out. It's not going to hurt anything if she's bisexual, and it's not going to hurt anything if she says she's bisexual and only dates one gender. It's all fine. Safety and consent are all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Probably would benefit from talking to a therapist. You’re gonna get all kinds of crazy answers on this website saying it’s a trend blah blah blah it’s not.

I’m not trying to go at you but asking her to hide it it’s not a good plan. Technically, the way you should’ve answered, is the exact same way as if she said I wish I had a boyfriend.

Really doesn’t matter if she dates a boy or a girl it’s all the same. I mean truthfully dating a girl safer in so many ways.

I would suggest some radical honesty with her and ask her for understanding and compassion. I would sit her down and say this is all very new to you, you don’t understand the vocabulary, and that you are afraid that you’re going to say the wrong thing. That you would like her to kindly correct you when you are saying the wrong thing and that you are open to learning.

I don’t have any books to recommend but I suggest perhaps reading a book but truthfully I would get a therapist that specializes in LGBT and they can really help you guide you through this.

Don’t be too hard on yourself this is on them to our generation. I mean remember our parents thought that Jordache jeans were horrible and that rock ‘n’ roll was gonna destroy the world. Every generation has something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD told me in confidence that she thinks she is bisexual. She is 15 and not sexually active , but she says she seems to be attracted to both boys and girls. I come from a culture where we weren't even exposed to gay/lesbian and I am not sure what to make of this? How can a kid know they are bisexual ? Does it mean she wants to experiment with both genders before she decides?
I played it cool in front of her and ask her to not rush into an "identity box" yet. But she says kids ask about each others sexual identity now in school and she want to tell she is bisexual.
I am not sure how to take this. Please advise without being mean, I would like to hear especially from other parents experience if they have a bisexual kid... as I said it is very new and I promised my DD not to share this even with her Dad yet.

It is most important to protect her feelings of safety in communicating honestly with you.

My DD who is also not sexually active claimed the same thing a couple of years back. I told her we would love her and support whatever her sexual orientation but that she was too young to be putting labels on herself.

There is a lot of pressure on tweens and young teens to declare themselves gay/bi/pan on social media and to act on alleged body dysphoria by prematurely changing gender. Again we told her we would accept her if she decided to go down that path eventually as an adult but we would not support any irreversible changes before she is an adult and not yet finished growing (hormones, surgery etc).

She now thinks that she is most likely straight but we are close partly because she knows that we unconditionally accept and love her and that she can be real with us.

Our faith community Is welcoming of everyone on the GTLBQ spectrum so that helped too - to have community support for however she identified as she matures.

Honestly, we care much more that she stays on a good path education wise (working hard at school - getting work done on time to best of her ability) and health wise (avoiding drugs and drink) than what her sexual orientation ends up being.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, that's kind of what I told her that I would love her and accept her anyway , but may be she is too young to be labeling herself. I told her always be open with me about anything she feels and that I am not discounting her feelings. Apparently she saw her school counsellor before she came to me . I told her that no matter what, as a parent I just want her to be healthy, a good human and happy. I did ask her to focus on her high school and that she had 3 more years to figure out what she is or how she feels before she turns into an adult. I am probably the most open minded in our household and in our friends circle, so I am just confused on if, how and when I should bring this up with my hubby or anyone else (I am not sure how his reaction will be and I don't want my DD getting her feeling hurt with the reaction). Meanwhile as a parent, I need to know how to talk about this with her!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t make a big deal about it. It’s a fad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, that's kind of what I told her that I would love her and accept her anyway , but may be she is too young to be labeling herself. I told her always be open with me about anything she feels and that I am not discounting her feelings. Apparently she saw her school counsellor before she came to me . I told her that no matter what, as a parent I just want her to be healthy, a good human and happy. I did ask her to focus on her high school and that she had 3 more years to figure out what she is or how she feels before she turns into an adult. I am probably the most open minded in our household and in our friends circle, so I am just confused on if, how and when I should bring this up with my hubby or anyone else (I am not sure how his reaction will be and I don't want my DD getting her feeling hurt with the reaction). Meanwhile as a parent, I need to know how to talk about this with her!

You can just love and accept her. It doesn’t have to be “anyway” or “no matter what.” Think about what you are saying when you use that phrasing.

[Anonymous]

My son is younger (7th grade) and recently told me that he felt attracted to a male friend (who is openly gay), but also to a girl in one of his classes.
He seemed very matter of fact about it, so my response was "that's cool. Do you have any questions, or is there anything you need from me?" He said no, and we moved on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t make a big deal about it. It’s a fad.

Micro aggressions toward LGBTQ+ rampant on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, that's kind of what I told her that I would love her and accept her anyway , but may be she is too young to be labeling herself. I told her always be open with me about anything she feels and that I am not discounting her feelings. Apparently she saw her school counsellor before she came to me . I told her that no matter what, as a parent I just want her to be healthy, a good human and happy. I did ask her to focus on her high school and that she had 3 more years to figure out what she is or how she feels before she turns into an adult. I am probably the most open minded in our household and in our friends circle, so I am just confused on if, how and when I should bring this up with my hubby or anyone else (I am not sure how his reaction will be and I don't want my DD getting her feeling hurt with the reaction). Meanwhile as a parent, I need to know how to talk about this with her!

Be careful with this messaging that discourages her from "labeling." It makes logical sense to parents when talking to kids who have never been sexually active with anyone, but my DD had a friend in HS, whose parents told her this exact thing and it didn't go perfectly. She definitely interpreted it as "they are not accepting me as bisexual." She felt like they were not hearing her and were dismissive of her attempts to come out to them. She's in college and still Bi-sexual. I believe her parents have come around and fully support her identity as such. You need to be ready to do so starting now. I think getting DH on board with that pronto is essential.

[Anonymous]

This is great! Your daughter is very very brave, OP.

You should be proud of her for being bisexual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, that's kind of what I told her that I would love her and accept her anyway , but may be she is too young to be labeling herself. I told her always be open with me about anything she feels and that I am not discounting her feelings. Apparently she saw her school counsellor before she came to me . I told her that no matter what, as a parent I just want her to be healthy, a good human and happy. I did ask her to focus on her high school and that she had 3 more years to figure out what she is or how she feels before she turns into an adult. I am probably the most open minded in our household and in our friends circle, so I am just confused on if, how and when I should bring this up with my hubby or anyone else (I am not sure how his reaction will be and I don't want my DD getting her feeling hurt with the reaction). Meanwhile as a parent, I need to know how to talk about this with her!

Really? Did you know when you were 15 that you were attracted to boys? I expect you did. Why are you denying that she has the same knowledge? Just because it's not the answer you would prefer? As for "I am probably the most open minded in our household" . . . oy.

[Anonymous]

"Anyway"?????

[Anonymous]

You say "Okay. I love you no matter what, and no matter who you're attracted to." And then you hug her and go on with life because this isn't a big deal.

[Anonymous]

OP she us attracted to both sexes. There is nothing you need to do except keep the lines of communication open. Tell her you are proud of her for telling you and you want her to be with someone who makes her happy and treats her well. Then let it play out as it will. ( someone who is bisexual at 49 but happily married )