My DD says she is bisexual - how do I react?

[Anonymous]

"Thank you for letting me know. I'm so happy that you feel secure sharing this with me. You can always come talk to me about anything. I'm here for you. I love you."

Not much else to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say "Okay. I love you no matter what, and no matter who you're attracted to." And then you hug her and go on with life because this isn't a big deal.

+1. That's what I think I'd do. (P.S. OP -- I'm a bisexual woman who passes for straight, happily married to a man. I definitely knew when I was an inexperienced teen. And I'm totally fine. No drama, no issues. I've never told anyone but partners/spouse, but that's just because I'm a private person.)

[Anonymous]

I love you! Thanks for telling me!

[Anonymous]

Kids try identities on. She may change and she may not. Be supportive and don't make assumptions about how she'll end up. She'll figure out who she is eventually. (BTW would you have told her not to label herself if she insisted she was straight?)

My kid:
As a youngster, insisted she was straight. As a middle schooler, told us she was bi. Then as a teen insisted she was a lesbian. Then met a guy she liked and decided she was bi. As an adult, her identity is bi. Our rule: We don't care what gender you date but don't date assholes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids try identities on. She may change and she may not. Be supportive and don't make assumptions about how she'll end up. She'll figure out who she is eventually. (BTW would you have told her not to label herself if she insisted she was straight?)

My kid:
As a youngster, insisted she was straight. As a middle schooler, told us she was bi. Then as a teen insisted she was a lesbian. Then met a guy she liked and decided she was bi. As an adult, her identity is bi. Our rule: We don't care what gender you date but don't date assholes.

This is a great rule lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids try identities on. She may change and she may not. Be supportive and don't make assumptions about how she'll end up. She'll figure out who she is eventually. (BTW would you have told her not to label herself if she insisted she was straight?)

My kid:
As a youngster, insisted she was straight. As a middle schooler, told us she was bi. Then as a teen insisted she was a lesbian. Then met a guy she liked and decided she was bi. As an adult, her identity is bi. Our rule: We don't care what gender you date but don't date assholes.

This is a great rule lol

This is an excellent response overall but YES that is the best rule. I am going to use it when my kids get old enough to date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say "Okay. I love you no matter what, and no matter who you're attracted to." And then you hug her and go on with life because this isn't a big deal.

Yes it is a huge deal!

Her daughter came out despite the repressive, supremacist culture her parents came from. She is very brave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids try identities on. She may change and she may not. Be supportive and don't make assumptions about how she'll end up. She'll figure out who she is eventually. (BTW would you have told her not to label herself if she insisted she was straight?)

My kid:
As a youngster, insisted she was straight. As a middle schooler, told us she was bi. Then as a teen insisted she was a lesbian. Then met a guy she liked and decided she was bi. As an adult, her identity is bi. Our rule: We don't care what gender you date but don't date assholes.

This is a great rule lol

This is an excellent response overall but YES that is the best rule. I am going to use it when my kids get old enough to date.

Thank you! My husband actually used it in his toast at our kid's wedding last fall. Fortunately, kid married a lovely person who is not an asshole.

[Anonymous]

My 11yo told me she was pansexual and I asked her what that meant to her, and then asked her if she had any feeling of attraction to anyone. She responded “ew, no”, then paused for a beat and said, “I guess I’m nothing sexual”, to which I responded “you’re 11 and that is fine. No need to rush to label yourself”. She then decided that her current sexual orientation is “questioning” which sounds great for a preteen/teen kid who is still figuring it all out. By 15 I expect she may have some answers, but at 11 it’s still really all beyond her. If at 15 she told me she was bi I would say great, thank you for sharing that with me. I hope you find wonderful people to love and who love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say that's great, reiterate issues of consent and safety, and let her figure it out. It's not going to hurt anything if she's bisexual, and it's not going to hurt anything if she says she's bisexual and only dates one gender. It's all fine. Safety and consent are all that matters.

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 11yo told me she was pansexual and I asked her what that meant to her, and then asked her if she had any feeling of attraction to anyone. She responded “ew, no”, then paused for a beat and said, “I guess I’m nothing sexual”, to which I responded “you’re 11 and that is fine. No need to rush to label yourself”. She then decided that her current sexual orientation is “questioning” which sounds great for a preteen/teen kid who is still figuring it all out. By 15 I expect she may have some answers, but at 11 it’s still really all beyond her. If at 15 she told me she was bi I would say great, thank you for sharing that with me. I hope you find wonderful people to love and who love you.

Hasn’t something gone wrong in our world when an 11yo knows the word pansexual, let alone identifies as one? I think you handled it well, pp, but I just think this celebration of sex and sexuality in elementary and middle schools is less than ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t make a big deal about it. It’s a fad.

Micro aggressions toward LGBTQ+ rampant on this board.

So true and so sad.

OP, my youngest came out as gay at 14. Trans questioning for about a year. He is 20 now and in a long term relationship with a wonderful young man. He grew up knowing that we would accept him no matter what. I’ve always been active in the LGTBQ community as an ally. I’m an interfaith minister who performs same sex marriages.

Don’t make it a big deal. Tell her that it’s totally normal to question and explore her sexuality. Include conversations on safe sex. And remind her that you love her unconditionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11yo told me she was pansexual and I asked her what that meant to her, and then asked her if she had any feeling of attraction to anyone. She responded “ew, no”, then paused for a beat and said, “I guess I’m nothing sexual”, to which I responded “you’re 11 and that is fine. No need to rush to label yourself”. She then decided that her current sexual orientation is “questioning” which sounds great for a preteen/teen kid who is still figuring it all out. By 15 I expect she may have some answers, but at 11 it’s still really all beyond her. If at 15 she told me she was bi I would say great, thank you for sharing that with me. I hope you find wonderful people to love and who love you.

Hasn’t something gone wrong in our world when an 11yo knows the word pansexual, let alone identifies as one? I think you handled it well, pp, but I just think this celebration of sex and sexuality in elementary and middle schools is less than ideal.

Many (most) kids know they are gay by late elementary school. They may not understand exactly what that means. But they know that they feel physical attraction towards someone of the same sex. These are important conversations.

[Anonymous]

Her and half her friends. Seriously. It’s a trend and everyone is doing it. Just say ok, act like no big deal, move about your life as normal. It’s likely a phase

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say "Okay. I love you no matter what, and no matter who you're attracted to." And then you hug her and go on with life because this isn't a big deal.

I think this is actually a negative message. It suggests that this revelation is some major negative bit of news that you are tolerating.