My DD says she is bisexual - how do I react?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 11yo told me she was pansexual and I asked her what that meant to her, and then asked her if she had any feeling of attraction to anyone. She responded “ew, no”, then paused for a beat and said, “I guess I’m nothing sexual”, to which I responded “you’re 11 and that is fine. No need to rush to label yourself”. She then decided that her current sexual orientation is “questioning” which sounds great for a preteen/teen kid who is still figuring it all out. By 15 I expect she may have some answers, but at 11 it’s still really all beyond her. If at 15 she told me she was bi I would say great, thank you for sharing that with me. I hope you find wonderful people to love and who love you.

Our school's 2nd grade Identity Project told the kids all about it and to question themselves and explore. He came home at age 7 thinking Jazz Jennings can have a baby because his brain thinks he's a girl. No context, why not think that after the teacher read the book to the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11yo told me she was pansexual and I asked her what that meant to her, and then asked her if she had any feeling of attraction to anyone. She responded “ew, no”, then paused for a beat and said, “I guess I’m nothing sexual”, to which I responded “you’re 11 and that is fine. No need to rush to label yourself”. She then decided that her current sexual orientation is “questioning” which sounds great for a preteen/teen kid who is still figuring it all out. By 15 I expect she may have some answers, but at 11 it’s still really all beyond her. If at 15 she told me she was bi I would say great, thank you for sharing that with me. I hope you find wonderful people to love and who love you.

Our school's 2nd grade Identity Project told the kids all about it and to question themselves and explore. He came home at age 7 thinking Jazz Jennings can have a baby because his brain thinks he's a girl. No context, why not think that after the teacher read the book to the class.

Your post seems sarcastic and flippant.

A 7 year-old should not be denied or ignored in expressing their own sexual identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11yo told me she was pansexual and I asked her what that meant to her, and then asked her if she had any feeling of attraction to anyone. She responded “ew, no”, then paused for a beat and said, “I guess I’m nothing sexual”, to which I responded “you’re 11 and that is fine. No need to rush to label yourself”. She then decided that her current sexual orientation is “questioning” which sounds great for a preteen/teen kid who is still figuring it all out. By 15 I expect she may have some answers, but at 11 it’s still really all beyond her. If at 15 she told me she was bi I would say great, thank you for sharing that with me. I hope you find wonderful people to love and who love you.

Our school's 2nd grade Identity Project told the kids all about it and to question themselves and explore. He came home at age 7 thinking Jazz Jennings can have a baby because his brain thinks he's a girl. No context, why not think that after the teacher read the book to the class.

Your post seems sarcastic and flippant.

A 7 year-old should not be denied or ignored in expressing their own sexual identity.

Of course not, but is it true that this 2nd Grade Identity Project brought up sexual identity? That can't be right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11yo told me she was pansexual and I asked her what that meant to her, and then asked her if she had any feeling of attraction to anyone. She responded “ew, no”, then paused for a beat and said, “I guess I’m nothing sexual”, to which I responded “you’re 11 and that is fine. No need to rush to label yourself”. She then decided that her current sexual orientation is “questioning” which sounds great for a preteen/teen kid who is still figuring it all out. By 15 I expect she may have some answers, but at 11 it’s still really all beyond her. If at 15 she told me she was bi I would say great, thank you for sharing that with me. I hope you find wonderful people to love and who love you.

Our school's 2nd grade Identity Project told the kids all about it and to question themselves and explore. He came home at age 7 thinking Jazz Jennings can have a baby because his brain thinks he's a girl. No context, why not think that after the teacher read the book to the class.

Your post seems sarcastic and flippant.

A 7 year-old should not be denied or ignored in expressing their own sexual identity.

Of course not, but is it true that this 2nd Grade Identity Project brought up sexual identity? That can't be right.

Gender and sexuality are not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so over this trend for preteens and teens to “identify.” They aren’t even having sex! Sex among teens is lower than ever but that’s all this segment of the kids talk about. It’s so strange!

This is so much the opposite of our experience.

DS has been dating guys since he was a freshman in high school. We’ve never had a conversation about identity. For DS and his friends, sexual identity seems to just not be a thing at all. Boys date girls, boys date boys, girls date girls. Nobody cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"That's nice please pass the salt."

That's a terrible answer. If you child comes to you to talk about feelings they are having, clearly they want support, to discuss their feelings, and/or to get answers to questions, not to be dismissed with, "that's nice, let's move on to something else."

[Anonymous]

"Me too. It's great that we have so many choices. Please pass the salt."

[Anonymous]

OP, this may not be popular on woke DCUM but I agree with your initial reaction telling your DD not to rush to label herself. I do think social media is really pushing kids into "declaring" themselves and being anything but heterosexual is the big thing now. But I think it's creating confusion rather than any sense of clarity. I'm sorry that your DD is feeling pressure from friends to announce her sexuality. While I applaud that LBGTQ kids don't have to hide anymore (at least not in many circles), I also don't think this is something a young teen has to decide at this point.

[Anonymous]

Is social media the new "gay agenda?" I've been hearing some version of "people are pushing our kids to be gay" since I was in high school in the 90s. It seems just as bogus now as it did then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is social media the new "gay agenda?" I've been hearing some version of "people are pushing our kids to be gay" since I was in high school in the 90s. It seems just as bogus now as it did then.

I don't think it's a gay agenda, but I do think it's influencing kids. Do you not think social media has any influence on anything with kids? Why wouldn't it be an influence in this one area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11yo told me she was pansexual and I asked her what that meant to her, and then asked her if she had any feeling of attraction to anyone. She responded “ew, no”, then paused for a beat and said, “I guess I’m nothing sexual”, to which I responded “you’re 11 and that is fine. No need to rush to label yourself”. She then decided that her current sexual orientation is “questioning” which sounds great for a preteen/teen kid who is still figuring it all out. By 15 I expect she may have some answers, but at 11 it’s still really all beyond her. If at 15 she told me she was bi I would say great, thank you for sharing that with me. I hope you find wonderful people to love and who love you.

Our school's 2nd grade Identity Project told the kids all about it and to question themselves and explore. He came home at age 7 thinking Jazz Jennings can have a baby because his brain thinks he's a girl. No context, why not think that after the teacher read the book to the class.

Your post seems sarcastic and flippant.

A 7 year-old should not be denied or ignored in expressing their own sexual identity.

I don’t see any sarcasm or flippancy. Pp was reporting what happened. Do you really think what happened in that classroom is okay? You don’t think it’s a problem to leave little kids with the impression that a person with a male body can have a baby just because they feel like they’re female?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is social media the new "gay agenda?" I've been hearing some version of "people are pushing our kids to be gay" since I was in high school in the 90s. It seems just as bogus now as it did then.

I think it was bogus then. But now? There’s a huge push to sexualize kids in all sorts of ways. It’s appalling and the ubiquitous nature of it makes it very difficult for parents to protect kids from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is social media the new "gay agenda?" I've been hearing some version of "people are pushing our kids to be gay" since I was in high school in the 90s. It seems just as bogus now as it did then.

I think part of it is the algorithmic nature of social media, where a kid can find themselves bombarded by very skewed messaging based on who they’re friends with, or what band they like, or what clothes they where, and it has nothing to do with their actual sexual orientations. Then there’s the rush of affirmation they get from putting #gay, or whatever, on a post, possibly from a ton of complete strangers. (My DD’s friend does this on every single thing she posts.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is social media the new "gay agenda?" I've been hearing some version of "people are pushing our kids to be gay" since I was in high school in the 90s. It seems just as bogus now as it did then.

Wow thank you for clarifying why this response makes me so uncomfortable!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is great! Your daughter is very very brave, OP.

You should be proud of her for being bisexual.

Why would anyone be “proud” or a child for being bisexual? That doesn’t make any sense.