My DD says she is bisexual - how do I react?

[Anonymous]

I hope they will figure out. Sometimes I feel like my DD, 18, feels pressure to be bi and gender fluid. I truly don't think the idea would have occurred to her without social media. She naturally likes "girly" things, hair, nails makeup and jewelry. I want her to enjoy the things she truly likes without judgement. I question if she will get depressed b/c these are not gender fluid things, things she likes.

Right now she has a girlfriend. They are not sexual, they will snuggle and watch movies, cheek kissing. It's not like she is attracted to this girl and can't wait to be alone with her, they are more like besties. I'm fine with it.

My neighbor came out as a lesbian in 7th grade, still is and she is 22 (although she did have a boyfriend for a bit.) Another one of my DD girlfriends was gay in HS and has a boyfriend in college now. Just hope they stay true to themselves. That is what I want.

Also check out the LGBTQ forum. Lots of good convos on there. And yes some mircroaggressions towards the gay community, and microaggressions to those questioning whether 11 year olds can claim they are pansexual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope they will figure out. Sometimes I feel like my DD, 18, feels pressure to be bi and gender fluid. I truly don't think the idea would have occurred to her without social media. She naturally likes "girly" things, hair, nails makeup and jewelry. I want her to enjoy the things she truly likes without judgement. I question if she will get depressed b/c these are not gender fluid things, things she likes.

Right now she has a girlfriend. They are not sexual, they will snuggle and watch movies, cheek kissing. It's not like she is attracted to this girl and can't wait to be alone with her, they are more like besties. I'm fine with it.

My neighbor came out as a lesbian in 7th grade, still is and she is 22 (although she did have a boyfriend for a bit.) Another one of my DD girlfriends was gay in HS and has a boyfriend in college now. Just hope they stay true to themselves. That is what I want.

Also check out the LGBTQ forum. Lots of good convos on there. And yes some mircroaggressions towards the gay community, and microaggressions to those questioning whether 11 year olds can claim they are pansexual.

Very thoughtful response and I agree that there are micro aggressions on both sides.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you all for the advise. The challenge for me is that i need to educate myself more on these as well (This is so new to me) and know how to say or what to say so I do not seem like I am discounting her feelings (which I am not). Also I did ask her if she particularly likes someone and she says she doesn't have any boyfriends or girlfriends at this point. As far as "labeling" goes as many examples provide here, kids change their mind about a lot of things as they grow up. I do not want her to label herself hetero either... I just want her to take her own time to figure things out and not be pressured by her peers to declare I am such and such.

[Anonymous]

I would say "That's great! Thanks for confiding in me." and pretty much move on.

There is so much pressure for teens to label themselves as bi/hetero/trans whatever these days that I think they are pushing themselves to a decision.

Therapy can be tricky too because sometimes the labeling is caused by dwelling on "what am I?" when it will eventually be worked out by experience and maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD told me in confidence that she thinks she is bisexual. She is 15 and not sexually active , but she says she seems to be attracted to both boys and girls. I come from a culture where we weren't even exposed to gay/lesbian and I am not sure what to make of this? How can a kid know they are bisexual ? Does it mean she wants to experiment with both genders before she decides?
I played it cool in front of her and ask her to not rush into an "identity box" yet. But she says kids ask about each others sexual identity now in school and she want to tell she is bisexual.
I am not sure how to take this. Please advise without being mean, I would like to hear especially from other parents experience if they have a bisexual kid... as I said it is very new and I promised my DD not to share this even with her Dad yet.

You treat her the same as if she told you she liked a boy. Maybe she is bisexual. Maybe she's not. She's figuring it out.

Tell her you love her no matter what. Tell her the rules for dating are the same whether boy or girl.

My DD told us this in 7th or 8th grade, saying she may be bisexual. We talk very openly about it and, for her, I'm not sure she knows as she has not beein interested in dating yet. But, I don't treat the declaration in any special way. When I have questions, I ask. She answers. It's really nbd.

[Anonymous]

Sexuality is pushed heavily in public schools and social media these days and it just confuses kids. Many kids think there’s something wrong with them if they’re cisgender. Tell her you love her but not to label herself because her body and feelings may change. Don’t make a big deal out of it though and monitor what she’s watching online.

[Anonymous]

Say, ok and move on.

Be glad she’s comfortable confiding in you. I knew I was a lesbian at 11 but didn’t tell my parents till I was living across the country with my girlfriend at age 24. They were hurt I didn’t tell them earlier. I didn’t trust that they’d be supportive.

Just keep an open line of communication about who she is dating so you don’t accidentally send her off to a sexscaped with a girlfriend.

My poor Baptist had no idea what was going on under their roof with their closet case daughter. I had sex way too young. It’s good you know.

[Anonymous]

You say: "Thank you so much for telling me. I love you and support your choices, no matter what they are moving forward. I want you to be happy, and to be healthy. Is there any way I can help support you?" Good luck. It really is a fad. There's WEIRD stuff flying around snapchat, etc.......so if you can get into those weeds with her do....but as for your reaction....just be clear that it means the world that she told you, and leave it there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope they will figure out. Sometimes I feel like my DD, 18, feels pressure to be bi and gender fluid. I truly don't think the idea would have occurred to her without social media. She naturally likes "girly" things, hair, nails makeup and jewelry. I want her to enjoy the things she truly likes without judgement. I question if she will get depressed b/c these are not gender fluid things, things she likes.

Right now she has a girlfriend. They are not sexual, they will snuggle and watch movies, cheek kissing. It's not like she is attracted to this girl and can't wait to be alone with her, they are more like besties. I'm fine with it.

My neighbor came out as a lesbian in 7th grade, still is and she is 22 (although she did have a boyfriend for a bit.) Another one of my DD girlfriends was gay in HS and has a boyfriend in college now. Just hope they stay true to themselves. That is what I want.

Also check out the LGBTQ forum. Lots of good convos on there. And yes some mircroaggressions towards the gay community, and microaggressions to those questioning whether 11 year olds can claim they are pansexual.

There is a TON of pressure on social media right now for teens to be bi / LGTBQI+.

It is having a major effect on this teen generation.

[Anonymous]

You should react with acknowledgement and acceptance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should react with acknowledgement and acceptance.

This, but take with grain of salt. I agree that social media plays huge part in confusing kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope they will figure out. Sometimes I feel like my DD, 18, feels pressure to be bi and gender fluid. I truly don't think the idea would have occurred to her without social media. She naturally likes "girly" things, hair, nails makeup and jewelry. I want her to enjoy the things she truly likes without judgement. I question if she will get depressed b/c these are not gender fluid things, things she likes.

Right now she has a girlfriend. They are not sexual, they will snuggle and watch movies, cheek kissing. It's not like she is attracted to this girl and can't wait to be alone with her, they are more like besties. I'm fine with it.

My neighbor came out as a lesbian in 7th grade, still is and she is 22 (although she did have a boyfriend for a bit.) Another one of my DD girlfriends was gay in HS and has a boyfriend in college now. Just hope they stay true to themselves. That is what I want.

Also check out the LGBTQ forum. Lots of good convos on there. And yes some mircroaggressions towards the gay community, and microaggressions to those questioning whether 11 year olds can claim they are pansexual.

There is a TON of pressure on social media right now for teens to be bi / LGTBQI+.

It is having a major effect on this teen generation.

There is a TON of pressure on social media to be a lot of things. Social media is not great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should react with acknowledgement and acceptance.

This, but take with grain of salt. I agree that social media plays huge part in confusing kids.

Even the ones who aren’t on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD told me in confidence that she thinks she is bisexual. She is 15 and not sexually active , but she says she seems to be attracted to both boys and girls. I come from a culture where we weren't even exposed to gay/lesbian and I am not sure what to make of this? How can a kid know they are bisexual ? Does it mean she wants to experiment with both genders before she decides?
I played it cool in front of her and ask her to not rush into an "identity box" yet. But she says kids ask about each others sexual identity now in school and she want to tell she is bisexual.
I am not sure how to take this. Please advise without being mean, I would like to hear especially from other parents experience if they have a bisexual kid... as I said it is very new and I promised my DD not to share this even with her Dad yet.

I'd ignore it.

But sounds like the activist book Sex Ed in private and public schools around here is working well. Explore your gender! Explore your orientation! Explore!

That plus the internet influencers and herds of UMC white girls claiming to be trans and bisexual is quite the fad. What a waste of energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say "That's great! Thanks for confiding in me." and pretty much move on.

There is so much pressure for teens to label themselves as bi/hetero/trans whatever these days that I think they are pushing themselves to a decision.

Therapy can be tricky too because sometimes the labeling is caused by dwelling on "what am I?" when it will eventually be worked out by experience and maturity.

what's worse is that any little fight amongst friends or bad day gets instantly converted to "If I was a boy, I'd feel better" or "If i could date that, I won't feel so crummy." and everyone else nods along.