asking for money for hosting teens tacky?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if this was a girls’ trip—a group of old college friends, say— and one of them happened to have a beach house that they offered up, you would assume that that friend was also covering all of your meals for the week?

But these are children who are not self-supporting, rather than grown women.

These are 17 year olds. They can drive to the grocery store and do the shopping themselves.

[Anonymous]

We have a beach house and a constant parade of guests. We would never ask anyone to pay anything, DCs friends included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it’s not tacky. Cooking for 10 people, guests and your family, takes a lot of time and money. I’d expect everyone to help, with money and effort.

You can send an email to all the parents saying you’ll have eat at a restaurant once a day which they’ll need money for, what kind of entertaining budget is needed, and ask for a meals contribution, I’d think $250 is reasonable.

Just because you invited someone to your beach house is not an excuse for freeloading and an all expenses paid vacation, it only means you’ll provide rooms. If parents don’t have the decency to offer, it’s ok to remind them, and they are free to excuse their teen out of the whole trip.

I agree with this whole heartedly. We have a pool and host regular drop off pool parties for older ES kids. No parents ever contribute anything or even offer to unless I explicitly state that they need to. People in this area are so entitled. Like heating the pool and buying pizza and drinks for the kids adds up!!! Especially when we do it almost weekly. We love hosting AND expect people to contribute in some way. It's not a lot to ask!!

Completely disagree. I host a lot and almost everyone asks what they can bring. I tell them just themselves but some inevitably bring a hostess gift or a bottle of wine. Always appreciated but never expected.

Ok so? That’s your prerogative to host however you like. Other people want to receive a contribution towards the food. Nobody cares what you think is tacky and don’t send your kids if you object to that.

You’re not better than the other person who can’t afford to cover the meals of 7 other kids, but nonetheless still offers her house to host them. The fact that you invited a kid over to a restaurant half a year ago has no bearing on anything.

[Anonymous]

It seems like this is more of a situation where the son invited these people and the parents agreed to be there to keep an eye on things. It should be on the boy to plan their meals and food which means everyone pays their own way. This is how adults travel and these boys are practically adults making their own plans.

[Anonymous]

It's super tacky.

Clearly you aren't happy to host since you want to hit them up for money.

[Anonymous]

Tacky.

Next time don't invite so many people for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Ignore the army of petty aholes attacking you for not being sufficiently generous after giving a free beach week.

Tell your kid to organize food with his friends (with your help). It's a good exercise.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

[Anonymous]

Very tacky.

[Anonymous]

These are 17 year olds with cars, possibly part time jobs, soon to be living independently? Your son and his friends should be coordinating their own meals that fit within their budgets, whether it’s getting groceries and cooking or eating some meals out. Maybe you guys can host dinner the first and last nights, but expecting you to plan/pay for meals for 7 kids for a week is ridiculous.

I don’t know where most of these posters are coming from. I grew up in a very wealthy area where kids frequently hosted trips at their beach or ski cabins. By age 17, there would be zero expectation of the parents providing food for a large group trip like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are 17 year olds with cars, possibly part time jobs, soon to be living independently? Your son and his friends should be coordinating their own meals that fit within their budgets, whether it’s getting groceries and cooking or eating some meals out. Maybe you guys can host dinner the first and last nights, but expecting you to plan/pay for meals for 7 kids for a week is ridiculous.

I don’t know where most of these posters are coming from. I grew up in a very wealthy area where kids frequently hosted trips at their beach or ski cabins. By age 17, there would be zero expectation of the parents providing food for a large group trip like this.

I think it's one poster posting again and again. But 17yo should definitely taking charge. They should drive themselves to the store and load up on food. I took camping trips with my friends at 17 no parents involve or "hosting" organizing every last meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

It sounds like the later..? Although it’s unclear. If the later, it’s fine to ask.

The only way it’s tacky is if a family decides to invite a bunch of kids to their vacation home and then asks parent to contribute. That would be weird.

Nuance matters!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

It sounds like the later..? Although it’s unclear. If the later, it’s fine to ask.

The only way it’s tacky is if a family decides to invite a bunch of kids to their vacation home and then asks parent to contribute. That would be weird.

Nuance matters!

Yes it would be totally different if the parents invited everyone to kid's 18th bday at the beach and then was like "everyone's share of the groceries is $115 venmo me....." That's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are 17 year olds with cars, possibly part time jobs, soon to be living independently? Your son and his friends should be coordinating their own meals that fit within their budgets, whether it’s getting groceries and cooking or eating some meals out. Maybe you guys can host dinner the first and last nights, but expecting you to plan/pay for meals for 7 kids for a week is ridiculous.

I don’t know where most of these posters are coming from. I grew up in a very wealthy area where kids frequently hosted trips at their beach or ski cabins. By age 17, there would be zero expectation of the parents providing food for a large group trip like this.

Agreed. It’s your house but your nearly-adult son is really the “host” here so he should be communicating with his friends about a plan for food whether that entails pooling funds for a massive grocery run or going out.