MIL upset over dinner misunderstanding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm gonna need a clearer timeline with time stamps of what happened because I'm so confused.

Maybe just sit this one out, then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - don't invite MIL next time. My Mil caused a problem at 2 of my kid's performances which marred the experience. I don't invite her anymore. I still invite her to some things, but not as often. If your MIL is going to be a drama queen or act like a child, then it would make sense to limit the frequency with which you have to deal with it.

This 👆🏾

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She called to tell you she was on her way but running late and then she got to the house and no one was there. She doesn't know where you are or what you are doing or what has changed in the plans.

You should have sent a quick text telling her you had just run out to pick up the food and would be back by 4:45 or whatever time you expected to be back. Or left someone at the house.

I agree. You implied you would be home. Then you changed the plans, didn’t notify MIL, but took your own mom. Rude

Being rude and forcing people to have to alter their plans to accommodate your lateness, was more rude. When people can’t be on time, others do what they have to do and carry on without you.

Exactly, she sounds exhausting! Definitely do not keep apologizing.

[Anonymous]

She was wrong about the dinner but right to be irritated that you weren’t there when she arrived.

Also I agree with the PP who said that your logistics are way too over complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She called to tell you she was on her way but running late and then she got to the house and no one was there. She doesn't know where you are or what you are doing or what has changed in the plans.

You should have sent a quick text telling her you had just run out to pick up the food and would be back by 4:45 or whatever time you expected to be back. Or left someone at the house.

I agree. You implied you would be home. Then you changed the plans, didn’t notify MIL, but took your own mom. Rude

Being rude and forcing people to have to alter their plans to accommodate your lateness, was more rude. When people can’t be on time, others do what they have to do and carry on without you.

Exactly, she sounds exhausting! Definitely do not keep apologizing.

I actually find OP exhausting with the elaborate but poorly thought out plans that ended up with MIL pulling up to an empty house. It’s a band concert not a military operation. And the kid can wait to eat with adults after. OP seems to want to control everything and this is what she gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some perspective and advice on a situation that unfolded yesterday evening during my child's performance event.

My DH is currently out of town, but both my mom and MIL were invited to attend the performance. The plan was for everyone to meet at my house by 5pm so we could drive together, since both were nervous about the parking situation. I had told them in advance that I’d promised DC Chick-fil-A for dinner, which we’d pick up on the way, and then after the performance, we’d all come back to my house for soup and salad that I’d already prepared. Everyone was informed of this plan and seemed to think it was a great idea.
At around 4:45, MIL called to say she was running behind... let go?

OP's child was in a performance timeline: ordered chick fil a to eat pre performance, 2 GM/OP/child get the food, drive to performance location in same car, then performance, all reload to drive back to house for light post show meal. So MIL was late and everyone had to return to the house adding an extra stop/back tracking to load her in the car. And MIL has the narcissistic nerve to complain?

OP should have called and texted that since she was late, she should drive directly to the performance location. Instead MIL makes it all about her and catering to the rude behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some perspective and advice on a situation that unfolded yesterday evening during my child's performance event.

My DH is currently out of town, but both my mom and MIL were invited to attend the performance. The plan was for everyone to meet at my house by 5pm so we could drive together, since both were nervous about the parking situation. I had told them in advance that I’d promised DC Chick-fil-A for dinner, which we’d pick up on the way, and then after the performance, we’d all come back to my house for soup and salad that I’d already prepared. Everyone was informed of this plan and seemed to think it was a great idea.
At around 4:45, MIL called to say she was running behind. Since she was still a ways out, I quickly decided to go ahead with my mom to pick up the food (which I had already ordered via the app) so we wouldn’t be delayed. I figured we’d be back right around the time MIL arrived, that we wouldn’t even go back in the house and she could just hop in the car and go. The drive thru took longer than I anticipated and MIL got to the house and saw we weren’t there, and she called. I answered and told her we were literally right around the corner and would be there in less than a minute. She seemed fine with that, and the evening seemed fine. After the performance, however, MIL left almost immediately.

Later, she must have called my husband to say she was hurt that we ate without her, because he called to ask what happened. I explained the situation to DH, that I hadn’t eaten anything, and no one else had either, we all waited until after the event as originally planned. I then called MIL to try and clarify, but she was still very upset and is holding firm to the belief that she was left out.

For context, I don’t think this is memory-related or anything like that. I actually think this is more about her relationship with my mom. She’s always seemed very intimidated by my mom and is often extra sensitive whenever she’s around. I’m starting to wonder if this entire misunderstanding felt to her like my mom and I were intentionally excluding her, though that truly wasn’t the case at all.

Was I wrong to go ahead and grab the food? Should I have handled this differently? And more importantly, how do I fix it now, or is this something I just need to let go?

I am so sorry. Your Mil probably has anxiety and fear of being cut out. You did nothing wrong. I think if you apologize for the misunderstanding you are good. It is not your place to manage her feelings.

I feel for you either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I would give one genuine apology for the misunderstanding next time you see her (because there was no bad intentions here...it was just a misunderstanding). She can choose to accept it or not. It's worth a try for your own sake. But I wouldn't enable her in being dramatic about things like this and I would make sure DH is on the same page.

My MIL is tough but as long as my DH and I a unified front, it's manageable!


I agree with this. Maybe next time you tell her tge place and time of the event and tell her to meet you there

[Anonymous]

The missing detail is that OP’s mom was already at her house so they were not all “meeting at 5.” What MIL perceived was that OP and her mom and grandkid all had a special pre-performance get together that she was excluded from. And she does not sound entirely wrong. Ultimately they both sound high strung but OP isn’t accepting any responsibility for basically ghosting her MIL and not telling her they were leaving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm gonna need a clearer timeline with time stamps of what happened because I'm so confused.

Maybe just sit this one out, then.

Seems like everyone else is confused too, so uh, no.

[Anonymous]

Who ate chicken and when was it eaten? That's what we don't know. Maybe everyone ate chicken without her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like everyone knew and agreed to the plan to pick up Chick-fil-A for the kid on the way to the performance. I'm just saying I'd want some too if I were in that car.

But grandma wasn’t in the car. Because she chose to be late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm gonna need a clearer timeline with time stamps of what happened because I'm so confused.

Maybe just sit this one out, then.

Seems like everyone else is confused too, so uh, no.

No, it’s mostly just you. Keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like everyone knew and agreed to the plan to pick up Chick-fil-A for the kid on the way to the performance. I'm just saying I'd want some too if I were in that car.

But grandma wasn’t in the car. Because she chose to be late.

Op has never clarified how late she actually was. All we know is grandma called at 4 45 to say she was running late, and OP was ultimately surprised she got there as quickly as she did.

[Anonymous]

You did nothing wrong. MIL was late and made a whole situation about herself. Instead of apologizing for being late, she is acting out like a toddler.

I'd honestly just ignore it and move on.