Is virginity a red flag at 40?

[Anonymous]

If you went on a few dates with a guy and everything was perfect but you found out he was a 40 year old virgin - with no explanation of why other than "it just never happened" - would you be put off?

[Anonymous]

Yes - both by (1) his lack of experience (I am not looking to be a guide to novices at this point in my life) and (2) lack of self-awareness and introspection. There is definitely a story there ...

But what do you think, OP? (And "everything was perfect" would also put me off)

[Anonymous]

lol

[Anonymous]

I don't belive that for a second. He's trying to play the old "I'm a virgin" to get ladies to sleep with him.

NOPE!

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I'd be put off that he never previously met another person that this could happen with, unless there is some extenuating circumstance (e.g. a long term relationship with someone exceedingly religious who refused to have sex before marriage).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes - both by (1) his lack of experience (I am not looking to be a guide to novices at this point in my life) and (2) lack of self-awareness and introspection. There is definitely a story there ...

But what do you think, OP? (And "everything was perfect" would also put me off)

I think it's really weird. Also he has ex-girlfriends. He just never had sex with them. Which I find incredibly odd and off-putting.

All I meant by "everything was perfect," is that he's nice, smart, has a good job, kind, etc. Everything else is great. (Perhaps perfect was the wrong word.) Only thing was he was a little dorky, which I now think he's incredibly dorky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be put off that he never previously met another person that this could happen with, unless there is some extenuating circumstance (e.g. a long term relationship with someone exceedingly religious who refused to have sex before marriage).

No, he has multiple ex-girlfriends, which I asked about when he said he was a virgin and he was like, yeah, it just never happened. Wtf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't belive that for a second. He's trying to play the old "I'm a virgin" to get ladies to sleep with him.

NOPE!

If anything I would think that would get ladies to want to sleep with him less lmfao.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

My sister married a 29 year old virgin and I was put off. He was a virgin because no one had been interested in him because he's a loser.

[Anonymous]

Of course it is

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy who was a virgin at 25 - and we weren't even 25 when we dated, we were 30 and 31 - and in hindsight it was a huge red flag. I broke up with him because he had issues developing emotional intimacy, and in later conversations with my therapist after the breakup when I mentioned the virginity thing, she was like "That's pretty weird for a guy who isn't religious. Do you think there's something more there?" So, I would see it as a red flag that he's emotionally unavailable. But I have baggage so your mileage may vary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

My sister married a 29 year old virgin and I was put off. He was a virgin because no one had been interested in him because he's a loser.

I am getting over a cold and laughed so hard I weezed. Thank you lmfao.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

My sister married a 29 year old virgin and I was put off. He was a virgin because no one had been interested in him because he's a loser.

I am getting over a cold and laughed so hard I weezed. Thank you lmfao.

Me too. 😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you went on a few dates with a guy and everything was perfect but you found out he was a 40 year old virgin - with no explanation of why other than "it just never happened" - would you be put off?

If you are hoping for anything resembling a normal healthy sexual and emotional relationship, this is not just a red flag, it's an absolute deal breaker.

End it now.

Taking a wild guess, the guy is either a pedophile or was himself a victim of S/A so horrendous as a child that he completely freezes up when things get even close to possibly being sexual with a woman. Or maybe he is a deeply closeted gay. Or maybe it's some other kind of weird psychological problem which manifests in this way.

This is way more than just being a very shy person, and probably, something sinister and unpalatable is underlying his aversion to sex.