Nanny comes early, then sits

[Anonymous]

We were clear in our interviews that our next nanny had to be punctual. DH and I have demanding jobs that do not tolerate lateness. Our previous nanny was great about being on time, we wanted the replacement to follow in her footsteps.

The problem is the nanny arrives to our house 15-20 minutes early every morning. She comes in, says good morning, then sits in the living room reading from her ipad. We hear her phone alarm go off at 8am when she is scheduled to start. Only then does she put the book away and pitch in.

The morning routine is like a zoo. We are chasing one kid and the other is in one of our arms or screaming for our attention. If I need to change my blouse, like Wednesday when I spilled yogurt on myself, I have to carry DD upstairs, change my clothes, carry her back down to the basement to stain treat the shirt and set the machine to soak, then back up to the main floor to finish packing school lunches and chasing kids and geeting myself ready.

We would like to ask her to either (1) pitch in if she is going to be there or (2) come closer to her start time. The train runs every minute during rush hour so I doubt she couldn't arrive a bit later if she doesn't want to do extra work.

[Anonymous]

MB here. This isn't the hill you want to die on.

If you want her to help out, her hours need to be reworked and she needs to be paid.

She sounds like she's acting responsibly and working in extra time in case of traffic or something.

Sure, you can ask her to wait in her car and not knock on the door until exactly 8, but like I said, this isn't the hill you want to die on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. This isn't the hill you want to die on.

If you want her to help out, her hours need to be reworked and she needs to be paid.

She sounds like she's acting responsibly and working in extra time in case of traffic or something.

Sure, you can ask her to wait in her car and not knock on the door until exactly 8, but like I said, this isn't the hill you want to die on

Just realized she takes the train. My advice doesn't change though

[Anonymous]

If you would like the extra help, here is how I would phrase it:

"Nanny, we greatly appreciate the fact that you are on time or early every single day. That is so valuable to us, and it means so much to see you making it such a priority. As you may have noticed, our mornings are very hectic. If you would be interested, you could start writing down the time that you actually get here, and if you are willing to pitch in as soon as possible get settled, we would gladly pay you for the extra 15 or 20 minutes on days when you are early. Obviously, you would still only be required to be here by your 8 o'clock start time. But given that you are often here earlier than that, and that we could often use the help, I wondered if you would be open to earning a little extra overtime during those 15 or 20 minutes of lag time between when you get here and when your official start time begins. Would you be interested in that?"

If your nanny does not have the ability to wait in the car (it sounded from your post like she is taking public transportation to get there). Then it is perfectly reasonable for her to arrive early and sit in your house doing whatever she pleases that is not disruptive until her actual start time. If you move her start time back to 745, my guess is that she will begin arriving at 7:30 and he will have this same problem 15 minutes earlier. It is 100% valid for her not to be working during a time when she is not paid to work. I doubt that you would want to do work you were not being paid for either. I can see where you might feel that she ought to help a family in need just to show that she is a team player, but the reality is that in many cases that type of help quickly becomes take it for granted and leads to Nanny burn out. If this is what she needs to feel rested before jumping into a full days work, then you would be a fool to be upset with her.

That said, if you are willing to pay for the extra time, and can guarantee that you will not be annoyed next week because she was only 10 minutes early to work and only helped for 10 extra minutes, then I can see no reason why this could not work for both of you. Tell her that you will keep track of the extra time anyway she wishes and that you will not build your schedule around having her there, but simply be appreciative on the days when she does happen to be early.

My fear as a nanny if you asked me this, especially after having had you lecture me about how you I was not permitted to be late under any circumstances, is that you would then get used to having that help in your morning routine and if I were only five minutes late one day, that you would tell me I had made you late for work because you now had to get your child dressed all by yourself. Think carefully about yourself and about whether you are to the type of employer who would get caught up in that mindset. The fact that you are annoyed with her for not working for free for 15 minutes does not necessarily speak highly of you in that regard.

[Anonymous]

Why can't she sit on your couch and read for 15 minutes?
Why would you expect her to help you if she isn't scheduled and is not being paid?
Petty. You will gain little sympathy here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. This isn't the hill you want to die on.

If you want her to help out, her hours need to be reworked and she needs to be paid.

She sounds like she's acting responsibly and working in extra time in case of traffic or something.

Sure, you can ask her to wait in her car and not knock on the door until exactly 8, but like I said, this isn't the hill you want to die on

Agreed, so not the battle to pick. I get that it might be annoying, but as all nannies are human, they're all bound to have their own annoying habits. Be happy that her annoying habit is one that doesn't really effect her job performance.

Does she have a key to your place? If she doesn't I suggest giving her one and letting her know she can just come in when she arrives in the morning. That way at least you're not having to disrupt the flow of your morning routine to let her in.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I meant if I were only five minutes early one day (so if nanny arrived at 7:55, would you accuse her of being "late").

[Anonymous]

(OP) Imagine if I arrived home 15-20 minutes early every day then sat in the living room watching the nanny work. Is that not the cause of several threads on DCUM? Employers who supposedly upset the daily routine by being around the house or are at home not doing anything but don't relieve the nanny early? This is similar. I want the nannies arrival to signal to my child that it is time to transition. Instead, the nanny has been sitting here for 20 minutes without taking over DD. I if the breakfast caught on fire the nanny would, quite possibly, keep reading, probably just swipe to the next page without asking if I needed help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(OP) Imagine if I arrived home 15-20 minutes early every day then sat in the living room watching the nanny work. Is that not the cause of several threads on DCUM? Employers who supposedly upset the daily routine by being around the house or are at home not doing anything but don't relieve the nanny early? This is similar. I want the nannies arrival to signal to my child that it is time to transition. Instead, the nanny has been sitting here for 20 minutes without taking over DD. I if the breakfast caught on fire the nanny would, quite possibly, keep reading, probably just swipe to the next page without asking if I needed help.

The nanny arriving early but not helping is different from the employer arriving early and not helping. In one, the nanny is being asked to work for time she is not being paid. In the second, the employer is being asked to parent during the time that the nanny is present, which is arguably reasonable, given that the parents presence in the room makes the nanny job harder. That said, when I nanny complains that her employers do not take over the second they get there early, they are typically advised by most forum members that they should expect to work right up until their end time and that complaining about it is unfair to the employer. In short, that comparison doesn't hold any water at all.

If it is disruptive to have the nanny there, why don't you find a place in your home where she can be out of your hair and ask her to sit in that place instead. The reality is that your nanny is under no obligation to provide you with free early-morning childcare or assistance simply because your morning is hectic. If mornings are problematic for you, perhaps you should hire a nanny can start earlier or wake up earlier to yourself. It is not your nanny's problem to fix. It is possible that you are an otherwise wonderful employer who for whatever reason is fixating on this one small issue, but frankly the more you post, the more entitled you sound, which does not bode well for you keeping a great nanny on long-term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(OP) Imagine if I arrived home 15-20 minutes early every day then sat in the living room watching the nanny work. Is that not the cause of several threads on DCUM? Employers who supposedly upset the daily routine by being around the house or are at home not doing anything but don't relieve the nanny early? This is similar. I want the nannies arrival to signal to my child that it is time to transition. Instead, the nanny has been sitting here for 20 minutes without taking over DD. I if the breakfast caught on fire the nanny would, quite possibly, keep reading, probably just swipe to the next page without asking if I needed help.

The nanny arriving early but not helping is different from the employer arriving early and not helping. In one, the nanny is being asked to work for time she is not being paid. In the second, the employer is being asked to parent during the time that the nanny is present, which is arguably reasonable, given that the parents presence in the room makes the nanny job harder. That said, when I nanny complains that her employers do not take over the second they get there early, they are typically advised by most forum members that they should expect to work right up until their end time and that complaining about it is unfair to the employer. In short, that comparison doesn't hold any water at all.

If it is disruptive to have the nanny there, why don't you find a place in your home where she can be out of your hair and ask her to sit in that place instead. The reality is that your nanny is under no obligation to provide you with free early-morning childcare or assistance simply because your morning is hectic. If mornings are problematic for you, perhaps you should hire a nanny can start earlier or wake up earlier to yourself. It is not your nanny's problem to fix. It is possible that you are an otherwise wonderful employer who for whatever reason is fixating on this one small issue, but frankly the more you post, the more entitled you sound, which does not bode well for you keeping a great nanny on long-term.

MB here. Agree with this. I also think another pp had a wonderful way of phrasing asking her to help. Though, I strongly suspect you are the type of MB who would be annoyed if one day she actually showed up at 8 for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(OP) Imagine if I arrived home 15-20 minutes early every day then sat in the living room watching the nanny work. Is that not the cause of several threads on DCUM? Employers who supposedly upset the daily routine by being around the house or are at home not doing anything but don't relieve the nanny early? This is similar. I want the nannies arrival to signal to my child that it is time to transition. Instead, the nanny has been sitting here for 20 minutes without taking over DD. I if the breakfast caught on fire the nanny would, quite possibly, keep reading, probably just swipe to the next page without asking if I needed help.

The nanny arriving early but not helping is different from the employer arriving early and not helping. In one, the nanny is being asked to work for time she is not being paid. In the second, the employer is being asked to parent during the time that the nanny is present, which is arguably reasonable, given that the parents presence in the room makes the nanny job harder. That said, when I nanny complains that her employers do not take over the second they get there early, they are typically advised by most forum members that they should expect to work right up until their end time and that complaining about it is unfair to the employer. In short, that comparison doesn't hold any water at all.

If it is disruptive to have the nanny there, why don't you find a place in your home where she can be out of your hair and ask her to sit in that place instead. The reality is that your nanny is under no obligation to provide you with free early-morning childcare or assistance simply because your morning is hectic. If mornings are problematic for you, perhaps you should hire a nanny can start earlier or wake up earlier to yourself. It is not your nanny's problem to fix. It is possible that you are an otherwise wonderful employer who for whatever reason is fixating on this one small issue, but frankly the more you post, the more entitled you sound, which does not bode well for you keeping a great nanny on long-term.

MB here. Agree with this. I also think another pp had a wonderful way of phrasing asking her to help. Though, I strongly suspect you are the type of MB who would be annoyed if one day she actually showed up at 8 for whatever reason.

OP here. I am not sure why you think that because one of my suggestions was to have her come closer to her start time.

[Anonymous]

Your nanny relies on public transportation, and she knows she can't be late. She is doing her best to make sure that if there's a problem with the train, she won't be late.

I agree with asking her to sit somewhere out of the center of things, but are there any of the child-related chores you're rushing to do in the morning that could wait for her start time? For example, why can't she be in charge of packing school lunches and take that off your plate? She could either do them at 8, or if they need to be done before that, prep the lunches the day before.

Also, if you need to walk out the door right at 8:00, and you have two children who can't be left alone for even a few minutes, then you need a nanny who starts earlier so you can finish getting dressed. Or you and DH need to get up earlier and switch off watching kids vs. getting dressed (this is what my DH and I do, by default, really, because our kids wake up so early).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you would like the extra help, here is how I would phrase it:

"Nanny, we greatly appreciate the fact that you are on time or early every single day. That is so valuable to us, and it means so much to see you making it such a priority. As you may have noticed, our mornings are very hectic. If you would be interested, you could start writing down the time that you actually get here, and if you are willing to pitch in as soon as possible get settled, we would gladly pay you for the extra 15 or 20 minutes on days when you are early. Obviously, you would still only be required to be here by your 8 o'clock start time. But given that you are often here earlier than that, and that we could often use the help, I wondered if you would be open to earning a little extra overtime during those 15 or 20 minutes of lag time between when you get here and when your official start time begins. Would you be interested in that?"

If your nanny does not have the ability to wait in the car (it sounded from your post like she is taking public transportation to get there). Then it is perfectly reasonable for her to arrive early and sit in your house doing whatever she pleases that is not disruptive until her actual start time. If you move her start time back to 745, my guess is that she will begin arriving at 7:30 and he will have this same problem 15 minutes earlier. It is 100% valid for her not to be working during a time when she is not paid to work. I doubt that you would want to do work you were not being paid for either. I can see where you might feel that she ought to help a family in need just to show that she is a team player, but the reality is that in many cases that type of help quickly becomes take it for granted and leads to Nanny burn out. If this is what she needs to feel rested before jumping into a full days work, then you would be a fool to be upset with her.

That said, if you are willing to pay for the extra time, and can guarantee that you will not be annoyed next week because she was only 10 minutes early to work and only helped for 10 extra minutes, then I can see no reason why this could not work for both of you. Tell her that you will keep track of the extra time anyway she wishes and that you will not build your schedule around having her there, but simply be appreciative on the days when she does happen to be early.

My fear as a nanny if you asked me this, especially after having had you lecture me about how you I was not permitted to be late under any circumstances, is that you would then get used to having that help in your morning routine and if I were only five minutes late one day, that you would tell me I had made you late for work because you now had to get your child dressed all by yourself. Think carefully about yourself and about whether you are to the type of employer who would get caught up in that mindset. The fact that you are annoyed with her for not working for free for 15 minutes does not necessarily speak highly of you in that regard.

OP here. Your wording is very professional and your advice is helpful. I don't want to take advantage of anyone. I would be fine if she showed up at 8 on the dot and would never consider that late. I am uncomfortable having her at the house so early because it is a small invasion of our privacy in addition to the fact that we live in a small house so that were all constantly running around the room where she sits. She has thrown off our routine. It would be great if we could offer her a private space to sit. Unfortunately, our house is small. I can't possibly ask her to sit in the basement next to the dryer or upstairs in our bedrooms, so there is no other place to put her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny relies on public transportation, and she knows she can't be late. She is doing her best to make sure that if there's a problem with the train, she won't be late.

I agree with asking her to sit somewhere out of the center of things, but are there any of the child-related chores you're rushing to do in the morning that could wait for her start time? For example, why can't she be in charge of packing school lunches and take that off your plate? She could either do them at 8, or if they need to be done before that, prep the lunches the day before.

Also, if you need to walk out the door right at 8:00, and you have two children who can't be left alone for even a few minutes, then you need a nanny who starts earlier so you can finish getting dressed. Or you and DH need to get up earlier and switch off watching kids vs. getting dressed (this is what my DH and I do, by default, really, because our kids wake up so early).

Thank you for the helpful advice. The nanny only cares for my younger daughter, not the one who attends school. Do you think she would feel taken advantage of by being asked to prepare other DDs lunch box? It seems like a gray area but if she were willing to I would be grateful.

Our routine is hectic but it works. It's logic defying but we get where we need to be. I really just want to stop tripping over the nannies feet while I run after DD and search for my contacts. Having her there so early is the straw that breaks our routine but it does not have to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny relies on public transportation, and she knows she can't be late. She is doing her best to make sure that if there's a problem with the train, she won't be late.

I agree with asking her to sit somewhere out of the center of things, but are there any of the child-related chores you're rushing to do in the morning that could wait for her start time? For example, why can't she be in charge of packing school lunches and take that off your plate? She could either do them at 8, or if they need to be done before that, prep the lunches the day before.

Also, if you need to walk out the door right at 8:00, and you have two children who can't be left alone for even a few minutes, then you need a nanny who starts earlier so you can finish getting dressed. Or you and DH need to get up earlier and switch off watching kids vs. getting dressed (this is what my DH and I do, by default, really, because our kids wake up so early).

Thank you for the helpful advice. The nanny only cares for my younger daughter, not the one who attends school. Do you think she would feel taken advantage of by being asked to prepare other DDs lunch box? It seems like a gray area but if she were willing to I would be grateful.

Our routine is hectic but it works. It's logic defying but we get where we need to be. I really just want to stop tripping over the nannies feet while I run after DD and search for my contacts. Having her there so early is the straw that breaks our routine but it does not have to be.

What is the plan for sick days/school holidays? If her pay includes taking care of ODD in those cases, I think it would be fine. If not, then I think you should consider either asking her to pitch in when she gets there (paid, of course), or add a little bit ($10/day?) to her salary to ask her to do a couple of things that would help: ODD's lunch, maybe.

Also, if ODD is school age, why would she need to accompany you to change clothes? Can't she also sit nicely in the living room and read a book or do a puzzle or color or something?