Being forgotten as the most important figure in a babies life. How to deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't mean to stump you, 11:15, with that question....

You didn't. Apparently I did though. Is relevant too big of a word for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how about considering the impact you're making on the child's life? They may not "remember" you, but surely, the lessons you're teaching the child now will stay with him/her for the rest of his/her life.

I agree. I know that caregivers of babies and young children have a permanent and profound effect if you've been longterm.

I am not sure that's true. I was with the same group of caregivers age 1 through 5, and I don't remember a single thing about them. I love my Mom, though, and we are very close.

OP here- That is my fear.

OP I don't want to sound insensitive here, but it seems-from everything you have said, the FaceTime, your fears of not being remembered, and your unwillingness to realize your true role here- that you have some issues that are bigger than what's being discussed here. You need to come up with some clear boundaries and a way to cope with the fact that this job will, indeed, one day end and you will be eventually forgotten (or unimportant at the very least). This is the nature of the profession and it is perhaps not the best one for you if it's causing you so much anguish. Speak to someon
e who knows you or to a professional, you need a bit more help then some random, anonymous forum commentary.

The fact that you don't wish to share who took care of you during your first year of life, is INCREDIBLY revealing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how about considering the impact you're making on the child's life? They may not "remember" you, but surely, the lessons you're teaching the child now will stay with him/her for the rest of his/her life.

I agree. I know that caregivers of babies and young children have a permanent and profound effect if you've been longterm.

I am not sure that's true. I was with the same group of caregivers age 1 through 5, and I don't remember a single thing about them. I love my Mom, though, and we are very close.

You seem to have misread. It's not about consciously "remembering". It's much more than that.
It's certainly good that you have a good relationship with your mother. That's always a huge blessing.

OP, as someone said, it's not about "remembering" you.
And btw, I don't believe that you wouldn't not remember who cared for you for 4 yrs. That seems like a bit of a fib.

Believe as you wish. I know the name of one of them, but only because there's a photo of us together somewhere. I am sure they were great and took fabulous care of me. I am grateful. I just don't think any of them spent weekends crying in bed on account of my departure. When I think of my caregivers, I think "Mom".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how about considering the impact you're making on the child's life? They may not "remember" you, but surely, the lessons you're teaching the child now will stay with him/her for the rest of his/her life.

I agree. I know that caregivers of babies and young children have a permanent and profound effect if you've been longterm.

I am not sure that's true. I was with the same group of caregivers age 1 through 5, and I don't remember a single thing about them. I love my Mom, though, and we are very close.

You seem to have misread. It's not about consciously "remembering". It's much more than that.
It's certainly good that you have a good relationship with your mother. That's always a huge blessing.

OP, as someone said, it's not about "remembering" you.
And btw, I don't believe that you wouldn't not remember who cared for you for 4 yrs. That seems like a bit of a fib.

Believe as you wish. I know the name of one of them, but only because there's a photo of us together somewhere. I am sure they were great and took fabulous care of me. I am grateful. I just don't think any of them spent weekends crying in bed on account of my departure. When I think of my caregivers, I think "Mom".

I assume your Mother paid your caregivers, so in that way, she funded your care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how about considering the impact you're making on the child's life? They may not "remember" you, but surely, the lessons you're teaching the child now will stay with him/her for the rest of his/her life.

I agree. I know that caregivers of babies and young children have a permanent and profound effect if you've been longterm.

I am not sure that's true. I was with the same group of caregivers age 1 through 5, and I don't remember a single thing about them. I love my Mom, though, and we are very close.

You seem to have misread. It's not about consciously "remembering". It's much more than that.
It's certainly good that you have a good relationship with your mother. That's always a huge blessing.

OP, as someone said, it's not about "remembering" you.
And btw, I don't believe that you wouldn't not remember who cared for you for 4 yrs. That seems like a bit of a fib.

Believe as you wish. I know the name of one of them, but only because there's a photo of us together somewhere. I am sure they were great and took fabulous care of me. I am grateful. I just don't think any of them spent weekends crying in bed on account of my departure. When I think of my caregivers, I think "Mom".

I assume your Mother paid your caregivers, so in that way, she funded your care.

I don't get the question...of course she did - doesn't everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a nanny and I hate this part of my job in knowing that after a year I will be forgotten by the children that I have watched for over 40 hours a week, loved and spoiled. I will not see them grow up, go through their firsts or anything else. I feel like a third parent that is ripped away from her child when I leave the family. I feel as if the children are my own children and I am getting majorly depressed as the days fly by and my time with them slips away. I wish they had nanny visiting rights but I am thinking of asking the parents if I can still visit with them and maybe take them on vacations with me. My heart hearts and I spent the weekend in bed crying when I realized I had only a year or so left. How do others nannies deal with this feeling? I know my time is almost up with them as they are going off to school and I hate to think of joining another family and opening up my heart seems an invitation for more pain and disappointment.

You'll have to deal with this. You are not the most important figure in that baby's life. Important, yes, but not the most important. That baby will grow up without knowing who you were, and that's totally normal. You'll move on and find other jobs and other kids. I may also suggest that you find ways to fill your life with meaningful things that aren't child-related because the way you feel about your charges crosses boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a nanny and I hate this part of my job in knowing that after a year I will be forgotten by the children that I have watched for over 40 hours a week, loved and spoiled. I will not see them grow up, go through their firsts or anything else. I feel like a third parent that is ripped away from her child when I leave the family. I feel as if the children are my own children and I am getting majorly depressed as the days fly by and my time with them slips away. I wish they had nanny visiting rights but I am thinking of asking the parents if I can still visit with them and maybe take them on vacations with me. My heart hearts and I spent the weekend in bed crying when I realized I had only a year or so left. How do others nannies deal with this feeling? I know my time is almost up with them as they are going off to school and I hate to think of joining another family and opening up my heart seems an invitation for more pain and disappointment.

You'll have to deal with this. You are not the most important figure in that baby's life. Important, yes, but not the most important. That baby will grow up without knowing who you were, and that's totally normal. You'll move on and find other jobs and other kids. I may also suggest that you find ways to fill your life with meaningful things that aren't child-related because the way you feel about your charges crosses boundaries.

I disagree. It is NOT "normal" to grow up never knowing who served as your primary caregiver early in your life. You may convince yourself that person was insignificant, but the rest of us know, how that person laid the foundation of who you are today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a nanny and I hate this part of my job in knowing that after a year I will be forgotten by the children that I have watched for over 40 hours a week, loved and spoiled. I will not see them grow up, go through their firsts or anything else. I feel like a third parent that is ripped away from her child when I leave the family. I feel as if the children are my own children and I am getting majorly depressed as the days fly by and my time with them slips away. I wish they had nanny visiting rights but I am thinking of asking the parents if I can still visit with them and maybe take them on vacations with me. My heart hearts and I spent the weekend in bed crying when I realized I had only a year or so left. How do others nannies deal with this feeling? I know my time is almost up with them as they are going off to school and I hate to think of joining another family and opening up my heart seems an invitation for more pain and disappointment.

You'll have to deal with this. You are not the most important figure in that baby's life. Important, yes, but not the most important. That baby will grow up without knowing who you were, and that's totally normal. You'll move on and find other jobs and other kids. I may also suggest that you find ways to fill your life with meaningful things that aren't child-related because the way you feel about your charges crosses boundaries.

I disagree. It is NOT "normal" to grow up never knowing who served as your primary caregiver early in your life. You may convince yourself that person was insignificant, but the rest of us know, how that person laid the foundation of who you are today.

There is no "rest of us." It's just you.

I already explained that as far as I am concerned, my primary caregiver was my mother. Everyone else's job was to help when she wasn't available.

I didn't say that person was insignificant. They just aren't permanent. A surgeon who performs heart surgery is significant. A nurse who stands by in L&D is significant. Their contributions are great - in the moment. Then the moment passes and everyone moves on. They find other things to focus on, and they aren't in bed crying because I am not there any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a nanny and I hate this part of my job in knowing that after a year I will be forgotten by the children that I have watched for over 40 hours a week, loved and spoiled. I will not see them grow up, go through their firsts or anything else. I feel like a third parent that is ripped away from her child when I leave the family. I feel as if the children are my own children and I am getting majorly depressed as the days fly by and my time with them slips away. I wish they had nanny visiting rights but I am thinking of asking the parents if I can still visit with them and maybe take them on vacations with me. My heart hearts and I spent the weekend in bed crying when I realized I had only a year or so left. How do others nannies deal with this feeling? I know my time is almost up with them as they are going off to school and I hate to think of joining another family and opening up my heart seems an invitation for more pain and disappointment.

You'll have to deal with this. You are not the most important figure in that baby's life. Important, yes, but not the most important. That baby will grow up without knowing who you were, and that's totally normal. You'll move on and find other jobs and other kids. I may also suggest that you find ways to fill your life with meaningful things that aren't child-related because the way you feel about your charges crosses boundaries.

I disagree. It is NOT "normal" to grow up never knowing who served as your primary caregiver early in your life. You may convince yourself that person was insignificant, but the rest of us know, how that person laid the foundation of who you are today.

There is no "rest of us." It's just you.

I already explained that as far as I am concerned, my primary caregiver was my mother. Everyone else's job was to help when she wasn't available.

I didn't say that person was insignificant. They just aren't permanent. A surgeon who performs heart surgery is significant. A nurse who stands by in L&D is significant. Their contributions are great - in the moment. Then the moment passes and everyone moves on. They find other things to focus on, and they aren't in bed crying because I am not there any more.

You are our PITA, again!!!!
Same one who another poster said, "needs to get laid". Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a nanny and I hate this part of my job in knowing that after a year I will be forgotten by the children that I have watched for over 40 hours a week, loved and spoiled. I will not see them grow up, go through their firsts or anything else. I feel like a third parent that is ripped away from her child when I leave the family. I feel as if the children are my own children and I am getting majorly depressed as the days fly by and my time with them slips away. I wish they had nanny visiting rights but I am thinking of asking the parents if I can still visit with them and maybe take them on vacations with me. My heart hearts and I spent the weekend in bed crying when I realized I had only a year or so left. How do others nannies deal with this feeling? I know my time is almost up with them as they are going off to school and I hate to think of joining another family and opening up my heart seems an invitation for more pain and disappointment.

You'll have to deal with this. You are not the most important figure in that baby's life. Important, yes, but not the most important. That baby will grow up without knowing who you were, and that's totally normal. You'll move on and find other jobs and other kids. I may also suggest that you find ways to fill your life with meaningful things that aren't child-related because the way you feel about your charges crosses boundaries.

I disagree. It is NOT "normal" to grow up never knowing who served as your primary caregiver early in your life. You may convince yourself that person was insignificant, but the rest of us know, how that person laid the foundation of who you are today.

There is no "rest of us." It's just you.

I already explained that as far as I am concerned, my primary caregiver was my mother. Everyone else's job was to help when she wasn't available.

I didn't say that person was insignificant. They just aren't permanent. A surgeon who performs heart surgery is significant. A nurse who stands by in L&D is significant. Their contributions are great - in the moment. Then the moment passes and everyone moves on. They find other things to focus on, and they aren't in bed crying because I am not there any more.

You are our PITA, again!!!!
Same one who another poster said, "needs to get laid". Lol.

I am? Really? I thought I was being perfectly polite to you.

Getting laid sounds good. I'll let my DH know tonight.

In the meantime, would you like to go back to the subject matter?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you have anything valuable to contribute here, 14:49, either to OP or anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you have anything valuable to contribute here, 14:49, either to OP or anyone else.

Actually 14:49 made some of the sanest points here. OP and her cohorts need to seek some help. You are not the primary caregiver nor are you the most significant person in your charge's life. They will forget you, it's normal and healthy. Get the f*** over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you have anything valuable to contribute here, 14:49, either to OP or anyone else.

Actually 14:49 made some of the sanest points here. OP and her cohorts need to seek some help. You are not the primary caregiver nor are you the most significant person in your charge's life. They will forget you, it's normal and healthy. Get the f*** over it.

15:05 evidently has some anger management issues to work on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you have anything valuable to contribute here, 14:49, either to OP or anyone else.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you have anything valuable to contribute here, 14:49, either to OP or anyone else.

Why?

Denial of reality is not helpful by most accounts. Doesn't mean you can't stay stuck where you are.