Being forgotten as the most important figure in a babies life. How to deal?

[Anonymous]

Google "attatchment disorder" people,
and learn a little. Part of the treatment for this condition is to form STABLE relationships. Too bad so many of you MBs are in serious denial.

[Anonymous]

How old are you, OP? I'm assuming you don't have children of your own yet. Are you planning to have children of your own someday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Google "attatchment disorder" people,
and learn a little. Part of the treatment for this condition is to form STABLE relationships. Too bad so many of you MBs are in serious denial.

LET IT GO.

If anyone here has attachment disorder, it's OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Google "attatchment disorder" people,
and learn a little. Part of the treatment for this condition is to form STABLE relationships. Too bad so many of you MBs are in serious denial.

LET IT GO.

If anyone here has attachment disorder, it's OP.

Look it up first. She may be the one who doesn't have the disorder. I know. It hurts and I'm sorry. But still, the truth must be spoken. OP has some real guts to speak about this here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Google "attatchment disorder" people,
and learn a little. Part of the treatment for this condition is to form STABLE relationships. Too bad so many of you MBs are in serious denial.

You again? If you actually had "guts" perhaps you would stop posting anonymously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Google "attatchment disorder" people,
and learn a little. Part of the treatment for this condition is to form STABLE relationships. Too bad so many of you MBs are in serious denial.

You again? If you actually had "guts" perhaps you would stop posting anonymously.

It's called "attatchment disorder".

Lots of children just stop "attaching" to anyone, after they're suffered too many severed "attachments".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Google "attatchment disorder" people,
and learn a little. Part of the treatment for this condition is to form STABLE relationships. Too bad so many of you MBs are in serious denial.

LET IT GO.

If anyone here has attachment disorder, it's OP.

Look it up first. She may be the one who doesn't have the disorder. I know. It hurts and I'm sorry. But still, the truth must be spoken. OP has some real guts to speak about this here.

Have YOU looked it up? OP only worked 40hrs a week. For a typical infant, sleeping 14-15 hrs a day, 10-12 of those at night, that means OP spent about 25 waking hours with that baby each week, while parents spent 40 each week. For a toddler, who has dropped to one 2-hour nap each day, and 12 hours overnight, the nanny now spends about 30 hours a week, while mom and dad are spending 40. By the time the child drops the nap, he or she is likely in part-time preschool, dropping the nanny back down to 28 hours per week, while mom and dad are up to 44 hours a week. The nanny isn't even spending an EQUAL amount of time to the parents, let alone more. The nanny is NOT the primary attachment figure. Losing a secondary attachment figure is sad, and of course switching care more often than needed or more often than once per year of so is less than desirable, but the kid is not going to suffer from attachment disorder, because that's not how attachment disorder works. If you would like to cite an actual source that says losing a secondary attachment figure is going to permantently harm a child, then be my guest. If not, I encourage YOU to google "head-from-ass removal."

--A nanny who is tired of this bullshit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Google "attatchment disorder" people,
and learn a little. Part of the treatment for this condition is to form STABLE relationships. Too bad so many of you MBs are in serious denial.

LET IT GO.

If anyone here has attachment disorder, it's OP.

Look it up first. She may be the one who doesn't have the disorder. I know. It hurts and I'm sorry. But still, the truth must be spoken. OP has some real guts to speak about this here.

Have YOU looked it up? OP only worked 40hrs a week. For a typical infant, sleeping 14-15 hrs a day, 10-12 of those at night, that means OP spent about 25 waking hours with that baby each week, while parents spent 40 each week. For a toddler, who has dropped to one 2-hour nap each day, and 12 hours overnight, the nanny now spends about 30 hours a week, while mom and dad are spending 40. By the time the child drops the nap, he or she is likely in part-time preschool, dropping the nanny back down to 28 hours per week, while mom and dad are up to 44 hours a week. The nanny isn't even spending an EQUAL amount of time to the parents, let alone more. The nanny is NOT the primary attachment figure. Losing a secondary attachment figure is sad, and of course switching care more often than needed or more often than once per year of so is less than desirable, but the kid is not going to suffer from attachment disorder, because that's not how attachment disorder works. If you would like to cite an actual source that says losing a secondary attachment figure is going to permantently harm a child, then be my guest. If not, I encourage YOU to google "head-from-ass removal."

--A nanny who is tired of this bullshit

Yes, I have studied it. And because you haven't, you can diagnose from afar. Thanks, Einstein.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Google "attatchment disorder" people,
and learn a little. Part of the treatment for this condition is to form STABLE relationships. Too bad so many of you MBs are in serious denial.

LET IT GO.

If anyone here has attachment disorder, it's OP.

Look it up first. She may be the one who doesn't have the disorder. I know. It hurts and I'm sorry. But still, the truth must be spoken. OP has some real guts to speak about this here.

Have YOU looked it up? OP only worked 40hrs a week. For a typical infant, sleeping 14-15 hrs a day, 10-12 of those at night, that means OP spent about 25 waking hours with that baby each week, while parents spent 40 each week. For a toddler, who has dropped to one 2-hour nap each day, and 12 hours overnight, the nanny now spends about 30 hours a week, while mom and dad are spending 40. By the time the child drops the nap, he or she is likely in part-time preschool, dropping the nanny back down to 28 hours per week, while mom and dad are up to 44 hours a week. The nanny isn't even spending an EQUAL amount of time to the parents, let alone more. The nanny is NOT the primary attachment figure. Losing a secondary attachment figure is sad, and of course switching care more often than needed or more often than once per year of so is less than desirable, but the kid is not going to suffer from attachment disorder, because that's not how attachment disorder works. If you would like to cite an actual source that says losing a secondary attachment figure is going to permantently harm a child, then be my guest. If not, I encourage YOU to google "head-from-ass removal."

--A nanny who is tired of this bullshit

Yes, I have studied it. And because you haven't, you can diagnose from afar. Thanks, Einstein.

In other words, "No, I can't cite any evidence as to why a 40-hour-per week nanny would be a traumatic loss for a child, but I'm certainly not going to let that interfere with my crusade of nonsense or my baseless sense of superiority."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Google "attatchment disorder" people,
and learn a little. Part of the treatment for this condition is to form STABLE relationships. Too bad so many of you MBs are in serious denial.

LET IT GO.

If anyone here has attachment disorder, it's OP.

Look it up first. She may be the one who doesn't have the disorder. I know. It hurts and I'm sorry. But still, the truth must be spoPken. OP has some real guts to speak about this here.

Have YOU looked it up? OP only worked 40hrs a week. For a typical infant, sleeping 14-15 hrs a day, 10-12 of those at night, that means OP spent about 25 waking hours with that baby each week, while parents spent 40 each week. For a toddler, who has dropped to one 2-hour nap each day, and 12 hours overnight, the nanny now spends about 30 hours a week, while mom and dad are spending 40. By the time the child drops the nap, he or she is likely in part-time preschool, dropping the nanny back down to 28 hours per week, while mom and dad are up to 44 hours a week. The nanny isn't even spending an EQUAL amount of time to the parents, let alone more. The nanny is NOT the primary attachment figure. Losing a secondary attachment figure is sad, and of course switching care more often than needed or more often than once per year of so is less than desirable, but the kid is not going to suffer from attachment disorder, because that's not how attachment disorder works. If you would like to cite an actual source that says losing a secondary attachment figure is going to permantently harm a child, then be my guest. If not, I encourage YOU to google "head-from-ass removal."

--A nanny who is tired of this bullshit

Yes, I have studied it. And because you haven't, you can diagnose from afar. Thanks, Einstein.

In other words, "No, I can't cite any evidence as to why a 40-hour-per week nanny would be a traumatic loss for a child, but I'm certainly not going to let that interfere with my crusade of nonsense or my baseless sense of superiority."

+1!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Google "attatchment disorder" people,
and learn a little. Part of the treatment for this condition is to form STABLE relationships. Too bad so many of you MBs are in serious denial.

LET IT GO.

If anyone here has attachment disorder, it's OP.

Look it up first. She may be the one who doesn't have the disorder. I know. It hurts and I'm sorry. But still, the truth must be spoPken. OP has some real guts to speak about this here.

Have YOU looked it up? OP only worked 40hrs a week. For a typical infant, sleeping 14-15 hrs a day, 10-12 of those at night, that means OP spent about 25 waking hours with that baby each week, while parents spent 40 each week. For a toddler, who has dropped to one 2-hour nap each day, and 12 hours overnight, the nanny now spends about 30 hours a week, while mom and dad are spending 40. By the time the child drops the nap, he or she is likely in part-time preschool, dropping the nanny back down to 28 hours per week, while mom and dad are up to 44 hours a week. The nanny isn't even spending an EQUAL amount of time to the parents, let alone more. The nanny is NOT the primary attachment figure. Losing a secondary attachment figure is sad, and of course switching care more often than needed or more often than once per year of so is less than desirable, but the kid is not going to suffer from attachment disorder, because that's not how attachment disorder works. If you would like to cite an actual source that says losing a secondary attachment figure is going to permantently harm a child, then be my guest. If not, I encourage YOU to google "head-from-ass removal."

--A nanny who is tired of this bullshit

Yes, I have studied it. And because you haven't, you can diagnose from afar. Thanks, Einstein.

In other words, "No, I can't cite any evidence as to why a 40-hour-per week nanny would be a traumatic loss for a child, but I'm certainly not going to let that interfere with my crusade of nonsense or my baseless sense of superiority."

+1!!!

LOL! +2!

[Anonymous]

Wow! Everyone is so hostile on here. Some parent posters on here need to remember your nanny is a VERY important person in your child's life. The first several years in life shape the person you become. Your nanny is shaping that person almost as much as you are. There shouldnt be an argument of who is more "influential" or "important." Instead of seeing your child's relationship with their nanny as a threat to your own, grow the hell up and embrace that your child has another set of loving arms to help her grow into a healthy human being! You should be partners...

OP, I feel your pain. Depending on how long you are with the children, you do most certainly start to feel like a third parent. In fact, you may spend as much time with their children as they do. It is completely normal and healthy to become attached with them, and they SHOULD be attached to you. You wouldn't be doing your job if they were not.

Being a nanny is extremely emotionally draining. No one mentions that when you start. You love these children as your own, yet you have no rights to them. Of course not! They're not your children. BUT, sometimes it is easy to forget that. It doesn't mean you're crazy! Perhaps nannying just is not the right job for you. It is not healthy to constantly put yourself under so much stress.

I have been a nanny for several years. I currently live in with a single father with two kids. Because there is no mother in the picture, I often feel as if I am the second parent. It is extremely hard to create a balance and keep your emotions in check. I struggle with it every day as well. I have two masters, one in child development. I am not some psycho that needs to see a therapist, and I doubt you are either : ). I cry when I think of leaving them too. I love them very much, but I think that is a good thing.

Just try to keep some perspective. I know it's hard, but at the end of the day, you DO know you will have to leave them some day.

DO what is best for YOU!

[Anonymous]

Oh, and coming from someone who does have a psychology masters, children MOST CERTAINLY do suffer from attachment issues when a nanny leaves. Why do you think day care can be so harmful? Because they bounce from room to room every six months the first two years. There have been SEVERAL academic research studies proving that the lose of a caregiver is a traumatic experience for infants and toddlers. It is ideal for a child to stay with the same caregiver from birth to age three.

[Anonymous]

Name one academic study where children suffered clinical attachment disorder as a result of a nanny change or day care.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for sharing your wisdom here. Someone should write a book about this. I could almost do it myself. Why some parents are in complete denial of the obvious, is something important to explore. Any thoughts about this?