Being forgotten as the most important figure in a babies life. How to deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Name one academic study where children suffered clinical attachment disorder as a result of a nanny change or day care.

OMG. Keep fooling yourself into believing a baby can never have too many nannies. Go right ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Name one academic study where children suffered clinical attachment disorder as a result of a nanny change or day care.

How would such a study be done, Einstein, according to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you, OP? I'm assuming you don't have children of your own yet. Are you planning to have children of your own someday?

OP- I am 27 and I wish I could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a nanny and I hate this part of my job in knowing that after a year I will be forgotten by the children that I have watched for over 40 hours a week, loved and spoiled. I will not see them grow up, go through their firsts or anything else. I feel like a third parent that is ripped away from her child when I leave the family. I feel as if the children are my own children and I am getting majorly depressed as the days fly by and my time with them slips away. I wish they had nanny visiting rights but I am thinking of asking the parents if I can still visit with them and maybe take them on vacations with me. My heart hearts and I spent the weekend in bed crying when I realized I had only a year or so left. How do others nannies deal with this feeling? I know my time is almost up with them as they are going off to school and I hate to think of joining another family and opening up my heart seems an invitation for more pain and disappointment.

Oh dear. You sound crazy. You are not the most important figure in their lives. You want visiting rights and to take them on vacation with you? You are getting this upset and you still have a WHOLE YEAR or more left with them? You are acting like you have 3 weeks left! Or 3 days. Not that most people even act like that with 3 hours left. You really should find a new line of work. Or just have your own kids and stay at home with them. They WILL be yours to love forever and have visiting rights and be able to take on vacation with you. *facepalm*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing how many perfect, controlled, always level headed, judgmental women become nannies. OP prefaced her post saying it was a rant, most of it was her inner dialogue. Calm down ladies, she is human, just like the rest of us.

Sorry, wrong thread. This OP does sound a bit unhinged, and unreasonably so.

Haha, I am glad to hear you realized your mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and coming from someone who does have a psychology masters, children MOST CERTAINLY do suffer from attachment issues when a nanny leaves. Why do you think day care can be so harmful? Because they bounce from room to room every six months the first two years. There have been SEVERAL academic research studies proving that the lose of a caregiver is a traumatic experience for infants and toddlers. It is ideal for a child to stay with the same caregiver from birth to age three.

Funny, I have known kids that have better social skills because of the fact that they have had several different nannies/sitters over the years and have learned how to interact and get close to many different people. They have learned that throughout life, there will be people that they get to know well and that at times they will leave and move on to other things (different jobs, new cities) and that while you might not see each other all the time, and you might not even keep in touch, that it doesn't mean the person didn't care for you and you for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and coming from someone who does have a psychology masters, children MOST CERTAINLY do suffer from attachment issues when a nanny leaves. Why do you think day care can be so harmful? Because they bounce from room to room every six months the first two years. There have been SEVERAL academic research studies proving that the lose of a caregiver is a traumatic experience for infants and toddlers. It is ideal for a child to stay with the same caregiver from birth to age three.

This is correct, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and coming from someone who does have a psychology masters, children MOST CERTAINLY do suffer from attachment issues when a nanny leaves. Why do you think day care can be so harmful? Because they bounce from room to room every six months the first two years. There have been SEVERAL academic research studies proving that the lose of a caregiver is a traumatic experience for infants and toddlers. It is ideal for a child to stay with the same caregiver from birth to age three.

This is correct, thank you.

Several you say? Well, we're all waiting with baited breath. We'd love to see one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Name one academic study where children suffered clinical attachment disorder as a result of a nanny change or day care.

OMG. Keep fooling yourself into believing a baby can never have too many nannies. Go right ahead.

Is this true?

[Anonymous]

From a study published in 2010 by Jacqueline Barnes
Please stop this insane argument. It has been propagated on several threads and is getting old and is just plain ignorant, having multiple childcare providers DOES NOT cause attachment disorders. This notion is incredibly insulting to individuals who ACTUALLY suffer from attachment disorders and the real tragic situations that brought them on.

*from the abstract
"In an English sample of 1016 families, use of childcare was investigated at 3, 10, 18 and 36 months. Child behavior problems and social competence were assessed at 36 months by maternal questionnaire. There was no effect of the amount or type of childcare on disruptive behavior at 36 months...Compliance and expressiveness were predicted by maternal sensitivity. Expressive behavior was also associated with more childcare from 19 to 36 months, specifically nanny or nursery care. Overall there was no evidence of adverse consequences of childcare in the first three years, and some limited evidence of benefits. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2012 APA, all rights reserved)"

[Anonymous]

And sorry I can't link the full paper, it is available in the following publication, should you to read the whole study.


Early Child Development and Care, Vol 180(9), Oct, 2010. pp. 1215-1229.

[Anonymous]

I've been with my nanny family for 8 years, and it will be sad when I have to leave... But I am not a weirdo like you op, I know my role and respect boundaries. I am not a third parent, I am employed by the parents to HELP them raide their child. You've probably never been at a nanny job for 8 years because you sound unstable and crazy. You need meds.

[Anonymous]

From a study published in 2010 by Jacqueline Barnes
Please stop this insane argument. It has been propagated on several threads and is getting old and is just plain ignorant, having multiple childcare providers DOES NOT cause attachment disorders. This notion is incredibly insulting to individuals who ACTUALLY suffer from attachment disorders and the real tragic situations that brought them on.

*from the abstract
"In an English sample of 1016 families, use of childcare was investigated at 3, 10, 18 and 36 months. Child behavior problems and social competence were assessed at 36 months by maternal questionnaire. There was no effect of the amount or type of childcare on disruptive behavior at 36 months...Compliance and expressiveness were predicted by maternal sensitivity. Expressive behavior was also associated with more childcare from 19 to 36 months, specifically nanny or nursery care. Overall there was no evidence of adverse consequences of childcare in the first three years, and some limited evidence of benefits. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2012 APA, all rights reserved)"

Exactly. Thank you, PP, for bringing some actual facts to this situation.

[Anonymous]

Constant rotation of irregular caregivers is good for babies?

[Anonymous]

Maybe, maybe not, 12:46. Depends on the situation.

I'll give you this, you are a clever troll in your use of asking irrelevant questions to keep your threads alive.